Eight Years Ago
“Clover, come in here a minute, please.” Her dad sounded far too serious and it made her nervous. She closed her book without marking her place, but it didn’t really matter. She’d read it so many times that the spine was cracked and broken and the corners were worn down.
Brandon was outside working, so she couldn’t check with him to find out what was going on with her dad before actually going into his office. She hated not knowing what he was thinking. Her dad was logical and a quick thinker. She needed more time to process and a little warning could make all the difference when talking with him.
Clover knocked on his open office door out of habit before she stuck her head in. “Yes, sir?”
“Come on in.” He gestured toward the open wingback chair opposite his desk. As a general rule, she and R.J. weren’t allowed in his office. They definitely weren’t allowed to sit on his good leather chairs. Those were reserved for clients.
She remained in the doorway, too confused to enter the room as directed. “Sir?”
“You’re starting high school in a month. I think you’re old enough to not treat my office like a playground.” He nodded toward the chair again. Clover had no choice but to enter and take a seat.
At fourteen, she was pretty much done growing according to her dad. The chair, however, still felt huge around her. Despite the fact that her feet reached the floor, she felt like a little kid playing at being a grownup. That she was wearing cut-off shorts and a ratty T-shirt didn’t help at all. She squirmed in her seat even though she told herself no to do it. Her dad stared at her while waiting for her to get settled.
Clover forced herself to stop moving. She folded her hands in her lap and ignored the leather sticking to her thighs. Even though her dad hadn’t said anything to clarify why she was there, she was ready to blurt out anything to fill the silence. She was ready to confess to crimes she hadn’t committed just to get the impromptu meeting to end a little sooner. She clamped her mouth shut and refused to speak until he prompted her.
Her dad sighed and reclined his chair back.
The change in posture didn’t relax her completely, but it helped. Her dad was a nice man and a good father, but sometimes he forgot that he couldn’t deal with his kids while in work mode. It was alienating. That insight was courtesy of Brandon. The day he offered that explanation about why her dad was sometimes a little distant and overly firm, Clover hadn’t fully understood what it meant. Still, it helped her to think about her dad as having two separate parts--that of Mr. Watson, financial advisor, and that of her dad. Sometimes the two got mixed up.
“You’re not in trouble.”
“That’s good.” She couldn’t remember anything she’d done to upset her dad, but she could never be sure. His reassurance helped her to relax a little more.
“I want to talk about school.” He leaned forward and tapped his pen against the desk.
“School?” School wasn’t scheduled to start for another month. She always enjoyed the first day of school, but until it arrived, she preferred not to think about it.
“You’re entering high school. It’s time to start thinking about where you want to go to college and what you want to study.”
“Really?” Her voice squeaked. She studied hard and got good grades, but she hadn’t been able to pin down her thoughts enough to pick a school. What she wanted to be varied day to day.
“Really. I know it might seem like it’s too soon, but believe me it’s not. If we had stayed in Los Angeles, you and your brother would be in private prep schools. You’d already be on track to be admitted to the best schools in the country. I knew when I brought you here that your education would no longer follow that path.”
Something in his tone made Clover want to apologize, but she wasn’t sure why. Instead, she waited for her dad to continue.
“All I ask is that you start to think about it. Have you even considered where you’d like to go?”
The only schools Clover knew anything about were local - Western Oregon and U of O. Neither appealed to her. Brandon had gone to the University of Washington in Seattle and he smiled when he talked about it. “U-dub? Maybe? I don’t know.” She shrugged and instantly regretted it. She needed to show her dad that she was capable of taking this just as seriously as he was.
“Huskies, huh? That’s a good school.” He sounded like he didn’t quite believe it. “There are better schools, though. Have you thought about Stanford? Or maybe Wharton?”
“Wharton?” As much as Clover didn’t want to live her life in the middle of wheat fields, the thought of moving to Philadelphia for school made her stomach hurt. California was better, but not by much. “No, I…” She didn’t know how to finish.
“They both are excellent. And there’s no finer business school than Wharton.”
“Really?” Clover wasn’t sure why she should care about that, but he seemed very excited about it.
“Have you given any thought to what you’d like to do for a career?”
The only thing Clover really thought about was reading. “A librarian, maybe? Or a teacher?”
Her dad visibly cringed at her suggestions and she knew she was about to spend a lot of time thinking about her future, whether she wanted to or not.
“Do you have any idea what the average income for those professions are?”
Clover didn’t think much about money at all. Her dad bought her what she needed. Beyond that, she was clueless. “No, sir.”
“Clover!” R.J. thundered down the hall, stopping at the door to the office. “Jake’s here! Let’s go play.” R.J. only had one volume - loud. It hurt her ears to listen to him sometimes.
Clover wasn’t sure which she wanted to do less - talk to her dad about her future career, or watch Jake and R.J. play outside. Jake, of course, was eleven and old enough to watch himself. R.J., however, was only seven. Their dad didn’t want him playing outside alone. He said it was because he’d seen too many terrible things happen to children in the city. He didn’t care that they were in the middle of nowhere and the only people around were family.
“Before you go, Clover, I want to give you an assignment.” Her dad clearly wasn’t ready to let the conversation end. “I want you to do some research on different careers. Think about the things you think you’d like to do--teacher, librarian, and whatever else you can think up--and look up how much education is required, as well as expected income. Can you do that?”
“Yes, sir.” She stood as she spoke. She’d rather go back to reading her book, but she knew as well as her dad did that she would follow R.J. outside to play. “Thank you.”
Present Day
Clover slipped on a tank top and a pair of shorts that were really too short to be decent, then fluffed her hair. She slid a few carefully folded bills into her pocket, and grabbed her keys and phone on the way out of her room. She had no idea where Jake planned to take her, but he’d said he’d be there around seven to pick her up. After her shower and far too much time debating about her simple outfit, she was cutting it close. She wanted to grab a sandwich before leaving just in case his plans didn’t involve food this time.
The door to her dad’s office was open and he called out to her as she walked past. “Clover, come in here a minute.”
“Yes?” She stuck her head in, but didn’t fully enter. His office was a serious place, with certificates and diplomas on the wall, leather-bound volumes on the bookshelves, and a giant mahogany desk that made her feel ten years old just by looking at it.
Sometime between last summer and now, he’d upgraded his computer system. He had two obscenely large iMacs sitting side by side on the computer station to the right of his desk. Brandon joked that it was due to her dad’s failing eyesight in his old age. Clover, R.J., and Brandon had laughed. Her dad had slipped on his reading glasses and left the room while grumbling about being underappreciated.
Today he sat behind the desk with his glasses in place. He had a report spread out in front of him, but his body was angled to look at the computer screens. He slipped off his glasses and said, “Come on in.”
She sat in the wingback chair and waited. Sitting on leather while wearing shorts was not very pleasant. She adjusted, peeling her skin off the chair before she could resettle in a better position. “What’s up?”
“I just looked over your final transcript.”
As soon as she received her grades for the last semester, she’d forwarded her full transcript to the University of Portland and copied her dad on the email. She’d worked hard for her grades and was pleased overall. Her dad’s face, however, was unreadable. She waited for him to continue.
“You did very well. I’m proud of you.” He finally smiled and Clover relaxed slightly. He hadn’t called her into his office just to say that he was proud of her. He could just as easily have done that over breakfast.
“Thank you, sir.” Clover laughed when other people called her dad “sir.” He was too serious and he intimidated people, which she thought was funny. She experienced her dad differently than most people, but occasionally she got caught up in the version of him that inspired the use of the word “sir.” She was just thankful no one was there to laugh at her when it happened.
“You’re starting your Master’s program this fall.”
Her dad had provided guidance throughout her academic career. At this point, he knew her plans better than she did, so she didn’t understand why he was confirming with her now.
“That’s right.”
He looked relieved, and his body relaxed into his chair. “That’s good. I was afraid you might be thinking something different.”
Clover had been very clear about her goals and they hadn’t changed since her junior year in high school. Why would her dad suddenly doubt her? “Why? You know how much this means to me.”
“Yes.” Her dad used his careful voice and that scared Clover even more. He rarely thought about his words so much that it altered his tone. He generally spoke his mind with the confidence of a man accustomed to other people listening. “You’ve been spending a great deal of time with that Feldman boy. I wanted to make sure that isn’t clouding your judgment.”
Granted, she had spent as much time as possible with Jake in the past few days and she was honest enough with herself to acknowledge that she was completely head over heels for him. Still, she wasn’t a silly girl who was willing to give up all her plans just because a boy made her feel all squishy inside. The thought alone made her grind her teeth.
“Dad, I like Jake. A lot. But...” Clover had never even considered changing her plans for her ex, but the thought of leaving Jake in a few weeks made her chest hurt. However, that didn’t change who she was at the core. “The way I feel for him is not enough to make me abandon who I am.”
“Good, good. You have no idea how worried I’ve been.”
She’d never thought of her dad as a snob, but she knew that was what was bothering him. He didn’t think Jake was good enough for her. He was only nineteen years old and a sophomore at a second rate community college. As unflattering as he looked on paper, however, Jake was so much more than bare facts alone. Clover already knew he was amazing. In a few years, her dad would, too.
“He’s a really good guy. Worth changing plans over. I’m just not the kind of girl to give everything up because it’s not convenient anymore. My whole life depends upon what I do in school. I’m not going to blow that.” A niggling voice in the back of her mind whispered that school would always be there, but what if she never found someone else who made her feel like Jake did?
Her dad tapped the report in front of him. She could see now that it was a printed copy of her transcript. “This is very impressive. Have you given any thought to law school?”
She had. She’d thought about it a lot, actually. A JD with a focus in tax law would be a huge leg up for her. Law school, however, was very expensive and a minimum of three more years of school after her Master’s. Her vision of her life had always involved finishing her Master’s, then starting her career. That’s why she never mentioned it to her dad. To have him bring it up felt like a huge vote of confidence to her. If he supported her pursuing a JD, however, then she needed to reconsider her decision. It was only three more years and she loved to make him proud. She nodded carefully, not willing to commit. “I’ve thought about it, yes.”
“Have you ruled it out?”
“Not expressly, but there are some pretty big negatives.”
“What are they? Do they outweigh the gain?” Her dad asked her like her opinion really mattered and it threw her a little off guard. She was accustomed to him telling her what he thought she should do, rather than asking what she thought about it.
“The two big ones are the additional time in school and the cost.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “If you maintain these grades, I’ll continue to pay for school. That eliminates expense as a concern for you. As for time, you’d be done when you’re twenty-six. That’s still very young and you would have a streamlined entry into the position that you want.”
Clover’s financial concerns went beyond the impact to her own wallet. She already owed her dad more money than she would ever be able to pay back, and that was only after undergrad. Her Master’s would add half again that amount. She’d started to do the math on a JD once and the numbers got too big and she stopped. Not that her dad expected to be repaid, and she doubted he would take the money even if she tried. Education was not cheap, but it was a necessary investment. It was up to her to weigh the known cost against the potential returns. Anything less would be foolish.
“I’m still not sure it’s worth it. Will it increase my earnings potential enough to justify the additional time and expense?”
“That’s a good question. The fields are related, but not the same. A tax lawyer is the guy people go to in order to ensure that the IRS won’t question the income the investment banker has generated.” Her dad summarized the information that Clover already knew without actually answering the question.
“I don’t know, Dad. I’m just not convinced.”
“With that degree, you and I would complement each other perfectly.”
“Oh.” Clover finally understood. Her dad wanted to add “and daughter” to his business. R.J.’s interest in money extended only to spending it. What little ambition he’d demonstrated had been limited to video games, baseball, and most recently, agriculture. He was more likely to take over for Brandon than to go into business with their dad.
“You don’t have to decide today. I just want you to give it some thought.”
Clover was flattered that her dad took her seriously enough to want her to be a part of something he worked so hard to build, but the thought of living here on the farm forever was suffocating. She didn’t want to move to the other side of the country, like New York, but she wanted to experience more from life than farm equipment and fields. “Dad, thank you, really, but I plan to stay in Portland after I finish school.”
“I know that’s your plan now, but I want you to know all of your options. I thought I’d live in L.A. forever, but it reached a point where I just couldn’t stay there for another minute. The air in cities can be suffocating.” Her dad glanced briefly out the window as he spoke.
She’d tried more than once to imagine what he’d gone through when they lived there. He’d left for work before she got up in the morning and got back home after she was already in bed. The only time she saw him was very briefly on Sundays. Even then, he’d spent most of his time in his home office. She remembered the arguments her parents had over his schedule more vividly than she remembered her mom. Her memories of her dad were mostly a collection of overheard yelling about not having enough time to do everything.
When her mom had died, her dad collapsed. Even at seven, Clover knew he wasn’t right after that. R.J. had just been born and they’d all been on their way to a doctor’s appointment. She didn’t know the details of the car accident, only that she and R.J. had escaped unharmed and her mom had died instantly. Shortly after that, they moved to the middle of nowhere.
“I kind of feel that way about here.” She hated to say it, that the place her father had worked so hard to build made her feel the way the city did when he left it, but it was the only way she could make him understand how much she really, really didn’t want to be tied to this farm forever.
Her dad smiled sadly. “It’s like that when you’re young. Things change.”
“I guess, maybe…” Clover couldn’t predict the future. All she could do was plan for it. He had been around a lot longer than she had, so she had to leave room for the possibility that he might be right.
“Regardless.” He set his hands on the desk palm down and leaned into the conversation. “It doesn’t matter where you live. This is the internet age. We can work together without actually being together.”
Everything he said made sense. Her only reservation about working with him was location based, but he was a big believer in using the internet to his advantage and making work come to him, not the other way around. There was no reason she couldn’t do the same. Plus, she liked the security that would come with having a post-graduation job already lined up.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
“That’s all I’m asking. Thank you.”
Clover gave up trying to act as professional and grown up as her dad. She circled his desk and pulled him into a hug. He held her tight enough to let her know he thought it was a good idea, too.
When she finally left his office, she no longer had time to eat before Jake arrived.