‘I don’t know what you’re
talking about,’ said Jane, finally. ‘My father was never married before, and
his name is Ken.’ She walked towards the door and then turned back. ‘You are
obviously mistaken. Sorry.’
Alice felt her face flush red.
How
could I have got it so wrong?
She regretted drinking that wine. If she
hadn’t, she would never have approached Jane. She was actually glad for the
loud music now; at least there were only a couple of people who had heard her
speak.
‘Sorry,’ said Alice. But Jane
had already walked out of the door.
‘Are you all right, Allie?’
Alice turned around and when she
saw Jenny, felt instantly mortified. She hadn’t known that Jenny was standing
behind her. ‘You... Did you hear all that?’ she asked, pensively.
‘Um... most of it. Er... look,
why don’t we get another drink?’
‘No.’ Alice shook her head. ‘I
don’t feel well. I think I’ll go home.’
‘You can’t go home alone,
especially if you don’t feel well—’
‘I’ll get a taxi,’ she said,
agitated.
‘No... No, listen, we’ll be
leaving soon. Wait for us. I’ll go in and talk to Frank.’
Jenny disappeared back into the
living room. Alice felt as if she might faint. Susie, Jane’s friend, walked
past her, eyeing her with what appeared to be sympathy or perhaps concern for
Alice’s state of mind.
Alice’s perception was hazy, and
in a way she was now pleased she had drunk so much wine; at least she wasn’t
able to think about much. She felt tired and wanted to sit down. She looked
behind her to see whether she could sit on the stairs, but there was a couple
kissing, sitting at the bottom of the stairs. So, she wouldn’t even be able to
get past them to go upstairs and find a quiet room in which to lie down.
As she walked back into the
living room, the loudness of the music overwhelmed her for a few moments; she
had to stand still, trying to get her bearings. When she finally felt as though
she had control of herself again, she looked up and surveyed the room, trying
to find somewhere to sit. The sofa at the far end of the room was free. There
were bags and coats on it, but no one was sitting there. She made her way over,
and cleared a bit of space so she could sit down. She sat there for what seemed
like an hour or so, but was probably less time. People were slowly starting to
leave the party. The room became less crowded and the music had been turned
down so that it was now possible to hear people talking. She could see Jenny,
Frank, Tony and a couple of other boys chatting and dancing. Jenny waved at her
to join them, but Alice didn’t feel like talking to anyone. She thought about
dancing. Sometimes at parties, she would often lose herself in the music and
spend hours on the dance floor. Those were always her best memories. She loved
dancing. But now that the people in the room were few and the music had been
turned down, she didn’t really want to get up and dance. She would feel too
conspicuous.
As she looked over at Jenny, she
wondered when they would be leaving. She looked at her watch, it was nearly 11
p.m. She thought about calling a taxi. The telephone on the side table next to
the sofa seemed to beckon her for a moment. She decided that if Jenny and Frank
didn’t make a move to leave within the next half hour, she would call a taxi
and go. As she leaned back on the sofa, she caught sight of Andrew who was
standing on the opposite side of the room... alone. He seemed to be looking
directly at her, and when she looked at him, he smiled, appearing almost
embarrassed that she had noticed him looking at her; then he turned away and
she saw that he was pouring himself a drink.
He smiled at me
, she
thought wistfully. Her eyes remained fixed on him, and she wondered where that
girl was—the one who had accompanied him to the party. Maybe she’d gone to the
toilet?
Maybe she isn’t his girlfriend
, she dared to think. Then, she
saw Andrew pick up two cups from the table and her heart sank again. He’d
obviously poured a drink for his girlfriend as well. She hung her head and
considered once again calling for a taxi. But then she realised she didn’t have
any telephone numbers for local cab firms.
Just then, someone said: ‘Hi
Alice.’ It was a voice she recognised. Looking up, she saw Andrew.
He
remembered my name.
He smiled at her again and held out one of the cups
towards her. ‘It’s only orange juice, I’m afraid; they’ve run out of booze.’
She took the cup from him and
smiled awkwardly. She thought of all the times she had longed for a moment like
this—to be alone with Andrew, to have a chance to talk to him.
Andrew moved a couple of coats
onto the back of the sofa and sat next to her. ‘I’m Andrew,’ he said.
‘Yes... Yes, I remember we met
once,’ said Alice, tripping over her tongue.
‘Selina introduced us.’ He
sipped his drink.
Alice smiled to herself
whimsically.
He remembered meeting me.
‘I noticed you’ve been sitting
alone on this sofa for a while,’ he said. ‘Are you okay?’
She blushed and was glad that it
was dark in the room; the only light coming from the wall sconces—three or four
on each wall—and candles scattered erratically on tables and sideboards.
‘I... I wasn’t feeling well,’
she said, looking at her hands. ‘I’m just a bit tired, I think.’ She turned to
look at him and tried to smile, but her face felt stiff as if smiling was
something she had never done. She wanted to be excited by this moment, and
there was excitement bubbling beneath the surface, but she was also not able to
shrug off her feelings of anguish at the events of the past few days.
He smiled at her again and she
noticed his eyes just as she had done when they’d first met. She found herself
staring at him. For a short time—it could not have been longer than a few
seconds—they looked at each other, locked in each other’s gaze.
‘Well,’ he said eventually,
looking at his hands, ‘it’s not long before we have to go back to uni.’
‘I know,’ was all she could
think of saying. She looked across the room and saw Jenny and Frank were still
dancing. For an instant, when looking in Andrew’s eyes, she had felt as though
she was far away, in another place; but now she remembered everything she had
been trying to forget.
‘What are you studying?’ he
asked. He seemed genuinely interested—his look no longer intense but friendly.
‘Law,’ she replied, forcing a
smile.
‘Ah! So, one day you’ll be a
hotshot lawyer!’ He grinned.
‘Hmm... I’m not sure,’ she giggled.
For a moment, again, she had forgotten her pain, but now it was back. She
really wanted to enjoy this moment, but she couldn’t help her mind going back
to her meeting with Jane and everything Stephanie had said to her.
She looked across the room and
her eyes met with Jenny’s. Jenny gave her a broad smile and a wink, noticing
that Andrew was sitting next to her. Alice smiled back, but was really wishing
that Jenny would tell her they were going to leave. She didn’t feel very
sociable, and couldn’t think of a thing to say to Andrew.
He probably thinks
I’m not interested in him.
She turned towards him just as
he was getting up off the sofa.
‘I’ll be going now,’ he said.
‘Okay,’ she said, knowing she
had not been very good company. It felt as though her dreams were slipping from
her hands as Andrew walked away. He turned around before he left and said,
‘I’ll see you at uni.’ He then went to say good-bye to Tony. Alice wanted to
reach out and stop him leaving, but she had a sinking feeling that it was too
late.
Finally, Jenny and Frank
approached her. ‘Come on, Allie,’ said Jenny, ‘we’re off.’
Alice felt relieved.
‘Bye, Tony. Great party,’ said
Frank as they headed for the door.
As Frank opened the front door,
Susie—the girl who had been talking to Jane earlier—said: ‘Bye, Frank.’
‘Oh, bye, Susie,’ he said,
waving at her.
As they got into the car,
Alice’s curiosity got the better of her. ‘Frank, who was that girl you just
said bye to?’
‘Tony’s sister, Susie. Why?’
‘Oh, I just thought I recognised
her from somewhere.’
‘Well, she is a law student,’ he
said as he settled himself in the driver’s seat, ‘but I think she goes to a
different university than you.’
‘Do you know her friend—Jane?’
Alice was glad it was dark in the car as her face reddened when she recalled
that Jenny had heard her talking to Jane earlier. Thankfully, Alice was sitting
behind the front passenger seat where Jenny was seated.
‘No,’ said Frank, answering her
question.
Alice leaned back in the car
seat and looked out of the window wondering how she was ever going to get to
know more about the mysterious Jane.
‘Tony kept going on about how
much you look like someone called Jane, all evening,’ said Frank, breaking her
train of thought.
‘Oh, what happened with you and
the gorgeous Andrew? I saw you chatting to him,’ said Jenny, changing the
subject.
‘Yeah, I saw that,’ said Frank.
‘You two were very cosy on the sofa. I thought I might have to get the fire
extinguisher out.’ He laughed.
‘Really?’ Jenny’s voice was
tinged with excitement. ‘Did you kiss? I didn’t see that.’
‘No, we didn’t,’ blurted Alice,
embarrassed.
‘I was just kidding.’ Frank
laughed again.
‘Oh,’ Jenny sounded
disappointed. She twisted around as far as she could in the front seat to look
back at Alice. ‘Allie, when I saw you two chatting, I asked Tony if Andrew had
a girlfriend, ’cos you know we saw him arrive with that girl; well, apparently
she’s just a friend. Andrew’s unattached.’ Jenny was grinning.
Alice forced a smile at her
friend. She didn’t say anything, feeling sure she had spoilt any chance of a
relationship with him. She had behaved so coldly towards him and hated herself
for it. After all the months of waiting for a chance to talk to him, she had
let herself down; she didn’t want to think about it. The opportunity had passed
her by.
Jenny and Frank began to argue
about which tape they would play in the car: ‘But you were listening to that on
the way here. It’s my turn to choose,’ said Jenny, annoyed.
‘I don’t want to listen to U2,’
said Frank. ‘I’m the one driving. I should be able to choose.’
‘I prefer Radiohead’s other
album; so if you want to listen to them, let’s listen to that.’
‘No, I want to hear the new one;
I haven’t had a chance to listen to it properly.’
‘Huh! It’s always on in the car
when I get in here.’
‘Well, I don’t drive that
much...’
Alice had tuned out of their
conversation and was staring out of the window looking at the rain and the
streetlights. Uppermost on her mind was the conversation she’d had with Jane.
The drive took about half an
hour. By the time they arrived at Alice’s flat, Jenny and Frank were chatting
happily. Alice’s thoughts consumed her.
‘Are you asleep back there?’
asked Frank as the car came to a halt.
‘No,’ said Alice, her mind
tuning back to the present with the change in motion of the vehicle.
‘You’ve hardly said a word since
we left Tony’s,’ he said, twisting in his seat to look at her.
She unfastened her seat belt and
forced a smile at him. ‘I’m fine.’
‘She’s been too busy dreaming
about Andrew, haven’t you?’ Jenny giggled.
‘Yeah, someone will be having
sweet dreams tonight,’ said Frank, laughing.
Alice put on her best fake laugh
and opened the back door of the car.
‘Thanks for the lift,’ she said
as she exited. ‘It was a great evening.’
‘I’ll just come to the door with
you and make sure you get in safely,’ said Jenny stepping out of the car.
Alice knew that Jenny had heard
what she’d said to Jane, and she knew that she was probably going to ask her
about it. She wished she could just go into the house and disappear under her
bed sheets until morning.
‘Are you all right, Allie?’
asked Jenny when they reached her front door.
‘Yeah, fine.’
Jenny spoke in a lowered voice,
even though Frank wouldn’t be able to hear them from that distance, as if she
were relaying a secret: ‘It’s just, you know I heard everything you said to
Jane earlier.’
‘I know,’ Alice brushed it aside
with a wave of her hand. ‘I must have been mistaken.’
‘Jane does look like you. It was
an easy mistake to make.’
‘Thanks, Jen.’ Alice smiled at
her as she fumbled with her key ring trying to find the front door key. ‘She
has the same surname as my dad, so I thought she might be related to him...
Well, you know... you heard...’
‘Yeah. Listen, just because her
dad has a different first name, doesn’t mean you’re not related. Does your dad
have a brother? You might be Jane’s cousin. Me and my first cousin, Harriett,
look almost like twins.’
Alice sighed. ‘That’s true, I
hadn’t thought of that. Hmm... But I don’t know much about my dad... I’m not
sure if he’s got a brother.’
‘Well, I’m here for you if you
need to talk. And don’t feel bad about what happened, okay?’
‘Thanks, Jen.’ Alice put her key
in the lock, then she paused. ‘Jen... do you think Frank could find out more
about Jane through Tony? I mean, his sister seems to be good friends with her.’
‘That’s a good idea, Sherlock.
I’ll talk to Frank about it.’ Jenny smiled.
‘Thanks.’
Just then, Frank tooted the car
horn.
‘Oh, I’d better go, Allie. I’ll
phone you.’ Jenny walked away towards the car.
***
Alice lay in bed unable to sleep. She could still hear
the music from the party pulsating in her head. So much had happened since the
plane crash—since her dream. Her life had been turned upside down, changed
beyond recognition. It had only been a week, but it seemed much longer.