“Yeah, you.”
She sighs. “I'm sure you've met someone. . . .”
He gives her a perplexed look. “You mean a girlfriend?”
“Well . . .”
“That's what you meant,” he says, as though he's had a lightbulb moment.
“I wasn't sure.” How could he not?
“No.”
“Okay, maybe not a girlfriend but a friend?”
He laughs. “What are you talking about?”
“When you canceled the other day, I just thought you had a date, that's all. It's not a big deal.”
“Well, it is!”
“No. If you have a date or something,” she says, rambling, unsure of where she's taking this. She should change the subject now, before she looks like a desperate woman looking to settle down.
“I didn't. You thought I did?” His voice is getting excited.
She squeezes her lips together and nods. Why does she care anyway?
“I had to go to Seattle,” he says, calmly. “There was a family function.”
“Family you haven't seen in a long time?” she asks with innocent eyes.
“I guess so.”
Suddenly her knees tingle like she's having a hard time standing. His dad! He met his dad!
“How was it?” she asks, searching his eyes. She's smiling, trying to encourage the conversation. Maybe she can surrender now. Tell him the truth about the letter and the worry will be over.
“Good. A visit with my mom.”
“You didn't have uncles and aunts tell you how cute you were as a baby?” She's working hard for a smile from Devin. “Or what you did when you were in kindergarten? Hate those stories. I swear, my mom and dad remember embarrassing events and bank them, then let them out when they have an audience to share them with. Does that ever happen to you?”
She holds still, taking in his steady gaze. His eyes are like molten steel, making her body ache with desire to feel his lips on hers. Her cheeks warm from the uncertain approach and she wonders what exactly is crossing his mind.
“I want to kiss you,” he says playfully. “But I don't want you to hate me.”
“I can't hate you,” she says.
You'll hate me when I tell you about the letter.
His lips tighten in the corners. “The other night . . . at the tow yard . . . you didn't seem impressed by me.”
“I had a lot on my mind,” she says, trying to find an excuse as to why she brushed him off. “It was bad timing. . . .”
“I guess you're right. It's different now, between us. I feel like I know you, yet we hardly do. It's weird.”
She smiles and looks at her coffee, then back at him, trying to find the words to tell him it won't work out between them. “If you're looking for a woman, a one-time thing, it's not me. You don't want me,” she says with the realization that they can't be together. She can't allow it because, because . . .
“You don't know what I'm looking for,” Devin says, dropping his arm. “I like you, Carla. I like hanging out with you. I don't need to be anybody but myself, and you seem to know that and accept me for me. You know about my past. You haven't judged me for where I came from.”
She furrows her eyebrows. “Why do I care where you came from?”
“I don't know. You just might. I see how your parents are together, and live in a decent neighborhood. . . .”
“I'm not privileged, if that's what you're getting at.”
“It's not that. Your family has it together. They're supportive and tight.” He nods his head. “It's good to see. I was never around a family like that.”
She should slip her hand into her purse and pull out the letter. This is it. This is the time she's been waiting for. “Well, my mom and I don't see eye to eye all the time, and my brother is living in a bubble. My sister and I aren't as close as we used to be, ever since she had the baby.” Carla felt a mixture of emotions when Sadie told her she was pregnant. She was so happy for her, yet disappointed that she wasn't feeling the same happiness and excitement as her sister. Carla had tried to act happy around her when she was dying inside. Envious that Sadie had what she was dreaming about. Sadie never experienced the loss of a miscarriage and got pregnant without trying. She didn't understand the pain and the drive of wanting something so bad that it seemed so close yet so far away. When Brinley was born, Sadie's life had changed. She was caught up in day-to-day mom duties. Sadie was too busy to meet for a latte and had no interest in catching a movie. Her life had changed without Carla in it, and it frustrated her and made her slightly jealous. All Carla could think about was this little baby. She adored her niece, but she was a reminder of what she didn't have. The baby looked like her mother and Carla could see herself in the delicate features as well, only adding to the disappointment. Brinley could be her daughter, Carla thought many times. It was hard to accept that she didn't have her as her own. When Carla confronted Sadie about not spending time with her, she said being a mom took up all of her day and she didn't have time to have a shower, let alone meet at a coffee shop. Carla eventually made little effort to see Sadie and avoided calling her to hang out, which had put a distance between them. Sadie was too preoccupied to notice that the two of them had drifted apart.
Carla unzips her purse without distracting Devin into thinking she's going to check her cell phone or something. She feels around for the letter. It must be at the bottom of her purse.
“Family is like that,” Devin says. “I've accepted that I come from a broken home. My dad walked out on my mom and me when I was five. I thought he was on a business trip.” He grins and looks away. Carla's hand freezes on the letter. She has to let him finish talking. This is the farthest she's gotten with him.
“Sorry,” she says. “You must miss your dad.” Her fingers grab the envelope and she brings it to the top of her purse.
“Don't be. I don't want to talk to him. He's a jerk. What he did to my mom and me was cowardly. What guy walks out on his family?”
Carla releases her fingers and zips up her purse. Maybe this isn't a great time to give him the envelope.
“You're still angry with him.”
“I don't know if I'm angry. I don't understand why anybody would do that to the people he loves.”
“Maybe he was confused.”
“About what?”
“I don't know. Maybe he was depressed and didn't know how to deal with real life. You hear about people not sure what to do in certain situations because they don't have the knowledge to help them through.”
“There's no excuse for what he did.”
Carla shrugs. “Maybe he had a problem and needed to get help.”
Devin blinks his eyes. “My mom said he needed to get help. She didn't know for what exactly.”
“Whatever it was, I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you,” she says, thinking about Keith, hearing in his voice how much he cares for his son. “Even though you haven't spoken to him, he loves you.”
Devin swallows hard. “Okay. Enough about that. I didn't mean to talk about my problems, or for you to know.”
“It's not a problem. Don't worry. I'll keep it to myself. You know, sometimes we just need to talk.” She looks past him. The crowd is thinning out; it's not so populated for once. It feels good to just breathe the fresh air.
“Is that why you do what you do? You like to talk?”
She laughs. “Doesn't feel that way. I love sports and being in the moment of a story unfolding. It's a good fit for me.”
“You're good at what you do.”
“Thanks.”
Devin steps close, and as she brings her chin up, her lips are met by his. Warm, easy, like the stroke of a paintbrush. Her body tingles from head to toe. This time she lets Devin kiss and hold her. She likes how his hand feels on her hip, as though he's keeping her still. For a strong, built guy, he is gentle, which surprises her.
His lips release hers and are a breath away when he asks, “Do you still want to go up on the mountain?”
She is suspended in his embrace. “If you want.”
“I'd like to check it out.”
“Let's go, then,” she says.
Devin pays for admission, and with only a few minutes waiting, they board the Skyride. It's packed, but they are able to stand at the window to view the glorious mountain terrain. The higher they get, the more there is to see, and Carla is pointing out the Pacific Ocean and where the Gulf Islands are. Above Vancouver, it's a sight to see, and Carla watches the expression on Devin's face as he takes in the amazing view.
They get off and decide to look around and do some exploring of the gift shops and even sneak into the theater playing a documentary on bears.
“I didn't know black bears can smell food more than half a mile away.”
“Neither did I,” Devin says. “Wouldn't want to be camping in these woods.”
She laughs, rubbing arms with Devin as they exit the theater. “You don't camp?”
“No. I never have.” He moves his head from side to side.
“Never? Really?”
“I had no one to teach me. My uncle invited me once, but I ended up getting a bad cold and stayed home. There was never another opportunity. How 'bout you?”
“We did the tent thing when I was little, but after my brother was bornâhe's the youngestâmy parents bought a trailer. So much better. We traveled halfway across the country. My parents were big on showing us the tourist sites.”
Their walk becomes slower as they finish looking at the landscape. They take one last look at the scenery.
“Beautiful day,” she says, looking out toward the massive Douglas firs that cluster the trails.
“It is,” Devin says, drawing closer. “I'd like to kiss you again.” He looks at her with admiration.
“Oh, yeah?” she says with a big smile.
Devin lays his fine lips on hers, tasting and sucking her bottom lip. The kiss is filled with intensity. New emotions are taking hold of her. Her insides melt and she's not sure she can hold herself up much longer. Devin lets go and they stare into each other's eyes. She wants him so bad. It's not like her. She can't let him get to her.
“The Skyride is almost here. We should get in line if we want to catch this one down.” How long can Devin stand here and kiss her? “People are watching.”
“They recognize you.”
She laughs. “I don't think so. Hopefully nobody is taking pictures or videotaping us.”
“Too late if they did.”
They walk hand in hand to the tram. It takes fifteen minutes to get to the bottom. They both are admiring the beauty of nature as they stare out the window.
“What a ride!” Devin tells her as they make their way to the parking lot.
“It was, wasn't it?” It was even better riding it with Devin. “The last time I went to the top was when my friend Gabby and I hiked the Grind.” And before that, she remembers riding the Skyride with Timothy, and that had been far from romantic. He couldn't look down and was getting nauseated. They'd had to sit on a bench when they got to the top so he could relax.
Devin drives out of the parking lot in a hurry.
“Have you seen most of the city?” Carla asks.
“I think so. You'll have to show me where the best restaurants are.”
They drive through the city, and Devin turns down a street that leads to her town-house complex. He parks in front of her private gate.
“Thanks for the outing,” Carla says.
“My pleasure.” He grins.
It's close to dinnertime. He probably wants to be on his way. When will she see him again?
“Thanks again,” she says, looking over at him. Is he going to kiss her again? Should she wait to see if he will? He looks so good in just a T-shirt, all muscular and firm.
“Thanks for taking the time.” He clears his throat. His eyes skip around the dashboard and at her. Is he nervous? What does he want to say?
She's nervous. She still has the envelope that she should give to him. If she can reach into her purse, hand it to him and tell him the truth, she will have time to get out of his car and into her house without a confrontation. If she gives him the letter, will he want to see her again? That's the question.
“Well, have a good night.” She opens the passenger door.
He'd had a chance to kiss her and didn't. Devin is testing her to see if he's attracted to her. It's all in the kiss. He doesn't want her. Can she blame him? She's divorced. A product of failure. He doesn't want her.
He nods. “Good night.”
Carla shuts the passenger door. Is this it? Will they see each other again? She walks up to her gate, her head hanging as she turns the key in the lock. She opens the black steel gate.
“Carla. Wait!”
She turns around.
He runs up to her. “I . . . I thought maybe we could . . . do this again sometime?”
Carla nods. “Yes. That would be great.” She doesn't want to sound too eager. They stare into each other's eyes. Devin is in a sideways stance; he takes a step forward and then back. He rocks forward, cups Carla's jaw with his hands and kisses her fully on the mouth. They release and kiss again, like once isn't enough.
She stands there helpless, caught in a string of emotions. She's not sure why this is happening, but she loves it and doesn't want him to stop. She lets him kiss her, hungrily, madly, deeply. Devin kicks the gate with his foot without letting go of her mouth until he suggests, “We should go inside.”