She’d only been gone a few days, but I was already miserable without her.
My family was in Asheville for my birthday when I proposed, so they heard the news as soon as we got off the mountain and walked inside the front door.
I’m not sure, but I think my sisters ran to the store and bought bridal magazines within the hour because for the rest of the night, we all sat in the living room, looking at magazines and trying to figure out how we would have a wedding in Gulu.
Finally, my mother decided that we could get married in Gulu but have a big reception in the States. That way, Kei would get the best of both worlds. Personally, I didn’t give a rip where we got married. I just wanted to marry her, period.
Word of the engagement spread quickly across the globe. Someone got pictures of Kei and me at the airport. She was wearing the ring, and given its size and style, there was no denying what kind of ring it was. James spun into action and sent out a press release within a matter of hours. He acknowledged the engagement but lied and said that we didn’t plan on actually having a ceremony until the fall, when my schedule loosened up. We figured it would keep the paparazzi out of Gulu when I went back.
We wanted the ceremony to be private. Only our families and the people of the mission would be there. I didn’t even plan to invite James.
Standing there in the cold, rain, and mud, I couldn’t wait for the honeymoon in a much warmer climate. Well, that wasn’t the only reason I couldn’t wait for the honeymoon, but it was part of the reason.
An assistant handed me some warming packets. I squeezed them to activate the heat and then stuck them in my pants pockets. While in there, I looped my finger through Kei’s engagement ring. We switched rings just before she walked through security at the airport. I kept it with me and couldn’t wait to put it back on her finger.
I was watching the director of photography line up his shot when, just past him, my mom and Cassidy came into view. It was a pleasant surprise. Their arrival hadn’t been planned, and I figured Kei sent them to visit so I wouldn’t get too lonely without her.
I smiled at them and waved. Neither waved back or smiled.
I froze.
The closer they got, the more scared I got. Something was wrong, very, wrong.
The set went quiet, literally not a sound as everyone stopped and watched them walk my way. It was obvious to every crew member and to myself that they were there to bring bad news.
“Is it Dad?” I asked.
Mom shook her head.
“Chloe? Candice? The kids?”
“No,” Cassidy said. She hesitated for a second, but it felt like an eternity. “Kei,” she finally said.
I took a step back. “Kei what?”
They didn’t answer.
“Kei what?” I screamed.
Mom finally spoke. “Motorcycle accident…”
I dropped to my knees.
“The cycle she was riding had a collision with another. She didn’t survive.”
My entire body shook violently as the people around me gasped or started crying.
“They say she didn’t suffer. She died instantly.”
I groaned and fell forward. My hands sunk into the mud, and I watched it ooze around my fingers and through the holes in her ring.
“Take it back,” I finally said.
“I can’t,” Mom said.
“I said take it back!”
She dropped to her knees in front of me. “I can’t,” she cried. “I wish I could, but I can’t take it back. She’s gone, Cabot. I’m so, so sorry. She’s gone.”
I slapped my hands onto my face and ran them through my hair. The mud was cold on my face, and her ring was like ice on the back of my neck. It stung my skin, but I couldn’t manage to move it.
Mom wrapped her arms around me.
That’s it. That’s all I remember.
All went dark.
My world ended.
C H A P T E R
39
I didn’t go to Uganda for Kei’s funeral. I couldn’t. I couldn’t go back to the country where she’d been taken from me. I hated it, and I never wanted to go back, never again.
Instead, I threw myself into the film and fulfilled my commitment by completing my scenes. James cancelled all of my public appearances for the latest movie release, and as soon as I finished filming, I boarded a plane to Asheville. It was the closest thing to home that Kei and I had together. It was the only place I could think to go to say good-bye.
My family came with me, as did Oliver, Mariah, Millie, and the rest of their family from the States. We said good-bye on the mountain, at sunrise. The service didn’t last long, and once it was over, people started to go.
Right before she walked off, Cassidy handed me a scrapbook. “It has some pictures in it. And I hope you don’t mind, but I got on your e-mail and printed all of the e-mails between you two. I thought they might make you smile.”
I didn’t take it out of her hands. I couldn’t.
“I think it’ll help to read them,” she said.
“Thank you.”
She kissed me on the cheek, set the book on the bench, and walked away.
I jammed my hand into my pocket and slid my pointer finger through Kei’s ring. Her finger had been so small that the ring didn’t even make it my knuckle.
Feeling the cold platinum brought out the emotion I’d held on to during the service.
“She saw a lot of sadness on this earth,” Millie said from behind me. “Experienced a lot of sadness too. But you, you brought her happiness, Cabot. Her life might have started miserable and painful, but it ended full of happiness. Don’t you ever forget that.”
My chest shook as the tears flowed. “I promised her I’d give her a happy ending. I promised she’d get happily ever after. She put her hope in me that I would honor my word. I let her down.”
“You didn’t let her down, Cabot. She got her happily ever after. She died very, very happy.”
The words
she
died
sliced right through me.
“She didn’t ever think she’d have what you managed to give her, didn’t think she deserved it, never even dared to dream of it.”
“I know,” I said, my voice shaking. “She did just as much for me, if not more.”
“I know she did. She did for everyone she ever met. Everyone’s better off because of her. And everyone will be better off because of the her they see in you.”
I shook my head.
“You have to keep going and doing good. Don’t let her death put an end to what it is you’re meant for.”
“I don’t know what I’m meant for anymore. If she isn’t here for me to love, then I don’t know why I’m here.”
“You’re here to carry on her work, Cabot. You’re here to live the life she can’t live anymore.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“It’s what she would want.”
I didn’t answer.
Millie didn’t speak again. She gave me a small pat on the arm and then walked off.
I was finally alone. I’d come to Asheville a year before to be alone and get away from people. Instead, I’d met Kei. Our lives had collided. We were a happy collision of two worlds combining into one. I never thought I’d have to be alone again, yet there I was, alone and miserable, alone and lost.
The book sat next to me, almost begging me to pick it up. I didn’t want to. I wanted to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there. But I knew that pictures of Kei were inside, and more than anything, I wanted to see her face.
I pulled her ring out of my pocket and sat on the bench and placed it on the bench next to me. Then I picked up the book and started flipping through the pages.
There were tons of pictures of Kei and the two of us together in Asheville, Italy, all over the world. She was smiling. We were happy.
There were articles about her—only the good ones, of course—and e-mails, all of our e-mails to each other. I read through them. Cassidy was right; they made me smile…until the last one.
I hadn’t read it yet. Actually, I didn’t even know it existed.
She’d sent it the morning of June 25, the day she was killed.
Subject:
Home
To:
YardballChamp07
From:
UgandaKei
Date:
June 25th, 2008
Dear Choice Future Hottie Husband,
I’m here! The trip went smoothly. The drive was fine.
I gave everyone our news as soon as I arrived at the Mission House. Everyone is thrilled, jubilant actually. They think my ring is the most beautiful they’ve ever seen. Just wait until they see the one I left with you!
My mom is already going batty with wedding plans. Once we get through Gregory’s wedding on Sunday, we’re going to start planning ours. That is, of course, unless you’ve changed your mind, which I certainly hope you haven’t.
I’m leaving in a matter of hours for Sudan. Can you believe it? I’m finally going North! Maybe I’ll get to see those walking zombies we’ve heard so much about. I wonder if they’d be opposed to getting their pictures taken? *snicker*
I so, so, so wish you were here to take this trip with me. I would have loved you to be with me the first time I saw Sudan, just like you were with me the first time I saw Italy, the first time I saw Ireland, the first time I saw Greece, the first time I saw France… or England…or Germany…or Los Angeles…or New York City…or just about anything outside of Gulu, Asheville, and the London Heathrow Airport—or my all-time favorite, the first time I slept in the rain, under the stars on our mountaintop in Asheville. I think I’ve always loved rain since then.
Geez. Now that I write that, I have to wonder if I had a life before you.
I did have a life, I suppose. But it certainly wasn’t as perfect as it is now that you’re in it.
“He’s at home.” I actually said those words yesterday to someone when they asked me where you were. It literally popped out without me even thinking about it. Funny. I’ve always thought of Gulu as home, and now, here I am, calling wherever you are home.
We live out of nothing but suitcases when we’re together, but for me, it’s home. I like that. No. Actually, I love it. It explains the old saying, “Home is where the heart is,” and my heart is most certainly with you, now and forever. I’m certain of it.
It all made me think back to a conversation we had the day I found out that my new pal Cabot was
the
Cab Stone. I told you that I didn’t think I’d ever survive in your world. I suppose I was wrong. I think I’ve come to realize that I can pretty much survive anything as long as you’re right there with me. Like we’ve always said, we’re a brilliant team, you and I.
I think back to those early days and those conversations, and I’m awed. You’ve come so far, grown so much in terms of knowing who you are and why God placed you on this earth. You’re here for more than just to love me, although you do that extremely well.
You have a gift. It’s not just your looks or that you’re the Choice Male Hottie or your absolutely magical personality. It’s your love of others. It’s your desire to see them happy and your need to make their lives easier and ease their pain. I can’t wait to sit back and see all that you do to help the people of the world. I think it will be amazing, and I know that when the time comes and you get to enter the pearly gates of heaven, the Lord’s going to say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Well done.” Knowing that makes me smile and prance.
Yes, always know that as I watch you doing what it is you love most, I’m prancing.
Oh, King of Glory!
I love you! We’ll be together soon!
The future Mrs. Choice Male Hottie,
Kei
I set the book down next to her ring and let myself cry as much and as hard as I needed to. There was nobody around. And even if there had been, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself.
After God only knows how much time had passed and I could finally see through the watery haze that covered my eyes, I picked up the book and flipped through its pages. I spotted my copy of the calendar that Kei and I had scheduled our life together on.
I read what was written over the next few days. It was in Kei’s handwriting. In today’s box, she’d written, “Movie wraps.” In tomorrow’s box, she’d written, “Cabot leaves for Uganda!”
C H A P T E R