Authors: Diana Gardin
When Cooper and I walk back from our time
together on the beach, the bonfire is in full swing. The band is back onstage,
just waiting for their lead guitarist so they can play another set.
Cooper squeezes my hand, and I look up at
him.
“Do
you
,”
he whispers. He jogs back to the stage, and straps on his guitar.
As the band begins to play, I walk over
to Dara, where she is sitting on some driftwood with Brandon and Luka, some
other basketball players, and some of my friends from the dance team.
I sit down, suddenly feeling very tired.
Luka’s eyes meet mine. “Where’ve you
been?”
“Just walking,” I answer. “I’m not really
in a partying mood tonight.”
“Are you going home?” Dara asks me, an
understanding glint in her eye.
“I think so,” I reply. “I’ll see you guys
on Monday.”
As I leave the party, I look back once,
to see the bonfire blazing up into the cloudless night sky. I know that
something is different. I’m ready to be myself, or at least try to figure out
who that is exactly.
Chapter
9
Turning
Point
I start awake, struggling between the
strangeness of my nightmare and the cool darkness of my bedroom.
I sit up in bed, gazing around the room with
distrust and confusion. With a sigh I sink back down into my pillow, my eyes
wide open against the blanketing darkness.
What happened in that place behind my
eyelids that had scared me so badly?
I try to recall.
A vision of female figures drifts slowly
toward me through a haze of brain-fog. I remember dreaming about girls from
school.
Not any girls in
particular. Faceless girls. Mocking me. Pushing me? No, more like
shoving
. I was pummeled this way and
that, crashing into lockers, my body parts ramming into the hard edges of
doorways.
And their voices! Calling me “white
girl,” over and over again.
I try to think about the reason the
P.B.G.C.’S cruelty disturbs me enough to carry the discomfort into my personal,
private dreamland.
It’Sa
violation I don’t appreciate.
I don’t want them there, not for a moment.
It bothers me because they don’t know me.
They haven’t bothered to get to know me. They’re like snowballs.
One person’s ugly and unfair opinion rolls
down a snowy hill, right into the next person’s until a large orb barrels down
a long, steep, mountain. I am standing at the bottom, waiting for their jaded
views to knock me to my knees.
I reach for my phone, glancing at the
time as I pull up my contacts.
Three
thirty-seven AM.
I didn’t care.
Somehow,
I know he’ll answer
.
“Hello?” Cooper’s sleep-drunk voice
answers his phone.
I let out a huge
breath, hearing the
whoosh
as it
leaves me. His voice sounds so good, so close next to my ear that I close my
eyes and squeeze my phone a little tighter just to get him closer.
“Cooper.
It’s me,” I say.
“Cam?” he asks, instantly more alert.
“What’s wrong?”
“I—I had a bad dream.
A nightmare, really,” I answer, still
unsure of why I have called him in the first place.
He is quiet for a moment.
“Cooper?” I ask, worried I dropped the
call.
“Imagine my arms wrapping around you.” He
is still on the phone with me.
“What?” I ask, unsure if I heard him
correctly.
“You heard me.
Imagine my arms wrapping around you.
Feel the safety of my embrace, Cam. You remember how that feels?” His voice is
low and steady, and I feel chill bumps rise on my arms that have nothing to do
with fear.
“Yes,” I breathe. Because I do remember.
Vividly. I close my eyes and picture him lying next to me.
“Now my lips are next to your ear,
whispering. Don’t be afraid, Cam. Nothing can hurt you. Not with me standing
next to you. I’m here.”
I fall silent, soaking in the reverie his
words create in my mind. I forget the fear that accompanies the nightmare. I
forget the struggles I deal with regarding the P.B.G.C.’s. I forget everything
but him.
“Cam. How are you feeling now?” he asks.
“Much better,” I admitted.
“Good. Now step outside. I’m already
dressed and about to be on the way over. Text me your address.”
“Cooper, you don’t have to—“
“I know I don’t have to. I want to see
you. Right now. Text me the address.” He hangs up.
I text him the address and then pull on
sweatpants to go over the underwear I was wearing to bed. I adjust my plain
black tank top in my mirror, and then I head outside, closing the door quietly
behind me.
As I wait, I marvel at how quickly he has
jumped out of bed to come and see me. A smile so big my cheeks hurt is
plastered across my face. I sit on a bench in the courtyard across the street
from my apartment building. The sky is dotted with stars, and I tilt my head
upward to stare at them. It’s so quiet, even the bullfrogs have ended their
song for the night and the crickets are no longer chirping. I don’t think I’ve
ever been outside at this hour, but it’s incredibly peaceful.
My heart rate picks up as I hear the
sound of a motorcycle engine disrupting the quiet night, and then Cooper swings
around the corner on his Ninja. He guns the engine as he arrives in the lot and
coasts to a stop in a space near the street. He’s already spotted me, because
he begins walking over to my bench as soon as he removes his helmet.
I take one look at him and laugh.
“You felt the need to wear your pajamas
to see me?” I choke out.
He looks down at the striped pajama
bottoms covering his legs.
“It’s late,” he declares, indignant. “Or
early. Either way, this is what you get when you wake my ass up at almost four
in the morning.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, feeling bad now.
He plops down next to me and places his
helmet on the bench beside him.
He
reaches out and takes my hand, lacing our fingers together.
“Don’t be,” he says. “I’d drop everything
and come running if you needed me to.”
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make it all go away. When I talk to you,
Cooper, I feel the rest of the planet dissolve away. It’s like when you’re
standing next to me, I’m fearless. I can do anything. How do you do that?”
Cooper chuckles softly and caresses the
back of my hand with his thumb, causing a shiver of pleasure to crawl up my
spine.
“I’ve been wanting to ask you the very
same question, Camryn Grimes, since I rode up to Oceanview and saw you standing
out in front of the building. Since I met you, I’ve been able to think of
nothing else but the day you would become mine. I’m still waiting for that day.
But now…I feel it. It’s closer, Cam. You called me tonight, not Luka. Not Dara.
Why?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “Luka…is
amazing. He’s good to me. My mom loves him. Everyone says we belong together.
But—“ I stop.
“What, Camryn? Tell me,” he demands. He
drops my hand and wraps an arm around me, pulling me closer to him on the
bench. I rest my head on his shoulder.
“But he doesn’t make me feel the way you
do,” I say simply.
It’s the absolute truth. No barriers or
walls are up, keeping me from saying how I feel. This is the real Cam, talking
to the real Cooper, and he deserves the truth. Luka
is
a wonderful guy. But not once have I had the pure, unadulterated
physical reaction to him that I have to Cooper every single time he’s near me.
With Luka, it’s warm and homey, like warm honey drizzled over a biscuit. With
Cooper, it’s electric. I need to push closer and closer to him, because when
I’m not I feel like a limb is missing. And I know it’s crazy, because we
haven’t known each other long. I can’t deny the truth anymore, though, because
it’s too hard to stay away from someone I want more than I’ve ever wanted
anything.
And right then, the realization slams
into me. Luka is perfect, but he isn’t perfect for me. Maybe he is on paper,
but not inside my heart and inside my soul. Cooper
is
mine. And I am his.
Cooper
The fact that she trusts me enough to
call me when she is scared…means something to me. That means that she wanted me
to comfort her, to be there for her. And there’s nothing in this world I want
more than that at this point. It’s taken forever for her to see what I saw from
the beginning. But she finally does, and my emotions are on an amusement park
ride as it hits me.
I’ve dated in the past, but no one has
ever stood out in my heart the way Camryn does. Something was different when I
saw her in the hall that first day. She changed me, caused me to stop thinking
about myself and start thinking about someone else and how to make them happy.
I know I still haven’t made her happy, but she’s finally going to give me the
chance to do it. And I can’t wait.
She never actually said that we were
going to be together. But I could feel the shift in her. The kiss on the beach
was ingrained in her now as much as it is in me. We’re inevitable, me and Cam.
And nothing has made me as happy as that fact, ever.
I can’t put into words how this girl makes
me feel. Talking to her on the phone at 4AM…I never thought I would be so
excited to see someone’s name on my caller I.D.
When I arrive home at sunrise, I fall asleep
again with a possibly permanent smile on my face.
***
“Cooper?”
I open my bedroom door to discover my
aunt standing just outside it.
“Hey Aunt Stacey,” I greet her. “What’s
up?”
She wrings her hands like she’s nervous about
something. From what I have gathered about my Aunt Stacey since moving in with
her, she isn’t a nervous kind of person.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
Her brow wrinkles. “Nothing’s wrong,
exactly. It’s just…your mom called. She’s coming into town today.”
“She is?” I ask, breaking into a wide
smile. “That’s awesome. Right?”
She smiles back at me. “Right. You’re
okay with that?”
“Yeah, of course. It’s great. I’ve been
wanting her to hurry and finish up there so she can move down.”
“I don’t think she’s coming for good
though, Cooper. She said she was coming for a quick visit, that she still had
some things to take care of up North.”
That’s weird. I know she has some things
to finalize with her divorce lawyer and she wants to pack up our apartment. But
our apartment is tiny. She could have packed it up in a few days.
What the hell is she doing?
“Well, I’m staying home today, then,” I say.
“I don’t want to miss her if she’s not staying.”
“Okay,” Aunt Stacey nods her head in
agreement. “Come have some breakfast, okay?”
Camryn’s
face flashes through my head and I feel
a pang of disappointment. I’m not going to get to see her today. Seeing her
every day had become a part of my daily routine, something I expected. Something
I looked forward to.
I’ll miss her.
But I am determined to find out what my
mother is up to. Something isn’t right, and I want to know exactly what it is.
Chapter 10
Truth
Camryn
I feel compelled to provide Luka with
complete honesty; I asked him to meet me at school early so we can talk.
It’s time for me to face up to what I
really want, and to tell Luka how I feel.
Dara and I pull into our usual parking
spot. Brandon and Luka are waiting for us, standing next to Brandon’s Jeep.
Dara
reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Are you sure you want to do this? Make sure
you’re making the right decision, Cam, before you break Luka’s heart.”
“I know I’m making the right decision,
Dara,” I snap. Then I shake my head. “Sorry.”
She shrugs, frowning at me.
“I just know what my heart is telling me.
And I have to follow it. I can’t just keep doing what I think everyone else
wants me to do. It’s time for me to be happy, no matter what everyone else
thinks.”
“I understand that,” Dara says. “I want
you to be happy, too. But just think for a minute. If Cooper had never arrived
here, had never pulled up on his sexy motorcycle with all his leather and
hotness, would you be letting a guy like Luka slip through your fingers right
now?”
“I can’t even follow that line of
thought, Dara, because that’s not how it is. Cooper did ride up in all his
leather and hotness. And it’s not even just about that. There’s a side to him
you haven’t seen yet. He’s sweet. And he holds me steady. And I didn’t realize
how desperately I needed that steadiness until I met him.”
She studies me for a minute. She nods,
her blonde hair catching the sunlight glinting off the side mirror.
“I’m with you, girl,” she says. “You know
that. Do what you feel you need to do.”
When we get out of the car, Brandon sweeps
Dara into his arms and carries her, giggling, into the school building.
I watch them go, a little wistfully. Will
I have that with Cooper? He doesn’t know I’m ending things with Luka today. I don’t
even know how he’ll react. Maybe he doesn’t want me to do his, like I think he
does. Maybe Dara is right, and I’m hurting Luka for a possibility rather than a
sure thing.
It doesn’t matter. Luka deserves the
truth, whether I end up with Cooper or not. He still needs to know that he’s
not what my heart needs. And it’s going to break his.
“Hey,” I say softly, sidling up next to
Luka. His dreadlocks swing in my direction as he turns to look at me. He looks
good enough to eat this morning. A thermal sweater hugs the muscles in his arms
and chest. Its burnt orange color looked amazing on his light-skinned
complexion. And his light brown eyes are holding mine. I heave a sigh, and
leaned against Brandon’s car beside
him.
Crazy
girl. What are
you doing?
“Hey,” he replies. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I swallow. “I’m fine, Luka. I
wanted to talk to you. About us.”
“Oh yeah? I can tell you’ve cooled off
since the bonfire. You want to tell me what happened that night?”
“It’s not so much that something happened
that night, Luka,” I say, my cheeks burning with shameful fire. “It’s just that
I finally figured out what I want.”
“And it’s not me?”
He’s so straightforward. I was hoping to
build up to this.
I look down at my red flats, digging a
dent into the gravel using my toe. “I don’t know what to say. It wasn’t
anything you did. I think you’re amazing, and I know how many girls at this
school will think I’m a fool for having this conversation with you.”
He flicks a hand toward the school
building. “I’m not worried about them. I’m worried about you. I care about you,
Cam. I could be good for you, if you’d just let me.”
“You are good for me, and to me. But I’m
not
for
you.” I inhale deeply and let
the breath go, slowly easing the air out of my lungs. It’s painful, and I
wince. “I’m going to give things a try with Cooper.”
I close my eyes momentarily, not wanting
to see the pain that will surely reflect back at me from Luka.
“Guitar boy? Really, Cam? If he’s what
you want…I can’t stop you. But he doesn’t know you like I do, Cam. He can’t.
Y’all have nothing in common.”
“Really, Luka? Do you know me at all? We
have everything in common. We’re both—okay, I’m not going to get into
this with you. I came here to tell you how I was feeling and I’ve done that. I
want us to be friends. I want you in my life. You were right when you said
you’re good for me.”
Luka turns so that he’s facing me, and
cups my chin in his hand. “You’re making a mistake, Princess. And when you
realize it, guess where I’ll be?”
“Where?” I cringe, waiting for him to
tell me he won’t be anywhere near me when that happens.
He kisses me. Long and slow. I’m caught
up in it before I know what’s happening. When he lets go, he smiles.
“Right here.”
***
It turns out that Cooper isn’t in school today.
I nearly go crazy, trudging through class after class, waiting for school to
end so that I can tell him what I’ve done. I think about texting him, but I
really want to give him this news in person. I am finally ready to give a
relationship with him a chance. When I get into my car after school sans Dara,
since she grabbed a ride with Brandon, I decide I can’t wait anymore.
I sent him a text:
Camryn:
Want to see you. Could I stop by?
While I wait, I realize I have no idea
where Cooper even lives. My phone buzzes, and I look down.
Cooper:
Aw. You coming to check on me?
I smile, and type back.
Camryn:
Full of yourself? I’m bringing you your
lit homework.
I wait, toying with my phone.
Cooper:
Yes. Please come over. I missed you
today.
Another smile tugs at my lips as I ask
for directions.
When I pull up to Cooper’s aunt’s house,
I’m blown away. She lives down by the beach, in an area known as Tega Shores.
It’s a gated community where each house is multi-leveled and balanced on stilts
at the water’s edge.
The front of the house is almost
completely covered by a glistening wall of windows. The windows reflect the
sun’s late-afternoon rays, glinting as I drive up in the driveway. I pull
through the circular driveway until I am in front of the massive, beveled glass
double front doors. A sand-colored stone arch encases the doors; a cascade of
steps leads up to them. I look around. Cooper’s bike is nowhere to be seen. Do
I have the right house?
No sooner has that thought crossed my
mind than one of the enormous front doors swings open and Cooper steps out into
the bright sunlight, wearing dark jeans and a white
v-neck
tee.
Good
Lord
. The boy very
nearly steals my breath when he
looks
like that.
As I step out of my car, he jogs down the
steps toward me. He stops in front of me and leans casually against the car.
“Missed me, huh?” he muses.
I sock him hard in the arm. “Not
particularly. I only knew you’d practically fail Lit if you missed a single day
of work, so I brought you some.” I gesture toward the notebook on the front
seat of my car.
He steps in close. Close enough for me to
smell the spicy scent that wafts from his skin to my nose. “Liar.”
I swallow, trying to stay upright as my
heart lurches dangerously In my chest. “So, um, why weren’t you at school
today?”
He pauses and glances back up at the
massive castle I know to be his aunt’s house. “Family drama,” he replies. “My
mom blew into town today, and she brought her issues and baggage with her.”
I watch him run a hand through his hair,
which I now recognize as a frustrated gesture for him.
He glances up again and then looks back
at me. “Do you want to go for a ride?”
“Sure,” I say. “Let me just clear off the
seat—“
“Cam,” he says, an amused smirk sitting on
his face. “I meant, on
my
ride.”
“Your bike?” I squeak.
It’s not that I’m afraid of motorcycles
exactly; I’ve just never ridden on one before. And the close proximity to
Cooper might make me fall off the damn thing.
“I’m dying to get you on the back of my
bike,” he
admis
.
“Okay.”
Yeah
. I resist really hard.
His face lights up, and he pulls me to a
stone walkway I haven’t noticed before now. It leads around to the back of the
house, and a huge three-car garage which houses Cooper’s bike, an expensive black
sedan, and a luxury silver SUV.
From a hook on the wall, Cooper produces
a small, fitted black leather jacket. He pulls a second helmet from a shelving
unit nearby.
I raise my eyebrows.
“The jacket’s my aunt’s,” Cooper explains.
I try it on, and it fit perfectly. I
smooth the jacket over my jeans, and put on the helmet he holds out for me. I’m
almost transformed. Like a
different person than the elite dancer with perfect grades who arrived here.
When I turn to ask Cooper if I’m ready, I
stop short when I see the frozen expression on his face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask. I nervously smooth
the jacket down, self-conscious in the unfamiliar gear.
“I—uh. Nothing, I just—“ he
stops, and shakes his head. “Dammit, Cam. You’re fucking gorgeous.”
I’ve never heard Cooper Goode less than
completely sure of himself. The fact that I may make him just as anxious as he
makes me is comforting and a little exhilarating.
He shakes his head again, and steps closer
to me. He takes off my helmet and his green eyes instantly paralyze me as they study
mine.
“You’re like, on another level of breathtaking,”
he whispers. “You destroy me.” He leans down, and brushes my lips with his.
If I destroy him, then Cooper has mangled
my psyche beyond recognition.