Authors: Jess Dee
Seth shrugged. “It’s morning back in New York. My body hasn’t adjusted to Sydney time yet.”
Hard to argue with that one. Luke was also suffering the effects of the time change. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to lean against the wall, deliberately increasing the distance between them. Standing too close to Seth made Luke want to do things to him he had no right doing. He’d never had a right to do them, but he’d never had the willpower to resist.
Hah, as if the three steps made any difference. Seth’s presence alone was enough to get a fire burning in all the right places. “Okay, shoot. What’s on your mind?”
Seth sat up, pulling his feet in close to the couch. Then he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands. “I’ve been working on a song, trying to find the right lyrics, but they’re just not there. I need your help accessing them.”
Damn.
This could only spell trouble for Luke. He and Seth had worked on songs together. Often. And every time, the work had ended with Luke buried balls-deep inside Seth’s ass.
Luke shook his head. “You know I’m useless with words.” He couldn’t put a sentence together in any kind of lyrical or poetic way. Luke’s skills lay in understanding business and marketing, not in creativity and idealism, like Seth’s did.
“You know that’s never bothered me. Once I find the words, there’s no problem writing them. It’s finding them that I need your help with. Thrashing out ideas.”
Seth came to him often when he needed help with lyrics. When the words weren’t flowing like they usually did. And every time he came, they’d brainstorm ideas together and find a way past the block.
Seth liked to talk out his concerns. Focus on the parts that weren’t working and get Luke’s advice and thoughts.
Sometimes he just liked to discuss a concept in general. Maybe an idea for the song that he couldn’t see from every angle. What blew Luke away was that when he finally got to hear the end product, there was always a verse featuring his viewpoint. Paraphrased by Seth, of course, so the sentiments came out sounding melodic and profound in a way Luke would never be able to voice them, but they’d be his sentiments nevertheless.
“You know what you need to do?” Luke asked, looking for a solution to Seth’s problem that did not involve himself. “Head on down to the bar, order a drink and find some of those paper napkins you’re so fond of. Remember ‘Sky’s the Limit’?” Seth had jotted down the first two verses of that song while he and Luke had sat around a table in a bar with the other two Pace brothers. He’d written them on red paper napkins. The next day he’d handed the napkins—with the completed song scrawled on them—to Zachary and told him to go compose the music. “A beer and a dim room. That’s all you need. The words will flow.”
Seth’s chuckle echoed through the room. “You think that’s what gets my creative juices flowing? A drink and a bar?”
“The song was a chart topper from day one.”
“It was. So give yourself a pat on the back. You were the motivation behind the lyrics.”
Luke frowned.
“You don’t remember the topic of conversation when I wrote those words?”
He shook his head.
“You were telling me, Nath and Zachary that we could go anywhere with
Speed
. Either take it all the way to the top internationally, or keep it focused on American soil. Your exact words were, ‘The sky’s the limit with this venture, and if anyone can reach those limits and push beyond them, it’s us.’”
Luke stared at Seth, dumbfounded. He had no recollection of ever saying that. It was usually Seth who put the big, vague dream on the table, not Luke.
“You’re always the inspiration for my songs. Don’t you know that by now?”
“Aw, kid, hell.” Luke scratched the back of his neck. “Jesus, don’t say things like that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
“Because…” Luke let his words trail off. He’d been about to say
because it makes it harder for me to break things off with you
.
That would be a damned dumb thing to say now. At the start of a world tour. He needed the band members motivated. Not upset. Or pissed off.
“…Because it makes you underestimate the power of your own abilities. You’re a brilliant lyricist, regardless of your motivations.”
Seth grimaced, looking frustrated. “Then help me be brilliant now. Help me find the words again. This writer’s block is killing me.”
Luke shook his head, disgusted by his lack of willpower. Why did he even bother trying to refuse Seth anything? In the end he always gave in. “Okay. Hit me with the song. We can iron out the creases together.”
Seth’s face lit up. “You mean it?”
“You gonna leave
without
working on the lyrics?”
“Hell, no.”
“Then I don’t really have a choice, now do I?”
Seth’s lips curved into a smile of delight. Christ, he looked like a damn kid in a candy store.
But then Seth always reminded him of that kid. He was always seeing the delicious possibilities in any given scenario. “Tell me what you’ve got so far.”
Seth frowned. “Er, not very much.”
“That’s okay. Let me broaden the question a bit. Tell me about the theme of the song. Or the title.”
“It’s complicated,” Seth warned.
Luke stood quietly, waiting for Seth to gather his thoughts.
“And personal.”
No surprise there. Most of Seth’s songs were personal, relating to an event in his life, or a person. Or a mood.
“Now, forever and always,” Seth said eventually.
Luke raised an eyebrow. “The title?”
“The opening line.”
“Go on.”
“See, there’s the problem. I can’t. That’s all I’ve got.”
Luke snorted. “Not very much, is it?”
Seth stared at him drolly. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
Luke bit back his laughter. Seth didn’t need that now, he needed direction. “Okay, so how long have you been playing around with it?”
“A few months now. Maybe longer.” He nodded. “Definitely longer.”
“And what’s it about?”
“You.”
Whoa. “Pardon?”
“The song’s about you.”
Keep it simple. Keep impersonal.
“You’re writing about a band manager?”
“No. I’m writing about you in my life. Now, forever and always.”
Oh, fuck.
“Because that’s my dream, Lucas. You in my life. Now, forever and always.”
Impersonal, Struthers! Make sure you remain aloof.
“No problem there. As long as
Speed
exists, I’ll be in your life.” Heck, as long as the Pace family existed, Luke would be in his life. He loved that family like his own.
Correction, he loved that family better than he’d ever loved his own.
Seth shook his head. He eyed Luke intensely, not letting Luke drop his gaze for even a second. And in Seth’s expression he saw every bit of the adulation and adoration the kid had always held for him.
Damn kid. What did he know? Turning Luke into something he wasn’t. Into something he could never be—no matter how much he might want to be that something for Seth.
“This song has got nothing to do with
Speed
. It’s about us, Lucas. About where we’re going from here.”
Shit. So much for keeping it impersonal. “Maybe that’s why you’re blocked. I’ve told you a thousand times—we’re not going anywhere.” Every time he’d told Seth, Seth had simply disregarded his words, treating them as if they meant nothing. “This, what we have, that’s it.”
“Yeah, you know, I thought about that. Thought about the number of times you’d said as much, and how every time you said it, you made it sound like the gospel truth.”
Luke raised an eyebrow. That was more than Seth had ever acknowledged about Luke’s attempts to disillusion him.
“I even tried to write your sentiments into the first verse.”
“You did?”
Seth nodded and began to hum a tune Luke had never heard before. His fingers curled into position around an imaginary guitar, and he plucked out silent chords. Before Luke knew it, Seth was singing.
“
Now, forever and always, we’re going nowhere.
“Quit dreaming, ’cause we’re already there.
“This is it, this will be all.
“If you think there’s more, you’re the fool.
”
The words trailed off, leaving only silence.
Seth dropped his hands into his lap.
Luke stared at him, unsure what to say.
Seth shrugged. “It didn’t work. Still doesn’t. I need a different follow-on after the first four words.”
Luke began to sweat.
In the darkest hours of the night, when he lay awake with nothing but his thoughts for company, he’d admit the truth to himself. Then, and only then, when there was no one around to witness his deepest desires, he’d admit that if life had been different and if his legacy had been inherited from anyone other than his father, he and Seth could have had everything together. Could have gone anywhere together. Now, forever and always.
But now was not one of those private times. Now Seth was here, and Luke’s deepest wishes had to remain buried. For Seth’s sake. Now, as much as Seth wanted to change the lyrics, change the direction of the song, he couldn’t. Luke couldn’t let him.
“Actually, kid, I think the song has incredible potential.” Luke did think that. He wasn’t bullshitting Seth. He just knew Seth didn’t agree. “The tune’s good. It’s simple, catchy.” Zachary would improve on it. “And the start, well, it sets a tone. Tells me this isn’t going to be just another ballad or just another song of hope and love. And that will make it stand out from every other song out there.”
Seth remained expressionless. He didn’t laugh, didn’t smile, didn’t frown and didn’t sneer. “So you think I should carry on working with it? Add words to a concept I hate?”
“You could make a good song out of it. A great song. Hell, kid, you could write a great song about a stained coffee cup. You’re that good. Give it a go. Think of the next verse. Or if that’s too complicated, just the next line.”
Seth looked at him for a long time without responding. A very long time.
It wasn’t the lengthy silence that bothered Luke. Seth often got lost in his thoughts, especially when he was working out lyrics. But when Seth was immersed in a song, in figuring out what word to use when and what tune to play it to, his fingers always worked too, like they had just a moment ago. They played the chords of an imaginary guitar, strumming away to music only Seth could hear.
Luke had always found it sexy as hell. Always loved to watch as those fingers moved with an intuitive ease that came from a lifetime of playing. He always wished those fingers were playing him and not some imaginary stringed instrument.
Seth’s hands remained motionless now. His fingers didn’t even beat a rhythm on his legs as they sometimes did.
“Seth?”
Seth frowned.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Seth shrugged. “It’s not there.”
“What’s not there?”
“The song. The words. They’re all gone.” He shook his head. “I’ve got nothing.”
“It’s okay. Take your time. It’ll come back.”
Seth’s laugh was hollow. “Ya think?” He shook his head again. “The words only come when the song wants to be written. This song doesn’t want to be written.”
“You sound like your grandmother, making the song a real live being. It’s not, kid. It’s just a song.”
“My grandmother was right. The songs
are
alive. They live in my head, growing and developing all the time. But when circumstances beyond my control stop them from growing, they freeze. This particular song is frozen. It’s not going anywhere, because you won’t let it.”
“Don’t make this about me.”
“It’s always about you, Luke. It has been since I was fifteen years old.” Seth stood with a feline grace, his lean legs closing the distance between them in six loping strides, and poked Luke in the chest. “You’ve been my dream since the Christmas you came home from school with Zachary.”
Shit, the kid and his dreams. They might have been the birth of all things
Speed
, but for sure, they’d be the death of Luke. Seth spent his days lost in thought, lost in all the wonderful, magical possibilities of what could be. He imagined the ideal and then set about making it a reality. It was Seth who’d sat him, Nathan and Zachary down one evening and told them it was time to stop fucking around. Time to start dreaming big. To reach for the stars. Seth who’d described his vision for
Speed
and looked to his brothers and Luke to make it happen.
Luke pushed his hand away firmly, conscious that his chest tingled where Seth had poked it. “I was never your dream, kid. I was just a childhood fantasy. Your big brother’s friend. The one who understood you, appreciated your unique needs. The one you could identify with. That’s all.”
“Bullshit.” Seth’s hand was back on his chest, this time holding a handful of Luke’s shirt. “Fantasies aren’t real, but dreams can always be realized, no matter how big they are. And you were my biggest dream of all. You still are.”