Coming Back To You (27 page)

She flopped back on the bed. Misery and
disgust at her actions spilled through her brain.

Did she regret what she’d done with Mark?
Honestly, no. Even though guilt riddled her over her behavior, she
wouldn’t have taken it back if given the chance. But waking up
alone, with no note, no word from him, nothing…that shit hurt.
Bad.

An echo of the heartache she’d suffered when
he’d left last September resurfaced and bounced around inside her
chest. A lump formed in her throat, and she rolled to her side,
tears in her eyes.

Maybe it was time she counted her losses once
and for all. She just couldn’t see how any of this would end
happily for anyone, least of all her.

Chapter 28

Karma’s Blog

Sunday, November 18

“
Time For a Change”

I’ve decided to leave my job. I can’t work with M
anymore knowing we have no future together. I love him. I admit
that now. I never stopped loving him. All this time, I’ve tried to
tell myself that I was over him, that I no longer loved him, that I
could be happy without him. And then I slept with him Friday
night.

I thought he felt the same way about me, but when I
woke up, he was gone. No note. No good-bye. Nothing. If he loved
me, he would have at least texted, right? His silence tells me he
regrets what we did, and if he regrets what we did, then I can’t
work with him, anymore, because all I’ll ever think about is how
much I want to be with him, but how badly he regrets being with
me.

So, I talked to an old college professor
last night, and he has an opportunity for me. I might have to move
to St. Louis, but it’s a good job doing what I love. Writing.
That’s right. I’ll be writing for a living. And moving to St. Louis
will put distance between M and me. I’ll need distance to move
on.

I’m breaking up with B, too. He’s not what I
need. He was only a mechanism of denial, anyway. I see that now.
I’m miserable with him, and the relationship was over months ago if
I’m being honest with myself. Don’t get me wrong. B is a nice guy.
He’s hardworking, and he’ll make some woman a wonderful husband
someday. But I’m not her. There’s just too much that doesn’t work
between B and me.

So I’m going to start over. I’m going to
leave all this heartache behind and begin a new life somewhere
else. I think that’s the only way I’m truly going to be able to
move on with my life and let M go.

* * *

Mark had been caught up in a whirlwind of activity
for the past forty-eight hours. There’d been little time to sleep,
let alone think, and now was no different. Rob’s wedding rehearsal
and dinner was about to get underway.

At least the Valium took the edge off. Just
acting out a wedding was enough to make his heart hammer
uncontrollably.

He stood to Rob’s right, his sweaty,
trembling hands clasped in front of him. His heart rate was
elevated, and he constantly shifted his weight from one foot to the
other.

“Relax,” Rob whispered. “You’d think you were
the one getting married.”

Mark ran his cottony tongue over his lips and
nodded sharply. As soon as the Valium kicked in, he’d be fine.
Maybe. Hopefully.

The reverend gave instructions to the group,
and a few minutes later, as the bridesmaids giggled and sang a very
out of tune rendition of “Here Comes the Bride,” Holly floated down
the aisle toward her groom-to-be.

Mark forced himself to take deep breaths, but
by halfway through the fake ceremony, he started to relax as the
Valium broke through his system.

An hour later and feeling much more relaxed,
everyone piled into the rented limousines and headed to Boka,
Holly’s favorite restaurant.

He still hadn’t talked to Karma about what
had happened Friday night, but he couldn’t make any sense of it
himself. And until he did—and until he could find thirty
uninterrupted minutes to devote to talking to her—he needed to hold
his tongue.

“What’s eating you?” Rob asked forty-five
minutes later over appetizers.

“What do you mean?”

Rob tilted his head and narrowed his eyes.
“You’ve been in a funk ever since you got here.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Bullshit.”

Mark glanced at the table full of laughing
faces. Friends and family. Everyone was so happy. He felt like the
one gloomy cloud in a blue sky. “Not here. I don’t want to talk
about this here.”

Rob leaned over and whispered something to
Holly. She nodded and kissed him, then Rob stood. “Come on. Let’s
go.”

“What?” Mark looked around the crowded
room.

“You heard me. Let’s go.”

“Rob—”

“Are you really going to tell me no. You’re
here for
my
wedding. You don’t get to tell me no.” Rob
practically dragged him out of his chair to the bar. Once there,
Rob leaned his elbow on the polished wood and cocked his head to
one side. “Okay, so what’s up? You look like someone shot your
dog.”

After what had happened Friday with Karma’s
cat, Rob’s analogy hit a little too close to home. “No, just my
heart.”

“Huh?” He waved the bartender over.

“Nothing, man.” Mark tried to stand a little
taller.

“Two Coronas,” Rob told the bartender. Then
he addressed Mark. “Is this about Karma?”

Lately, when wasn’t anything about Karma?
“Good guess.”

“What happened?”

Mark glanced around then leaned closer. “I
fucked her,” he said under his breath. “Damn it, Rob, I fucked
her.”

No way could what he’d done be considered
making love. You didn’t
make love
to another man’s
fiancée.

The heavy expression on his face must have
conveyed the severity of the problem, because Rob’s eyebrows lifted
as he gave a single, slow nod. “I see. I don’t suppose she’s broken
things off with her fiancé, yet, has she?”

“Another good guess.” Mark took the beer the
bartender handed over and chugged a healthy swallow. “And therein
lies the problem.”

Rob raised his arm and rested his fingers on
the top of Marks’ wrist. “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t be drinking. You
did take a Valium.”

“Then why’d you order me one?” He tipped the
Corona toward Rob.

Rob dropped his hand. “Good point. Just limit
it to one. I don’t need you comatose tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be fine.” He took another drink.

“So, you and Karma, huh?” Rob’s face drew in
tight, eyes pinched, mouth stretched into a thin line. “She wanted
it?”

“It was her idea.” Mark glanced toward the
ceiling and ran his hand down his face, remembering how Karma had
put her arms around him and how incredible she’d felt. Then she’d
kissed him, and like an idiot, he’d let things get out of control.
But it had been so long, and he’d wanted her so damn badly.

“It was her idea?” Rob’s brow scrunched.

Mark explained what had happened Friday
night, with Spookie, meeting Karma at her apartment, and then how
she’d come on to him.

“What’s wrong with that? That’s a good sign,”
Rob said.

“How is that a good sign?” Mark shook his
head and glanced across the room. “I slept with another man’s
fiancée, godammit.”

“But
she wanted
to.” Rob grabbed his
arm. “Do you hear me. She
wanted
it.”

“The way Carol wanted Antonio?” Mark glared
at Rob, but his anger was directed at himself. “Isn’t that what you
mean?”

Rob’s gaze went cold. The realization he’d
just crossed a line without meaning to showed on his face. “This is
different.” Now he was trying to swim his way out of the
whirlpool.

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, it is. Give Karma a little credit. Do
you really think she’s going let this drag on with Bob or Brad or
whatever his name is if she wants to be with you? Do you? She won’t
let things get to the point where he’s standing in a church,
waiting for her to come down the aisle. She’ll break things off.
So, this
is
different. She won’t jilt him the way Carol
jilted you. She won’t make a fool out of anyone in front of
hundreds of people the way Carol did. And she won’t let that guy
find her in bed screwing you on their wedding day. Karma’s better
than that.”

“How do you know?”

“I can tell by the way you talk about her.
And I met her, remember? She’s a good person. A good
woman
.
Good women don’t hurt people like that.”

“Carol was a good woman. She still is.” Even
though Carol had majorly screwed him over, it didn’t make her a bad
person. Not the most considerate, sure, but not bad.

Rob shook his head and looked away. “Hell,
Mark. What do you want me to say?”

“Nothing. There’s nothing you
can
say.
This is my fault.” Mark planted his open palm on his chest. “I’m
the one who’s fucked things up here. Whether Karma is a good person
or not doesn’t change things. It doesn’t change that I did
something I swore I would
never
do.” He cursed himself,
glowering at the shiny surface of the bar. “I slept with another
man’s fiancée, Rob. What kind of lowlife does that? What kind of
asshole fucks another man’s woman?”

Rob sighed and took a step back. “Do you love
her?”

“What?” Mark’s head snapped around. “Didn’t
you hear me? I messed up. I’m—”

Rob pushed toward him. “Do. You. Love.
Her?”

“What kind of question is that?” He pulled
back and took another drink, averting his gaze.

“One you need to answer. If not to me, at
least to yourself. Now, do you love Karma or not?”

Mark clenched his teeth, glanced down into
the round spout of his beer bottle, and shook his head. There was
no way he could deny it. “Yes. All right? I love her. I love her
more than anything. More than I’ve loved any woman.”

“Then all this drama…” Rob circled his arm in
the air. “Isn’t doing you a damn bit of good.”

“What drama?”

“All this sour shit about how you’re just like that
dick, Antonio, and how you’ve committed some unforgivable crime,
yada yada yada.” Rob flapped his hand like a puppet. “Drama!” Rob
stabbed his index finger toward Mark. “When you love someone, you
need to be with them, no matter what, especially if they love you
back.”

“She’s engaged to another man. If she loves
me, she has a funny way of showing it.”

“Well, what has she said about what happened
Friday night? What’s her take?”

Mark took a deep breath and blew it out. “I
haven’t talked to her, yet.”

“You haven’t…” Rob trailed off and blew out
an exasperated sigh, looked toward the floor, and pinched his nose.
After a couple of seconds, he lifted his face and shook his head
disparagingly. “Dude, you are seriously fucked up. You haven’t
talked to her?” He made a noise between a groan and a sigh. “And
what was I just saying about drama?”

“Look, she was sleeping when I left, and I’ve
been too caught up with you and the wedding and everything else
since I got here. I haven’t had two seconds to put two coherent
thoughts together about what happened, let alone call and have a
conversation with her.”

“Then call her now.” Rob waved toward the
pocket that contained his phone.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ve decided this isn’t something I
want to discuss with her over the phone. When I get back to
Indianapolis, I’ll talk to her then.”

Rob shook his head again. “God, Mark. What
are we going to do with you?” He slung his arm around Mark’s
shoulders. “You’re supposed to be the one who’s got his shit
together, not me.”

“Well, things change.” He swigged down
another swallow of beer.

Ever since he’d met Karma, his life had been
a roller coaster. Up, down, around, upside down. She had him in
knots. Some good, some bad, but the bad ones were his own doing.
Maybe when he got back to Indy, he could untie a few of them and
get his life back on course. After a year of turbulence, he was
ready for a little smooth sailing, even if it meant she would stay
with Brad and tell him to get lost.

At least then, he might get a little
closure.

Chapter 29

Monday, November 19

Karma sat across from Lisa in her office, the door
closed.

“I thought you had decided to stay?” Lisa set
aside Karma’s resignation letter.

“Me, too.” Karma had come in on her vacation
to turn in her notice.

“What made you change your mind?”

She told Lisa about Friday night and how Mark
still hadn’t contacted her.

“I can’t do it, Lisa.” She shook her head. “I
thought I could. I thought being with him would be enough, but then
he did this. I feel like he’s left me all over again, and I don’t
want to live like that, wondering when he’ll leave for good. He
obviously already regrets what happened. Even if we get past it,
something else will just spook him later and he’ll be gone.”

“What about Brad?”

“It’s over. I’m going to his house next. To
give him back the ring.” Honestly, she hadn’t liked the ring all
that much. She’d hoped the square diamond would grow on her. It
hadn’t. Just like Jade. Just like the monotonous sex and rain
checks. None of it had grown on Karma, and it was time she set
herself free. Not just from Brad, but from Mark, too.

“I don’t want you to go.” Lisa was genuinely
sad.

“I don’t want to, either, but it’s time.”

“Do you have another offer?”

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“A publication in St. Louis. One of my
college professors found me the gig. He lives there now. I’ll also
be helping him with research part-time.”

“Have you already accepted?”

“Not officially.”

“How about unofficially?”

Karma lowered her gaze. “I told him I was
excited to get started, but that I wanted to discuss it with my
family over the holiday before making it official.”