Coming Home (10 page)

"Then I'll take you to him," he
continued.

"You'll wait outside?" She opened her eyes
and she mustered the courage to deal with Jack.

"We'll both wait at the house. Come find us
when you're done talking to Jack," Caleb added, his arms coming
from behind her, his words rumbling into her ear. They were
supporting her the only way they could right now.

With their love.

*~~*

Sydney's stomach churned when she knocked on
the door to the cottage. She barely heard her father's shout for
her to enter over the roaring of blood in her ears. Her skin
itched, every pore felt inflamed, and no amount of rubbing her
hands over her arms seemed to calm it.

Silence greeted her when she entered the
room. She noticed Cloud sitting by the fire with Socks curled up
beside him. Her father rested in his chair, looking out of the
window as he took a drag on a cigarette.

"I thought you gave it up."

"That I did, but for some damn reason, today,
I needed one."

"I don't think you should start up again
because of me."

"And I don't think that's your choice,
Sydney."

"Dad, I—"

"Sit down," he interrupted, kicking the base
of a chair so it scrapped along the wood floor. "Smokin' isn't the
topic of conversation, is it?"

Cloud lifted his head when she walked past
him, sniffing the air. She lowered herself onto the chair, unable
to meet her father's eyes, so she kept hers on the dog instead,
worrying her hands in her lap. She had no idea where to start, her
fear of disappointing him clouded everything.

"I d-don't know what to say," she stuttered,
nerves causing her body to shake.

"Well, I sure as shit can't help you with
that one. You created this mess."

She winced at his aggressive tone and took a
calming breath so she could gather her thoughts. She desperately
wanted him to understand, and at least try to accept how she felt.
"I love them, Dad."

Jack huffed, but verbalized nothing.

"I suppose you don't believe me, or
understand it. I don't get it either, but I can tell you with
complete conviction, I have loved those men since I was seventeen
years old."

"What you mean is you're in lust with Paxton,
and yet you love Caleb, huh?"

"No, Dad." She exhaled. "I love both of them.
I couldn't marry Caleb because it would have been wrong.

See, he didn't know how I felt about Pax back
then. Things would have been very different if I'd told him—told
both of them."

Jack coughed, still not looking at her. She
consoled herself with the fact that he seemed to be listening to
what she had to say. He could have shut her out of his life
immediately.

"I wish I didn't want them this badly. Life
would have been far easier if I'd just married Caleb and buried my
feelings for Pax."

"So why didn't you?" he asked harshly.

"How could I possibly choose one over the
other? My feelings are equal for each of them. If I'd married
Caleb, he would never have been able to really fulfill me. There
would have been a Pax-shaped hole in my heart. Please try to
understand."

"I am, but this is mighty difficult." His
words were gruff, and his hand quivered when he lifted the
cigarette to his lips. "They know you want to be with them both
then? Long term?"

"I haven't actually said the words, but yeah,
they know about each other. Obviously."

Jack raised a brow, holding his hand up to
stop her. "I'm listenin', Ne-Ne, but there are certain things I
don't ever want to discuss or even have to imagine."

Sydney rolled her eyes. "I wasn't about to
disclose every detail. I was merely confirming they are both…aware
of the situation because the relationship is between the three of
us."

Jack shuddered visibly, inhaling. "This is
what kept you away?"

"Maybe I should start at the beginning?"

Jack nodded, taking another deep drag on his
cigarette. Oddly enough the smell of tobacco soothed her. It
reminded her of being younger, when she used to cuddle on his lap.
It reminded her of when she was his little girl.

"The night we argued about my notebooks was
the night I realized I wanted them, but I was young, and to tell
you the truth, repulsed. I thought it was wrong, so I fought the
attraction. Over time, Caleb and I grew closer, and it became
easier to bury my feelings for Pax, but nothing stays buried
forever and all it took to reignite the flame was a flirty wink
from him one evening. My attraction spiraled again. I kept telling
myself it was lust, but deep down I knew the truth."

"But Caleb didn't."

"No, he didn't and when he asked me to marry
him I hid behind that godforsaken ring. I actually thought I could
marry him and all my problems would be over. I lied so much to
myself. I lied to you all. Coming home has only intensified every
single feeling I've ever had for them. I honestly, truly, love both
men."

Hanging his head, Jack exhaled and rubbed his
forehead. "This makes no sense to me."

"I know it's hard to understand. I'd rather
not have these feelings, and it has taken me years to finally be at
peace with them. This is what I want.
They
are who I
want."

"And you're wantin' me to understand
this?"

"No. I find it hard enough to understand, so
I don't expect you to."

Tears filled her eyes. "I just want you to
love me and to not shut me out, even if you don't agree with my
choices."

The fire crackled, and the room had gone so
quiet she could hear Socks purring. She swiped at her eyes, rubbing
until she banished all the tears. If he couldn't find a way to
accept how she felt about Pax and Caleb she wouldn't stay. She
needed her dad in her life. More than Pax. More than Caleb. The
fire made her realize just how much she needed her father and his
approval.

When Jack finally turned to face her, she saw
every emotion he felt sweep across his weather-worn face. He
reached out, taking her hand in his. "I want to tell you this is
fine by me, that it's your life and you should live it as you see
fit, but I can't. You're my little girl, and this situation has me
real concerned. Those boys should have come to me."

"It's not their fault. We don't want to fight
the relationship. We tried that and we all ended up pretty
miserable."

"Pax didn't. He was married."

Sydney winced and agreed. "I haven't been
alone either, Dad."

"Don't want to know, Ne-Ne."

"Okay, okay, I'm just making a point." Taking
a moment to compose herself, she asked the hardest question of her
life. "Do you want me to leave?"

Jack stubbed the cigarette out, the smoke
still floating around the room. He opened his mouth, but closed it
right afterward, repeating the action again before he finally
spoke. "You're my daughter and you'll always be welcome here. I
would never send you away. I missed you far too much while you were
gone."

Hope flared, filling her heart with joy. She
stifled a happy grin. "So you think you can deal with this? With
Pax and Caleb?"

"Would that make you stay? Would you come
home?" he asked optimistically.

"I'm not sure. This relationship is new to
us. We haven't talked about where it's heading or what to do next,"
she replied honestly.

"What about kids? Marriage?"

Sydney laughed lightly. "Let's not have that
discussion. It's not something I'm ready to work through, but I get
we'll have to at some point."

Her father's eyes softened, the confusion
appearing to diminish somewhat. Nevertheless, the small amount of
joy she'd felt only seconds earlier faded when he spoke. "I'm
sorry, Syd, but I'm not so sure I can accept it. Give your old man
time and maybe… well, maybe I'll learn to live with it."

"We're not items."

"That's not how I meant it and you know it. I
have to have some time, some space to process this. This isn't the
usual 'Dad, meet my boyfriend' moment."

"Do you still want me to stay?"

Jack pulled her into a hug, squeezing her
tight. "Silly girl. Of course I still want you home. I just need
time."

Sydney was in no rush to go back to the main
house. She needed time to process everything that had happened, and
even though she felt guilty that she was leaving the men hanging,
she still strolled over to the stables.

Roman snickered when she rounded the corner
to the stables. He hung his head over the stable door, sniffing at
her palm, probably hoping for a sugar cube or two. She rubbed along
his nose before opening the door and wrapping her arms around his
neck.

"Hey, boy," she crooned softly. "Wanna be my
shoulder to cry on?"

She considered taking him out for a ride, but
the men would sure as hell follow her as soon as they heard Roman
gallop away from the 4D. They'd think she'd bolted again. Not that
she would blame them. It had certainly become a habit of hers.
Instead, she dragged a small stool into the corner of the stable
and flopped down onto it.

Letting her head fall back, it hit the wall
and she closed her eyes. Confusion reigned while she tried to group
her thoughts into some kind of order. She could almost touch her
dream, virtually taste it, but she needed time to process her
thoughts. After the emotional conversation with Jack so many things
were racing through her head. Nothing about this trip home had been
what she imagined and now she had some decisions to make.

Her father didn't exactly to object to their
threesome, but others would. Just like Pax said, it wasn't normal.
It didn't stop her wanting it though. Could she ignore other
people's prejudice and live with Pax and Caleb permanently,
ignoring the stares and whispers?

Roman nudged at her chin, demanding her
attention. She swatted him away, smiling at the horse's whine in
protest.

Jack's reaction hadn't been quite what she
expected.

He'd been calmer, and far more willing to
listen. He was still stunned and obviously didn't approve. However,
she had hope he would… eventually. She would need to be determined
to live through his short-lived disapproval. And that decision had
to be made now.

"There you are. Baby, we were worried."

Startled, Sydney's eyes shot open, watching
Caleb enter the stable. His boots thumped on the wooden floor,
disturbing the straw. He took his hat off, squatting down in front
of her before he spoke again. "That bad, huh?"

Shaking her head, she reached out for his
hand. "It wasn't what I thought it would be."

"Is that good?"

Sydney shook her head again, exhaustion
weighing heavy on her shoulders. "I don't know what it is. Dad's
upset, confused by what the fuck we're all doing and I have no real
explanation. All I could say was that I wanted you both—always
had."

"Did he ask you to leave?"

"No, of course not. But he isn't too thrilled
either," she said, shoving at his shoulders and stalking across the
stable away from him. "I'm just trying to figure out how this all
works and what I do next so that we can all move forward."

Caleb righted himself, moving over to her as
he lifted his palms in mock surrender. "I'm sorry. Pax and I were
just so concerned. You've been gone a while, but we wanted to do as
you asked and leave you and Jack alone. My heart didn't start
beatin' again until I found you in here."

Knocking her forehead against the wall, she
groaned. "This is such a mess."

"Doesn't need to be, baby. We'll work through
this. It's not as bad as you suspected, right?" His hand rubbed her
shoulder, exerting the smallest amount of pressure so that she
turned around to face him. "I love you, Ne-Ne. I never stopped."
His lips met hers, softly at first but then more forcefully. It
stopped all conversation. His hand gripped her waist tightly,
hauling her hips to connect with his. She tasted the hunger on his
tongue and felt the need rolling off him. Caleb wanted confirmation
of her feelings.

She'd bet he expected her to leave again and
he sought solace the only way he knew how.

Sydney fumbled with the hem of his shirt,
pushing her hands underneath and laying her palms flat against his
abdomen. Probably not the best idea to be with him right now, but
she needed him like she needed oxygen at that moment.

Caleb nipped harshly at her bottom lip,
growling and pushing her harder into the wall. His dominance reared
its head now that they were alone. She expected it from Pax, but
she needed it from Caleb and he responded with relish.

The way he bit at her mouth aroused her
beyond anything she'd experienced with him before. The tighter he
held her, the more she ground against him and the more he crushed
back. She whimpered when his lips left hers to torture her
neck.

"Shush," he crooned in his velvet smooth
voice. "You'll scare the horse."

Scaring Roman would draw attention to the
stables and she didn't want an audience right now. She tried to
move away from him even but Caleb held her firmly.

"Where do you think you're goin'?"

"You said it yourself, the noises will
startle Roman. We can finish this later."

Caleb shook his head very slowly. "You're
goin' to have to be very quiet then, aren't you? I don't intend to
pause this here."

Sydney grinned, unable to stop the growing
arousal currently building within her body. She held her lower lip
between her teeth, shooting him a hooded gaze. He rewarded her with
a slow lick of his lips. His stare became one of a predator
stalking its prey, and she loved being that prey. She wanted his
devouring.

"Can you be really quiet?" he asked then
demanded. "Take your panties off."

Lowering his head to her neck, he traced his
nose slowly up and down it before growling into her ear, "Do
it."