Authors: B.L. Mooney
“I had staged everything to take care of you the night I
destroyed your apartment, but Ryan got in the way. I didn’t expect him to show
up with you. I heard from Matt that you and Vicki were cleaning out your
apartment. At that point, I just needed to wait for my opportunity, and I
didn’t have to wait long.”
“What about the video of Ben and Stacy? How was that going to get
me to leave?”
“That was purely for my entertainment. It was also the only thing
I regret. It raised doubts in Matt’s eyes and ultimately got me fired.” Charlie
looked out the window and back to me. “No, actually, I regret not breaking your
windows in your apartment. They would have had to board them up, and you never
would have gotten out then.”
I was running out of things to talk about and was starting to
panic. “I’m sure Mandy wouldn’t want you to do this.”
“Once you’re gone, Mandy will have Wade’s full attention again.
She’ll also be here for Vicki and help her through her grief of losing you a
second time. Mandy told me how ungrateful you’ve been with Matt and Vicki. She
told me how you keep pushing them away. I bet you regret that now, don’t you?”
Charlie was just a few feet away.
I started crying. “I didn’t know. They didn’t tell me. How could
I know?”
“Oh, don’t give up on me now.” He came closer. “When you lose the
fight, I get bored. You won’t like me when I’m bored.” Charlie reached out and
touched my face.
The sounds of the shots shocked Charlie just as much as they
shocked me. We stood there looking into each other’s eyes, trying to figure out
which one of us had the gun and which one of us had been shot. When Charlie
finally dropped to his knees, I could see Ashley with the gun behind him.
I ran over to her and took the gun from her shaking hands.
“Ashley, where did you get this?”
She slowly looked at me. “He left it in the conference room when
he took off after you.”
We couldn’t get out without the card, and I wasn’t going back to
Charlie to try to get it. I called the police on one phone while Ashley called
her parents on another. We both stood and watched Charlie’s breathing get
slower and slower until the police and paramedics came.
Before Matt, Vicki, and Ryan all showed up, Ashley begged me to
keep what I’d learned that night a secret until they were ready to tell me. She
was afraid I would be mad. She was right. I felt like a fool looking for someone
for so long that knew who I was the entire time I’d been here. I couldn’t
believe it was a coincidence that I happened to be recruited by my birth
parents’ business.
When Matt and Vicki showed up, they both ran up to Ashley and
hugged her. Vicki tried to hug me, but I sidestepped her. I just kept looking
at the person I’d been searching for my entire life and tried to feel
something. Maybe I was just numb from all that happened that night. Maybe I’d
be better the next day. All I knew right then was that the search was over and
part of me wished I’d never met her. I started to walk away, hoping Ryan would
get there soon.
“Rebecca, please . . .”
I turned around. “Don’t you mean Avery?” Vicki looked at Ashley
and back to me. “Charlie told me. He told me everything that you couldn’t or
wouldn’t. Did you know I’ve been searching for you?”
“Not until recently. I wasn’t even sure if you knew or not that you
weren’t Hillary’s until—”
“Hillary. You never could say she was my mom. I thought that was
odd, but never expected this. I thought it was about losing your own parents.”
I watched as Ryan finally pulled in. “I can’t believe the two of you conspired
against me.”
Ryan walked up and held me tight. “Rebecca.” He backed up and
looked me over. “Are you okay?”
“Did you know, Ryan?” I gripped his shirt. “Please, please tell
me you weren’t in on it, too.” I couldn’t contain the tears at the thought of
him betraying me with everyone else.
Ryan searched my eyes. “Did I know what? What’s going on?”
He tried to hold me, but I needed to see his eyes. I needed to
see if he was honest when he answered. “Did you know that I’m Avery?”
“What?” He looked at Vicki and back to me. “What are you saying,
Becca?”
I collapsed into him and let him take me to his car. Vicki was
trying to get to me and I could hear Ashley crying for me, too. I was sure Matt
was holding both of them and letting me go. I just couldn’t take it. I believe Ryan
wasn’t in on it. I believe he had no clue after all of his searching that the
people we were looking for had already found me. Now that I’d found them, I
wasn’t sure I should have started searching.
It’d been three months and I hadn’t seen anyone but
Ryan and Stacy. I had moved into Stacy’s for the first month. It wasn’t the
most romantic moment, but Ryan suggested that I just move in with him since I
spent more time at his place anyway. I protested at first. I didn’t want the
reason I moved in to be because I had nowhere else to go.
Depression was new to me. I’d been upset or even discouraged, but
had never experienced depression while searching and coming up empty. I thought
that, no matter what, I would always have mom and dad to go home to. And now,
even though I knew exactly where everyone was that I had ever thought I needed,
I’d never felt more alone.
Ryan was as understanding as he could be, but I could tell it was
starting to wear on him a little. He couldn’t talk about work in detail as you’d
want to when you share things with your loved one. He couldn’t tell me when his
boss praised him or pissed him off. He couldn’t tell me when there was a big
project that needed two graphic artists instead of the one who was just as
depressed as me. He couldn’t tell me any of that and kept it in.
I could feel the shift in attitude coming for a while. I could
feel him getting fed up with my stubbornness and my refusal to listen to their
side. I fully expected him to tell me to pack my things and move on. In a way,
I guess I kind of wanted him to. I still loved him very much and always would,
but they would be a constant part of his life, and it wasn’t fair for him to have
to live two separate lives because of me.
I applied for another job in Oklahoma and was told that morning
that I got it. It hurt to think of leaving Ryan, but it was best for both of us
this way. He deserved someone who could offer him more, and I needed to get out
of this city. I heard the door open and I closed my eyes. I wanted to finish
packing before he got home. I zipped up what I had packed and slid the luggage
under the bed before heading out to face him.
Walking out of the bedroom, I start talking before I lost my
nerve. “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want . . . Ashley?”
Ashley was standing in a pretty blue dress that stopped right
above the knee. She was actually wearing heels that made her look taller, and
the outfit was complete with her hair and makeup done. I couldn’t get over the
resemblance we shared. “Please don’t kick me out.”
I crossed my arms. I didn’t think I could face her no matter how
happy I was to see her. “I’d never kick you out, but I’m not sure I’m ready to
talk to you yet.” I started to turn to go back to the bedroom and heard her
cry. I stopped, but didn’t turn back around.
“I’m sorry.” She could barely speak. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell
you, but you have to forgive me. Please.”
Ashley’s pleas only further broke my heart. I knew it wasn’t her
fault. It wasn’t her place to tell me and I shouldn’t have been taking it out
on her, but again she was part of them, and I didn’t know that I could be
around anyone so close to any of it. No matter what I was feeling, I couldn’t
continue to let her feel as she was.
I turned back around. “Ashley.” We both walked to each other with
our arms open, both crying and clung to each other. “I’m sorry I let you feel
this badly for this long. I’ll never do that to you again.”
“You’ll come back?”
“No.” I pulled back and looked at her. “I can’t come back.”
“But . . .”
“No.” I let go of her and walked to the sofa. “I don’t expect you
to understand, Ashley. I’ve never felt so betrayed, so tricked or deceived.”
“Why? Because they wanted to protect you? Because they wanted to
make sure you could handle what you were going to hear and not run from them?”
She sat next to me. “Please help me understand that. They never gave up on you.
Don’t give up on them.”
“They gave up on me the second they tricked me into coming to this
job. They gave up on me when they kept lying to me.” I stood up and started
pacing. “I searched for them for so long. Please help me understand what I ever
did to them that would make them think I would run.”
“First, dad tricked you—not mom. She didn’t even know until you
had already been working for a while. Once she did find out, though, she tried
to be a part of your life the way it was. She didn’t want to disrupt it. Every
time mom tried to get close to you, you pushed her away. Every time she tried
to include you, you would back out. What did you do to encourage her to tell
you?”
I knew Ashley had a sixteenth birthday that I missed, but the
Ashley in front of me now was more my age than I was. Only I still didn’t know
what my age was. I know when my birthday is now thanks to the party Vicki threw
and her confession that it was to celebrate Avery’s birthday, but I still didn’t
know how old I was.
I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. “How’s Heather?”
Ashley shook her head. “She’s doing better than you. You’re
pushing away again and I’m not going to let you.” She stood up and stopped me
from pacing. “Everyone misses you. I think you miss you, too.” Ashley hugged
me. “You’ve waited all your life to come back home. Please, come home.”
I wasn’t sure if it was Ashley’s begging me to come or my own
desire to go. The reasons are a little foggy to me right now. I was on
autopilot, driving back to Vicki and Matt’s with Ashley. The closer we got, the
harder it was to breathe. I probably wouldn’t have come if I weren’t leaving
for my new job tomorrow.
I sat a little too long in the driveway and Ashley turned to me.
“It will be okay. I promise.”
Ashley got out and I reluctantly followed her. We walked in and I
looked around as if I’d never been here before, even though it was the first
home I ever knew: the home I started my life in. It looked different to me now.
I may have lived here for a few months while Charlie was trying his best to get
rid of me, but I felt as if I should recognize more than just what I remember
from that short time. I didn’t. I wished I could remember playing here. I wished
I could remember being loved here. All I remembered were memories from when they
were lying to me.
I followed Ashley to the kitchen, but she stopped just before
going in and shoved me the rest of the way. Vicki’s back was turned to me while
she was messing with the stove. I turned and glared at Ashley. She pointed hard
for me to go in further.
“Ash, honey. Would you set the table please? Where have you been
anyway? You know we’ve got . . .” Vicki turned and saw that it was me and not
Ashley.
You could tell just by looking at Vicki that she hadn’t been
sleeping. She hadn’t been well and I felt incredible guilt for being the cause
again. It wasn’t as if she didn’t do it to herself this time, though. She knew
where I’d been staying. I wasn’t missing. I had just disappeared.
“Rebecca.” Vicki reached behind her without taking her eyes off
of me and turned the stove off.
I had wondered what name she would use now that we all knew the
truth. I wasn’t sure which name I wanted her to use, but I was a little
disappointed when she didn’t call me Avery. I moved to the island so there was
something between us. I didn’t want her coming around and touching me.
Vicki must have sensed my concern. She backed up and leaned
against the counter, crossing her arms. “How have you been?”
I shrugged. I don’t know why I couldn’t speak. I was standing in
the kitchen with the mother I’d been searching for, and I had so many things to
say to, but none of them were coming out. I wasn’t usually speechless. I started
playing with a napkin Ashley should be setting the table with.
Vicki stood up and took a step forward. I took a step backward.
Vicki closed her eyes, sighed, and leaned back on the counter again. “I
understand you’re upset with me, and you have every right to be. I would like
the opportunity to answer any questions you may have. I won’t push you to stay,
no matter how hard it is for me. I only want you to be happy.”
“Why didn’t you call me Avery just now?” I couldn’t look at her
when I finally spoke.
“While you’ll always be my Avery, you’re Rebecca now, and I have
to respect that.”
Reluctantly, I had to admit that she got points for that answer.
I glanced at her and looked back at the napkin. “What happened?” Ryan tried to
tell me when he learned the full truth, but I was too upset to listen.
“We had gone to get your picture taken. I thought Matt had you
when he went to look at other things, and he thought that you were helping me
pick out the photos.” I could tell she was trying to keep her emotions at bay.
“When we realized neither of us had you, it was too late.”
“How did you find me?”
“You’ll have to ask Matt and his private detective friend, Stan.
I’m not sure on the details. I just know he never gave up looking.”
“When did you know he found me?”
Vicki actually laughed. “Matt kept you a secret for a long time.
I thought for sure he had enough of my insanity and moved on to someone better.
That day in the office someone asked if I saw the great stuff the new hot girl
could come up with and I lost it. He tried to tell me it was you then, but I
didn’t believe him. I thought he was just trying to get me to go home and not
confront you.”