Coming Up Roses (13 page)

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That night when Kate brought Zach his supper, he asked her if she could stay and talk to him for a moment.

"About what?" She looked instantly defensive, and more than a little nervous. "You aren't taking a setback, are you?" She leaned forward to place a palm on his forehead.

Zach drew back, wishing that just once she would think of something besides symptoms when she looked at him.

"I'm not feeling sick. Fact is, I'm getting a bit stronger every day. There's just something I need to discuss with you."

She straightened. "Miranda…"

"That's right. I take it she told you about our little visit this afternoon?"

"Yes."

Zach didn't like the wariness that had crept into her eyes and he wondered at the cause. "While we were talking, I learned that you've forbidden her to come in here and see me."

Her gaze chased off toward the window. "I didn't exactly forbid it. Discouraged would be a better word."

Zach sighed and set his untouched plate of food on the bedside table. Salmon, again. Much more fish, and he'd grow gills. "Kate, I…" He waited until she looked back at him, then met her gaze head-on. "I apologized for using bad language. Are you going to hold it against me forever?"

A flush stained the graceful curve of her neck. "Of course not. You can speak in any fashion you wish, Mr.

McGovern. Just not around my daughter."

"I give you my word. I won't say a single cussword in her presence. If I promise you that, what harm is there in letting her visit me?"

She stepped briskly away from the bed. "I just don't think it's a good idea, that's all."

"But why? Can't you at least give me an explanation?"

"I don't feel it's necessary to explain my reasons. I'm her mother. I know what's best for her. You'll simply have to accept my judgment."

"Kate, wait. Don't leave. Can't we discuss this?"

Back rigid, she continued on toward the door. "I can't see any point. You won't change my mind."

Incredulous, Zach watched as she disappeared into the hall. Recalling his bargain with Miranda and wondering how on earth he would explain this turn of events to her, he felt a wave of anger surge through him. Since he was helpless to follow Kate, other measures were called for, and in that spilt second, only one came to mind.

"Goddammit, come back here. I saved her life, for Christ's sake! You owe me at least five minutes to plead my case. Short of that, you should at least give me a reason."

Just as he knew she would, she reappeared in the doorway. Brown eyes snapping, she swept into the room, grabbed the door, and slammed it closed behind her with a resounding crash. "Keep your voice down!"

"Not on your life."

"Not one single cussword? Ha! You wouldn't be capable of speaking with a clean tongue if your life depended on it!"

Zach relaxed against the pillows. "At least I've got your attention."

Watching her, he knew the precise instant when she realized she had been had. The flush of anger on her neck turned blazing crimson. "I don't find this the least bit amusing."

"Well, I'm not having a barrel of fun, either."

She turned back toward the door.

"Walk out, and I'll yell what I have to say. They'll hear me all the way to Roseburg . You can bet your sweet little ass on it."

She stopped midstride, doubled her hands into fists, and slowly pivoted to face him. Anger became her, Zach decided. She walked back to stand at the foot of his bed. Folding her arms around her waist, she threw a fierce glance at the clock, then turned the glare on him.

"A half minute of your time is used up," she finally said.

Zach grinned. "Did anyone ever tell you you're beautiful when you're mad?" It was an age-old line, but judging from Kate's flustered reaction, she had never heard it.

She hugged her waist more tightly. "Now it's a minute. You've only four left."

Zach gave it up and forked his fingers through his hair. Lowering his gaze, he tried to think what to say. In the end, he came straight out with it. "I'm lonely as hell. What possible harm can it do if she spends a little time with me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Listen to yourself."

Zach went back over what he had just said and groaned. "I wouldn't say hell in front of her."

"Filthy talk shoots out of your mouth like peas from a pod."

"Filthy talk?" He could only wonder at her definition. In his estimation, colorful would have been a better word.

"Yes, filthy talk. So much that I'm not at all certain you're aware of it. If not, you can't possibly correct it."

"I will," he promised.

She shook her head. "No. I'm sorry, Mr. McGovern, but I truly don't think—"

Zach shoved up on one elbow. "She's a precious little girl. Do you really believe I'd do or say anything that might change that? At least give me a chance. Whether you realize it or not, she needs me as much as I need her."

"Don't presume to tell me what my daughter needs."

"Then open your eyes. She misses her father. I know I can't take his place. But I might help ease the ache a little."

In her urgency, she leaned forward. "You tell me to open my eyes? She wants more than friendship. Can't you see that?"

Zach saw tears fill her eyes. "Katie…"

She raised a fist at him. "Don't call me Katie. It's Kate! And don't you dare start calling my daughter by your pet names, either. Mandy!" She clucked her tongue. "Oh, yes, she told me about that, and I won't have it. Do I make myself clear?"

Too late, Zach realized there was a whole lot more worrying Kate than the language he sometimes used. "I think maybe we should start all over. It's not my cussing that's the issue here, is it?"

She dug her teeth into her bottom lip and stared at the ceiling. When she finally looked back down at him, she had managed to blink the tears from her eyes. "I don't want her hurt. She's building a castle of dreams around you. Are you truly so blind you haven't noticed? You're right up there with fairies and elves and mystical unicorns. Miranda's hero. Can you live up to that, Mr. McGovern?"

Zach had no idea how to answer. Miranda's hero?

Her gaze clung to his. "If you can't, you'll destroy what few little-girl dreams she has left."

He licked his lips. "I'm not perfect, Kate. But I don't think Miranda expects me to be."

"She's falling completely in love with you," she whispered. "In her eyes, you
are
perfect. No one can measure up to that."

"No, and I won't try, if that's what's worrying you. I'm not cut from hero cloth. But I don't think she's looking for a hero. She just wants a friend, someone to fill the empty places in her life now that her father's gone."

"She's looking for magic," she insisted in a tremulous voice. "I know you can't possibly understand, but—" She gave her head an emphatic shake. "You won't be here forever. Before we know it, you'll be gone, and that castle of dreams she's trying to erect will be absolutely shattered. I can't stand by and allow that to happen. Don't ask me to."

"She knows I won't be staying here. We discussed that."

Surprise filled Kate's large eyes, which were nearly as guileless as her daughter's. "You did?"

He held up his hands. "I realized right off that she was hoping for things that could never happen, and I explained to her why they couldn't. We settled on being best friends. I live nearby. When I leave here, there's no reason we can't continue to be friends. What's the harm in that?"

"The harm will come when you forget she exists."

Zach snorted.

"It'll happen," she assured him. "You'll marry eventually and have children. You won't have time for someone else's little girl. You probably won't even think of her. But she will think of you. And she's suffered enough grief."

He fell back against the pillows. "What do you take me for, a heartless bastard? If I tell the kid I'll be her best friend, then I damn well will be. You have my word on that."

She stood there staring at him, her indecisiveness etched in rigid lines upon her face. "You make promises very lightly, Mr. McGovern. How are you at living up to them?"

For a fleeting instant, Zach nearly backed off, not because he feared he might disappoint Miranda, but because all his instincts told him there was far more boiling beneath the surface of this discussion than Kate was letting on.

Far more. She wasn't just concerned about her child; she was terrified. The question was, why? She didn't strike him as the type to grow this frantic without reason.

"Is there something you aren't telling me?" he asked softly. "If so, you'd better be up front with it."

At his question, the color drained from her face. Zach had his answer. As she often did when feeling shaken, she pressed a palm to her waist. "No, there's nothing. Miranda's just a very sensitive little girl who's lost her father. I don't want her hurt. I know you mean well, but—"

"I do mean well," he interrupted. "If you'll give me half a chance, I'll prove it."

Even as he spoke, Zach wondered why he was persisting this way. Then a picture of Miranda's small face flashed through his mind
. I don't s'pose you want a little girl?
The memory made his heart catch. What if Kate was right?

What if he did hurt her? Maybe, in their innocence, children didn't see things the way adults did. When the day came that he had to leave, would Miranda view his departure as abandonment?

"I wish you had talked to me sooner," he said softly. "As it is, you're a little late. This afternoon, Miranda and I agreed to be best friends. We even shook hands on it. I don't see how I can go back on that without disillusioning her, which is apparently what you've been trying to prevent."

Her lips thinned into a tremulous line.

"Kate, I won't hurt your daughter. Now that you've explained your concerns to me, I'll go out of my way to make sure she doesn't build false hopes. Trust me."

"I pray not. Because if you do, I'll take every tear she cries out of your miserable hide."

With that, she turned and fled the room.