Command Indecision (Lexi Graves Mysteries) (29 page)

Who was going to save me from myself?

"That's not romantic!"
protested Lily.

"Neither are nutcases with guns. I could have peed myself!"

"Yeah. That would have been awkward for the romantic rescue." Lily peered down at her mug. "I'm sorry I'm making you drink this."

I wrinkled my nose at the watery liquid in my mug. It smelled the way I imagined evil to smell. "Is it because I did something bad?"

"Uh, yeah! The baby and your arm have nothing to do with it. It's all about you tripping off to abandoned warehouses in the middle of the night and nearly getting yourself killed." Lily sipped, gagged, sipped again
, and pulled a face
. "It's herbal."

"If you keep being mean to me, I won't let you have a cookie."

She looked up sharply. "You have cookies?"

"You have a mind like a sieve. You forgot all about my trauma the moment I mentioned cookies."

"Did not!"

I inclined my head towards the door. "They're in the kitchen."

Lily rolled off the couch and padded into the kitchen, returning a moment later, a plate of cookies in her hand. They were the last from the box Maddox had sent from the gourmet bakery, and their aroma got my mouth watering
all over again
.
Rumors that I once walked into the bakery’s plate glass window in my eagerness to get to the cookies were completely unsubstantiated.
"Has Solomon been by yet?" she wanted to know as she sat down.

"No."

"Called?" She raised a hopeful eyebrow.

I scowled. "No."

"Huh." Lily nibbled a chocolate chip cookie and didn't say anything.

I glanced over at the bouquet on my desk and pointed at it. "The agency sent flowers."

“That’s what they call flowers?”

We both looked at the butt-ugly cactus, a small purple flower sprouting like an old lady’s hat on top of a long stem of lethal looking needles. I had to assume they were implying I was tough, yet feminine. Frankly, it was hard to tell.

“Apparently.”

"Did they all sign it?"

"Yep."

"Doesn't count," Lily decided.

It really didn't count. It didn't count at all. I expected to see Solomon at the hospital. Several times, I heard footsteps, looked up and was disappointed. And I wasn't entirely sure why. Did I want him to come for me? Did I expect something more? Or, did what we had die when Solomon, Maddox
,
and everyone el
se swooped in on the warehouse?

Did we even have anything at all?

The whole
episode
left me feeling confused. I didn't know what to think. I hadn't even gotten a phone call from him. He didn't drop by, and God,
everyone
else did. The whole day since my parents brought me home this morning was a steady stream of people trooping through my apartment, bearing flowers, plants, chocolate, and cards. I'd never felt more loved and appreciated. It was almost better than getting shot, though my mother made me promise not to get hurt again. So I crossed my fingers behind my back and promised.

Now they were all gone. Well, Jord wa
s downstairs cooking in Lily's—their—kitchen
and Lily was killing time with me in between extracting gossip about my dismal love life. If only it could be operated on, fixed, and held together by plaster until it healed
, like my arm
. Unfortunately, all I had was a big problem. Even worse, I'd done nothing to resolve i
t, so part of the blame rested with
me.

"What do you want, Lexi?" Lily
asked, pushing the herbal concoction away and taking mine too. I hoped she poured it down the sink. It needed unblocking. "What do you want from Solomon?"

"Honestly?" I stared at my feet, wondering why I hadn't just called him. Maybe it was nerves, maybe it was the fear of rejection. Maybe I just wanted him to reach out to me. "I don't know."

"And Maddox?"

"I wish I'd never seen him that night." I'd been wishing that a lot. It colored
everything
.
Changed everything.
The shock of seeing him and Detective Blake pushed me into taking the job, putting me close to Solomon. But I couldn't blame that. It didn't force me to share a bed with him. It
didn't make me kiss him…
and more. I made those decisions. It was on me to live with them.

"Do you believe him? Do you believe Maddox told
you the truth about that night?
"

"Yeah," I decided. "I think I do."

"No, Lexi. Not just think. You either need to believe it or not. There's no halfway house when it comes to trust."

I sighed and bit into my cookie.
"I need to think about it some more."

"Want me to bring you some dinner? Jord is surprisingly good at cooking."

"Who knew?" I patted her knee. Yawned. "Maybe later. I'm going to
take a painkiller and
nap for a while."

"Call me if you need anything?"

"You bet."

Lily got me settled, fussing over me like a mother hen, until Jord called up again
, his voice booming up the stairs
. I shooed her out,
but not before she gave me a gentle squeeze and kissed me on the forehead
.

Twisting
my body
so I could sprawl over the sofa, I got straight down to the thinking. Lying in a hospital bed the past two days, getting my arm reset and cast in plaster again, gave me plenty of time to lie on my back and contemplate my position. Not the positions that involved me literally lying on my back, but the constant whirl in my mind about the two men in my life.

Back at home, the situation didn't seem a lot clearer. The guilt that maybe what I'd done with Solomon was wrong, or even worse, that he saw it as little more than a one-night-stand, weighed on me. Not knowing what I wanted gave me a headache; not knowing how to deal with it involved Lily, the world's answer to a spoken conscience.

If I could go back three weeks in time, the answer would have been obvious. I was falling in love with Maddox, a big, heavy
,
head
-
over
-heels love. Solomon, I admired and respected
, occasionally lusted after
,
because he was hot and I had a pulse. On paper, Maddox was perfect for me. He seemed to like and respect me. As a cop, he understood my job and, being from a long line of cops, I understood his. I knew the long hours, the dangers, the dedication, the single-minded determination to put the bad guys where they belonged. I'd seen the obsession
play out
time and again with my own family. My family liked him. My mother had her fingers crossed that he was The One. My dad liked him, and it wasn't even begrudgingly, and my brothers respected him as a man and a cop. And he was delicious. Downright outstanding in the looks department, enthusiastic in the bed department
,
and completely intact in the upstairs region.

But all that changed
in a few minutes.

Now, what I felt for him was marred with confusion, and in no small part by the six-foot-tall complication that was John Solomon.

Maddox still loved me.

As for Solomon, I wasn't sure what either of us felt. I wasn't sure if I wanted him as a big part of my life, or if it had been a couple of weeks of madness where we got a little too carried away with our roles. I wasn't sure what he wanted from me, nor was I sure what I could offer. I knew that the wedding ring still sat in the top drawer of my dresser. I told myself it was too pretty to throw away. It wasn't a total lie.

A little, sensible, part of me was worried about my job, right
up until today, when the cactus flower
arrived. A florist's handwriting said they wished me well and would see me in the office next week. Each of their names was printed on the ca
rd. Nice and utterly impersonal,
Solomon's name holding no more meaning than Fletcher’s or Delgado’s or Flaherty’s or
Lucas’
. Part of me wondered how I would feel about walking into the office next week, my arm in a sling, knowing that things had changed irreversibly between Solomon and me
, that we crossed a line that couldn’t be uncrossed
. Would we continue our easy-going working relationship? Would he be cold and detached? Was I just a notch on his bedpost? A conquest that he wanted, had, and could move on from without a second thought? And if not, why didn't he say anything to the contrary?

One thing I did suspect while in my reverie, but didn't ask, was did he know that Maddox would be at the restaurant that night?
Did he know I would see him as I scanned for the mark? T
hat it would look like he was with another woman? It did strike me as odd
then
that Solomon was too busy to cover his own lead and sent me instead. Could he have known I would break things off with Maddox? And that I would go away with him?

I wasn't sure I ever wanted to know the answers. I hoped I was wrong.

I
really
hoped I was wrong on that one, because otherwise, the duplicity would be crushing.

Maddox didn't send flowers. He sent cookies, which made me smile,
and he signed the card
. His
second
visit
to the hospital
was short and sweet. He told me how the case was progressing and didn’t press the point of what happened between Solomon and me, but I had the uncomfortable feeling that it would come up one day. Any day would be too soon.

Lily said it wasn't a betrayal, that I wasn't a cheat. I
had
broken up with Maddox first, and I felt I had a good reason
to do that,
at the time. I didn't run straight to Solomon...
exactly
.

She did ask me if I thought what happened
was a mistake, and I said there wasn't any answer to that, because a yes would denigrate what I felt for Solomon in those few days, and a no would confuse me too much. Instead, I said that what happened, happened and I couldn't change it and she agreed that was a smart way of looking at it. Seeing as I was smart, she also said I could be godmother to Jord's and her baby, which was pretty much the best gift ever.

I picked up my new cell phone from the coffee table and toyed with it, switching it off and on, scrolling through my phone list, my thumb hovering over the name. Finally, I jabbed “call” and held the phone to my ear, my heart thumping.

"Hi," he said, his voice warm. "I hoped you would call."

"I just got back from the hospital today."

"How's the arm?"

"Sore. My insurance didn't cover a bionic replacement, so I guess I'm keeping it."

"I think I prefer the Lexi Original. You're fine just the way you are, you know. I wouldn't have you any other way."

My heart swelled. Now
those
are words every woman wants to hear. "Want to come over?"

The front entry buzzed and I looked up, wondering who was at my door. I eased my legs off the couch and rocked to my feet, my
bandag
ed arm bumping against my chest as I made for the entry phone in the hallway. Could it be...?

"I'm right outside," he said, confirming it as a smile broke on my lips, "and I'd love to come over.
We need to talk.
"

About the author

Author and journalist Camilla Chafer writes for newspapers, magazines and websites throughout the world.
Along with the Lexi Graves Mysteries, s
he is
the author of the Stella Mayweather urban fantasy series
as well as
author/ editor of several non-fiction books
.
She lives in London, UK.

Visit Camilla online at www.camillachafer.com to sign up to her newsletter, find out more about her, plus news on upcoming books and fun stuff including book group guides, playlists, deleted scenes and giveaways.

You can also find Camilla on Twitter @camillawrites and Facebook at
https://www.facebook.com/CamillaChafer
.

Other books:

Lexi Graves Mysteries
:

Armed & Fabulous

Who Glares Wins

Command Indecision

Stella Mayweather Series (Urban Fantasy)

Illicit Magic

Unruly Magic

Devious Magic

Magic Rising