Commitments (24 page)

have known I'd be coming.' The guard arched back from the speaker and said something to his colleagues, who rummaged through several small piles of papers. Their search turned up nothing. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Sabrina tried to understand her options. '/ she Page 87

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

began quietly, ' I go about learning where Derek is?' ''m not sure, Mrs. Stone. If it was public knowledge, we'd know ourselves.' '

guards in his house - they'd know, wouldn't they?' '.1 ' the warden. I'd like to see the warden.' ''s away for the weekend.' '

must have left someone in charge. An assistant 21 warden. ''s right, but you can't see him. Not today. You'll need an appointment, and you can't get that till Monday! q don't believe this/ she whispered in dismay, then moved on to her next option. ' `;07.' it's Saturday, I'll probably run into a dead end with the Department of Corrections, too. Do you have an inside number I camn try?, The guard cast a glance behind her at the line that was beginning to form. He leaned closer to the speaker. ' the phone book, The commissioner's Lou Degenio. He lives in Watertown.' Her eyes went wide. "The commissioner? He was personally involved in Derek's transfer?' ' necessarily. But Mcgill isn't our average customer. If Degenio doesn't know about the case, he'll tell you who does., 244 that she would get no more, Sabrina thanked a final sad smile and left. Stopping at a pay in town, she found that the phone book had I..:been stolen. Not that it would have solved the probum. According to Directory Assistance, there were four Louis Degenios in Watertown.., Sabrina was just bold enough, just desperate enough -.@to call each of the four and ask if she'd reached the .. commissioner of Corrections. She was holding her @'.breath when she reached the last,'then let it out in a

"Stoan when she was told that, no, this

wasn't the, commissioner and that the commissionerhad an un-fisted number. Feeling an incredible emptiness, she drove on into Vermont, to the small inn where she'd planned to spend the night. There, in a room that might well have hostcd George Washington in his day, she phoned New York. After trying each of the city boroughs, the operator finally found a Westchester number for the Sabrina had given. Sabrina prepared herself _,"for the probability that the man wasn't home as she @dialed it. A deep, gravelly voice answered. ' '. Cottrell?' Immm?, grateful sigh and followed it with a 51:` She let out a rush of words. ' name is Sabrina Stone. I'm a friend I wouldn't be disturbing you at of Derek Mcgill's, and home on a Saturday if I didn't feel the situation was urgent. I went to Parkersville today and Derek wasn't there. He hadn't said anything to me about the possibility that he might be transferred, even though he knew I'd be back to visit, and he didn't leave a message. None of the guards could tell me where he was. I'll need an appointment to meet with any of the Prison, 245 officials, the Department of Corrections is closed, and the commissioner's phone is unlisted.' She was close to tears. ' you know where he is?' There was a brief silence on the other end of the line, and for a split second Sabrina wondered if she'd gotten the wrong man after all. She clearly remembered the name David Cottrell from newspaper reports of Derek's trial, but she couldn't rule out the possibility that in her upset she'd remembered wrong. Fears were crowding her mind, confusing her. Then David's voice came across, still sandy but alert and cautious. ' you all right, Mrs. Stonev She breathed again. ''m fine, but is Derek? I saw him the last time he was beaten. He should have been taken to a hospital then. Now I'm imagining all kinds of awful things. Do you have any idea what's happened?, '

is fine.' ' you surep ''m sure.' ' do you know?' ' spoke with him this morning., I've been trying to reach, you ever since. if you were on your way to Parkersville, that would explain why I couldn't get through.' Sabrina sank down on the bed. David Cottrell had spoken with Derek, and he was all right. ' is hev she asked weakly. ''s been transferred., ' told me that much, but to where? There was a pause.

"I shouldn't say that either, butj yes, I know.' Vhy can't you tell me where he is? ''m told that information is classified.' 246 ng him I'm his ... I'm ... I've been visiti arly.1 know that, Mrs. Stone/ David said Page 88

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

in his deep :.,voice, and I'll tell you what I can. Derek was transjerred because of rumor of trouble. Nothing has happened/ he assured her, as Derek had instructed him to :@"do. ' M11 happen. But the authorities want to '"keep him under wraps until his release."

"What does that mean?' she askedvery quietly. She'd have been prepared to climb the Rockies if Derek was stashed in a hut on the top, but she had the disturbing notion that she wouldn't be allowed even that. '

means/ David confirmed, ' no one will know where he is until he hits the street.' ' do.' ''m his lawyer. I was instrumental in getting him transferred. Two months, three at the outside - that's all he has left. To let something go wrong at this late date would be insane." Sabrina heard his determination. He was on Derek's side. Instinctively she knew that she could trust the man. ' I want to see him/ she said. Two months, maybe three going without? The thought was painful. ''m sorry. And so is he/ David added wryly. ''s not at all pleased with the Department of Corrections or with me right about now, but, believe me, this is the best way.' Sabrina didn't want to believe that, so she tried a new tack. ' can be trusted. If I was allowed to see him, I wouldn't tell a soul where he is. You could even blindfold me/ she pleaded, drive me around for hours, change cars in the middle.' David had to laugh at that. ' Department would never buy it.' He hesitated for an instant. ' the other 247 -hand'. the Department never said you couldn't write letters.' It was Derek who'd said that. Held been afraid her letters would be read. ' you were to send them to my office, I'd be glad to forward them in a packet of legal papers. That way you'd be insured privacy. ' Derek write back the same way?, '.' Do you think he would? , don't know. He hates writing., i know., ' the other hand He was remembering Derek's voice when he'd asked him to call Sabrina. The man was in love. There was no mistaking it. Nor was there any mistaking that Sabrina returned the feeling. ' the other hand, I think it would be good for him. He's been calmer since you've been seeing him, more frustrated in some ways but calmer overall. I think it'd be great if you could write.' He paused, then asked cautiously, ' say you to that? q say that it's not as good as seeing him.' True, but it's better than noihing., ''m not sure I like the kinds of choices you give, Mr. Cottrell,' Sabrina said, her voice stem yet without rancor. ' do 1. But trust me. That's all I ask. I think the world of Derek. He doesn't deserve what he's gotten in the past two years, and he certainly doesn't deserve what's happened now. All we can do is try to make things a little easier for him. He hesitated. ' you write?' ' course I'll write.' David gave her the address of both his home and his office, then said, ' you, Mrs. Stone. Maybe when all this is over, we'll have a chance to meet., ''d like that/ she said sincerely, then went on with 248 urgency, ' have my number. I should be m New York by the middle of next week. if comes up, if there's any change, if there's any ty that I can see Derek, will you call?' thing, ma'am.' e had to settle for that. Derek/ Sabrina wrote on stationery that had the emblem of Cedar Lodge embossed on its upper hand comer, rwhat a horrible day! I couldn't it when I arrived at Parkersville to find that weren't there. No one could tell me where you'd or if they could they wouldn't, and all avenues I have taken to find out were closed for the I-Pnd ,"4@She crumpled the paper and tossed it in the waste-11--t. She couldn't write to Derek and complain! Taking another sheet of paper from the rolltop desk, she picked up the pen and tried again. ' Derek, I'm not sure I'd want to relive today. I popped in at Parkersville and promptly panicked when they told me-/

Again she crumpled the paper and tossed it in the basket. If Derek learned she'd made a wasted stop at Parkersville, he'd feel bad. Besides, panicked was the word. it made her sound like the alarmist Nick Page 89

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

d thought her. in truth, she felt that she'd had cause panic, but that wasn't the issue. The word was ' on several different levels. Taking a third sheet of paper from the desk, she gave it another shot.

"Dear Derek, I'm writing you from a inn, old New England at its best. The furniture is of polished mahogany, Colonial-style and weathered. The artwork is classic Americana, the rugs handwoven, and the canopy on the bed 249 With a clipped growl, she crushed the sheet in her -hand and sent it after the others. Derek didn't want a decorator's manual or a travelogue. He didn't need to hear about all the charm he was missing. And if she went on about the canopy on the bed, he'd think she had a one-track mind. There were times when, where Derek was concerned, she too thought that. But this wasn't such a time. Before she took another piece of stationery from its narrow shelf, she composed her thoughts. Only when she was sure she was ready did she start. The preplanning paid off. ' Derek, You are very fortunate to be working with David Cottrell. Not only is he loyal and devoted, but he is a whiz at dealing with people. He explained - patiently, with understanding and encouragement - that you've been transferred for security reasons, and I agree that keeping you safe for the next few months is a small price to pay for my n6t being able to visit. I can be selfish at times, I guess. I'll have to work on that. ' news: I've sold the apartment and taken a studio. It's a loft, actually, and it's huge. It's in an old warehouse that's being redone. One entire wall is of glass and looks out on the Hudson, and there are four skylights. ''re probably wondering whether I know what I'm doing, making momentous decisions like this at the drop of a hat. I didn't plan to do it. I called my broker idly to ask what the chances were of selling my place, and it happened that she had a buyer right there. We signed the preliminary papers last Monday. On Tuesday I took the studio. ' thing is, I've always taken my time with decisions. But it has occurred to me that, for all my 250 W, me of my decisions have been duds. So I made one on impulse.' She recalled another decision made on impulse, the one that had taken her to le that first day. She hadn't regretted it yet. 0111re probably asking yourself what happened to the city and finding someplace peaceful and Well, that's why I'm here.' She drew an arrow here to the inn's emblem. Ill be seeing Nicky Owl but after that I'm going house-hunting. I've lived in the country. I thought I'd give it a try.' reached the bottom of the page, she took ther sheet from the desk. ' know what you're thinking. You're thinking that In hanging on to Nicky, and you're right. I miss him. en I'm in New York, I feel too distant. Maybe this ,*ill help. Ideally, I'd like to be an hour away from the Greenhouse. That way I'll know I can reach Nicky in :.an emergency, but I won't be able to stop in too often which wouldn't be any better for Nicky than it would be for me. 11 was thinking of looking for something near Ben-gton. I'm told, that there are writers scattered "around. It might be fun - uh, forget I just said that.' I-She'd written too much to crush the whole sheet.

"I'm @not doing this for social reasons. Most immediately, ""I'm doing it because I need a change. New York holds ",.memories for me that aren't all fantastic. For professional reasons, I want to keep a place there, but I'll be spending most of my time in Vermont. I want land and trees and fresh air. I want to be able to drive into the nearest town and greet the grocer by name, and I want him to return the greeting. I want to walk down the streets and see people smile. But then I want to Page 90

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

be able to return to my own place and just breathe.' She paused, settling against the ladder back of the 251 chair for a bit. She could almost hear Derek asking Why. He probed her feelings that way. It surprised her that in such a short time she'd come to expect it, rely on it. And now she'd miss it. Perhaps, though, it was for the best. Tugging her feelings from the comer of her mind where they were trying to hide, she struggled to put them to paper. J need to be alone, I think. No, alone is the wrong word. I need to be on my own. I've never really been that. I think it's. about time I was. When Nick left - ' she wrote, then raised her pen from the paper. Derek didn't want to hear about Nick. What nian wanted to hear about a woman's husband - or exhusband? Then again, Derek was different. He had already lived through much of her personal turmoil. He would appreciate her thoughts. So she lowered the pen and went on. I was terrified. There was no real reason why I should have been, but I was.. Was? At timei I still am. Before, even when things were unhappy, I could define myself in terms of wife and mother. Now I can't. I can't rely on anyone to give me definition.

"Being by myself is something .1 have to do. Maybe it's part of the growing-up process. Then again' - she set aside the second completed page and started a third -'maybe it's an early mid-life crisis. For the first time in my life, I'll be answerable to no one but myself. It should be interesting.' She gnawed on the end of the pen for a moment, then wrote, J haven't forgotten what you asked me to do the last time we were together. I've already begun. Would you like me to send you information as I go along, or would you rather a single comprehensive report? I'm not sure how much you want there.' She 252 then wrote, ''m not sure how much you there. I'm hoping that the conditions are better those at Parkersville - more room, more privacy, sun - somethin& anything to compensate for the tions. pping the pen, she steepled her hands at her ..:@:Jhouth. She could see him so clearly, a tall, tapering

.:@Ifture with dark hair and dark eyes, ropy arms and ",long, lean legs. She could see him coming toward her -in that tight-hipped, sexy gait, and she wanted to touch :. Pressing her hands tighter together, she waited until the wave of yearning passed; then, with a slightly unsteady sigh, she picked up the pen. V id is a sweetheart to be forwarding this on to avi you. I think I would feel totally stifled if I couldn't communicate at all - unless - would you rather I not write? Once before you said I shouldn't, and if you still feel that way, I'll understand. The same goes for your back. If you decide to do it, David will know