Committed to You

COMMITTED TO YOU is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2014 by Kenya Wright

COMMITTED TO YOU by Kenya Wright

All rights reserved. Published in the United States of America by Swoon Romance.

Swoon Romance and its related logo are registered trademarks of Georgia McBride Books, LLC.

No part of this e-Book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Cover Design by Su Kopil

Edited by Sue Zaynard

Cover copyright © 2014 Swoon Romance

To Melody,

You inspired me to write when the world was crashing around me.

Thank you.

Asexual: The lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low to absent interest in sexual activity.

The words stared at me from my laptop screen as I leaned back in my chair. In front of me, Evie and Jay lounged on the king-sized bed in our hotel room. A pile of books, notes, and highlighters rested before them as they studied for the upcoming finals. Evie’s jazz played low in the background. She’d read in some magazine article that fruit fragrance improved a person’s concentration, so weird lemon candles were burning all around the room. Their sweet aroma flooded the space.

Twirling my Miss Piggy pencil in my hand, I read the words again.

Low to absent interest in sexual activity? That’s not exactly me, but close in most cases. Lack of sexual attraction? I don’t really lack. Or do I? Fuck muffins. Nothing really defines me.

I sighed and closed the website. Although those words disappeared from my screen, they remained singed into my brain, burning every cell for every second that passed. The stink of its smoke crowded my nostrils.
Asexual?
I’d read that alien definition over and over for the last two weeks. No one knew I’d been researching myself. No one. Not even Jay or Evie. They thought I was studying too.

Is that what I am?

It sounded foreign on my lips. The very word made me feel grotesque and wrong. Worms were asexual. Things non-human were asexual. Not normal girls from regular middle class families who lived in average neighborhoods in small towns. Asexual was what strange kids from hip, freethinking parents proclaimed they were, as they meditated on candle-lit roofs in fast-paced cities.

“Stop it, Jay!” On the bed, Evie giggled as Jay attacked her with kisses to her neck.

She’d put her thick, black hair in corkscrew curls. Each time Jay playfully grabbed one, they bounced around her shoulders. Like me, she wore our school’s football team shirt and jeans to support Jay this weekend and keep him from being so nervous. Green and yellow lines slashed across the white shirt. A ferocious wild cat snarled in the center of her chest.

But that was where the similarities ended between Evie and me. Where my skin was pale, hers was milk chocolate. I kept my blond hair in simple styles, either down and hanging over my shoulders or up in a pony-tail. Evie did things with those thick strands that made me gape at her in envy when she wasn’t looking—pretty twists and braids, zigzag corn rows and playful bobs.

The style I loved most of all was when she slicked all of her hair back and placed a fresh rose on the side. It was a welcoming elegance, one that didn’t cause envy in other women. Instead they were drawn to her, not really sure of how or why. People claimed I possessed a classic girl next door beauty. When they glanced Evie’s way, they gawked and whispered words like
exotic
and
wild sex
.

Then there was Jay who always remained between us. Muscle formed his body. Hard, chiseled muscle. When he walked into a room, most turned and stared, even a few heterosexual men who probably appreciated his ability to get such a bulky athletic frame. He’d recently shaved off his chestnut curls because of some stupid bet he and his football team had. They made a wager that he couldn’t break the college football record by completing nine touchdown passes. Last game, he did eight. Evie and I helped him shave and took him in the shower for a nice soap-down to soothe his ego. Although I only watched, Evie and Jay did things in that shower that I’m sure broke several laws in good Christian states.

Luckily, we don’t live in a good Christian state. What an unusual group we are.

“Jay, seriously? Leave me alone.” Evie punched him in the stomach as he tried to pinch her side. Instead of discouraging him, her counterattack only incited more play. He slung his book away and captured her. She shrieked. I smiled as they wrestled on the bed. They rocked from side to side. The mattresses squeaked. Their legs tangled, and her physics book hit the floor.

“Stop! I’m trying to study.”

“Take a break.” He held her down, sucked on the curve of her neck, and whispered something in her ear that I couldn’t hear, but triggered more giggles from her. Jealousy pinched my heart. They’d been doing that a lot more lately, whispering and laughing just between themselves.

Don’t think like that. It’s no big deal. They’ve known each other for a long time. Of course they have private jokes.

“No. I can’t take a break.” She climbed out of his arms, grabbed the books off the floor, jumped right back on the bed, and lay on her stomach. “We have two hours before I have to get ready for the Heisman ceremony. Then I’m sure you’ll want to celebrate afterward. I’ll never have enough time this weekend to finish studying.”

He slid next to her and ran his fingers through those black curls. “I told you not to say that I’m going to win.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“Oh shut up.” She flipped him her middle finger. “Out of all the college football players in the US, you made it to the final round of three nominees. Do you know how insane that is? It doesn’t matter if you win. You’re officially one of the three best players in college football; we’re celebrating regardless.”

“Still, you said that I’m going to want to celebrate, which implies that I’m going to win. You can’t say that. It’s bad luck.”

“It’s not bad luck. I’m putting positive blessings out in the universe.” She opened her book. “Now leave me alone so I can study.”

“You’re already getting an A in the class.” He slid his hand along the outline of her behind. “Damn, Evie. Just a little taste. I won’t even get mine. I just want to lick it a little.”

“Yeah, right.” She highlighted a sentence in her book.

“Seriously. Just pull these jeans down and turn around. You can even read while I kiss you there.”

She glanced over her shoulder. “You know I can’t do anything but scream when you kiss me like that. Now stop messing with me before I call my mom and tell her you’re the reason I’m going to fail physics.”

Grumbling, Jay laid his head next to her book and watched Evie study. We’d been doing that a lot more now. Jay gazing at Evie doing something while I stared at him.

I was always a fly on the wall, shuffling silent wings and wondering when I could safely buzz by them enough to plant my existence in their minds. To them, I was the weird corner to our awkward love triangle, the one that needed figuring out and reworking, bending and smoothing into a more logical shape. To me, they represented the only sanity in my life, the one thing that felt normal and real. Everything else drifted by and played in front of me like a psychological thriller projected on a blank screen. I watched, but never participated.

Jay looked up at me. “Are you okay over there, Cyn?”

I forced a smile. “Of course.”

Evie turned my way and displayed that expression she always did when dealing with me. It wasn’t really annoyance, but it wasn’t pleasure either. “You look like something is wrong.”

“How could that be true?” I pointed to my face. “I’m smiling.”

“It’s the times when you smile that make me the most worried,” she said.

I had nothing to say to that. The night I propositioned her and Jay out on the beach, I’d been smiling.

At the time Jay and I were the only ones in our relationship. We’d had three awesome months and realized we had so many things in common. We were huge sports fans. I’d watched so many football games in my childhood that I knew more sports history than he did. We went crazy over the same bands, obsessed about the identical crime dramas and sitcoms, as well as pretty much shared interests in hobbies, foods, and anything else we could imagine. If we’d each filled out personality questionnaires, I could guarantee that we would match as close to a hundred percent as possible. Even Jay had said long ago that I was the female version of him.

But not when it came to sex. That was the only thing we differed on. The only crack in our perfect little shell.