“Oh … yes … of course,” she said after swallowing heavily, her cheeks still flaming. “I haven’t actually specified yet, have I? Well, it’s really very simple. I’d … like you to … take me to bed.”
And that, from Rion’s point of view, was the biggest surprise and shock of the day!
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“I beg your pardon?” Rion answered blankly, as if I’d spoken in a language he didn’t know. “I couldn’t have heard what I thought I did … could I?”
“Oh, you don’t want to, and now I’ve gotten you upset again,” I babbled, more embarrassed than I’d ever been in my life. “I’ll just leave, then, and we can both forget I ever said anything about—”
“No, please be calm, it’s all right,” he soothed in that deep voice of his, one big hand coming gently to my arm to keep me from rising. “Your request just startled me, coming as unexpectedly as it did. I assure you I’m not in the least reluctant, but I do find myself curious. I’d thought your interest had turned to Vallant Ro, so I don’t understand why you’ve put this request to me rather than to him.”
“I suppose you
are
entitled to the full truth,” I granted him, shifting uncomfortably in the chair. He was really such a handsome man, and was studying me so closely… “Vallant Ro is the reason I’m doing this, so I can’t very well ask
his
help. I’d meant to ask Lorand because he’s a friend, but then I realized that you’re a friend as well. I—don’t want Vallant to be interested in me, and something Jovvi said suggested he might lose his attraction if I allow another man to lie with me.”
“Are you certain that that was what Jovvi said?” Rion asked, frowning just a little. “If it is, I fail to see the point.”
“Well, most men apparently dislike sharing their women,” I explained, developing my own frown. “I know Lorand feels that way and Jovvi says it’s not unusual, so I’m inclined to believe it. And it also occurred to me that we may just manage to get ourselves out of this competitions mess, and then discover that we need something to do with our lives. Jovvi means to open a residence for courtesans if that happens, and has invited me to remain with her. I thought I would be of more use if … I …”
I couldn’t quite bring myself to discuss the details of the matter, at least not with Rion. He’d changed so much since the day he’d first come to the residence, and was no longer quite as innocent as
I
felt.
“How strange that the matter should disturb some men,” Rion said, shaking his head and shrugging. “Considering the pleasure involved, it seems mean-spirited to refuse to allow someone the experiencing of it. And how is one to learn all the possibilities of the act, if one refrains from indulging?”
“Is it really all that pleasurable?” I asked without looking at him, fighting to hold down nightmare memories. “Everyone says it is, but my dreams still writhe with the pain of my own experiences. And if it’s
supposed
to be pleasurable, why did my husband make it such an abomination for me?”
“Anyone who turns pleasure into torment and pain must surely be very ill,” Rion said quickly but gently, reaching out to touch my hand briefly in comfort. “It seems logical to assume that the man received his own pleasure by denying you yours, which almost certainly means he was taught to behave in such a way. The fault, then, would lie with those who taught him such a thing, and also with him for not understanding his lacks and seeking to remedy them. Let’s begin our own pleasure right now, and hopefully you’ll soon forget the rest.”
“Now?” I echoed as my heart began to thump, my head flying up to let me see if he were joking. “But I was thinking about later, in the deep night, when everyone will be asleep…”
“And you and I will sneak about like thieves, feeling as though we did something shameful?” he countered, this time taking my hand and gently holding it. “That would be foolish, lovely lady, especially since we have the opportunity at this very moment. Come, let’s put your apprehensions to rest once and for all.”
“But it’s still light out!” I blurted as he rose to his feet, using the hand he held to urge me to do the same. “In daylight… I couldn’t possibly…”
“Allow me to ease your apprehensions,” he said softly, and suddenly we were plunged into a dim, gray world where he was no more than an indistinct outline. “This shield of opaque air can’t quite manage blackness at this time of day, but surely it will do? I’m barely able to see you, which should keep your sense of modesty intact. Do you agree?”
He’d removed the shield again by then, so I didn’t bother to tell him that it wasn’t entirely modesty which moved me. And we certainly did have the time right then, since the episodes with my husband had only seemed endless. In reality they hadn’t taken very long at all, and I’d probably be best off going ahead and getting it well behind me. So I nodded to Rion, which made him smile that incredibly attractive smile.
“Marvelous,” he said, drawing me up by the hand he still held and then kissing the hand. “Come along, then, and we’ll begin at once. Would you prefer to have the shield up before we start to remove your clothing?”
“We?” I echoed, beginning to follow him toward the bed almost without thinking about it. “My husband always demanded that I come to him … unclothed, except for the times he tore off what I happened to be wearing. But you can’t tear
these
clothes, not when I need them for the practice and qualifying area.”
“Lovely lady, I would never be so barbaric as to destroy your clothing,” he said with obvious disapproval, stopping near the bed. “When I was a child, some of the other children managed to get me alone and began to try tearing off the brand-new outfit Mother had just presented me with. I had no idea why they were doing it and so was terrified, but I distinctly remember the episode as being painful before I thought to use my magic to force them back away from me. With that in mind, your clothing would stay intact even if they were worthless rags.”
“You really had a terrible time growing up, didn’t you?” I said, putting my free hand to his arm in shared compassion. “And now I wonder… My father didn’t want my sisters and me forming attachments to any of the boys we associated with at school and at receptions, so any time one of us seemed interested in a particular boy, he paid the boy to get us alone and pretend to attack us. That was to make sure we would be available for the husbands he picked out for us, and that we would still be untouched when we married. Oddly enough, most of the boys took his silver eagerly. I finally found out about it when, during one of the times my husband drank too much, he shared that very amusing story with me.”
“Personally, I find it a good deal less than amusing,” he said, a sharp look in his eyes. “But I fail to see what connection your experience had with mine.”
“Well, we decided your mother might have arranged to have you sent here with us because she thought you would find it intolerable, and would immediately run back to
her
. Do you think she might have dressed you in a particularly ridiculous outfit that time, and then gave those children a chance to attack you? If she knew how vicious they would be, she could have used the opportunity to bind you more closely to her.”
“It never occurred to me before, but I believe you’re right,” he agreed slowly, his expression hardening. “She’s obviously been manipulating me since the day I was born, and with each new thing I learn I find myself more determined to continue on with my present course of action. But speaking of courses of action, let’s dismiss thoughts of parental misbehavior and continue on with what’s been barely begun.”
He released my hand and lifted me into his arms so abruptly that I squeaked in startlement. But before the fear began to pound and flash I was set down on the far side of the bed, and Rion had released me.
“I have no wish to make this anything but pleasurable for you, dear lady,” he said, his expression having softened. “If at any time you wish me to cease what I happen to be doing, you have only to say so. We’ve both of us been forced to the pleasure of others far too often for this to be done in any other way.”
The absolutely determined look in his eyes as he said that should have frightened me, but strangely enough it was more reassuring. I believed Rion in a way I would have had trouble believing almost anyone else. The kind of pain we’d each been given had, for the most part, been different, but it provided a shared bond that neither of us could deny. The smile I gave Rion didn’t have to be forced, and he seemed to know it. He showed one of the same kind, sat down on the bed, and then his shield of air was around us again.
“I’ve also taken the precaution of putting a block of thickened air before the door,” he murmured as he moved just a little closer. “We won’t be disturbed and you certainly won’t be embarrassed, so put all thoughts of distraction from your mind. Now, let’s begin by making you more comfortable. You’re surely not old enough yet nor … over-endowed so far as to be corseted?”
“No, not quite yet,” I answered with a laugh for the way he’d put it. Only matrons who were beginning to lose their figures—and younger women who spent too much time at table during meals—descended to the shameful expedience of using corsets to alter their appearance. To admit to wearing one was the same as admitting yourself a failure as a woman, and few women had the nerve to do either. “But Rion—how did
you
find out about corsets?”
“A servant we had for a time, when I was a boy,” he replied, matching my laugh. “I wondered aloud why some of Mother’s friends and acquaintances looked as though they’d been stuffed into dresses and gowns too small for them, and he told me about corsets. But he also warned me not to mention them in Mother’s hearing, so that was one lecture I escaped. May I help you to remove your blouse?”
I felt very shy as I nodded my agreement, but it helped that the gray shadow who was Rion didn’t rush through doing it. I was the one who pulled my blouse out of the skirt top, and then we shared the opening of the buttons. I expected the blouse to be removed immediately then, but Rion simply moved closer, opened the blouse just a little to expose only the tops of my breasts, and began to kiss me there.
At first I was quite tense and nervous, but after a few moments of nothing else happening I began to notice how the touch of his lips felt. Feather-light, gentle and warm, an appreciation rather than a demand… Apprehension began to change to a tingling of sorts, one I’d never experienced before.
By then I’d relaxed back against the pillow above my head, finding that enjoyment of this beginning process wasn’t difficult. Rion’s nearness was slightly disconcerting, so I closed my eyes to stop the automatic cringing my body kept trying to do—and that was when Rion changed the location of his kissing. I gasped when his lips and tongue caressed my left nipple, but was able to keep from crying out. This time no pain followed the caress, the very first time it hadn’t.
And things continued on that way. Rion spent an incredibly long time proving to the frightened part of my mind that my responding to his delightful urgings would
not
result in my being immediately hurt. By the time his fingers found the buttons of my skirt I actually almost believed it, and so helped him to remove my skirt, petticoats, stockings, and shoes. My blouse had already been put aside, which meant that he was able to begin to kiss me all over.
Again, quite a bit of time passed, but none of it seemed wasted. Rion’s kissing became quite intimate, and although he did absolutely nothing to hurt me, I soon discovered that I neared the end of my ability to endure any more of that kind of attention. Moaning and moving against him feebly was the best I could manage, but strangely enough that proved to be sufficient. He stopped what he was doing, moved above me, and then we were joined together.
Rather than hating and fearing his presence inside me, I discovered that it was just what I wanted. Again my nervousness and anticipation of pain came to nothing, so I was able to eventually join his movement as his murmurings urged me to do. We also shared a kiss, and that made the relief, when it came, much sweeter. Rion’s relief came just a short while after my own, and he kissed me one final time before withdrawing and lying on the bed beside me.
We both breathed rather heavily from our exertions, but I recovered first and found something to be curious about. I therefore kindled a very small flame to light the gray dimness a bit, and turned to look at Rion where he lay. He’d discarded his wrap quite some time earlier, and the sight of his bare chest was, surprisingly, not in the least upsetting.
“That was really lovely and I’d like to thank you,” I said when his gaze, accompanied by a smile, moved to me. “It seems everyone was right about the pleasure, but … Rion, wherever did you learn all that? If your mother kept you so closely tied to her, how were you able to avoid her often enough to gain such expertise?”
“It’s hardly expertise,” he replied with a pleased laugh, raising one hand to my face—which did
not
cause me to flinch back. “I’ve only just begun to learn, but I had a marvelous teacher. She’s the most … compelling person I’ve ever known, and the more time that passes without my seeing her, the more frantic I become. I’ve discovered that she’ll also need protection from my mother, so I don’t dare try to find her until I have gold in my pocket and the power of a sufficiently advanced position in my hand. But then I
will
find her, and she and I won’t need to be parted again.”
“Well, if I can help in any way, you just let me know,” I told him firmly. “No one can deny that we’re
really
close friends now, and friends are supposed to help one another. You
will
let me help, won’t you?”
“It will be my pleasure and delight,” he answered with a grin that made him look especially handsome, and then he glanced at my flame. “Tell me something: isn’t that glow supposed to be in the palm of your hand? It seems to me that anytime I’ve seen someone with Fire magic use a glow like that, it was in their palm. And someone said once that the glow
had
to be in contact with the magic user, but apparently they were mistaken.”