Concealed Carry (5 page)

Chapter Eight

Bernie strolled in to Lisa's office with a tan and a smile. He sat on a chair next to her desk and propped up an elbow on her desktop. "I'm looking forward to dinner at your mom's tonight. She makes the best lasagna. I hope we're having peach cobbler too." He smiled wide.

"I'll be done in a minute, and we can walk out together." Lisa logged off her computer and retrieved her purse from the bottom drawer.
"Let's go. I parked in the back."

"Avoiding Mr. Yummy per chance?" Bernie
gave her a curious look. "What did he do now?"

"He
boffed some nurse at the hospital…on a chair, no less. Can you believe it?" Lisa mumbled pushing past him.

"Oh I'm getting a hard-on thinking about it...and you know this how?"

"Stop it. It's not that sexy. I overheard it," Lisa answered and took Bernie's arm. "Come on let's go."

They separated ways each going to their
respective car. Lisa slid her key into the door lock and jumped at feeling someone tap her shoulder and broke her key in the lock. "Damn it!" she turned to find Max staring the half key piece in her hand.

"
I’m sorry. Do you have another one?"

Bernie's car merged o
nto the main road and quickly disappeared. "Yes, Bernie has a copy. He's on his way to my mother's for dinner. I'll call him. He'll have to turn around."

"Why don't I take you?" Max offered and lifted his shirt to wipe his brow.

No. No. No.
"Okay." Her traitorous mouth pissed her off.

Max waited for her to buckle up
then drove following her directions to her mother's house, which was thirty minutes away. Lisa couldn't keep from stealing glances at him. With his hands firmly on the wheel, sunglasses on and messy hair, he looked like an ad for Abercrombie and Bitch, as like she liked to call it.

He turned to her at the red light. "Why did you hang up on me the other day? I called back and you didn't answer."

"Dead zone, I guess. So didn't hear when you called back twice." Jeez, she was a terrible liar.

He ignored the fact she knew he called back more than once and pressed the gas.
"What's your mom's specialty?"

"Lasagna.
She always has a houseful on Wednesday nights. Everyone loves her lasagna. Her chocolate pie is a killer too. I have a hard time deciding which she makes best."

They pulled up at her
parent's two-story brick ranch just as her mother opened the door for Bernie. She gestured to them. "Finally got yourself a date? Come on, both of you."

"He's not my date Ma!" Lisa screamed back. Unfortunately her mother was already heading to the Jeep.
By her crooked smile, she'd already had a nip of wine. "Oh aren't you a handsome one." She smiled at Max and motioned impatiently to Lisa. "Don't just sit there, get on inside, dinner is ready."

She looked to Max again. "You
too, date or hook up or whatever you young people call it. Come in. Come in."

Max actually blushed and looked to Lisa who mumbled under her breath.
"You can't get out of it now." Thankfully, once he met her crazy family, he'd never call her again.

They walked in to find her father sitting in the living room watching television with a TV tray and a plate
heaped with lasagna in front of him. He lifted a hand at her cheerful hello, but didn’t look up at them.

"He's
obsessed with the nightly news," Lisa told Max as they made their way to the large kitchen and dining room combination. Bernie's eyebrows shot up at seeing Max, but he didn't say anything. Her mother hustled to stand in front of them. "Who is this nice young man Lisa?"

"Ma, this is Max.
Max, Ma. Ma stop it with the strange grin, you're scaring me."

They sat around the table, where two large pans of lasagna were already placed along with salad and glasses of mystery purple drinks.
Bernie eyed his glass. "What's in the glass, Mama Elaine?"

Lisa's mother shrugged.
"It’s a recipe from Pinterest. Blackberry limeade."

Large helpings
of lasagna were soon served and the delicious aroma soothed Lisa's apprehensions away.

Max ate several bites an
d turned to her mother. "Mrs. Pasqualone this is the best lasagna I've ever had. Thank you for inviting me in for dinner."

Her mother
beamed at his words as Lisa and Bernie exchanged eye rolls. "Oh it's an old family recipe. Come back next Wednesday and you can try my ravioli. It's to die for. I only cook on Wednesdays and Saturdays," she explained.

"Hi everyone," Gloria's throaty voice grated
on Lisa's nerves.

She turned to Max.
"Keep your legs together."

"Huh?"

"Aaaaayyyy!!" Bernie squealed like a pig when Gloria leaned over, reached around him and grabbed his unmentionables.

"Still playing for the other side Babe?"

Lisa's mother huffed. "For heaven’s sakes Gloria we have company."

A fork hit the table top with a resounding clank. That's when everyone turned to a
wide-eyed Max.

"Oh. My. G
awd!" Gloria exclaimed and rounded the table toward Max whose hands disappeared under the table. Lisa assumed to protect his own set of unmentionables.

Her cousin leaned forward and planted a kiss on Max's half open mouth. "What are the odds?
I just saw you at the hospital the other day."

Lisa choked on her
drink and began to cough. Bernie slapped her back and she fell forward, boobs right into the lasagna. "Shit!" She leaned back into the chair and inspected her red tipped breasts.

"Don't cuss Lisa." Her mother admonished from the counter where she was pouring a glass of wine.

Lisa stumbled to her feet went to her mother and snatched the glass. After downing the entire contents of the red wine, she held it out for a refill. "So you're the nurse?" She eyed Gloria who now sat next to Bernie and batted her lashes at her red-faced friend.

"I love you Bernie.
Please turn for me." She looked up to Lisa and lifted an eyebrow. "Duh Lisa, you know I'm a nurse."

"Go finish eating," her mother said taking her wine glass back.
Lisa grabbed the bottle and did as told. The wine bottle never touched the table. Max took it and filled his glass half full with it.

"So
…" her mother said looking around the table. "Gloria, how do you know Max?"

"Who?" Gloria said
with a big piece of bread hanging from her lips.

Her mother motioned to Max who suddenly became extra interested in his plate.
"Max."

"Oh, we met at the hospital.
How's your sister?" Gloria asked Max who attempted to smile.

"She's great thanks."

"Well he's Lisa's." Her mother said as if that would stop Gloria.

Gloria eyed them and shrugged, then turned to Bernie who reached for the wine bottle. "Whatever."

Bernie looked to Lisa's mother. "You got anymore?" Her mother got up and produced a new bottle.

"From the looks of it, you two haven't known each other long.
Still acting shy around each other." Her mother insisted on embarrassing the hell out of her and for once Lisa was glad. The crazier her family acted the better. Max would not call her again. She'd be back to her boring life. And he and naked Candy would be a thing of her past.

"That's right, we've only just met," she replied and looked to Max. "What a week or so?"

Before Max could answer Gloria piped up. "I can tell you two already bumped uglies at least twice. You got that look."

This time Max
gagged, Lisa pounded his back until he glared at her. "Are you trying to break my back?"

"Oooh," Gloria purred.
"You have such a deep voice. You didn't say much when I saw you last."

Lisa couldn't resist.
"Was a chair involved?"

Max turned to her and his mouth opened and closed without a sound.

They looked up when Lisa's father darkened the doorway. "Who's dying in here?" He held a plate in one hand and fork in the other. He eyed Max who still held a reddish tint to his face. "I'm trained in CPR. Are you okay?"

"Yes, Sir.
Thank you," Max replied and began to eat again. Her father eyed the last corner of lasagna in one pan and scooped it up. Bernie reached for a second serving from the other one. Obviously it took a lot to ruin the appetite of these men.

Finally an hour later, with a plastic container in hand, Max, Bernie and Lisa watched Gloria sashay to her car with her own container.
Max eyed Lisa. "Your mom makes a lot of lasagna. Who knew she had another two pans in the oven?"

"We did," she and Bernie answered and Lisa couldn't help from smiling.
No matter how bad the evening was, leftovers lifted her spirits.

"Bernie I need a ride back.
I broke the key in the car door, so I need your copy to get in the passenger side."

"Can't," Bernie replied and began sliding the key from his ring.
"I'm meeting Gloria at Boosters."

"Why?
She molests you every time she's around you."

He shrugged.
"Yeah, but I there's a lot of cute guys there and we're both looking to get lucky tonight."

"I'll take you back," Max offered his lips curving into a Cheshire
cat grin. "If you want I can take you to your apartment and we can get the car in the morning."

"Uh, no thanks." She eyed the hem of his shirt. "And don't touch your shirt."

"What?" He was already moving to the Jeep. "What's wrong with my shirt?"

"Nothing, just
don't
touch it." She climbed in and turned to him. "I am not interested in all that stuff you are. It can never work out between us."

His brows crinkled.
"You've never asked me what my interests are, have you? So what are you talking about?"

"Well...like the whole naked blonde
trio thing and the chair thing and...Oh I owe you money."

"About that, we need to talk."

Lisa covered her ears not ready to hear about nudity so soon after eating. "La la la la la la. I can't hear you."

The Jeep jerked forward and she continued to cover her ears singing songs she could re
member the words to. Just as she was about to run out of songs, they got back to her car.

Max shook his head
when Lisa climbed out of the Jeep. "You don't sing too well."

She
walked around her car to open the passenger door and almost made it to get in when out of the blue he grabbed her around the waist and flipped her around. Max pressed his body against hers. Had he forgotten her boobs were covered in tomato sauce? The door handle dug into her back, but she barely felt it.

"I don't know what you're game is, I really don't care.
But you're not going to get rid of me that easy Lisa Pasqualone." His mouth covered hers, taking her breath and every thought away. His tongue traced a pattern outlining her mouth and then he pressed a soft kiss to the corners of her mouth. "Good night."

She remained leaning against the car
. Then it dawned on her, she'd left her lasagna in the Jeep. "Damn him and his lips, his abs and his sexiness." Lisa stomped her foot and climbed into the car.

"He better not eat my lasagna."
She mumbled and texted him.
Bring my lasagna to work tomorrow… or else!

Chapter Nine

Click-clack- click-clack. Max looked at the shoes his mother wore. They weren’t as high as he expected by the sound of them.

In shape from daily Zumba classes, she ambled in a well-practiced fashion show gait.
Reddish blonde hair pulled back into some sort of an up do, she looked younger than her fifty-three years. "Hi Honey," she told him sliding into the restaurant booth across from him. "Where's your father? I thought he was meeting me here."

Max s
wallowed. "I'm meeting a friend. I didn't know you and Dad were coming here tonight."

Her lips curved.
"A girl?" Great she'd suggest a double date now. Why hadn't he kept his mouth shut? Max searched frantically for his father. The last thing he needed was Lisa there when his parents broke up.

"Um...yeah...
sort of." He prayed Lisa would be late. Unfortunately he spotted her jaunting through the parking lot. In jeans and a pink blouse with matching bright flat shoes, she looked more like a college student than an office worker. She caught sight of him through the window and frowned upon seeing he sat with someone. Seeming to catch herself, she smiled and gave him a quick wave, which he returned.

"Is that her?" Her mother whispered.
"She's cute."

"Why are you whispering Mom? Yes that's her."

He blew out a breath when his mother took her compact out and checked her lipstick. "Max, please make sure you introduce me."

"Okay, but you and
Dad go sit at another booth as soon as he shows. I'm not ready for a meet the parents’ experience."

She smiled broadly which meant either Lisa or his father approached.
His mother stood and enveloped Lisa in a tight hug. "I am Maxwell's mother." He tried to read his date's expression, dazed would just about cover it. He shrugged and stood allowing Lisa to slide into his side since his mother made no motion to move. "Mom's meeting my dad, she's not staying."

"Oh," Lisa's pretty eyes shifted from him to his mother, who looked toward the door and then sat. "It's nice to meet you. I'm glad to hear your daughter
doesn’t have to have the operation."

"Yes we're thankful." His mother replied digging in her purse then pulling out her cell phone.
"Where's your father Max? He better not stand me up again. He's always doing something to annoy me."

"Must run in the family," Lisa mumbled
so that only he could hear it.

Max cleared his throat. "I didn't hear your message until this morning and by then your lasagna was probably spoiled, since it was in the
Jeep all night."

"It was a cool night," Lisa replied.
"I can't believe you threw it away."

"Matthew
, I'm at Pausino's, you're late." His mother interrupted speaking into her cellphone afterward she slapped the phone on the tabletop and let out a huff. "Men."

"You're welcome to join us for dinner
Mrs. Collins," Lisa told his mother and smiled broadly when Max frowned. "Max is treating me to dinner since he threw away the meal I had planned for tonight."

His mother's widened eyes flew to him.
Max blew out a breath. "I saved her life. The stuff was out in the Jeep all night. There's no telling what kind of bacteria was growing on it by morning."

"Oh honey, it was a cool night, I would have eaten it." His mother turned to Lisa.
"So you're the girlfriend that was going to live with Max while he recuperated? I'm so glad my Max met someone he trusts enough to take care of him. He's a grumpy patient."

"Mom."

"Shush Max, I'm talking to Lisa. Anyway, he told us all about you. He said he was serious enough to prefer you over me to be with him after the operation.” She looked at Lisa with expectation.

"Mom
."

Lisa slid a look at him.
"Max is an amazing man. I have learned so much about him lately. His friends are certainly a colorful bunch."

"Look!" Max interrupted. "There's
dad. You can go eat with him." He stood and held his hand out to his mother who promptly ignored him.

"I'm not eating with him
. He made me wait over an hour and then saunters in like he owns the place."

"
It’s only been about ten minutes," Max replied and turned to greet his dad who gave him a questioning look. "Dad, this is Lisa."

They exchanged hellos while his mother kept still, her eyes straight ahead.
His father leaned to her “Natalie, care to join me at another table so we can talk?"

"No Matthew I do not.
I'm having a lovely time getting to know Max's girl."

Max swallowed.

Lisa beamed.

His father slumped into the seat, half his butt hanging off the edge since his mother refused to move over.

"Lisa," his mother started. "Tell me; is Max usually on time when you go out on dates?"

"Yes he is," L
isa replied her hand tapping his thigh under the table. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to slide out so she could leave or if she needed help with his mother. He took her hand and held it. No way was he letting her leave him alone with his parents.

The waitress came and everyone ordered wine, except Max who ordered a beer.
After promising freshly baked bread, the young woman left.

"I remember those days when I wasn't ignored. My date would show up on time," his mother said, lifting her cell phone and looking at it.

"Enough Natalie," his father gritted out and copied her movement looking at his own phone.

Max stared straight ahead.

"Really?" His mother turned to the man beside her. "Enough? Now that's a perfect word."

"Mom, Dad why don't you two just break up."

"Max!" Lisa gave him an astounded look. "How could you suggest they break up? They're your parents."

"It's okay honey." His mother told her, patting her hand. "He's too much like his father, he can't help it."

"Augh," Max rubbed a hand over his face and waved the waitress over. "Let's order dinner."

When dinner arrived, Lisa kept a constant dialog with his mother. While they spoke about inconsequential things,
Max couldn't help but notice how well she managed to calm his mother. Usually by this time she would have caused a scene. Instead his mother chuckled at something Lisa said.

"Dad?" Max started, "d
id you decide what you're going to do?"

His father nodded, the movement barely visible. "Yep, I'm going to stay where I am." Although spoken without inflection
, Max could sense resignation. Who would have thought his dad a two timing Romeo? He would high five him if one of the women wasn't his mom.

Matthew
pushed his plate away and stood. Everyone looked up to him as he took some bills out of his wallet and placed them on the table in front of Max. His mother did not say a word instead sat frozen with her eyes on the food in front of her.

"What happened?" Lisa asked Max as his dad departed.

Max looked to his mother. "Dad decided to follow my advice."

After a few beats, Natalie Collins slid to the edge of the booth and stood as well.
"It was nice meeting you Lisa," she said with a soft smile that left when meeting Max's gaze. "I'm going to go now and kick your father in the kneecaps."

She stomped to the doorway.
Lisa turned to Max. "Aren't you going to do something?"

"Like what."

"Go tell them how devastated you and your siblings will be if they get divorced."

"They're
already divorced. Twice actually."

"Oh
…" she said and picked up her wine glass to take a sip from it. "Well you should go and make sure they are alright."

"Nope.
I’m not getting involved."

He took a minute to collect his thoughts.
"I have a confession to make."

"Um
m. Okay." Her rounded eyes took him in.

"You don't owe me any money."

If possible her eyes grew wider. "What do you mean? I never did anything to pay you back the money. I have to pay you back.
With money
."

Her honesty was appealing
. Hell everything about her was appealing. Max scrambled to come up with a way to keep seeing her. "How about paying me back by pretending to be my girlfriend for a couple more weeks."

Her brows lowered and she pressed her lips together before answering.
"You already introduced me as your girlfriend. What's up with that?"

"I didn't want Mom to come take care of me at the house. I'd rather keep her away from my personal life.
Mom is really nosy."

"
Most parents would frown on the ménage a trois and romps with hospital staff on chairs, in the patients room."

He loved her dry sense of humor.
Max chuckled and winked at her. "Exactly. So what do you say?"

"I could do it
, but I doubt it's worth a thousand dollars." She took a breath. He could almost see the wheels turning. "How long do you plan on keeping up this pretense?"

The funny part was he was totally honest
. He did need a false girlfriend. He didn't want to hurt his mom's feelings so soon after his father broke up with her. "I’m not sure, let's say three or four weeks. By the end of the month, you'll dump me and break my heart."

"Three weeks and you dump me.
I don't like being the bad person."

He gave in.
"All right."

The waitress rushed up. "Sir the couple that had dinner with you two are outside
arguing," she told them, pointing out the window. "The manager is going to call the police if they don't leave. Can you please talk to them?"

Why
couldn’t they have one normal date?