Confessions of a Bad Bridesmaid (11 page)

‘A taste,’ he said.

She’d been beautiful before—but post-orgasm she was practically goddess-like. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes blazing. Her skin glowed.

He moved his hand and she shivered. He was rock-hard and ready. He wanted to push her down on the bed. He wanted to kiss her all over. He wanted to drive himself into her. But he couldn’t. He mustn’t. He had to stay in control. So he let her go, kissed her swollen lips and left.

EIGHTEEN

‘You look beautiful,
Livvie.’ Fiona was fussing and needed calming down, but Olivia’s stomach was churning and she couldn’t think straight this morning. She felt as if she’d been dragged backwards through a thorny bush. Dishevelled, exhausted and confused.

But the mirror she was standing in front of said something different. The long white dress she was wearing was beautiful. It swept across her collarbones and covered her arms and fitted snugly around her waist until falling in elegant waves to her toes. A hint of silver sparkle from her feet peeped out. She’d never seen herself look so good. Almost as if she really was beautiful.

Turning her head and shifting her body, she breathed out heavily.

Olivia helped Fi into her dress. She fixed her hair. She did all the bridesmaid duties she could think of but the hammering in her stomach was still there. And she knew why.

Edward. With his dark eyes and his magic fingers. ‘A taste,’ he’d said mysteriously before he’d left. A taste? What the hell did
that
mean? Did he want more? Was he coming back?

She’d waited, but luckily the orgasm he’d left her with had knocked her out pretty soon after he’d gone so she hadn’t waited long.

But this morning confusion and nerves in her stomach were making her sick. Before, she’d thought she cared about Edward. But now, after the way he’d kissed her, the way he’d touched every magic button she had as if he knew exactly what to do...as if he knew her.

But he didn’t. And she didn’t know him. And that wall he had was still up. She knew he wouldn’t let her in. He wouldn’t talk about anything important to her. She knew that she was just a fling.

‘Do you know anything about James, Fi?’

Fi turned so Olivia could clasp her pearls around her neck. ‘Not really. Will doesn’t talk about him much. Last night he told me about the lake and how he died, but he seems to clam up whenever I ask.’

Family trait.

‘How did he die?’

‘He drowned. Edward, Will and Bunny were all at the lake and James wandered off. He couldn’t swim.’

Olivia’s heart lurched. They had all been there. ‘How old was he?’

‘Eight. Will was ten and Ed was twelve. It must have been awful.’

Olivia had been twelve when her father died. She tried not to think about that day but flashes now flew through her mind. She saw her dad fall. He was lying on the grass and she didn’t know what was wrong. She thought he was joking. Her mother flew past and Olivia remembered the screaming. The crying. The car ride to the hospital.

Her grandmother had come to pick her up and she hadn’t seen her mother or Ana until the funeral. But she hadn’t sat with them; she’d sat with her grandmother. As if she wasn’t part of the family. As if she wasn’t allowed to grieve.

She wondered if Eddie had grieved? She wondered if he’d cried for his little brother or if he’d been as stoic as a little boy as he was now. Her heart was heavy. She wanted to see him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything would be OK. That was what she’d wanted to hear when her father had died. But she couldn’t do that.

Last night Edward had left. She shouldn’t have been surprised. They’d agreed this was a one-weekend thing. But she’d wanted him to stay. So much her stomach still ached.

‘You look beautiful, Fi, and I’m so happy for you.’

A shot of something painful went through Olivia’s chest. Fiona was a bride. A real-life bride. Something she would probably never be. But she wasn’t jealous. She was happy for Fi. Her and Will made a beautiful couple. But Olivia couldn’t help wishing... But she couldn’t think like that. Not today.

‘Liv.’ Fiona’s arm rested on Olivia’s and her big brown eyes fell on her. ‘Thank you for being here. I can’t wait until it’s my turn to be here for you.’

Olivia sniffed out a laugh. ‘You’ll be waiting a while, I’m afraid...’

‘I’m not so sure about that.’

‘You know me, Fi. I’ll be chasing men till I’m in my eighties. Waiting outside funeral parlours to pick up the widowers.’

Fiona didn’t laugh, didn’t smile. ‘You don’t need to chase anyone,’ she said quietly. ‘From what I’ve seen it’s Ed who’s doing the chasing.’

Something caught in Olivia’s stomach at Fi’s words.

Fi had noticed what was going on. Of course she had. They’d been best friends for six years. ‘I’m not silly, Fi. I know I’m not Edward’s type. I know I make mistakes when it comes to men. It’s hard, you know...with Ana.’

‘Ana has nothing to do with it. Yes, she’s gorgeous. But she’s not smart and funny and sexy and an awesome dancer. You are so much more than Ana will ever be.’

Fi’s words warmed Olivia.

‘Don’t give up on him, Liv. He’s one of the good ones.’

Olivia knew that. He was one of the best ones. But this would only last one weekend. She had to hold his attention for one weekend. Then she’d be gone and he’d forget about her and it would be over. Except for the way her skin tingled when she thought of his kisses and the way her heart hammered when she thought of the way he smiled at her. She wondered if it would ever be over for her.

* * *

Edward tugged at his tie. Next to him, Will was shifting, but the smile was wide across his face. It had been there since he’d seen him at breakfast this morning. Even when the priest had come to say the bride was running late he’d remained smiling. But it was becoming a little manic, he noticed. Like a clown.

Despite the cold, Edward was hot. He was dressed in full wedding garb—from waistcoat to tails—and everything was too tight and scratchy. The crowd in the pews were shifting and whispering.

Last night snow had fallen and the ground was covered, which had made it hard for their father’s vintage Bentley to navigate the twists and turns of the road into the village and on to the small church. But they’d made it in one piece. He hoped the girls would too.

Will leaned towards him; ‘What if she’s changed her mind?’

The manic smile was still painted onto his face and Edward noticed tiny beads of sweat on his forehead.

He put his hand on his brother’s shoulder. ‘She’ll be here. It’ll be the snow holding them up.’

He wished he felt as confident as he sounded. He knew Fiona would be here. Fiona was deeply and stupidly in love with his unworthy brother. But he was still anxious. About seeing Olivia.

Last night, when he’d left her, he’d been about to lose control. One weekend, she’d said. But she was so gorgeous and so damn responsive. She’d come undone with just a few flicks of his fingers. As if she’d been as turned on as he had. He’d managed to keep it together last night, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to if it happened again.

Which was why he had to let her go. Women like Olivia couldn’t be held down. They liked to move on. They couldn’t stay still and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to let her walk out through the door when the weekend ended.

The atmosphere in the church changed and Edward tapped Will on the elbow.

The bride had arrived.

And the bridesmaids.

Edward adjusted his tie again and stood with his hands clasped in front of him, waiting for the door at the end of the long aisle to open.

Finally it did and Fiona floated forward. A long, lacy veil hung from her head to the floor. But he wasn’t watching for Fiona. It took a half-dozen more heartbeats before he saw
her
.

Dressed from head to toe in white, with a bunch of flowers in front of her. She looked like a bride. She looked beautiful. As usual.

He shifted and turned to the front of the church with Will. He could feel her moving up the aisle.

Will threw him a look, the smile gone from his face. Edward knew he should smile reassuringly back but he couldn’t.

Not yet. He had to breathe out first.

The solemn words of the priest began the ceremony. He could sense Will’s nervousness so he pushed him in the arm. Will pushed him back. Edward found himself grinning. It felt a little strange to have his brother acting so differently, but it made him feel better too. He didn’t feel like himself either. He’d felt ripped apart after dinner last night. Hearing his mother’s wails had brought back the memory of the day James had died.

Edward shivered and finally looked down past Will, past Fiona, to the profile of Olivia.

Last night he’d wanted Olivia. Wanted to forget who he was and where he was and who she was and bury himself inside her. Be with her. Stay with her. Take comfort in her scent and her feminine curves.

The pretty pout of her lips and the snub of her nose seemed so familiar it put him at ease. Her long eyelashes blinked, then she turned and her eyes met his.

He let a half-smile creep across his lips. Cautiously. He didn’t want to spook her. But she wasn’t spooked. She tossed her head and kept her eyes on his. Then, to his surprise, she let her blue eyes slide to his lips—then down his body to his toes and slowly back again. The woman was punishing him. He could feel it in the way she looked at him, as if she’d touched him. He could see it in the way she bit her lip and stared at him.

His groin shifted. Brilliant. He was getting a hard-on in the church at his brother’s wedding. He should look away—think about vasectomies or something. But he didn’t. He kept looking at her and she kept looking at him. That full red lip still between her teeth. He wanted to leap over the pulpit and kiss that look off her face. Then rip that dress from her lithe little body and make her scream his name as the minister looked on.

He turned away.
Really not helping.

The service took another excruciating half an hour. His feet were falling asleep. But finally the minister declared them husband and wife and Will managed to whip the long veil up and over to plant a very non-churchy kiss on Fiona’s surprised lips.

The normally reserved group of family and friends broke out in laughter and cheers and Will lifted Fiona off her feet to carry her down the aisle in typical Will style.

Edward sneaked another glance at Olivia. She was smiling at the newlyweds, distracted, so he slipped her arm under his to make their way down the aisle.

‘You look beautiful.’ She looked up at him as if surprised to see him. Her eyes were brighter and her eyelashes sooty, but she didn’t have the caterpillars on, he noticed.

‘Thank you.’

‘I think we should talk.’

‘I think you should be quiet.’

Olivia stopped to hold his mother’s outstretched hands and he watched as she kissed her. Calmly and quietly. It made something ache in his chest. That she’d stop and acknowledge his mother, knowing how hard this day was for her. He leaned in to do the same and his mother clung to his arm. She wouldn’t let go and her eyes welled with tears, so he pulled her up and took her with him as well.

The three of them made their way down the aisle, and as Olivia’s hand held firm to his forearm he realised that he hadn’t felt this good in a long time. Years. He realised he was tired of being lonely. He wanted someone to be in this with him. Someone serious. Not just someone for a weekend.

NINETEEN

Olivia let go
of Edward’s arm. Fiona’s veil was trailing in the snow so she picked it up and stood silently as the bride and groom greeted the guests now pouring out of the church. Her back was freezing as it was bared to the weather, but somehow a hot rash had broken out across her skin. Every now and again, in between greeting relatives and family friends, Edward would glance at her. She couldn’t read his look. She was just aware of him watching and it was making her incredibly self-conscious.

Her arm still tingled where it had been resting on his sleeve. He was warm, and it was as if an invisible magnet drew him to her, but she had to resist. He’d said nothing about last night. He didn’t smile or whisper anything else in her ear. Just glanced at her, which was making her even more nervous.

Once the crowd started to thin Olivia helped Fiona into the waiting car before slipping into a seat in the car behind them. She was expecting Bunny to get in with her, but it was Edward’s large frame that moved smoothly into the car. Her heart stopped. The air grew thin and she became very hot. The fabric of the dress started to itch around her neck.

Edward didn’t speak; he sat silent, looking out of the window, so Olivia turned to look out of hers. This was even worse than she’d thought it would be. He regretted it. He’d changed his mind. One weekend had turned into one night. And not even a whole night.

She shut her eyes tightly. She’d come so quickly. One flick and she’d shattered. She couldn’t explain why—in truth it almost always took her much longer than that. But Edward was so handsome and he made her feel so beautiful and his hands were so confident. And he knew just where to touch. She squeezed her legs together.
Mustn’t think of his fingers
, she chanted in her head.
Mustn’t think of his hands.
But out of the corner of her eye she spotted them, spread across his knee, and she had to suck in a breath to stop the rush of moisture that headed south.

Edward’s head snapped around. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yes. Fine.’ He didn’t want anything more and she wasn’t going to beg.

‘Olivia. About last night...’

‘Forget it. It was nothing. It’s over. I was emotional—you were upset. It happens. We don’t have to talk about it.’

He didn’t speak, just kept looking at her, so she turned back to the window.

The car ride seemed to last for hours but finally the house came into view. The wedding party was having photos taken before the reception started in the ballroom.

When the car stopped Edward got out. As if he couldn’t get out fast enough. Olivia pushed back the tears she feared were lingering behind her eyes and gathered her skirt. Someone opened her car door and she stepped out into the cold—and found herself staring straight into the dark, fathomless eyes of Edward.

* * *

‘Olivia. We need to talk.’

‘C’mon, Ed. Let’s get these photos over and done with—I need a drink.’ Bunny’s small frame whirled past and grabbed Edward by the arm.

Edward threw Olivia an apologetic look and she tried to slow the beating of her heart. His attention had been diverted so what did they need to talk about?

The hairs on her neck rose every time she got close to him. She shivered every time the bossy photographer told her to take his arm or get closer to him. Thank God Fiona needed her attention and Regina needed endless cups of tea and Bunny was doing most of the talking so she never had to be alone with him.

Finally the bridal party headed indoors to the reception. Olivia spotted Casper waving at her from a distance. She headed his way, preferring to talk to him about his latest business venture than to be ignored by Edward.

‘Hello, darling, you’re looking beautiful today.’

Casper’s smooth words washed over her. She didn’t want to be here with Casper. She could only think of one person. But she couldn’t see Edward anywhere. Someone started tinkling on a glass until the whole room joined in. The bride and groom had arrived. They swept into the room like a royal couple, waving and smiling, and Olivia’s breath caught when she spotted Edward following them. His grim face was back. He swept one look over her before taking his seat at the table.

Olivia found her seat at the wedding table in between Fiona and Bunny and the MC began to introduce the speeches. Everyone dutifully raised their glasses and Olivia took a long sip. Edward still wasn’t looking at her. She shouldn’t have pushed him. She shouldn’t have made him talk about James last night. It was obviously too painful. And she shouldn’t have exposed herself to him the way she had. Now she’d pushed him away for good. Which was what she always did.

The speeches were long and terribly funny and by the end of them, Olivia found herself having much more fun than she’d intended. But she was getting a little tipsy from the toasts, so when the entrée was cleared she took the opportunity to leave the room and get some air. She wanted to be fully in control, so she wouldn’t make a fool of herself as she had the first night here, when she’d passed out on the terrace. Edward had come to her rescue that night but she didn’t want him to any more.

‘I hope you’re not going to pass out. I’m not sure I have the energy to lift you up all those stairs again.’

Edward’s deep voice made her spin. Which made her head swim. She smiled uncontrollably. His face made her do that. It was so handsome and square and his smile made her stomach flip.

‘I think I can manage tonight.’

‘That’s a shame.’

He stepped closer and Olivia sucked in a breath.

‘Why?’

‘Because lifting you up is a great opportunity to feel your bum.’

She could see the hot lust in his face. The way his eyes half closed when he spoke to her. The way his lips parted as if waiting to taste her.

‘You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean,’ she said, secretly pleased.

‘I never say things I don’t mean.’

He was right in front of her now, and Olivia’s heart was beating so hard she thought he’d be able to see the pulses. Nerves made her heart race and her palms feel damp. He wasn’t touching her, just standing there, his dark eyes intent on her.

‘You look beautiful today. That dress...it’s...’

His hot breath was on her shoulder. His body moved closer and she breathed in heavily when his fingers stroked slowly along her collarbone.

‘Bellissima.’

Olivia shivered. What was he doing now—why was he playing games with her? She didn’t want to hear him talking like that, all gruff and deep and foreign. It was making her nervous. She took a step back but his large palm reached out and clasped hers. It took a moment for Olivia to adjust to the feeling of him being there so close and in control.

‘Wait, Olivia. Don’t walk away from me.’

He moved closer again—so close she could feel his hard chest against her breasts.
Five minutes. Then he’d be gone.
His attention would move on. She knew it, but even so she couldn’t help wanting to make the most of their five minutes. His free hand reached around her back and his fingers trailed along her spine as she sucked in another breath. She stood still, unable to move, not wanting to react.

She wasn’t sure she could deal with his rejection again.

Then his hot lips landed on her bare shoulder, caressing it with gentle kisses, and she moved backwards quickly, as if she’d been shocked by an electric current, and pulled away from his grasp. His square jaw tilted down and he looked at her through hooded lids. He wasn’t smiling. He looked dark and dangerous, which made her heart still.

‘Stop it. Stop touching me.’

He stepped forward until she had to tip her head back to look at his eyes. His manly soap scent swirled around her and his dark eyes flashed.

‘I thought you wanted one weekend.’

‘I did. I do.’

‘Then what’s wrong?’ His dark eyes were filled with concern and confusion.

What
was
wrong? Here he was, still wanting her. Why was she hesitating?

‘Nothing,’ she lied, because she didn’t know how to tell him.
I want more. I want you all the time, not just this weekend. I want you to want more.

‘I can’t let you go, Olivia.’

She stepped back, but he reached out and wrapped a long arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

He leaned down as if to kiss her and Olivia felt as if she had fallen so far that it was dark and there was no way out.

‘Why did you leave me? Last night?’ Her voice cracked and she ignored it. ‘What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone stay?’

Edward stopped and his eyes moved to hers. He pulled her closer and his fingers curled around hers. The warmth of them travelled up her arm.

‘There’s nothing wrong with you. I had to leave. Not because of you but because of...me.’

‘What do you mean? I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you push and pull and tease and torment me!’

‘Me? You’re the one who torments, Olivia. With your gorgeous body and your beautiful eyes and your smile and the way you make me feel like you care about me.’

‘I do care about you.’

The words were out before she thought about them. She wished she could suck them back in. She’d revealed too much. He would surely run now.

His breathing had become heavy but he didn’t let her go. He just held her closer.

‘Then let’s do this. One weekend.’