Confessions Of An Old Lady (7 page)

Chapter 12

We continued walking around the festival, hand in hand, until it was closing time. By that point, I had consumed three full beers and was feeling extremely buzzed for the first time in many years.

“Where to now?” I asked, looking up at him, barely able to see straight.

“Well, that’s entirely up to you,” he said sweetly.

“Let’s go to your place.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to suck them back in. I wasn’t really sure I was ready to be alone with him in his place. But then I realized, this could be just the thing I needed to do to secure my future, as well as my assignment. Not to mention the beer was making me feel rather amorous. So, I smiled at him and awaited his response.

“Are you sure about that?” He looked delighted.

“Yes. I’m sure. I’d like to see where big bad Sonny Jackson lives.” I hiccupped and giggled.

“Okay, then. To my house we go.” He held out his hand and I took it in mine. We walked from the church back to The Hole, where his bike was parked.

I climbed onto the back of the bike as I had many times before, only this time I was more nervous than any other time. What was he going to expect of me? What would I be willing to do to hold his trust and confidence? I wasn’t sure of the answer to either question, so I decided to just go with the moment and do whatever felt natural. Besides, I was more than a little buzzed, so in my defense, I wasn’t exactly in control of my faculties.

His house was not too far from The Hole and we arrived in less than fifteen minutes. He lived, I learned, with his father and Melanie in a farm house on Sugar Creek out in the country. Now I was slightly more nervous, knowing that I was out in the middle of nowhere, at my mark’s house, all alone with no one to hear me scream should things go south. Again, I decided to set my fears aside and “go with the flow,” so to speak.

The house was covered in all-white vinyl, like my little temporary home, but this one was bigger, with two stories and a green tin roof. There was a barn back behind the house and a field surrounded by a painted-black wooden fence. It reminded me of my grandparents’ house in Estill County. I used to love the way the rain sounded on their tin roof and I enjoyed many a sunny afternoon running through the fields and yes, I admit, tipping the occasional cow.

I followed Sonny from the driveway, where he parked the bike near the back door, where he let us in with the turn of a key. He flipped the light on in the kitchen and threw his keys down on the kitchen table.

“Dad? Melanie?” he yelled out. No one answered. He turned to face me. “So this is where I live.”

“You still live with your dad? I mean, no judgment…I’m just asking, because…”

“It’s okay. Yes. I live here with Dad. I haven’t always. I lived on my own from the time I graduated high school until when Mom got really sick. Like you did with your dad, I moved back here to help take care of her. Then when she died, well, I just have never been able to leave Dad behind.”

“Even now that he has Melanie?” I didn’t really mean that the way that it came out. “Sorry. I just meant—”

“I know what you meant and, yeah, I guess I could go ahead and move out, but I’m trying to save enough money for my own place like this. It’s kind of my dream, you know?”

An outlaw biker with a dream? How ironic. “Yeah, I do know. I’d like to have a place of my own too. Back before Dad died, all I had was a tiny little apartment in the city. It didn’t really feel like
home.”
The part about the tiny apartment not feeling like home was true.

“Anyway, let me show you the house.” He guided me by the hand as he showed me the living room, his dad and Melanie’s room, even the bathroom, but what I didn’t see was his bedroom.

“Okay, so where do you sleep?” I asked.

“I’ll show you. Follow me.” He led me back around to the kitchen to a door I hadn’t noticed when we first entered the house. He opened it and revealed a set of stairs leading down to a dark basement. “Hold my hand. The light switch is at the bottom for some stupid reason.”

At the end of the stairs, he flipped the switch and the entire basement was illuminated. As soon as I turned the corner, I saw a large den that had been converted to Sonny’s own little apartment, complete with a mini-kitchen and his own bathroom.

“Pretty nice!” It truly wasn’t bad for a basement apartment. I noticed a big king-size bed in one corner of the room. In the opposite corner was a set of weights, which he apparently used often, by the feel of his arms and chest.

“Now that you’ve seen my humble abode, what do you want to do now?” I didn’t get the feeling he was trying to take me to bed, so I looked around the room, trying to think of something that would not be as awkward as standing in the middle of his bedroom, staring at each other.

“Got any movies?” I had noticed a media tower next to the flat screen TV that had dozens of movies stacked waist high, so I knew he did.

“Sure. Great idea. What kind of movie do you want to watch?”

“Do you have
The Notebook
?” I asked with as straight a face as I could muster.

“Very funny. You know damn well I don’t have
The Notebook
. Go look over there and see if you see anything you want to watch.”

I did as he instructed and looked the tower over, top to bottom. Mostly, he had dude-flicks like the
Terminator
and the
Fast and the Furious
. Then I saw that he had
The Godfather: Parts One, Two, and Three
. I’d never watched the classic gangster trilogy myself, but my male counterparts at the DEA were constantly quoting lines from the movies.

“I’ve never seen
The Godfather
. Is it good?”

“Is it
good
? What kind of question is that? It’s only one of the best movies ever made. Well, one and three, that is…two was kind of a flop. Want to watch the first one? It’s a classic.”

“Sure.” I looked down at my phone and noticed the time was already twelve thirty. Either Sonny would be taking me back to my place really late, or I was going to end up crashing here in his basement apartment. That option made me a little uneasy, not only because of its obvious implications, but also because I didn’t really want to wake up and have an awkward breakfast with Dear Old Dad.

He must have seen me look at my phone and noticed my trepidation, because he said, “You don’t have to stay here, if you don’t want. I’ll take you back after the movie. No pressure.”

“That’s nice. Let’s just watch the movie and then we’ll go from there,” I said.

Sonny put
The Godfather: Part One
into the Blu-ray player and we both sank down onto the couch that was only feet away from his bed. The movie was pretty good, actually. It was about a crime family, not totally unlike the one I was investigating, only these were Italian mobsters, not Kentucky motorcycle gang members. Not that I could tell much difference. They had the same “what-happens-in-the-family-stays-in-the-family” kind of motto. They were notoriously dangerous people who killed anyone who crossed them, especially snitches. There was even a scene where someone left a horse’s head in someone else’s bed—I can’t remember why—but it didn’t really matter. Sonny thought it was hilarious and said that it was “awesome.”

When the movie was over, I was yawning. Sonny seemed none the worse for wear, but he was used to these kinds of hours and I wasn’t. “Well, darlin’, you look tired. What do you want to do? Do you want me to take you home, or…”

“Well…I…I don’t know…”

He looked down at me and without saying a word, he kissed me deeply. I guessed that was his way of asking me to stay with him. After a minute or two of serious making out, I pulled back. “Sonny…I’m not sure I’m ready to…”

“Shhhhh…” he said. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” But then he kissed me again, passionately, as if to say “But I
really
want you to stay here.”

I was torn. On one hand, I didn’t really love the idea of having sex with a hardened criminal and possible murderer. On the other hand, I’m only human. I couldn’t help that, in that moment, I was tempted like any other woman would be, by the handsome, well-built stranger who knew how to kiss like nobody’s business. Plus, if I “sealed the deal” with Sonny, I’d be one step closer to getting in where no agent had ever been able to get in before. The crew was too suspicious of people who tried to join their gang, so they only took in people they were related to or who were thoroughly vetted by Leroy or Sonny…people they had known since childhood, so getting a male agent in as a member was pretty much impossible. That’s where I came in. The feds had figured out that the only possible way to get someone in that close to the action was for it to be a woman who could, although it was never spoken out loud, sleep her way into the inner circle.

Even if I slept with him, it didn’t guarantee him confiding anything in me, but it would certainly increase the odds and make him trust me almost implicitly. I wondered if Renley and Beauford or even Kingston had thought about this part of the assignment. Had they known I might have to sleep with Sonny Jackson to worm my way into his confidence? If they did, they never mentioned it to me. Maybe it was an unspoken assumption that I just had never thought could really happen until this very moment, when I was possibly only moments away from crossing a line that I could never uncross.

I made up my mind and leaned back in toward Sonny and kissed him back, matching his passion and determination. This was what I was going to have to do for the Agency, for my country. But was I doing it
only
for God and Country…or was there some small part of me that was going to get some pleasure out of this too?

Slowly, Sonny’s hands moved from my face down to the front of my sweatshirt. He unzipped the hoodie from the top to the bottom and pulled it off, one sleeve at a time, to reveal the pink tank top I had underneath. I matched his moves and pulled his sweatshirt up over his head too.

We continued kissing as we fumbled with each other’s clothing. He grabbed the lace bottom of my pink tank top and pulled it off, leaving me with only my jeans and my black-lace racer-back bra. I felt vulnerable, but I didn’t care. He stroked the hair back from my face and tucked it behind my ear, as he had done the first time he kissed me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t turned on as much as he obviously was.

He had trouble with the racer-back bra, so I unlatched it myself. I was surprised at myself, but in that moment, I was a woman unlike any other in my position—pun intended. I threw my bra over the side of the couch and laid back on the cushions. Sonny laid his full weight on me and kissed me deeply. I kissed him back, running my fingers through his soft, wavy hair.

I wrapped my legs around him and he stroked my shoulders tenderly. When I couldn’t take the anticipation anymore, I surprised myself again by unbuttoning his jeans and pushed them down and out of the way. He returned the favor and now the only thing standing between our joinder was his thin blue boxers and my black lace panties.

He was more impatient than I was and within seconds the barriers were removed and we became one. We made love for what seemed like hours on the couch in his tiny little basement apartment. I don’t know what I expected, but he was anything but unkind. He was gentle and loving and tender and for the time that we were together, I forgot who I was and who he was, but when he fell asleep on top of me and I laid there staring at the static on the television, I thought to myself…
victory for Team Rockford
.

Chapter 13

We woke up late the next morning in Sonny’s bed. At one point in our lovemaking, he carried me from the couch to the bed. We lay facing one another; me stroking his firm shoulder, him playing with my hair. I knew I had just broken through Sonny’s tough exterior and would probably now be referred to as his “old lady,” which was the most necessary part of my assignment. I also knew I had compromised my own personal values for that assignment. I had only been with three men in my entire adult life. I didn’t even lose my virginity until I was eighteen and that was with my first college boyfriend. But I could tell by looking at Sonny that to him, this was more than just a one-night stand. He liked me. He truly liked me for who I was and I had gained the confidence of a man who did not let anyone in out of self-preservation. In that way, we were not unalike.

“What are your plans for today?” he asked, continuing to wind my hair around his fingers.

“Nothing. You?”

“We have a patch-in party planned for our prospect, Spider,” he said.

“What’s a patch-in party?” I asked.

“It’s a party for Spider being patched in. He’s earned his place in the club and we’ll give him his cuts with his patches on it. Then, we throw a party like you’ve never seen before. Not just anyone can come. It’s a club party. I want you to come with me.”

It was the second Lords’ event that he had invited me to in two days. Things were going better than I could have hoped for.

“Sure. I’d love to go. Am I allowed?”

“You’re my old lady…you’re allowed if I say so.”

“Awww…I’m your
old lady
? How sweeeet,” I sang.

“All right, that’s enough mushy stuff. Just come with me, will you?”

“Of course I will. But you’ve got to take me home so I can clean up and change clothes. Remember, I rode with you yesterday.”

“Well, that means we have to leave this bed and I don’t want to leave this bed, do you?” He leaned over and kissed me, my lips still tender from kissing all night long.

“No, not yet,” I said, rolling over on top of him.

It was another hour before we stopped tumbling around in the bed and got up for the day. Sonny drove me back to my temporary home and dropped me off. I showered and changed clothes and then laid down on the bed to take a nap. I hadn’t really gotten much sleep the night before.

As I lay there, without warning I broke down into sobs. At first, I didn’t know why I was crying. Then, I realized I was crying because I was torn over what I had just done. I didn’t know whether I was sad for my choice to sleep with the man I was investigating, or whether I was happy that everything was working out perfectly for me. If I was being totally honest, I was even torn about my feelings for Sonny. I knew he was my mark, and by all accounts a terrible person, but he was kind to me and I knew he genuinely liked me and he treated me with respect and tenderness.

I cried myself to sleep and woke up two hours later no less confused than I was before I had laid down on my bed. I had to get ready for the patch-in party, so I went through my normal routine of dressing myself up like Trish Sanders. I stood before the mirror and realized that the line between Trish and Olivia was getting blurred. Even though the image before me was clearly Trish, I still felt like Olivia deep down. But I worried that maybe Olivia was getting pushed further and further down with every choice I made for the sake of the assignment.

I heard Sonny pull up into the driveway. I walked out of the house and jumped on the back of the bike shoving all my worries down deep.

***

The patch-in party was being held back at Leroy and Sonny’s house on Sugar Creek. By the time Sonny and I returned to his house, it was already getting dark, but their house had flood lights in the back, which was where everyone had gathered for the party. As we got off of the bike and walked over to the crowd, Leroy and Melanie were the first to greet us.

“Ah, Trish. Good to see you again.” Leroy chuckled.

“Hi, Leroy. Melanie.” I nodded at both of them.

“Where’s the little cheese dick?” Sonny asked, obviously referring to Spider.

“He’s over there by the keg,” Leroy advised him. “Scared out of his wits.”

“Why would he be scared?” I looked over at Sonny. “Isn’t this party for him?”

Everyone around me broke out into hysterical laughter. Finally, Leroy was the one to answer me. “Darlin’, a patch-in party
is
for the prospect, but we don’t just hand them their cuts and kiss them on the cheek. No, it ain’t that easy.”

“Why? What are you going to do to him?” Now, I was worried that maybe they were going to jump him in, the way street gangs do to new members.

Leroy looked at his watch. “Hey, it’s time. We’ll just show you. Come with us.” Everyone in the group started walking toward Spider, who was standing with a small group of people. “It’s time, prospect!” Leroy yelled at him. “You ready for this?”

Spider looked nervous and excited at the same time. “Hell yeah!” he said, although the look on his face betrayed his anxiety about whatever was about to happen.

A loud cheer went up from the thirty-some-odd people that were gathered to form a circle around Leroy and Spider. They all started chanting, “Patch! Patch! Patch! Patch!”

Leroy used his hands to gesture for everyone to quiet down and then he addressed the crowd.

“Now, as everyone knows, we’re here because Spider, here, has paid his dues and has earned the right to wear the Lords of Chaos cuts!”

The crowd cheered.

“So, tonight, we’re going to patch young Spider here in. From tonight forward, he will be an official member of the Lords of Chaos Motorcycle Club.”

They cheered again.

“Now, come over here, Spider.” I was almost trembling with anxiety about what I was about to witness. I didn’t know Spider personally, but the few times I’d interacted with him, he’d been very sweet to me. I didn’t want to see him hurt.

Spider moved closer to Leroy. Sonny was standing next to me still and I wondered why he wasn’t standing next to his father.

“Take your shirt off, son,” Leroy instructed. Spider did as commanded and removed his black leather jacket and his black Lords of Chaos t-shirt. He was even scrawnier than I had thought as he stood shirtless in the cool September night air.

“Melanie?” Leroy motioned for her to step forward and she did, handing him some patches and an industrial-sized staple gun. I couldn’t imagine what on earth Leroy was going to do with a staple gun that large. He turned his attention back to Spider. “You ready for this?”

Spider nodded silently.

“Are you sure?”

“Hell yeah!” Spider shouted. “Bring it on.”

But again, even I could see him shivering from where I stood and I doubted it was just the cool autumn breeze.

As the crowd cheered, Leroy took one of the patches and placed it on Spider’s thin, shivering, bare chest. He took the huge staple gun and to my horror, stapled the patch right onto Spider’s chest. As he did, Spider flinched only slightly. If it were me, I’d have jumped away, screaming in pain. The crowd hooted and hollered as a tiny river of blood started to trickle down Spider’s chest.

“That…is your name patch. Next…is your Lords of Chaos patch. The most important patch you will ever wear. It can only be taken from you if you betray or turn your back on this club, but do you, Spider, swear to always be true to the club until the day you die?”

“Hell yeah!” Spider responded.

“Then, here’s your final patch.” Leroy took the other patch and stapled it to the other side of Spider’s chest. Again, a line of blood trickled down his chest.

This was one of the most barbaric things I had seen in a while, but it was over finally and Spider was an official member of the crew. The crowd dispersed and Leroy went to his truck and turned up the music—Credence Clearwater’s “Fortunate Sun”—which thumped and screeched over the speakers.

Sonny and I started milling about and talking with different groups of people. Each time, Sonny introduced me as his “old lady” or “girlfriend.” Everyone was extremely nice to me and it was hard to remember that each and every one of these people were hardened criminals.

At one point, as we stood there talking to his cousin Jimmy and Amanda, Leroy walked up to Sonny and whispered something in his ear. I couldn’t hear anything he said, but whatever it was got Sonny’s attention, because he immediately walked away and followed his father without saying a word to me. I watched as Leroy and Sonny leaned in close to one another and talked very animatedly. Sonny shook his head and walked away from his dad and toward me with determination.

“I’m sorry, Trish. I’ve got to go.” He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek and turned to leave.

“Wait! Where are you going? You’re just going to leave me here? I want to know what’s happening.”

“It’s club business. I can’t really tell you, but it’s serious and I have to go take care of it. Melanie will take you home. You’ll be fine.” The coolness in his tone bothered me.

“What could be so important that you’d have to just take off and leave me here alone with a bunch of people I don’t know?” I didn’t want to sound like a whiny, possessive girlfriend, but I had to figure out what was going on. After all, that’s what I was really there to do.

He hesitated for a brief moment and then turned back to face me. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Listen, there’s some things you don’t know…things you don’t need to know. Not because I want to keep secrets from you, but I’m trying to protect you. All I can tell you is that some business we’ve got going on has gone bad. Someone didn’t hold up their end of a business deal and you don’t mess with club business.”

Immediately my interest was piqued. There was something happening that was probably criminal in nature, but Sonny wasn’t yet willing to confide in me. I worried that maybe he never would. If he said he wouldn’t tell me to “protect” me, maybe he’d never let me in on his secrets.

I had to figure out what was going on, but I had no clue what to do next.