Confronting the Fallen (11 page)

Chris
thought he heard an edge of resentment in Tyler's voice. Does he
think I'm just lazy? He glared at the other two.

“
You
think it's easy to trust strangers? After all I've seen and done?
Well, it isn't. And until I do, I'm not committing myself to
anything.” And he folded his arms and stared at Tyler coldly.

“
Not
easy to trust strangers?” Tyler repeated. “Why not? We
trust you. You're our friend. Maybe in time you'll realize that we're
your friends too.”

He stood
up without another word and left. Jacob looked at Chris, shrugged and
followed Tyler out of the room.

Chris
watched them go, a feeling of guilt burning in the pit of his
stomach. Friends. It's been a long time since I had real friends. Oh,
there was South-side Lou and Big Danny and Crazy Mary. But they
weren't friends. Just other street kids, watching each others backs
because there was safety in numbers.

At the
end of his second week in the Nest, Chris wandered into the kitchen
after his evening stroll. Chef was there, baking bread for the next
day's breakfast and halving grapefruit and sprinkling the halves with
sugar. He smiled at Chris as he walked in.

“
And
here is my favorite resident! Welcome, Chris. What can I do for you
tonight? Hungry?”

Chris
smiled at the man. He had become very fond of the cook and chatted
with him at every opportunity. “No thanks, Chef,” he
said. “I was just...I dunno. Looking for someone to talk to, I
guess.”

Chef
waved Chris to a seat and offered him a glass of grape juice, his
favorite. Then the man wiped his hands on his apron, took a seat next
to Chris and looked at him fondly.

“
I
always have time to talk to you, Chris.” He became serious. “If
you need a friendly ear, I'm happy to listen.”

Chris
nodded and gathered his thoughts. “Well, Chef, it's like this.
I've been here a couple of weeks or so, as a guest of Judge Hawkes.
I'm clean, safe, well-fed,” he grinned slyly at the man, who
chuckled appreciatively, “and rested. But I can't stay here
forever. I know that. Everywhere around me, the guys and girls my age
are going to class, doing homework, doing stuff for the judge that I
don't even understand. But they're busy. They have a purpose. Me? I
think they see me as a, I dunno, a tourist? A slacker? Someone who's
wasting his time here, I guess.”

Chef was
listening attentively but when Chris hesitated, he just motioned for
him to continue.

“
The
thing is, I’m not like that. Honest. I like to study, to read.
I even liked school back before, well, back in the day. But I just
can’t get past what the judge told me. About the reason that
everyone is here.” He looked intently at Chef. “You know,
right?”

“
I
know about the angelic souls, Chris. Indeed I do,” Chef replied
quietly.

“
Exactly.
So what am I supposed to make of that? I'm no angel. I've seen things
and I've, I've done things over the last couple of years that prove
that. If the judge thinks I'm angelic...” He just stopped
talking and shrugged. Chef nodded his understanding.

“
I
know what you are saying, Chris. And what you are feeling. Truly.”
He sat quiet for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. “Did
you know that I lived on the street for a time, many years ago?”

“
You?”
Chris stared at the man in surprise.

“
Me.
Yes. Back in Palermo, when I was very young. I ran away when I was
fifteen. Wanted to see the world, experience new things.” Chef
chuckled. “What I really wanted was to get out from under my
father's thumb. He was very strict and I was tired of all his rules.
So I left our farm and headed for the big city with only a few
clothes in a bag and some big dreams.” The man frowned as he
remembered. “It was very hard, as I'm sure you know. But unlike
you, I had a place to return to.” Chef's frown was replaced by
a grin. “And after a month or so, I made my way back home, tail
between my legs. All I had to show for my independence were a few
scars and some unpleasant memories.” He reached out and patted
Chris lightly on the shoulder. “But I saw enough, Chris. Enough
to know that you have had a hard time. I have no way to convince you
to put aside your suspicions. But, let me ask you something. Do you
trust me?”

Chris was
startled by the question but answered immediately. “Yes, of
course I do. Absolutely.”

“
Ah,
thank you for that. So, you trust me. And I trust Judge Hawkes. Then
doesn't it follow that you can trust him too?”

Chris sat
back and tried to work that out in his head. If you trust someone who
trusts someone else, can you trust that other person too? Hmm. He
glanced at Chef who just winked. Chris sighed. Yeah, I trust Chef. He
just...feels trustworthy somehow. And I sort of trust the judge.
So...

He
suddenly laughed and Chef joined him. “Ah, your face as you
were working that out, Chris. Priceless.”

Chris
chuckled. “It probably looked painful. Yeah, okay Chef. You got
me. How can I trust you and not the judge?” Chris felt like a
weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. “So what now? Do I
just tell him that I want to join or what?”

“
No,
no, Chris. Slow is best,” Chef said quickly. “Before you
make that decision, I suggest you first take the test. After that,
you will know enough to decide, one way or the other.”

“
Yeah,
the test.” Chris finished his juice and took a deep breath,
enjoying the smell of baking bread. Maybe I am hungry, he thought.
“What is that all about anyway? No one will tell me.”

As though
he had read Chris' mind, Chef got up and cut a huge slice off of a
fresh loaf of bread. He buttered it, slathered on a large portion of
strawberry jam, walked back and handed it to Chris with a smile. He
also refilled Chris' glass.

“
The
test isn't spoken of, Chris,” Chef said as he sat down again.
“Not because it's a huge secret, but because it is different
for each person.”

Chris bit
into the bread and jam. It was delicious. “So you really can't
tell me anything about it?” he asked as he swallowed.

The man
grinned mischievously. “Well, I can tell you that no one fails.
It isn't that kind of test. It's more about you and your, how can I
put this...your inner self, than it is about skills or knowledge.
Just do your best, Chris and you will be fine.”

Chris
finished his snack, emptied his glass and thanked Chef for his time.

“
It
was my pleasure, Chris. Any time you need to bend my ear, feel free.”
The man got up and went back to kneading his bread dough. “Have
a good sleep.”

“
Thanks
Chef. Good night.”

Chris
headed off to his room, thinking hard. At least he had come to a
decision, finally. He'd talk to Judge Hawkes as soon as possible and
take that stupid test. Maybe then, Tyler and Jacob would be able to
talk to him more openly. And maybe I'll finally feel like I belong
somewhere, he thought hopefully.

The next
morning, Chris waited until after breakfast to speak to Martin as he
was leaving the dining room. But when he asked for an appointment
with the judge, Martin had some bad news.

“
I'm
sorry, Mr. Wright,” Martin said. “But Judge Hawkes is
away for a few days.” He pulled out his cell and punched in
some numbers. “Yes. I believe he's scheduled to return on
Thursday.” He looked at Chris. “I will certainly inform
him of your request and I'm sure he'll add you to his list of
appointments when he can.” Obviously reacting to Chris's look
of disappointment, he smiled ruefully. “The judge is very busy
these days, I'm afraid. Is it urgent or can it wait the three days?”

“
No,
it's not urgent, Martin,” Chris said. He mentally kicked
himself for thinking that the judge would be available whenever he
needed to speak to him. “I can wait. No problem.”

“
Ah,
good. I'll see that he is informed.” Martin nodded and headed
off down the hallway.

Chris
watched the man walk off. Great, he thought. Here I am, all ready to
take this stupid test, whatever it is, and the judge is away! Oh
well. I guess I can wait a few more days. He was about to head off to
the library when Chris heard his name called. It was Tyler and Jacob.

“
Hey
Chris,” Tyler said with a grin. “Want to play a few
games? Jake and I have the morning off today. Apparently our calculus
teacher, Rabbi Neuman, is off for a few days.” He looked around
and lowered his voice. “Rumor is, he took off with Judge Hawkes
on some sort of mission, so we're free every morning for a while.”
Jacob was grinning widely.

“
Sure
guys, sounds great.” As he set off for the games room with his
friends, Chris asked about this so-called mission.

“
No
idea what it's about, Chris,” Jacob spoke up as they walked
through the halls. He was keeping his voice down. “All I know
is, when the judge takes a cleric with him, it's probably something
dangerous.”

“
Dangerous?”
Chris stared at Jacob incredulously. “Why would he need a rabbi
for something like that?”

Tyler
gave Jacob a sharp poke. “We aren't supposed to talk about
stuff like that!”

Jacob
stumbled and glared at his friend. “Ow! Knock it off, Ty.
Aren't you the one that told Chris we trusted him the other day? So
what's your problem now?”

Under
Jacob's accusatory stare, Tyler reddened and looked at Chris. “Sorry,
Chris. Jake's right, of course. It's just that I don't want to get
any of us in trouble. And around here,” he glanced up and down
the empty hallway and lowered his voice, “the walls have ears.”

Chris
leaned against the wall. He could smell the pine scent rising from
the wooden floor. I wonder if they use some sort of wood oil to clean
it? The smell was faintly comforting for some reason.

“
What
do you mean by that, Ty? The walls have ears?”

Tyler
looked at Jacob and back at Chris. “I mean that there are very
few secrets around here, Chris. But the few that there are, well, the
adults take them seriously. The three of us would be in for it if
they found out we'd told you anything.”

Jacob
rolled his eyes but nodded when Chris looked at him enquiringly.
“Ty's right, Chris. I hate to admit it, but he is. We want to
tell you everything, but...”

“
Yeah,
yeah, I know. Secrets.” Chris shrugged. “Well, once the
judge gets back, maybe then we can talk about it.” He looked
between the two of them and grinned. “I've decided to take the
stupid test, whatever it is.”

Both of
Chris' friends looked surprised and then smiled widely.

“
Excellent!”
Jacob exclaimed.

“
Awesome,
Chris,” Tyler added. “But what changed your mind?”

“
Nothing
really. I had a talk with Chef. He trusts the judge and I trust him
so, it just kind of made sense.”

“
I'm
really glad, Chris,” Jacob said, sounding relieved. “I
hate this pussyfooting around when we talk. Once you take the test,
even if you decide this place isn't for you, at least we can talk
openly.”

“
Agreed,
Jake,” Tyler said. “So, any idea when you can take the
test?”

Chris
grimaced. “That's the problem. The judge is away, like you guys
said, and Martin said I have to wait till he gets back to talk to
him. Maybe three days? I guess I can be patient for a little while
longer.”

Tyler
punched Chris lightly on the arm. “Well, at least you get three
more days of leisure before you have to join the rest of us running
around following a schedule.”

The three
teens laughed and continued on to the games room.

The
next three days passed painfully slowly for Chris. Now that he had
decided to take the mysterious test, he was eager to get it over
with. But he had learned at lot about patience when he was living on
his own and he did his best to stay distracted and not count the
hours until the judge returned.

On
the morning of the third day, Martin approached Chris while he was
eating breakfast with Tyler and Jacob. He gave him the welcome news.

“
Good
morning, gentlemen,” Martin greeted them. “Mr. Wright, I
wanted to let you know that Judge Hawkes returned late last night.
He's agreed to see you at ten this morning.” He looked
seriously at Chris. “It's been a hard trip for the judge so
please, be punctual. His schedule is backed up and you're fortunate
that he was able to squeeze you in so quickly.”

Chris
thanked Martin gratefully. When he had left, Chris turned to his
friends.

“
Finally!
This waiting has been making me crazy.”