Conquering Chaos
Authors: Catelynn Lowell,Tyler Baltierra
Conquering Chaos
Copyright © 2015. All Rights Reserved.
ISBN (Hardcover): 978-1-61868-923-8
ISBN (eBook): 978-1-61868-924-5
Cover photo by Ashley Haponek and Emily Knowles, Four 13 Photography
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted
by any means without the written permission of the author and publisher.
Published by Post Hill Press
109 International Drive, Suite 300
Franklin, TN 37067
Chapter 1: A Very Unusual Love Story
Chapter 3: Life With Drugs & Alcohol
Chapter 4: From Teen Sex To Teen Pregnancy
Chapter 5: A Better Life For A Child
Chapter 6: The Adoption Journey
Chapter 8: Holding Onto Each Other
Chapter 9: Planning A Happy Home
Chapter 10: Taking Responsibility
Chapter 11: A Chance To Inspire
There are not enough words to describe the love we have for everyone who picked up
this book. Whether you’ve watched us on MTV as we grew from terrified teenagers that
were forced to grow up way too fast or you just happened upon this book while browsing
the bookstore, we feel very humbled knowing that you have invested in our story.
This book was written for one reason: to inspire you. Maybe you relate to the struggles
we have overcome and you’ll walk away feeling empowered to change your life. Whatever
your takeaway might be: The reason we wrote this book was for you. Plain and simple.
That’s why we didn’t hold back when it came to sharing our happiest moments, like
our love story, or our darker days, growing up in the shadow of violence and abuse.
There’s a lot to be learned from our story. The whole story. It’s easy to forget that
there were sixteen years before the cameras started rolling. And those sixteen years
were filled with highs and lows. One thing you’ll learn about us is that we are very
open and honest about the obstacles we have faced, many of which never made it on
air but have shaped us into the people we are today.
And it wasn’t luck that got us this far. From the day we found out Catelynn was pregnant
with Carly, we knew we wanted a better life for her. That meant we needed to better
ourselves. We also knew that placing Carly for adoption, while it was the right thing
to do, would be a sacrifice harder than anything we have ever faced. What we didn’t
realize was that our decision would give us the determination to go after everything
we wanted out of life.
Life before Carly meant being shuffled from trailer park to trailer park. For us it
was normal to have to keep tabs on an intoxicated parent or have to deal with the
cops. We were all too familiar with the way that drugs destroyed lives, leaving children
to pick up the pieces. Sometimes our lives felt so unstable we weren’t sure we would
even make it through high school. It would have been easy to blow off our education,
to continue the cycle of drug abuse and teen parenting, but because of Carly we knew
we had to forge our own paths to get far away from where we started.
Of course, there were bumps along the way. Choosing adoption drove a wedge between
the relationships we had with our parents. Their reactions to our decision broke our
hearts and made placing Carly harder than we’d imagined. At the time we didn’t realize
that Catelynn’s mom would take it personally that we wanted a different life for our
daughter than the one she had chosen for her own kids, or that Tyler’s dad would rage
against placing Carly with adoptive parents who could give her a stable home despite
his record of being in and out of jail throughout Tyler’s life.
With our parents pleading for us to parent the baby we had to take a good look at
our lives. Could we provide a secure and happy home for a child at sixteen without
jobs, diplomas, or reliable parents of our own to help out? Not only that, but we
also had to take into account the long history of abuse and addiction within our families,
some of which went all the way back to our great-grandparents. We realized that because
of this history, we grew up seeing exactly what we did not want our futures to look
like, and we knew the cycle would never end if we decided to parent our daughter in
the same environment. We did not want to end up like our parents, and we certainly
didn’t want that for Carly either. By choosing adoption we could be the first generation
to put an end to the vicious cycle of abuse, addiction, and poverty.
Even with all the backlash that came with our decision, we stuck by it because we
knew it was the right choice for everyone. By placing our daughter for adoption we
gave her adoptive parents one of the greatest gifts you can give, and we gave Carly
a chance at the life we always dreamed of. From the moment we watched her drive off
with her adoptive parents, we knew we were going to do everything we could to become
people that she would be proud of one day. That’s how we went from teenage delinquents
to hard-working young adults with big plans.
We traded in partying and getting into trouble for jobs, eventually becoming caregivers
for kids and adults with special needs. We started to take school more seriously because
we knew if we wanted to go places we had to buckle down, get our diplomas, and start
making plans for college. At this point we were making something of our lives together,
and nothing was going to get in our way. Not the effects of our childhoods, and not
any obstacles in our relationship. But that doesn’t mean those things didn’t creep
up on us, sometimes testing our bond.
We couldn’t erase the fact that we had gone through an eight month separation early
on in our relationship, or the lies and trust issues that came from it later. We couldn’t
erase the sexual abuse that Tyler suffered early on in his childhood and how it had
continued to affect him throughout his life. And we couldn’t erase our ties to the
past and the dysfunctional world we’d come from, which was still full of friends and
family we loved with all our hearts. We knew we needed to deal with these issues if
we wanted to make it as a couple and be the kind of people Carly would look up to
one day.
We had been lucky to have had very little conflict throughout our relationship when
we were still “just kids,” but after Carly we didn’t feel like kids anymore. Our relationship
took on a whole new meaning. At sixteen we felt like adults, which meant we were now
in an adult relationship. Catelynn’s history of lying and the pain that Tyler still
harbored from our separation really began to chip away at our relationship’s solid
foundation. If we were going to make it we knew we needed to heal so we could continue
taking control of our lives and empowering ourselves.
This isn’t just a story about relationships, teen pregnancy, or even adoption. This
is a story about breaking the cycle of dysfunction and learning how to overcome even
the toughest obstacles that life throws your way. This is our story and we are grateful
that you have chosen to read it.
Thank you. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Without the support of the people
who have watched us grow since we were scared teenagers, we would never have become
the people who are now writing this book. During all the challenges and sacrifices,
we were able to lean on the love and encouragement of so many strangers who connected
with our story and reached out to tell us what it meant to them. Not a day goes by
when we aren’t grateful for the time you’ve taken to get to know us and hear our story.
For hearing us, for respecting us, and for reading this book, thank you, thank you,
and thank you.
A VERY UNUSUAL LOVE STORY
If you know us from television, you know us as a couple. For the five years we’ve
been appearing on MTV, from
16 & Pregnant
to
Teen Mom
and all the specials and spin-offs in between, it’s always been “Tyler and Catelynn,”
“Catelynn and Tyler.” A single unit, practically joined at the hip. But in real life…
Nope, just kidding. In this specific case, the real story isn’t a whole lot different
from the one you’ve seen: We’ve been a package deal for a long time, ever since we
fell for each other at the unripe age of twelve. That’s not to say we’re not individuals
— we definitely are! But in the years since we were childhood sweethearts, we’ve shared
the most meaningful and difficult experiences of our lives. We’ve grown up together,
and after all the ups and downs, we’re still a team.
We know, we know. You probably didn’t pick up this book because you wanted to hear
two kids from reality TV brag about their perfect relationship for a hundred pages.
We promise we’re not going to do that to you. But this isn’t just “Catelynn’s Story”
or “Tyler’s Story.” It’s our story. And if we’re going to open up about all the tragedy,
triumph, mischief and mayhem of our journey, what better place to start than that
fateful year in junior high?
Tyler:
Looking back on the first time I saw Catelynn is like watching a movie I know by heart.
I remember every detail.
Picture the scene: A middle school hallway crowded with kids, most of them holding
papers showing their class schedules and room numbers. It’s the first day of seventh
grade, and the energy is high — especially for me, a troublemaker from the trailer
park who’s been raising hell since daycare.
As I slide through the kids in the hall, I look at my schedule to see my last class
before lunch is music. I think, sweet! Easy A. I walk in with my chains clanking behind
me and grab a seat, scanning the room to see what kind of kids are in this class,
looking for anyone that I knew.
Then it happens. I see her.
The whole room seems to go quiet as I lock eyes with a blonde bombshell. She only
makes eye contact with me for a second, and then she turns away to talk to one of
her friends, breaking the moment. But I can’t stop staring at her. I feel like a creeper,
but I don’t even care. The girl is cute as hell, but in a tomboy way. She isn’t wearing
tons of makeup and she hasn’t styled her bright blond hair. She has on a couple studded
bracelets, flare jeans and skater shoes, and a shirt that says “I’m with the drummer.”
Her smile lights up the room and her eyes are beautiful piercing gray. Plus, she’s
got bigger tits than any other girl in the seventh grade.
Definitely my kind of chick. I think to myself, “I have to have her.”
The class ends and lunch starts. I hurry and scan the crowd of kids by the doors to
see if I can spot her, but I can’t. Pushing through the suffocating crowd of kids,
I finally spot her bright blonde hair disappearing around the corner of the hallway.
I jog to catch up and then slow my roll as I turn the corner, playing it cool, and
there she is again. She’s just standing there, the coolest, prettiest rocker chick
my seventh-grade eyes have ever landed on, and I feel like she’s just waiting for
me to walk up and grab her by the hips and tell her she’s mine. There’s no question
in my mind: I have to make a move. So I take a deep breath and walk right up.