Conquering the Dark Axe (22 page)

"Black will be all we need today. You will ride
with me." Rourke gave her a look that said he was awaiting her protest.
Alexa shrugged.

Not today. Something warm and fuzzy caused her to
shiver at the thought of being in his arms as they rode. Satisfied, he took the
basket from her and secured it to the side of his horse.

The ride was more exhilarating and cleansing than
Alexa had imagined even with her husband's men hanging back far enough to give
them privacy. But not far enough that she'd not seen a head or two on the other
side of the wood.  She found it hard to believe the man needed any to
watch his back.  He was more than capable to handle more than a score of
men on his own.

After a while he lead the horse to an area Alexa was
unfamiliar with and she soon lost her breath when the clearing revealed a small
stream and waterfall. The rushing water was calming and she rushed to dismount.
He let her while he let Black free to go to the bank for a drink.

When Alexa turned back, he had spread out a thick
wool blanket with the basket on it. He smiled at her and held out a hand to
her. Alexa hesitated. Her heart was near bursting with the new emotions
lighting through her. She did not like what she was feeling, but unable to stop
the rush of it, she let it happen. She took his hand and sat down with him.

He looked awkward at first, uncomfortable as he set
out their small meal of meats, bread, cheese and fruit.  She squeezed his
hand when he slowly unwrapped a handful of her sweet wafers.

They ate quietly and Alexa immersed herself in their
surroundings and simply being with him. 

She pulled out the small flask and offered it to him
to drink.  He pushed it back to her to drink first. Their eyes met over
their hands and Alexa accepted it, drinking her fill and gave it back to
him.  Her eyes shone brightly as she watched the bump on his throat move
with each swallow.  The scar from the cut that she’d given him when they’d
first met was hardly visible.

She did not know her feelings showed in her
eyes.  But Rourke did.  He was afraid to hope. Irritation came over
him at what he saw in her open gaze.  Goran was right on this too. Time
had come to talk about their marriage and that had been Rourke’s intent with
this outing. But now, anxiety filled him and he could not do it.

He thrust the flask back at her roughly and said
gruffly, "I hope this afternoon pleased you."

Her brows furrowed and she drew back, a confused
expression upon her flushed face. “It has very much so.”

She continued to watch him and Rourke grunted with a
nod and looked out over the stream. 

The man was going to drive her mad! Alexa stared at
the side of his face as she forced down her frustration. ‘Twas his idea to do
this today. These new and insecure feelings were probably as strange to him as
they were to her. She would have to take the lead. With that thought, she laid
back and wanting him to hear, she let out a loud sigh.

Rourke turned and his breath stopped. She had
removed the ties in her hair and it fanned out behind her like a glorious
blanket.  Rourke could not resist and leaned over to inhale the sweet
fragrance of her before moving down to nuzzle her neck.  When she arched
against him, he covered one of her breasts under the cloak and squeezed. Her
soft moans and movements drove him mad.  He covered her with his body and
whispered sweet words near her ear. God, how he missed the passionate sounds
she made. The feel of her. She trembled and moved her hips against his, their
loins pressed together. 

He stopped his caresses. “’Tis not the place. The
chill hangs yet heavy in the air and the men are not far.” Rourke sighed,
breathing heavy with his forehead pressed against hers.

She shook her head, her hands clutched at his back
to hold him fast to her.

“Nay. I want to do it now. Right here.” Hot and
breathless her whisper shot a bolt of pure lust to his groin and he gritted his
teeth. The hot kisses she leaned up to plant along the column of his throat
drove him mad. Her tongue snaked out and licked his scar. 

Rourke growled and nipped her lips. “Nay. I want you
in our bed and will not chance anyone seeing you.”

“Your men will not come forward without a word of
permission from you. Come. Feel how much I want you inside me, Rourke.”

It took everything in him to fulfill her wish at the
sound of his name coming off her tongue. But still he rolled off her and stood.
His hardness throbbed in protest. He heard her scramble to her feet in a huff
behind him. The cool water of the stream beckoned him and he wanted to walk
there now into it fully clothed.  Her next words hit his back like Thor’s
hammer.

“Is Lina truly your mistress?”

Rourke wheeled around and stared at her.

Alexa's gaze did not waver and she went on, passion
and anger firing in her eyes.  “Well? Do you share her bed?”

He could have told her he’d not touched Lina since
the day he’d come here and seen her on the hill standing over her sister’s
grave. But, Rourke said nothing. He was not ready to cross over into this
illusion of ever after. And that was what it was. He’d been a fool. How could
he have believed for one moment ‘twas possible? How could he when deep down
inside he did not trust her or it?

“What know you of me? That is something I need not
discuss with you.”

He knew his answer would only further her anger, so
he turned back to the stream so he did not have to see the damage his words
caused.

“Why did you bring me here?”

The pain in her voice tore at him and Rourke
remained silent. She didn’t.

“What makes you hate women so?”  Alexa should
have stopped from the look he shot her when he turned around. But she could
not, would not back off now. The change in him had hurt her. She continued,
“Who was she to you?”

He was in front of her in two strides. His large
hand circled her throat. Alexa held his gaze. His look was intimidating, but
her need to get to the bottom of it was stronger.

“A bitch that used her beauty to get what she wanted
and had thoughts only of herself. You give a woman the world and still ‘tis not
enough.”

His raw tone cut through her like knives into her
flesh. Whatever it was, this torment, ‘twas still fresh in his mind. Alexa
covered his hand gently with her own and felt him relax under her touch.

“What did she do?” she asked.

“She laughed at me and cast my feelings to the
wolves. She crushed a young fool's heart with her vile tongue and left him with
no choice but to distrust all women.”

Alexa caressed his hand as her other moved to his
shoulder. Rourke groaned and pulled her close.

“One woman caused all this pain?” Alexa questioned
in disbelief against his throat. He was not telling her all of it and she knew
it.

“Aye!” Rourke answered hoarsely and pulled back.
“One is all it takes for me to never allow it to happen ever again. More men
should behave thus. There would be less trouble. Women have a viper for a
tongue. Words wound as deeply as actions.”

“As all men are not the same, neither are women”
Alexa retorted, stung by his scathing words.

Rourke snorted and stepped away from her. The
derisive look he gave her made her skin crawl and her heart sink. He was dead
set on not letting the slightest piece of himself free. She saw the complete
change in his green eyes as he stared at her a moment longer.

Rourke knew what she wanted and he would not speak
it just to soothe her hurt. He’d made that mistake once before and it’d cost
him. The pain had been too great. Unbearable. He had vowed never to let it
happen again and he would not. No matter how fond he was growing of her.
Something inside him ached in warning, but tormented by his thoughts, he
ignored it.

“What you seek I can never give you, Alexa. I am
incapable of loving anyone.”  He continued right over her sharp gasp, “I
am not a man whose heart rules his actions. To do so would be a fatal mistake.
I will care for you.  Protect you. See to all you could need or ever want.
But that I fear is all. I will be no one's besotted fool." his green eyes
darkened and he ended with a snort. "Never again. Not even with you."

For as long as he lived he’d never forget the raw
pain of her stricken expression. It was gone in the next moment, replaced by
her fury. He wanted to apologize. But didn’t.

He may as well have pulled out his axe and split her
in two, for the agony that lanced her at his cold words, surely the pain could
not have been greater. She was too stunned to say anything.

"I’ve upset you and you are angry."

"Nay," Alexa managed to choke out.

"You lie,” he pushed on.

Incredulous, Alexa could only stare at him. More
like cut her. In that moment she hated his Norman hide. 

“Come. The hour grows late. Time we head back.” he
said sharply.

She turned and stormed away from him into the trees.

“Alexa!” he shouted after her.

She started to run and Rourke let out a growl and
gave chase. When he caught her she fought him like a wildcat, screaming and
kicking at him.

“You unfeeling Norman bastard! Knave! Brute!”

Her words did not sting him this time for he knew
her intent. To hurt him. Her flailing arms rained blows against his neck and
shoulders. He wrestled with her to the ground. She roared beneath him when he
pinned her arms and body.

“Stop!” he yelled.

She bucked. He pressed against her and she tossed
her head and yelled back at him.  “What makes you think I want or need
anything from you? You have naught to give me. What you think you see you do
not. Let me up!”  Alexa finished quickly breathless and gulped in air. She
refused to let him see her shed a tear. She was drowning in the pain his words
had caused. 

“Nay. Not until you cease this madness.”

“What is madness is my own folly in thinking you
possessed a shred of softness in you. Now let me up. Your hulk of a body is
crushing me and I cannot bear the feel of it or your touch.”

That got him. The withdrawn look came in his gaze
and she instantly wished her words back. But her pain was too great and she was
glad she had hurt him as he had hurt her.  All signs of warmth left those
emerald all seeing eyes.

“Well then. I have proven my point. Your tongue,
hellion, is that of a snake.” 

“As yours is that of a devil.”  She retorted
hotly.

His eyes darkened even more. He was furious. He
rolled off her and dragged her up with him, both her wrists locked in his large
hands.

She was enraged. Still, Alexa blinked back the angry
tears at his abrupt dismissal. She had let his change in mood sour what she had
thought was a sweet outing toward further progress.  He had ruined
everything.

Rourke had wanted his hellion back, but again, he
had erred greatly. He let out a low whistle. A rustle came near them and Black
emerged in a lazy canter from the trees.

“I would rather my feet blister and bleed than ride
back with you.” Alexa told him.

He grumbled and grunted about in a fit of anger
before he mounted. Then reached down and plucked her up. He sat her down before
him on the horse, not at all or gently.

Rourke signaled one of his men, who had approached,
no doubt having heard their shouts, to gather up their things. 

She leaned so far away from him, she was nigh on top
of Black’s neck.

“You will fall if you do not hold onto me,” Rourke
warned, his ire growing again.

She laced her fingers in Black’s mane. The horse
started.

Rourke scoffed, “He allows no one but me to touch
his mane. He will throw us both.”

Alexa tightened her grip in the softness, but not
enough to hurt the beautiful beast. She rubbed his strong neck and said
something inaudible. Black neighed and shifted beneath them giving into her.
Rourke goaded him forward with a grunt. Traitor! His dark thoughts screamed
inside.

TWENTY-EIGHT

Rourke wanted to go after her and pull her into his
arms as he watched her walk stiffly into the manor. He’d no one to blame but
himself for ruining their outing.  She had tried and he’d buckled under
the pressure, shied away when she’d gotten too close to that darkness he had
buried long ago.  Her steps to bridge the gap between them, he’d probably
just broken or widened.

He did not want to be close to her. He’d only wanted
to rid her of her melancholy so they could focus on what was important. Like
his need for a child. Why was she not pregnant yet? With an angry growl,
scaring the stable master and others nearby in the courtyard, Rourke took the
reins and remounted. He needed to ride and erase the image of the hurt he had
put there in her eyes from his vision.

When he came to bed, Alexa pretended to be asleep.
Her heart still stung and feeling his weight as he got into bed, she turned her
back to him. He moved for a bit, but did not reach for her and Alexa waited
holding her breath. When his light snores came, she squeezed her eyes shut
tight overcome by the ball of pain in her chest.  She had tried her best
and it had been for naught. He had ruined it all.