Consumed (Addicted to You Book 1) (11 page)

I didn’t care about his past. Not enough to warrant the way he treated me. I had done nothing to deserve it. Yet I kept having to live without him until he felt the need to return and start all over again.

Annoyance at where I was in life- trapped in an apartment that we’d picked out together and forced to look at ‘our’ things and try not to remember that he had left. Anger at the bills that were stacking up and the customers in the restaurant that didn’t seem to care what kind of mood I was in.

I was mad at my friends and family that had obviously departed from my life. My parents that had said some cruel and heartless things just before I left town because they didn’t like Spencer.

Yes I was hurt. But I was mad as hell. And part of that fury was at my best friend. The one I’d known most of my short life. The one that was supposed to love me and support me and always be there for me.

The words she’d said. The way she’d cut me open over and over. The fact that she hated me for being broken. I was mad. Nothing I’d done to her had ever been bad enough to hurt me.

She had deserved for me to bail on her. Why should I have went out and had fun with her, when she had made it a mission to watch me fall apart even worse than I already had.

The emotions consumed me almost as wholly as Spencer had during our time together. I couldn’t take them any longer. Something had to give if I was going to be able to continue everyday tasks. The pain and the gap in my soul were taking over my life. And I decided that it was time. I was going to let some of it out. Have a little bit of closure.

Sitting up on the beach, eyes swollen almost shut from crying so hard and for so long, I pulled out my phone. My hands shook violently as I held it. Fear waged a battle inside of me.

A quick swipe of my hand pushed the sand off of the screen and I was able to pull up the call logs.

Spencer.

It was right there in front of me. His name. His number.

And I was about to use it. I was going to call the man and tell him how cruel he’d been. He would know what he’d done to my life. And I’d feel better.

Or would I? What if he was with someone? What if he told me that he’d never loved me? What if he just refused to answer?

These were the questions that raced through my mind. The thoughts that provoked the panic that began to rumble. Would closure be good if closure meant that I had to know something that painful?

I would be careful. Not saying anything to hurt him. I didn’t want to think I’d caused him pain. But I would share that I had vanished and that everything around me was falling apart and I didn’t understand why he’d done that to me. He needed to know that.

Avoiding the truth, I told myself that I only wanted to close that door. It wasn’t really my reason. Something inside of me longed to change his mind. I hoped with everything left inside of me that he would hear my voice and need me as much as I needed him. That he would be unable to live any longer pretending that I didn’t matter.

I hit the button that dialed and put the phone to my ear. Clearing my throat I prepared to talk in spite of the growing lump and the fact that my mouth was dried out. But I wouldn’t get the opportunity. The voice that came across the line shocked me enough that I dropped the device into the sand at my feet.

“We’re sorry, but the number you have called has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

I heard the female computerized voice repeat the same message three times before I grabbed my phone and pressed end. His phone had been shut off. If I’d had any uncertainty that Spencer was done, that had quelled it. In all the time I’d known him, all the times he’d left, we’d always still had the phone. He had taken that away.

Like a machine, I lifted the handset up and unlocked the screen once more. I flipped open my contact list and scrolled to his name. I could feel my chest tighten. The pain was unreasonable.

Spencer.

I felt the tears well in my eyes and my heart sink. He had disconnected the number. He was gone. I kept telling myself that it was time, but nothing in me wanted to believe it. I closed my eyes- squeezing back the tears- and let my finger hit the button.

Delete.

Confirm.

It was done. Opening my eyes, I pulled up the text messages and clicked on the ones from him. Tears streamed down my face. I tried to avoid reading them, but some of the words caught my eye. It was over, I told myself. He was gone. I felt the last of my hope shatter as I pressed the button.

Delete.

Confirm.

Done.

unexpectedly it was as if the phone was blazing hot and scorching my fingers. I threw it hard and far from me. I didn’t want to hold it any longer or look at it. Just when I thought the hurting had been somewhat restrained it was as if I lost him all over again. As if he had just walked out once more. Only this time I had no doubt he was not coming back.

My shoulders heaved involuntarily and I felt them droop further. Soon after, my body followed. Falling forward onto my stomach in the sand, I twisted sideways and pulled my knees up to my torso. My head fell downward towards them. The fetal position- something that’d become habit since Spencer’s latest disappearance.

Everything inside of me broke for the final time and I allowed myself to surrender to the tears. Holding myself, I lay on that coastline and cried harder than I had ever cried in my life. finality wasn’t nearly as gratifying as I had anticipated when I’d made the call. Knowing that I would never see his smile or hear his voice again left me feeling as though breathing was too much exertion.

I closed my eyes and could see him. Standing over the mattress- his dark hair a little longer than it should have been and hanging in his puppy dog brown eyes- he was smiling. A perfect smile that would have melted any heart.

“What?” I’d asked him as he continued to stare down at me, eyes fervent.

“I got the job!” the proclamation we’d both been waiting for.

“Oh my God!” I could still hear my shriek as I threw down the book I’d been reading and stood up to give him a hug. “I knew you would!” I added, not quite positive I believed it.

Spencer had pulled back from me just a little bit and looked down into my eyes. His own danced with a brightness that I adored as his lips curled just slightly into a smirk.

“You always believe in me Avery,” he’d said tenderly, wrapping his tough and muscular arms around me. “Even when I don’t deserve it.”

“You always deserve it Spence,” I’d smiled and let myself descend into his grip.

“You’re incredible…” he’d paused for a split second and leaned over to kiss my forehead. “I hope you know that.”

“I just hope you always think it,” the words had been sincere.

“I’ll never forget,” he’d kissed my forehead again before pulling me deeper into his arms and holding me. “Never.”

It hurt. The words. The vision of him. The pledge that he’d failed to keep. All of it hurt in a way I couldn’t put in plain words and to an intensity I didn’t think I could endure.

But it was over and one way or another I had to find the strength to pick up the pieces and make it through. As soon as I was finished crying- which would end up lasting an hour or so.

The tears began to settle and I thought of Colby. She had gone and I needed her. More than anything, I was remorseful. I wanted to go to her and be apologetic and let her help me through this agony. I’d never known anything like it and I was pretty damn sure I couldn’t do it by myself.

As I stood and accepted that Spencer was gone for good and I no longer had any contact with him, I turned on my heels and set off to find my best friend. She deserved my apology. She was correct and I had been mistaken all along. It was time to finally make up for being the lousy friend that I was. Both while Spencer was there, and since he’d been gone.

Chapter 14

“Where are we going?” Spencer had shown up at the apartment and told me we were taking a drive. Over an hour later I still had no clue where we were headed.

“It’s a surprise Avery,” he smiled from the driver’s seat. “Can’t you let me give you something special once in a while?”

“You do,” I blushed. “Every day that I spend with you.”

“As sweet as that is,” he grinned, “I meant a little more than that.”

“Well, can you give me a hint?” I pleaded.

“Nope,” he laughed.

“Are we close?” I asked, noticing that we were nearing the Wisconsin border.

“Wait and see,” he teased.

“You are horribly mean!” I joked.

“Awhh,” he poked his bottom lip out. “Are you going to survive?”

“I’m no longer speaking to you,” I lied. “Until we reach our destination. Because you are just mean!”

His laugh filled up the small sedan and made me smile as I refused to look in his direction. As much as Spencer worried about the fallout of love, he was generally a very happy person. Whenever he laughed it was a genuine, from the gut kind of sound and it made everyone around him feel good.

I may have been joking about him being mean, but I really had no clue where he might be taking me. The day had begun like any other Friday. I’d gone to work and spent most of the day smiling and wondering if I’d see him over the weekend.

Right as I pulled up to my apartment, he’d informed me that we were going somewhere. I wasn’t positive where, but he’d had me pack an overnight bag so apparently we were staying wherever it was until Saturday.

It was the middle of winter so there weren’t a lot of places that might have been available during the summer. He had known that I loved Wisconsin Dells, but only the hotels would be open during the cold months. I also enjoyed camping, but again that wasn’t feasible.

I watched the scenery change from city landscapes to fields as we continued to head north.

“Can I pee?” I asked, hoping that maybe he’d share how much longer the trip was.

“Sure babe,” He’d smiled and slid into the right lane to take an exit.

We stopped at a small service station not far past the state line and I grabbed a drink and went to the bathroom. I loved the fact that he’d been spontaneous, but I wanted more than anything to know what we were doing.

I fell asleep after our stop, leaving me with no idea how far we travelled or what time it was going to be when we arrived. Occasionally I would open my eyes and see if I could tell where we were, but there was never a good enough clue to help me figure it out.

“Where are we?” I asked, still half asleep after a several hour nap.

I sat up and looked around. We appeared to be in some sort of wooded area, but I couldn’t quite tell where in the dark. Barren maple trees were covered in snow that sparkled in the moonlight. It was amazing how beautiful the snow was when you stepped out of the city for a while.

Spencer stopped in front of a small building and told me that he’d be right back. I waited in the car, taking in the surroundings. On the other side of the building was what appeared to be a lake that was frozen over with pure white snow.

I saw what appeared to be a small inn and several other buildings. A sign touted a garden that was obviously out of commission for the year. Even with the brightness that came with a Midwest winter, I had a hard time making out everything that I saw. Many of the buildings in view were decked out in Christmas lights. I even saw a bridge that appeared to lead to a small island in the middle of the lake.

There was no need to know where I was to understand that it was gorgeous. Just from the views I was taking in from the car, it was clear that Spencer knew me very well. I loved places like this. Set apart from the world and filled with a natural beauty. Whatever it was, I wanted to see it in the fall.

“Sorry babe,” Spencer opened the door and got back into the car. “Took a little longer than I thought.”

“What is this place?” I asked, still looking around with wonder.

“You like it?” he smiled when he saw the look on my face.

“I love it,” I moved my head from side to side, taking it all in.

“It’s Canoe Bay,” he told me as he started the car.

“What is Canoe Bay?” I asked.

“It’s an adults only resort,” I watched as he turned the car and began to drive slowly around the lake I’d seen. “It’s an elegant and romantic getaway.”

“You sound like a commercial,” I teased. “Are we staying at the Inn I saw?”

“No,” his grin widened. “We have a cottage.”

I would soon learn that his idea of cottage and what I’d pictured was vastly different. He introduced our accommodations as the Lakeside Cottage, named obviously for its location, and I felt more like I was at a super luxurious private hotel.

It was a three room cottage that included a bedroom, living room and a spa room. My eyes first noticed the woodwork and stone fireplace in the living room. I had no clue until Spencer showed me that there was another stone fireplace in the bedroom.

Most of the standard fare of the cottage- appliances and furniture- were nicer than anything I could have afforded in the real world. In addition to that, there was a whirlpool tub and glass shower that were both big enough for both of us. The cottage featured a sauna, wet bar and gorgeous views of the lake. I couldn’t believe we were actually staying here, and I couldn’t believe that I’d only brought an overnight bag. A fact I shared quickly with him.