Contagious (37 page)

Ivan’s door was open. I was surprised to see all the get well cards that cluttered his dresser. He was lying in bed with his foot propped up, watching TV. He waved and smiled at me.

“
You have quite the fan club,” I said, motioning to the cards.

“
Yeah, I feel so loved,” he said with a smile. “I think the teenage girls here love it when one of us gets hurt. It gives them a reason to gush all over us.”

“
Lucky you.”

“
Meh, it’s alright. Ok, who am I kidding? I like the attention.”

“
I figured you would.”

“
And now the fan boys have you to gush over,” he joked.

“
Fan boys?”

“
Come on, you haven’t noticed the way they look at you?”

“
Not really,” I said honestly. “Guess I’m just used to it,” I joked back.

“
So,” he spoke, sitting up. “How do you like being partnered with Hayden?”

“
He’s great. We make a good zombie killing team.”

“
What about when you’re not killing? Like him then?”

I could tell Ivan was trying to get at something. “Uh, yeah. He’s a good guy.”

“
That he is. A good friend. Did he tell you we served together?”

“
Yeah, he mentioned it.” Maybe Ivan caught my quizzical stare because he quickly changed the subject. “Your friend Raeya is pretty cute. Is she single?”

“
Technically.”

“
Technically?”

“
Yeah. Her boyfriend was killed by the virus,” I said bitterly, still upset by Seth’s death.

“
Oh, so it’s a touchy subject.”

“
Kinda. She’s dealt really well. I’m proud of her.”

“
She told me about how you came and got her. You’re a good friend.”

I shrugged. “I try. And I promised her I’d never let anything bad happen to her. It would kill me if anything bad happened to her.”

“
You two been friends long?”

“
Since we were kids.” Someone walked down the hall.

“
Hey, Orissa,” Brock said cheerfully. He carried an armload of food. “Want to join in on our video gaming?”

“
No thanks,” I said as he dumped what he was carrying onto his bed.

“
Your loss.” He smiled and tossed an apple to Ivan. I wandered down the hall to my room, surprised to see Hayden in there. He smiled when I came in. My heart did a weird skip-a-beat thing.

“
I brought in our ‘stuff’ we collected on the mission,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“
The booze?”

“
Yeah. It’s in the closet, hidden with my junk food.”

“
Our junk food,” I corrected, laughing.

“
Oh, and I got your purse or bag or whatever. The one you had when you came here.” He held up the leather satchel.

“
You can shove that in the closet too. Or toss it. There’s nothing useful in it.”

“
You sure?”

“
Yeah.”

“
Ok.” Hayden opened the flap and looked inside. Grinning, he held up a stuffed animal. “Care to explain this?” he asked. “Please tell me you didn’t sleep with this thing.”

“
Oh, God.” The blood drained from my head fast, real fast. I sunk onto my bed. The vision of the pink cat was like a sucker punch to the face. Zoe. I hadn’t thought about her since that day. I buried my memory of her when I buried her body. It was too painful, too sad. It wasn’t fair. The image of her frail body lying at the bottom of the stairs flashed through my brain, the memory searing a gaping hole of pain in my heart. An odd sound escaped my mouth as I tried not to cry. Tears blurred my eyes. I didn’t remember seeing Hayden rush over, but suddenly he was there, right in front of me.

“
I’m so sorry, Orissa. I didn’t mean…it’s ok.” His put his hand on my shoulder. My head shook as I tried to force back the tears.

“
It’s not mine,” I tried to explain. A tear snuck out, rolling down my cheek. Hayden hugged me. His muscular embrace was warm and comforting. One sob escaped; I inhaled quickly to cut it off.

“
It’s ok,” he whispered, stoking my hair.

“
Zoe,” I told him. “It’s Zoe’s. S-she’s dead.” And then I cried. I forcefully wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry for crying,” I told him.

“
Orissa, don’t be sorry for being human.” He wrapped one arm around my body and used the other to pick up my legs, putting me on his lap. “I’m sorry about your friend,” he whispered, hugging me. Being enveloped in Hayden’s arms wasn’t anything new. But we had always cuddled together under the cover of darkness. I felt so vulnerable and exposed right now, with my heart out on the table.

I thought of Zoe’s last few days: her smile, her eagerness to find joy in this horrible world, her love of that stupid cat. And then I felt a wave of guilt for letting Finickus run away. I should have held onto him tighter, made sure he was taken care of. I remembered the zombies crashing her funeral. It sickened me to think that they might have used their fingernails to dig up the freshly disturbed earth to eat away at her lifeless body. I held onto Hayden, pressing my face against his chest.

“
It’s ok,” he soothed. When I looked up, his face was only an inch from mine. Our eyes locked and that feeling came back.

“
Zombies didn’t kill her,” I said, casting my eyes down. “She was sick long before the virus.” I took several deep breaths to get my emotions under control. “Sorry I cried,” I repeated, feeling ashamed of myself.

“
Orissa, stop.”

“
Stop?”

“
Yes, stop.” His tone was stern and his face was set. “Stop acting like you’re doing something bad by showing that you have feelings. The world has gone to hell. It’s more than a little upsetting.”

“
Crying doesn’t solve anything,” I told him.

“
No, but holding it in isn’t going to help either.”

“
Ok, thank you, Dr. Phil.”

“
Seriously, Orissa. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion. After all I’d been through in Afghanistan, after Ben died…you just have to accept the fact that you are human.”

“
Crying doesn’t solve anything,” I repeated, my voice a distant echo of my past. My mother spent two years after the divorce crying and drinking. I swore I’d never be like her. I’d never be weak. I’d never let anyone damage me.

“
Get it out and get over it,” he said a little gruffly. “Especially now.”

I’d rather feel nothing than feel pain; I could go through the motions. I closed my eyes, gripping Hayden tighter. “She was innocent. And young. Before she died, I prayed that we could somehow switch places. It would have been better that way.”

Hayden didn’t say anything. He ran his fingers through my hair. I saw her face, her big green eyes and her pink earrings. And then Logan. I trusted him, liked him even, thought of him as the best asset for survival. And I killed him. Seth. It wasn’t fair that he had to die. It wasn’t fair Raeya had to lose someone she loved. Aunt Jenny. My grandpa. My parents. Like vomit, the tears came involuntarily. I wiped my eyes.

“
I do feel better,” I confessed.

“
Good.”

“
I still feel like a giant puss for crying.”

Hayden laughed. “Yeah, for the whole two minutes you cried.” He brushed a loose strand of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. His hazel eyes met mine and I was suddenly aware of everything about him: the warmth of his skin, his heart beating, his chest rising and falling as he breathed, his muscles underneath me. Part of me wanted to jump up and run down the hall. And part of me never wanted to get up. “It’s lunch time,” he told me. “Are you hungry?”

“
I’m always hungry,” I said with a half smile. We got up and walked together. I detoured to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and rid the evidence of me having a heart. The A1s had a meeting after that. Another group was going out tomorrow to search for more survivors. When they got back, a second group (that included Hayden and me) would go out on what Fuller called a ‘destroy mission’. He told us that the zombies weren’t deteriorating into the third stage as quickly as they had been at the beginning of the outbreak. His eyes met Hayden’s several times in an unspoken conversation.

Only As went upstairs. I had never been flat out told that I wasn’t allowed to bring anyone up with me. It seemed, from listening to some of the soldiers’ conversations, that some of them had brought girls up on more than one occasion. Still, Raeya and I whispered as we trotted down the hall that night.

“
I am so jealous of how normal your room is!” she exclaimed as she looked around. “You have windows and drywall. We have cement walls.”

I laughed. “There are bars on the windows, if it makes you feel any better.”

“
And you have a closet!” She opened the door and looked inside. “This isn’t fair! You have hangers!”

“
I’d gladly give you my hangers. You know I hate hanging shit up. I’d rather throw it in a drawer.”

“
You do have drawers. You have a closet and a dresser.”

“
Oh, I have to show you something,” I said quietly, dragging Hayden’s box of junk food, candy and booze out. “You can’t tell Hayden I showed you though.”

“
Ohmigod! Now this-this is
so
not right!” She bent down, sifting through the candy. “And you’re just now cluing me in? Some friend you are!”

I laughed. “It’s Hayden’s secret stash. He only told me about it…uh…like over a week ago.” I grabbed a box of Oreos. “Take what you want and I’ll put it back before he comes up.”

“
Speaking of Hayden,” she said, opening a bag of cheese flavored chips. “You guys have been spending a lot of time together.”

“
Yeah, we’re partners.”

“
You know what I mean,” she insisted and raised her eyebrows.

“
No I don’t.”

“
Come on, Orissa, you so do.”

“
No.”

“
Well, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I think he likes you.”

“
Nah. He’s just…he-he…I’m the only attractive female he spends time with. Hence the looks.”

“
There are plenty of other good looking women here,” Raeya pointed out. “Why do you act like it would be a bad thing?”

“
What would be the point, Ray?”

“
Don’t you want to be happy?”

“
Oh yeah, be happy in a world filled with the living dead.”

“
What about the living dead?” a male voice spoke from behind us. Shit. It was Hayden. Had he overheard us?

“
Nothing,” I said quickly, feeling unnerved.

“
You,” Raeya said, standing. She picked up my pillow and threw it at him. “How dare you hide candy from me!”

“
You told her?” Hayden asked, trying to look pissed.

I shrugged. “She forced it out of me.”

“
I’m sure she did,” Hayden said, crossing the room to sit next to me. He took the Oreos from my hands, opened them and ate one. I had a disturbing urge to lean against him. I jumped up, striding to the closet.

“
Shots, anyone?” I said, holding up the tequila.

“
Oh my God, yes!” Raeya squealed. “This is so overdue.”

“
You’re telling me,” I agreed.

“
Do you have shot glasses?” she asked seriously.

“
Yes, Ray, ‘cuz I always carry them with me.” I said sarcastically.

She wrinkled her nose. “Shut up.”

“
I’m sure we can find something,” Hayden said. “Go look in the kitchen.”

“
Can’t you go?” I asked him, smiling innocently.

“
I don’t feel like it.”

“
Fine. Lazy-ass,” I teased.

“
I am. Now get in the kitchen, woman!” he joked.

I grabbed the Oreos from him, snatched the pillow and threw it at him again. Laughing, Raeya and I took off down the hall. We ran into Padraic on the way to the kitchen.

“
Orissa!” he said happily. “I’m glad I ran into you. I’m blood typing all of the As. Do you know your blood type?”

“
A positive. Or negative. Or maybe O. Shit. I don’t remember. Wasn’t it on my chart at the hospital?”

“
Yes, but I didn’t look over your chart. Can you come to the hospital ward in an hour or so? I can take a sample and find out.”

“
Yeah. I’ll see you in awhile then.”

“
Alright.” He smiled warmly and said goodbye. We snuck into the dark kitchen, flicking on the lights. While Raeya looked for three small cups, I opened the freezer and dug out frozen limes. I put them in a bowl, filled it with water and stuck the thing in the microwave while I looked around for a salt shaker.

We ran back to my room. Hayden had changed out of his military issued clothing and into athletic pants and a T-shirt. Country music softly filled the air.

“
You weren’t kidding when you said it was cold in here,” Raeya commented as the three of us settled on the floor.

“
I can solve that,” I told her, opening the bottle. I poured more than a shot’s worth in each of the three glasses. We held them up. “To us,” I said. We clinked the glasses and took the shots. The tequila burned on the way down. I coughed, not used to something so strong.

“
I feel like we should play a drinking game,” Raeya said, still grimacing from her drink.