“
Ready.
”
I grab my backpack and run quickly to the cab.
“
126th and Morningside Avenue, please,
”
he tells the driver.
“
How was school?
”
I ask him,
and then
realize what he
’
s just said.
“
Wait, what library are we going to?
”
“
There
’
s a branch of the public library up there.
”
“
Oh. I just assumed we
’
d go to the main one.
”
“
I just assumed we
’
d go to neither. And school was good, by the way.
”
“
We aren
’
t going to the library?
”
“
My brothers spend Tuesdays with a neighbor while my mother works a double shift.
”
“
And that means what exactly?
”
“
It means that we will have a completely distraction-free environment to work in. Aside from your school uniform, that is. That
’
s definitely a distraction.
”
I straighten out the plaid skirt and cross my legs at my ankles, embarrassed. It was the first time in years I
’
d chosen to wear the skirt, typically opting for the dark pants. Although I wore today
’
s outfit specifically for Jon, I suddenly feel like a little girl in it. I should have changed clothes.
“
We
’
re going to your apartment?
”
“
Does that scare you?
”
he asks cautiously. The cab driver looks at me in the rearview mirror.
“
No,
”
I assure him, but I
’
m completely unprepared for this.
“
We
’
re studying?
”
“
Of course we are.
”
He looks at me and takes my hand in his.
“
What are we learning about this week?
”
“
Chemical reactions.
”
“
Appropriate.
”
He laughs.
“
I really am having a hard time with this lesson,
”
I explain, nervous.
“
It
’
s cool, Liv. I
’
ll break it down for you. I swear, you
’
ll be ready for your lab by the time we
’
re done.
”
“
Okay.
”
“
If you
’
d feel more comfortable at a library, we can do that,
”
he says softly.
“
I just thought... I don
’
t know what I thought,
”
he finally admits.
“
I just want to be alone with you.
”
“
Oh.
”
“
It
’
s okay, if it
’
s too soon.
”
“
Um.
”
I glance at the rearview mirror and meet the cabbie
’
s eyes once more. I can tell he
’
s willing to do whatever I instruct him to do.
“
No, it
’
s fine. I mean, we
’
re studying,
”
I clarify once more.
“
Yes.
”
I nod so that the driver sees me. I hadn
’
t realized he had slowed down considerably, but once he sees my signal, he speeds up. When we reach the corner in Harlem, Jon asks me to wait so he can help me out of the car.
“
Are you okay, miss?
”
the driver asks.
“
I can take you somewhere else.
”
“
No, I
’
m fine.
”
“
Do you know this man?
”
“
Of course, yes. He
’
s my boyfriend.
”
My cheeks turn pink just as Jon comes around to my side of the cab.
“
Thanks.
”
Jon hands him the fare and closes my door.
The driver motions for me to come to him. When I do, he hands me a card.
“
In case you need a ride, Miss Holland. Our number is on the back.
”
“
Oh. Thanks.
”
“
Be careful.
”
“
Oh, we
’
re just studying,
”
I tell him, rattled by the fact that he knows who I am and could easily tell someone who may tell my dad.
“
That
’
s all.
”
He nods and pulls away from the curb.
“
Okay,
”
I sigh as Jon takes my hand.
“
We
’
re totally studying and nothing else. I think it may be impossible to do anything behind my father
’
s back. Why do people know me?
”
“
Because you
’
re Livvy Holland. Want to go to the library?
”
he asks.
“
I think we should. Today, at least.
”
“
That
’
s fine.
”
We walk a few blocks down the street and head inside the small branch. Jon leads me toward some private study cubicles in the back. I toss my bag on the floor and take a seat. He pulls in a chair from another cubby and sits in it backwards, putting his head on his arms.
“
Don
’
t worry about it. We
’
re not doing anything wrong.
”
“
Now
we
’
re not,
”
I tell him.
“
Listen,
”
he starts, lifting his head and running his hand through my long hair.
“
I
’
m going to leave the apartment as another option. And when you
’
re ready to go there, we can. I won
’
t suggest it again. I
’
m sorry I did today. I didn
’
t realize it would freak you out.
”
“
It didn
’
t freak me out.
”
“
All of the color drained from your face, Livvy.
”
He laughs.
“
I got it. It
’
s okay.
”
“
I do want to be alone with you, too,
”
I explain.
“
It
’
s just that you caught me off-guard.
”
“
You
’
re so adorable,
”
he says.
“
Come here.
”
He pulls my head toward his and kisses me slowly for what seems like an eternity. When he breaks away, though, finally, it feels like it
’
s too soon. My nerves are instantly calmed.
“
So chemical reactions,
”
he starts, his voice scratchy and sexy.
“
Yeah?
”
“
Get your book out, baby. Let
’
s get started.
”
“
I like it when you call me that.
”
“
Did you like how I called you that in front of your dad?
”
he laughed.
“
Did you see his expression?
”
“
No! I couldn
’
t look! What did he do?
”
“
If looks could kill. His whole body tensed up, but your mom locked her arm in his and held his hand. That seemed to calm him down.
”
“
Mom does that a lot, although my dad
’
s not historically one to have a temper.
”
“
I beg to differ,
”
Jon says.
“
You didn
’
t see him in the courtyard.
”
“
Was it that bad?
”
I knew it could only be a verbal assault. I
’
d never known my dad to hurt a fly. My mom, apparently, had some fighting skills back in the day. They never cared to elaborate, but I heard there may have been a broken bone involved.
“
It was intense. The conversation definitely made me rethink things.
”
“
Like what?
”
“
Like, can I have a normal relationship with this extraordinary girl from this fantastical world? I wasn
’
t sure it was really possible at that point.
”
“
Why?
”
“
Your dad has some old-fashioned beliefs, Livvy. Unrealistic, in my opinion.
”
“
The no-sex-until-marriage thing?
”
“
Well, that
’
s a given, but I think even he knows that
’
s unrealistic. He may not want to admit it, but he
’
s an intelligent man.
”
“
My cousin Lexi is still a virgin. She
’
s saving herself, too.
”
“
Too?
As in you
’
d like to wait?
”
I question why I worded it like that. I honestly didn
’
t think I
’
d be able to wait. Not after our date the other night, for sure.
“
What if I did?
”
I ask him.
“
I
’
d probably, again, wonder if I can have a normal relationship with you.
”
He laughs at his own response, but I
’
m not sure it
’
s funny.
“
Why? Because it wouldn
’
t be normal without sex?
”
“
Let
’
s just say it would change my expectations for our relationship. But I decided the other night that I
’
m going to have a relationship with you, regardless. I
’
m going to try to make this work.
”
“
What,
”
I say softly, aware of the library patrons around me,
“
by convincing me to go to your apartment and trying to persuade me to sleep with you?
”
“
Livvy,
”
he says seriously.
“
I promise you I will never invite you to my place again. I didn
’
t know it would make you that uncomfortable. I mean, after the other night–
”
“
No, I know.
”
“
Did I make you uncomfortable then?
”
I think back to our date on Saturday night. I
’
d dressed in another new dress that Anna and Matty helped me pick out, really enjoying how feminine it made me feel, and especially enjoying the attention I knew it garnered from my boyfriend. Dinner went well, and we managed to make it all evening without anyone recognizing me, as far as I knew. The feeling of anonymity grew when we went into the dark movie theater that night. We decided on a drama that was on its last run. We were the only people in the small theater.