Conviction (9 page)

“Good girl, Kelly. Thank you for allowing me to tie your laces.”

As they walked he held her hand, gently rubbing his thumb up and down hers, easing her natural instinct to flee from his touch.

“So," he began breaking the silence between them, "you know that I will be picking out your clothes,
if
I choose to pick out any at all. I also expect you to be waiting at the front door every night that I have to leave you. I will tell you what time I will be returning and unless I ring you will be waiting five minutes before that time at the door, on your knees, with your hands behind your back, your chest pushed out and your head bowed. This is your first protocol. If you are not there when I open the door you will be punished. I don't care what the reason is, you will be punished regardless.”

“Yes, Sir.” Kelly walked in sync with James, their footsteps the only other sounds to the natural beauty around them. Birds chirped and the trees rustled with the gently breeze that surrounded them.

“This is the gym,” opening up the barn doors he directed her inside with a guiding hand on the small of her back. “You will use this twice a day at a minimum. I don't want you to lose the conditioning that you have got your body into. I will also allowing Sarge to come here and train with you. I don't trust anyone else, I also know that you trust him implicitly.”

“That's great! You have no idea how much I appreciate that. I don't want him to think that I've fallen off the face of the earth and my training is my life.”

“No, the last thing we need is Sarge looking into where you are. That man has serious contacts. I'm pretty sure he'll be figuring it all out in the month that you are here. But I'd rather bring him here and you can tell him whatever you want him to know.”

Kelly took in the gym before her, totally masculine, the metal and wood smell beginning to be associated to the man standing still holding her hand, still rubbing soothing patterns up and down the back of her hand.

“Wow, is there anything you
don't
have in here?” she asked awed by the amount and quality of the equipment.

“Not really, I would like to put in a proper ring one day, but I need to find room for it first. The mat does the job for now. There are four different punching bags and a speed ball a well. The treadmill, elliptical, rower and the bike are in the back corner. I prefer to run on the bush track though, it offers a nicer view and fresh air. If you are here, I expect you to open up the double doors, so that I can see you from the house if I need to. Do not run on the bush track without informing me first or if I am not home. There is an intercom here on the wall for you to use, it’s linked to the house phone. Do you understand all of that, Kelly?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“If I leave you alone and you get dressed without my direct permission, you will be punished and I
will
know if you disobey that rule so don't even think about trying.”

Kelly stayed quiet for the rest of their walk, only asking questions about the rules that were being laid down thicker and faster than concrete. There were so many rules and protocols she was sure she would forget some. Kelly remembered what Devlin's punishments were like. She had been adamant if she continued to fight his control, his torture, to fight her situation that the bastard would give up on her. But Devlin had enjoyed her fight, her desperate pleas to keep part of herself alive. He had broken her down, beat her, verbally assaulted her, degraded her and allowed other men to use her. When she had hit her lowest point and had no fight left in her, Devlin had simply made things up to punish her for. Mostly, for things she hadn't even known were punishable. Something simple like sleeping on her side rather than on her back had led him to beat her so badly she had been unconscious for three days. Now she knew that he had simply wanted to hurt her, to control her in every way possible, but at the time it was hell. Kelly had always been on edge, her body would shake waiting to be told that she would be punished. Hell, even her uncontrollable shaking had meant she was unable to see her daughter for two weeks.

James explained to her that he
would
need to punish her at some point, so that if he had to do so in front of Devlin it wouldn't be such a shock to her.

“You need to get your head around that somehow, Kelly. I will help you as much as I can, but ultimately your past experiences
are
going to haunt you. It's going to hurt, physically
and
mentally and there's nothing I can do to protect you from what you see in your mind. I'm sorry for that.” James had stopped walking and was staring out into the dense bush landscape. Cows grazed quietly and the only other noise was the occasional birds flying overhead or chirping nearby.

Kelly took in his sombre face and realised that he wouldn't
enjoy
punishing her. This was a foreign concept to her, after all, didn't all dominants enjoy dishing out punishments to their submissives?

“Can we sit for a minute?” Kelly asked quietly. “Sir, I mean. Can we sit for a minute, Sir?”

“Seeing you asked so nicely, Kelly, I'm happy to oblige.” James reached for her hand and she frowned as she took it and allowed him to guide her to the ground. It was a very gentlemanly act and Kelly was starting to realise that James wasn't dominating all the time.

“Did you have something you want to ask, Precious?”

Kelly pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them. Allowing the motion to soothe her nerves. She was never allowed to speak freely with Devlin, in fact the only words that had been allowed out of her mouth had been yes or no Master.

“It's okay to ask questions you know. I'd prefer we get on top of anything that might be troubling you quickly.” James pushed.

“I'm just wondering why you seem...well...almost
annoyed
at the idea of punishing me. I don't understand it, that's all.”

“Is that what's been bothering you?”

“No...Yes...it’s part of it. I'm still adjusting to this...situation, I guess.”

“You're not the only one there, Precious.” James turned his body so that he was facing more towards her, but still turned towards the beautiful scenery around them. “I'm not a sadist, Kelly. Not all doms enjoy punishing their subs. For me? I hate it just as much as my subs. But I do it because it's what they
need
. My role as their dominant is to give them structure, security, and nurture. BDSM is more about these things than it is about sex or control. Control is freely given to me and I relish that gift. I treat that submission as if it were glass and could break at any time, because the bond is
that
fragile. I can just as easily say something wrong, do something wrong, that may shatter that glass, breaking the trust that has been placed in my hands. Whilst submitting is hard and takes control and patience, it's the same for the Dom. I have to continually evaluate any given situation that I am in and re-evaluate so that I know all my sub needs to do is respond to my commands and please me. After all, that's what a submissive desires.”

“Seriously? I know this sounds naïve of me...after all I've been working at the club for a while now, but I've tried to...distance myself from that lifestyle. Sort of compartmentalise it. But, I always thought that it was about...control, punishments and pain. I had no idea that there was a deeper consciousness to it.”

“How could you, Kelly?” James gently turned her head to face him using a single finger on her chin, not giving her the choice to keep her face turned away from him. She needed to see his side of the lifestyle, she needed to understand what it meant to
him
. For a second he felt like he was walking on a tightrope and the slightest error would hurtle him to the ground. He
needed
her to trust him, to be able to respond to him as if it were second nature. Like they'd been doing it for years. “Kelly, your
life
, your existence with Devlin,” he spat the last word as if it tasted sour on his tongue, “was never about the true meaning of
any
BDSM lifestyle. I know you've heard the term
safe, sane
and
consensual
around the club
.
What you lived through, what that bastard did to you? That was true slavery, not the BDSM version of a Master and slave, where the slave freely gives over
complete
control to her master, but
non-consensual
slavery, kidnapping, rape and torture. You had no choice in what happened to you, your body, your mind or your daughter. With me, with the lifestyle that I choose, there is
always a choice. Always. If I don't agree with what a submissive needs, or wants, we go our separate ways. If a submissive cannot give me what
I
need and want, it's the same thing. It's a matter of finding the right mix for each person, both Dom and sub alike. Do you understand it a little better now?”

Kelly looked into his eyes, at the sincerity and James' earnest attempt to set her mind at ease. He wasn't a sadist.

“So you won’t enjoy it when you have to punish me?”

“Out of everything I just said,
that's
what you got out of it?” James removed his finger from her face and laughed. His genuine chuckle sending a blush through her cheeks and a small giggle out of her own mouth. “I'm looking forward to hearing more of that come out of your mouth, Precious. It was small but it's the first time I've ever heard you laugh. Oh, and to answer your question, no I do not enjoy punishing my subs, but that doesn't mean that I will allow you to disrespect me either.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“What for?”

“For being honest with me. For not telling me what an idiot I am for not knowing this stuff already. For not yelling at me for asking you questions.”

James quickly stood up and pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. Kelly struggled against his tight hold until she realised it was futile to fight him. He wasn't trying to hurt her...he was...hugging her.

“Sir?”

James was quiet for a few minutes and when Kelly lifted her arms from her side and wrapped them around his hard waist before leaning her head on his chest, he sighed as his breaths evened out.

“I'm sorry, that was...no dammit I'm not sorry. Have you actually ever been hugged? Like,
properly
hugged? Not including what happened in Master Xander's office?” He felt her tense and her arms dropped to her sides immediately.

“No, am I doing it wrong? I'm sorry, I just...I'm not…I’m not very good at this!” Without warning, Kelly fled from his arms and ran back along the path towards the house as tears poured down her face. One minute everything had been almost perfect and the next she was left feeling inadequate and self-conscious. She didn't stop running until she reached the safety of the house.

Chapter 8 - James

James stood staring after Kelly as she took off towards the house at full run. The girl had speed that's for sure. He knew he could catch her if he wanted to, but he wanted her to run off her energy, her pain and her attitude. It had all been going so smoothly until he had ruined it and hugged her. Why had he done it?
James started the walk back to his house, taking his time to allow Kelly the time she would need to calm herself and come to her senses. Why
had
he done it? Why had he hugged her? His heart had hurt, physically hurt, at the pain that oozed from her every pore. She had still been a child when she had been taken, and had been denied her formative years to learn about love and loss, about sex and making love. He had realised, in that moment where his arms had been wrapped around her, that she had probably never been hugged since she was sixteen. Her parents were most likely the last people to touch her with love and not hate or control. He had also realised that he had
enjoyed
his arms wrapped around her short figure, he had felt her toned body tense until she had relaxed and surprisingly put her arms around him. That moment. That single moment where Kelly managed to let down her guard and let him comfort her, just as she was comforting him, had been where he realised his feelings for her were more than he wanted to admit.

Of course he was attracted to her, it's not like he had been hiding that fact. When he was in full Dom mode in the club, he made sure to try and get bites from her. Hell, even an eyebrow raise had even soared his spirits some nights. He knew that he would never look at another submissive kneeling before him and not wonder about their motivations, their history and their life experiences. Kelly was teaching him to be a better dominant. James made a mental note to add more questions to his negotiations when dealing with a new sub. He needed to know them deeper than he previously thought to be able to make a scene more enjoyable for his subs.

“Kelly,” he called loudly as he marched through the open front door, “come here. Now!”

Silence greeted him. Where the hell was she? He went straight to the bedroom and checked her clothes. Her backpack was still neatly placed in the wardrobe and her phone still on the bedside table. Surely she wouldn't leave without her phone and laptop? Unless she didn't want to be tracked. Kelly knew he could track her using her digital footprints and if she'd left, left
him
, she would know to leave them behind.

“
Damn it
, Kelly!” James stormed back to the kitchen and searched his key holder knowing what would be missing. The one key he hadn't even told her about. Obviously her detective skills were up to standard then.

James walked back into the sunken lounge and paused outside the door he was hoping Kelly wouldn't have noticed yet. It was well hidden, even the lock was partially concealed.
I bet she noticed this the first time she came into the lounge
he thought to himself as he quietly pulled the door open and stepped inside.

It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the darkened room. There were wall sconces that were only bright enough to cast the smallest of glows around the room. The smell of leather and metal had him pleasantly aroused, although his concern for Kelly's welfare kept him in check.

“Kelly?” he said quietly into the darkness as his eyes made out her small frame kneeling next to the customised spanking bench he had made.

“I'm sorry, Sir.” Kelly's voice was strained and James could tell she was still crying.

“Tell me what you are sorry for, Precious.”

“For snooping, for running from you...again...for my body, for not being able to do
this
right.” Her voice cracked again and she was unable to stop the sob that burst from her chest and into the quiet of the room.

“Come here, Kelly.” James didn't wait for her to comply, simply bending down and scooping her up into his arms and walking her out of his dungeon. Once he had them settled on the couch he pulled a throw over her shaking body and held her head against his chest and let her cry.

It seemed like hours before she had finally cried the last of her tears and fell asleep still held firmly in his arms. She hadn't fought his comfort, hadn't tried to run, but had fisted her hand his shirt and pulled herself closer to him.

Finally,
finally
they were getting somewhere, he thought to himself as he lay his own head back and drifted into sleep.