Conway's Curse (2 page)

“Just what is so damned funny?” Kail demanded. His eyes were like miniature green suns.

“You landed”—the human began gasping for breath, trying to speak between gouts of mirth—“in a puddle….”

Kail dropped flat on his stomach, one hand clutching the clock and the other clinging to a fold of the man’s trousers. Twin wisps of smoke curled up from the now fire-singed fabric as Kail’s face bounced against the man’s leg. Tion fell forward onto his knees and, between aftershocks, whacked the man’s leg with his stick.

“…of piddle!” On the final word, the human howled his laughter to the open sky. His hands scrabbled in the dirt as he braced himself and gave in to the inevitable. Tion gave up whacking in favor of clinging, and he and Kail both bounced and flopped like fish in a skillet.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” The man gasped and straightened as the hurricane of humor blew itself out. “I don’t know why that’s so funny!”

“It isn’t so funny when you’re sitting up to your shirtwaist in pee!” Kail staggered to his feet and helped Tion to his. When the heaving stopped completely, Kail glared and extracted another berry, smashed to illegibility, from beneath the front of his shirt. The stain it left behind looked like it would never come out in the wash. The disgust was plain on his face as he flicked it away. “I can see we have a communication problem here.” He handed the clock back to Tion. “Put this damn thing away. I want to set a few things straight with this oaf before the situation gets out of hand.”

“I can still hear you, you know.” The man looked slightly affronted.

Kail plucked the staff from Tion’s hand and marched along the man’s thigh. He poked the cliff of the man’s belly with the end of the stick and spoke. “Now you listen, and listen good, because I’m only going to say this once….”

Tion watched silently as Kail punctuated his words with sharp pokes to the human’s midsection, mildly surprised the man didn’t simply flick his partner off his leg like a booger. As Kail ran headlong and heedless through his diatribe, Tion’s grudging respect for the human grew.

The man sat, nodding occasionally and looking suitably abashed as Kail questioned his manners, his upbringing, and, for several heart-stopping minutes, his parentage. Tion was utterly sure
that
would send them both flying into the berry bushes. One swipe of the human’s large hand, half as long from wrist to fingertip as Kail was tall, would have been enough, but instead, the man mumbled an apology and stared at his lap.

“Kail, that’s enough.” Tion moved to join his friend. “He’s suitably abashed, I think.”

“I’m sorry,” the man mumbled, his eyes still downcast. “I promise I’ll watch where I put my feet whenever I’m out on the road. I’ll apologize to the milk cow too.” He paused long enough to look up cautiously. “I can’t say that to my mother, though. As far as I know, she’s never even seen an ogre, much less—”

“Well, never mind about that,” Kail said hastily. His eyes had stopped flashing, and his ire ran out of him like water. “I might have spoken a bit off the mark on that score.”

Tion was almost sure he saw a gleam, or perhaps it was a sparkle, in the man’s eyes. It was so hard to tell with humans.

The man nodded and raised his head completely. “So. Can I move now? There’s something poking me in the butt, and it’s getting uncomfortable.”

Tion and Kail ran down the man’s leg, hung a sharp right at his kneecap, jumped off his shin, and hit the ground running. They stopped a short distance away to give him room.

The man leaned, scrabbled under his butt for a moment, and produced something long, thin, and broken. He held it out to the two sprites.

“My staff!” Kail wailed. He snatched the pieces of wood from Conway’s palm. “My father made this for me, you overachiever in stupidity class!” He launched into another diatribe, this time concerning the man’s ancestry, his intelligence, and where said staff could go to avoid the perils of sunshine.

Tion thought that last bit was over the top, and he struggled to contain his friend’s anger. It dripped through his grip, splashed to the ground, and threatened to eat a hole in his boot tops, but he kicked it off and it scurried beneath a lazy shadow. Tion gave up the struggle when he lost part of an eyebrow to the flashing green fire and settled instead for a right hook to Kail’s jaw. “Kail! Knock it off!”

“You hit me!”

“Because you’re being an ass. You won’t let him slide a word in crosswise, and you know perfectly well your father made those damned things every day and handed them out like toothpicks.”

“But….”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. It’s as big as a house, and it isn’t like he did it on purpose.” Tion looked at the man, who was once again suitably abashed. “Look at him, Kail. He’s sorry, see?” Tion turned Kail by the shoulder to face him. He winked, and the man’s eyes first widened and then flashed. Yep. That
was
a twinkle after all.

“I’m sorry. Kail, was it? I’m sorry I sat on your father’s stick.”

Kail nodded, mollified. “Just don’t do it again.”

Tion rolled his eyes and wrinkled his nose. They really needed to find a stream.

“Say, mister. What’s your name, anyway?”

“No, it’s Conway, but that’s pretty close.”

“Um, yeah.” Tion shook his head. “Do you think you can give us a ride to the nearest stream? Kail and I would be very grateful.” He scratched the side of his nose barely in time to cover his pinching it between his fingers when Kail turned to stare at him.

“Are you nuts? He’s an oaf!”

“He’s an oaf with very long legs, and quite frankly, my friend, you need a bath.”

A faint green spark glowed behind Kail’s eyes, then flared when he stuck his hands in his pockets. A look of irritation marched across his visage, slapping at sparks, and he produced something red and squishy from his left side. “Fine. We’ll ride the oaf, but I’m not driving,” he said. Kail moved as if to toss the dripping berry, but paused, and after only a moment’s consideration, shoved the lint-covered pulp in his mouth.

Tion turned to Conway. “What about it?

Conway bent his head and stared at his hands. “Gee, fellas. I don’t know.”

“And why not?” Kail demanded. “It’s not like we’re heavy enough that an oaf like you would even notice.”

“Kail…,” Tion warned. “Let me handle this.” He stepped forward, putting himself between the green-fired temper of his partner and the reluctance of the human. He opened his mouth to speak, but Conway stopped him.

“Believe me, guys. I’d be happy to give you a lift, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Conway leaned down, shifting his gaze from side to side as though he might be overheard, and whispered, “You’re not safe with me.”

The rush of air as Conway sighed with the admission knocked Tion backward. Kail barely caught hold of his pack before Tion dragged him down, and they both landed on their butts in a tangle of arms, legs, and sticks.

Conway drew back, horrified. “See? Your friend is right. I am an oaf.”

“Nonsense,” Tion replied, extricating himself from Kail’s smelly embrace. “It could have happened to anybody.”

Conway shook his head. “No. You don’t understand. I’m cursed.”

“So, tell
me about this curse.” Tion sat on Conway’s left shoulder with a lock of the man’s straight brown hair clutched in his fist.

When the two sprites finally talked Conway into giving them a lift, they had each started out on opposite shoulders, but when it became apparent that the man’s rather frightening habit of wandering off the road was due primarily to his eyes watering at Kail’s aromatic proximity, Kail had reluctantly agreed to move south, glaring at his partner and his conveyance in turns as he scrambled into the man’s right shirt pocket and finally fell asleep.

Conway shrugged, which nearly knocked Tion from his perch. “Sorry,” he said as he helped Tion regain his composure. “I can’t help it. I’m cursed with bad luck.”

“You humans have such peculiar notions. Everybody has bad luck and good luck. It’s just a part of life.”

Conway shook his head vigorously, and if Tion hadn’t let go of the man’s hair, he would have gone flying into the air. He hastily grabbed Conway’s shirt instead.

“That’s what everybody says, but still.” Conway patted his shirt pocket and drew his hand back quickly as sleepy curses and green fire singed his fingers. “Look what happened to your friend,” he said, and stuck a burnt finger in his mouth.

“Stuff like that happens to Kail all the time,” Tion said. “The puddle of piddle was over the top, I admit, but if there is a root to trip over, a post to walk into, or trouble to find, Kail is first in line for the prize.”

“Maybe.” Conway sounded doubtful.

“No maybe about it,” Tion said cheerfully.

“There’s other stuff too.”

“Like what?” Tion asked.

“I can’t talk about that,” Conway replied, suddenly melancholy.

Tion patted the shoulder beneath him. “Well, when you can, I’m all ears.”

Conway stopped so suddenly that Tion nearly lost his grip. “Do you mean that?”

“Mean what?” Tion asked distractedly, trying to reseat himself and wondering if this ride was worth the risks.

“That you’d be willing to listen?”

“Sure. We’re friends, aren’t we?” The words fell out of his mouth unbidden, and Tion was vaguely surprised to realize they were true. He liked this clumsy, bumbling human, despite their bumpy—and in Kail’s case, smelly—start.

“I’d like that,” Conway said, now pensive instead of melancholy. “I never had a friend before.” He began walking again, moving slowly so he wouldn't unseat his passenger. “I just hope you don’t get hurt for it.”

Tion laughed. “You worry too much. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen?”

“Hopefully we’ll never find out,” Conway said and lengthened his ground-eating stride.

The
summer sun reached its zenith just about the time Conway sat down beside a small foot bridge. He extended his arm to the ground, and Tion shouted for Kail to wake up as he ran along the incline to land in the springy turf. Kail poked his head up over the edge of Conway’s pocket and scowled fiercely.

“Try cleaning out your pocket sometime, you oaf.” Kail sneezed twice and plucked lint off his tongue. “I’ve got lint in places not even Tion knows about,” he grumbled. Kail scrambled into Conway’s waiting hand. “And it wouldn’t kill you to wash your hands once in a while, either.”

“Sorry,” Conway muttered. He set Kail down beside his friend.

Kail immediately skinned down to his smalls, tossing his sticky, smelly clothing to all sides with obvious relief. He dove from the bank into a slow-moving pool and paddled around happily.

“Mind the trout, Kail. You remember what happened the last time.”

Kail stopped paddling and scowled. Fierce green fire sputtered as water dripped into his eyes. “Very funny, wise guy. Very funny.” He dipped under the water and surfaced a moment later. Tion ducked as a soggy pair of smalls sailed past his left ear.

“Trout?” Conway asked as he began untying his boots.

Tion unlimbered his pack and dug beneath the flap. He pushed the clock and assorted knickknacks aside until he found the soap. “Yeah.” Tion grinned and tossed the lump to Kail, who was still scowling. “The last time Kail went skinny-dipping, he found out the hard way about dangling worms in front of a hungry fish.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Kail turned his back on them both to soap himself vigorously.

Conway looked confused for a moment, blushed furiously, and Tion laughed. “Yes, exactly.”

“Hey!” Kail glared over his shoulder and threw the soap onto the bank. He dove several times, rinsing suds from his hair.

Tion slipped out of his own clothes and, still laughing, splashed into the water to join his friend. He caught Kail’s slippery body and pulled him close. “Hey, you missed a spot,” he said, running his hands down Kail’s spine before capturing him in his arms.

Kail’s body arched into the touch, and he turned to face Tion. “Water’s getting warmer,” he mumbled, returning Tion’s embrace.

“Um, guys?” Conway called, still blushing and looking everywhere but directly at the pair. “Should I leave you two alone?” He shifted uncomfortably, one boot still dangling from his hand. Conway set it aside and concentrated on untying the other one.

“Why?” Kail asked, framing Tion’s face between his hands and leaning in. “I don’t care if you watch. You might even learn something.”

“Kail, be nice.” Tion pulled his head back just before their lips met. “He’s human, remember?”

Kail snorted. “Morals. A waste of time, if you ask me.” He leaned in again, and Tion dodged.

“He’s also my friend.”

That brought Kail up short. “Your friend? He’s an—”

“Oaf,” Tion said. “Yeah, you keep saying that.”

“I can hear you, you know.” Conway spoke without looking up.

“There’s something about him, Kail.”

“Yeah. You also said he was cute, just before he almost stepped on us.”

“Uh-huh. And look how he made amends. We’d still be walking if it weren’t for his giving us a ride.”

Kail studied his partner’s face, still framed between his hands. He sighed and let go. “You always were hung up on size.”

Tion chuckled. “I know.” He bent and kissed Kail lightly. “That’s why the trout and I like you so much.”

Kail returned the kiss with one of his own, and a good deal more intently.

“One of the reasons, at least,” Tion added.

Locked into each other’s love and embrace, neither of the two sprites heard Conway rise and walk away.

“He can’t
have gone far. His shoes are still here.” Kail nodded to the boots beside the base of the bridge.

“I know, but he’s been gone a long time.” Tion stretched and rolled onto his back. They had washed their clothes, spread them to dry over sunny rocks, and spread a blanket to make love. Conway was gone the entire time.

“What if he’s in trouble?”

Kail groaned. “Be reasonable, Tion. He’s ten times our size. What kind of trouble could he possibly get into?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know.”

“What is it with him, Tee? I’ve never seen you like this.” Kail moved to lay his head on Tion’s chest. “You aren’t turning him into a pet, are you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe,” Tion admitted, running his fingers through Kail’s sun-bleached golden curls. “He said he was cursed.”

Kail slapped Tion’s chest. “His only curse is that he was born human.” He kissed away the faint red mark his slap left on Tion’s burnished bronze skin. “They can't help being ignorant and clueless.”

“And I can't help thinking there is something in him worth looking after. You’d see that if you weren’t so damned stubborn.”

Kail stiffened for a moment and then relaxed. “I know,” he sighed. “But Tion, he’s an oaf.”

A shadow passed over the pair, and Tion shivered. “I can hear you, you know.” Conway sat down with his back to the pair. “Could you maybe cover up a little?”

“Do you have a problem with us loving each other?” Kail demanded irritably. “Because if you do….”

“No! No. It’s not that at all,” Conway assured them, peeking over his shoulder and squeezing his eyes shut hastily as Kail stood and planted his fists on his hips. “It’s just… you’re… I….”

White light exploded all around the sprites, leaving behind a shimmering cloud of gold sparkles as it faded. The sparkles disappeared just as quickly, and Tion shook his head to clear away the purple blotches swimming in his vision.

“What the hell was that?” Kail demanded. “Did you—” He broke off, speechless.

Conway was no longer the size of a mountain.