Cop by Her Side (The Mysteries of Angel Butte) (24 page)

One thing they had learned this evening: Lois Arnett said her parents had been gone for much of the summer on their dream trip, driving their RV to Alaska and back. Glenn had told her he’d gone by the Taylors’ house to check on it and that the yard looked like hell. He’d fired the landscapers and promised her he’d get the lawn and flower beds back in shape before her parents returned toward the end of September.

Reportedly, she had sounded shell-shocked when she said, “He wouldn’t let me help. He said Mom and Dad had been good to him, and this was something he could do as payback.”

The detective who had interviewed her believed she’d been genuinely ignorant of her husband’s activities. Clay felt a little sorry for her and for their kids. He wondered if the daughter was going to be able to stay at her expensive private college.

Clay pushed his chair back from the table now and held out a hand to Jane. “Hey. Come here.”

She’d regained enough spirit to eye him suspiciously. “Is that an order?”

He chuckled. “I figure I’m too big to sit on your lap.”

Her chin came back down. “You’d squish me.” She went to him, wriggling a couple of times to settle herself comfortably on his thighs, then leaning against him with a long sigh.

He rubbed his cheek against her hair and wrapped both arms around her. He was aroused, and she must know he was, but for the moment he didn’t feel any sense of urgency. Just having her here was enough. Holding her. He felt a sense of rightness, of peace, and guessed from the almost boneless way she curled into him she felt something similar.

They sat there for a couple of minutes before he tipped his head so he could see her face. “Better?”

“Yes. Although it’s all... I don’t even know. Overwhelming. I mean, I’m relieved, but—” her shoulders moved “—Lissa has totally screwed up her life. And...and I want to fix it for her, but I can’t.”

“Do you really want to?”

Jane was quiet for a bit. “No,” she admitted finally, her voice soft and sad. “I always made excuses for her. You know? But this time...I can’t.”

“No,” he murmured, hurting for her.

“I wonder—”

A spark of temper had him lifting his head. “Don’t say you wonder whether this is
your
fault in some way.”

Jane pushed away from him, one hand planted on his chest. “I wasn’t going to! Although, shouldn’t I? I mean, I mostly raised her.”

“And did your damnedest to fix everything that was wrong.” He knew he sounded hard, but how else to stamp down on her guilt?

Instead of getting mad, she sagged. “I did. I tried so hard.”

“Damn it.” He gathered her close again, nuzzling aside hair so he could kiss her temple. “I don’t think I can stand to see you beat yourself up.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to,” she said with dignity. “What I was really going to say was that I wonder how much I blinded myself to. I wanted to believe there was just tension between the two of us. But I was mostly satisfied. I mean, look at her, she has a great marriage, fantastic kids, likes her job. So what if she resents me?”

“Most of those years, what you saw probably
was
the truth. Your sister did have fantastic kids, and probably a pretty good marriage, and, yeah, a job that satisfied her.”

“What I never knew is that she wanted more, and had no moral governor to stop her.”

Jane nestled her head into the crook of his neck.

Sensing her need for silence, Clay gave it to her.

“Maybe I should cut her off,” she said finally, “but I don’t think I can.”

“Tell me you don’t plan to bankrupt yourself to pay for her legal defense.”

“No.” This sigh stirred every corpuscle in his body. “She doesn’t deserve that.”

Hell, no, she didn’t. Once Clay wouldn’t have seen parallels with himself. Now he had no trouble understanding how you could love someone who was undeserving. No, he wouldn’t be cutting his father off, either.

But he also understood that he needed to love a woman who he liked and admired, whose opinion he valued. That wasn’t something he’d ever seen in his parents’ marriage. He wasn’t sure he’d even believed anything better was possible.

Until Jane.

He kissed her cheek and laid it on the line. “I love you, Jane.”

She went so still, he’d swear she had quit breathing. Finally she shifted on his thighs until she could see his face. “You mean that.”

“Yeah.” Hell, he had a lump the size of a chestnut in his throat. “You know I do.”

She searched his face, her expression...enigmatic. He absolutely could not tell what she was thinking. Waiting to find out was killing him.

“You...disappointed me,” she said, so softly he wouldn’t have heard her if she’d still been sitting on the other side of the table. He started to open his mouth, but she stopped him with her forefinger laid on his lips. “You hurt me,” she finished, even more quietly.

“I know I did.” His voice sounded as if it was being dragged over gravel and he was bleeding. “I’ll never forget the expression on your face.”

“When we first met, I thought—” Jane shrugged awkwardly. “I thought maybe I’d finally gotten lucky. You made me feel things.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a painful moment. “I know.”

“So...who are you, Clay?”

He suddenly realized he was fighting for his life here. He had to get this right.

“I think you know that, too,” he said finally. “You’ve helped me uncover the man I can be. I’ve had to slough off a lot of the crap I was taught growing up. Earlier...” He hesitated. “I was thinking how good it is to love someone who
does
deserve everything I can give her. I love my parents, but I always hold something back. The women I used to get involved with—the relationships replicated my parents’. I never felt a lot of respect for any of them. They might not have known that consciously, but somewhere inside they probably did. You challenge me. I like that,” he said simply, then shook his head. “No. I
love
that. I love you.” He swallowed, feeling defenseless and hating it, but knowing there was no choice but to bare himself. Not if he was to earn her trust. “I want you to love me more than I can ever remember wanting anything.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I do, Clay. Of course I do. You couldn’t have hurt me so much if I hadn’t been falling in love with you even back then.”

“God,”
he said, and kissed her. The way their lips met was hungry and desperate, but also gentle. He ached with an emotion he hardly recognized, but could only label as tenderness. Lust was there, but then it always was when Jane was near. His tongue touched the soft places in her mouth, and hers did the same in his. Eventually he rained kisses along her jaw, over her plush cheek, onto the bridge of her nose, the closed lids of her eyes. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you.”

Tasting the salt of her tears scared him, but she was smiling radiantly when he pulled back to see what had gone wrong. Jane sniffed and swiped at her cheeks. “I swear I’m not a crybaby. I should be mad that you make me cry.”

Clay laughed, bending to touch his forehead to hers. “It’s only fair. I was thinking a minute ago that around you I feel like I’ve lost a few layers of skin and every nerve is exposed.”

She blinked. “That sounds painful.”

“No.” His mouth tilted up, if wryly. “Frightening.”

“Oh,” she breathed, her eyes such pools of emotion, he had the stupidly sappy idea he could keep looking into them forever.

Sappy, maybe. Not stupid.

“I swore years ago—” She put on the brakes.

He nuzzled her cheek and ear. “Tell me.”

“That I wouldn’t let anyone make me cry.”

And now he could. Not only could—
did.
Clay couldn’t decide how that made him feel.

“I’ve bitched about my childhood,” he said, “but it was idyllic compared to yours. How your sister came out the way she did, I get. How you came out the way you did...” He shook his head. “You’re amazing, Jane.”

She scrubbed her face on his shirt. “Damn it, you’re doing it again!”

“I don’t want to date, do an occasional overnight.”

That made her go still in his arms again, although she didn’t raise her head to look at him.

“I want you to move in. I want you to start thinking about marrying me.”

After a suspended moment, she did meet his eyes. “Wow.”

“Is that a good wow, or an I’m-freaked one?”

“I don’t know.” She frowned. “Why should I move in with you? Did you ever think about moving in with me?”

Suddenly he was smiling. “You live in an apartment. I have a log house in the woods. My place is better than your place.”

The frown deepened into a scowl temporarily, then dissolved, although she was trying not to smile. “Okay. I’ll give you that.”

“How about the marriage part of my proposition?”

“Were you asking?”

“I will be the second I think you’re receptive.”

“Scared to take a chance?”

He chuckled. “Jane Vahalik, I love you. Will you marry me?”

Her expression was unexpectedly grave. “Do you want to have children?”

Didn’t she? “Yeah,” he said cautiously. “I guess I do.”

“I suppose you assume I’ll be content to stay home with them.”

“Ah.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re challenging me. Again. Yes, Jane, I expect you to take care of yourself and our children when you’re pregnant, by not taking part in operations that hold any risk whatsoever. As for raising the kids, we’ll do it together. We can take turns. We can both go to half time and juggle our schedules. No, I do not assume you’ll become a happy homemaker.” He gently kissed her. “That’s not you. You’d go nuts. Hell,
I’d
go nuts. We’ll work it out, okay?”

“You’re not conning me.”

Somehow he kept smiling. “You’re the best cop I’ve ever worked with. If we can rescue kidnapped children together, we ought to be able to raise our own together, too, shouldn’t we?”

Her arms tightened around his neck and she pressed a kiss to his jaw. “You keep saying what I want to hear.”

His temper rose, but only as a cover for the vulnerability and fear beneath. Maybe once you blew it bad enough, there wasn’t any regaining lost ground.

“And you don’t believe me.”

“No, I do.” She looked at him, her own expression unguarded. “That scares me. I’ve had people on the job I could trust, but otherwise—” she gave another of those funny shrugs that didn’t convey what she probably thought they did “—not so much.”

Her mother. Her father. Lissa. Damn, even Drew.

“I know,” Clay said huskily. “Jane, I’ll probably screw up. I’ve got conditioned responses.” He grimaced. “You’ve probably already figured out I’m possessive. Protective. Sometimes I’ll open my mouth without thinking. But in the big ways, I swear I won’t let you down. And I’ll never dismiss you or your opinion.”

She let out one small sniff. “Was that a real proposal?”

Relief felt like a shot of whiskey in his gut. “Yeah.”

“Then yes. I love you, too, Clay Renner. And I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have at my back, either.”

Exultant, he surged to his feet and swung her high. She was laughing as he lowered her slowly. His own smile had died by the time he let her feet touch the floor.

“Can we make love now?” he asked, low and somehow not patient at all anymore.

She lifted her face to his. “Please.”

Could life get any better than this? Clay really doubted it.

EPILOGUE

V
ALENTINE
’
S
D
AY
WAS
almost on them when Jane was summoned to Alec Raynor’s office.

“The chief would like to speak to you,” his administrative assistant told her on the phone.

Walking upstairs and down the hall, Jane did an automatic search for dire possibilities.

Someone had complained about her. Someone
important
had complained about her. But she couldn’t think of anyone she’d recently offended. And even Mayor Noah Chandler and his wife had come to Jane and Clay’s wedding.

She would be served advance notice that her job wouldn’t be held for her if she were to go on maternity leave.

Okay, that was silly—the city’s human resources department would chew up and spit out anyone, including the police chief, who dared do or say anything that politically incorrect.

Or—God—could this have something to do with Lissa’s upcoming trial? But surely any news like that would have come from Drew or Lissa’s attorney.

Jane brooded as the elevator rose. Drew had recently accepted a job in the Portland area, but he and the kids hadn’t yet moved. A subdued Lissa had told Jane she had hopes of a reconciliation, but Jane couldn’t see it happening. For all that he was supporting his wife through her legal challenges, Drew had withdrawn emotionally from her. He wasn’t the man he’d been. Jane wasn’t even sure a reconciliation would be the best thing for the girls. And for Bree, at least, the move might give her a chance to let go of some of her fears. Jane mostly regretted the fact that she wouldn’t be able to see Bree and Alexis as often.

Shaking off her thoughts about her sister’s fractured family, she stepped out of the elevator.

But then, right outside Raynor’s office, she froze midstep. Could this summons be about Colin’s so-far unfilled job? He had, to no one’s surprise, won the election and taken office as Butte County Sheriff. Three months had passed. Jane had been involved in the interviews of half a dozen applicants for captain of investigative and support services, but if Chief Raynor had offered the job to any of them, he hadn’t told her.

Maybe that was his news. Or...no. She couldn’t imagine he’d been considering her, too, without discussing it with her, but...he might be getting desperate. Especially if he
had
offered the job to a couple of those candidates and they’d chosen not to take it.

She gulped. An offer to her would definitely qualify as a dire possibility. It was something she’d love...ten or fifteen years from now. If Raynor were to make it now, Clay’s masculine pride would be threatened, although at least now she had the confidence in him to know he’d get over it and even be proud of her. But saying no... That would hurt a little. Even though the timing was wrong in lots of ways, including the fact she had begun to suspect the past few days that she was pregnant. In fact, she’d resolved to stop at Rite Aid on the way home and pick up a home pregnancy kit to find out. She’d been nursing a bubble of excitement all day, thinking about it. This fall, she’d turned thirty-five. Clay would be thirty-seven in March. They’d decided they wanted at least two children, and shouldn’t delay starting their family. She knew how excited he’d be.

Jane realized she’d been standing here staring at the closed door with
Police Chief
printed in gold on the frosted inset window. Dumb. Probably Raynor only wanted to make her aware of some new procedure.

She strode in, and the assistant glanced up. “Lieutenant. Go on in, he’s expecting you.”

“Thanks.”

She opened the inner door to find that Chief Raynor wasn’t alone. Colin McAllister was with him. Raynor half sat on his desk, one foot braced on the floor. Colin sprawled in one of the chairs facing him.

“Colin,” she said in surprise. “Or should I say, Sheriff?”

He laughed. “Don’t you dare. Nell does when she’s annoyed at me.”

Jane smiled. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know.” He nodded at her boss. “He insisted on waiting with his news until you got here.”

Raynor’s dark good looks had always intimidated her a little, although not as much since she’d seen him scared out of his skull when his nephew was kidnapped. He didn’t smile often, though, and hardly ever openly grinned.

“We have one more guest coming.” He tilted his head. “I think that’s him now.”

Their esteemed mayor walked in the door, his eyebrows raised. “I’m a busy man. What’s this about?”

“Not too busy for this.” Raynor’s smile grew. “I just got off the phone with my contact at the DEA. They are finally moving ahead to try my not-so-esteemed predecessor.”

“About goddamned time,” Chandler grumbled, while Colin whooped and Jane smiled.

“And get this,” the chief continued. “They have a money trail straight to Roberto Perez’s organization.”

Perez was the head of the Mexican and southern California drug cartel responsible for the kidnapping of Matt Raynor. They had been applying pressure on Alec Raynor to keep him from testifying at a trial in Los Angeles, a leftover from his former job with the LAPD.

“He has a witness willing to tie those payments to warnings about police raids, and the dates correlate with times when carefully planned operations went inexplicably wrong.” All the major law enforcement agencies in central Oregon were part of a coalition to battle illicit drug trafficking. Former police chief Gary Bystrom would have had the knowledge needed to betray his allies and his own department.

“So they’re not getting him just for tax evasion,” Chandler said with deep satisfaction.

“Nope.” Raynor gave a laundry list of charges. Even if Bystrom was only convicted on a few of them, he’d be spending a whole lot of time in prison.

“Bet his tan will fade.” Colin sounded downright vengeful. He’d spent years trying to keep the department effective despite Bystrom’s laziness and tendency to ass-kiss city council members rather than support his own officers...and, as they all eventually learned, his corruption. “His wife might as well sell his fishing waders and skis at a garage sale, for all the use he’ll get out of them.”

Raynor crossed his arms and smiled at them. “I’d like to invite you all, along with your respective spouses, to join Julia and me at Chandler’s Brew Pub tonight for dinner. Seems like the news deserves a celebration.”

All agreed. In an undertone, Chief Raynor asked Jane to stay for a minute. Colin and Noah Chandler departed together, apparently friendly at least, if not friends, after their former rivalry.

Her stomach tightened. Please, not some crap that would ruin an amazingly good day she hoped would get better once she peed on a stick.

His expression was once again serious, although his stance remained relaxed. “Jane, I thought you should be the first to know that I’ve hired a replacement for Colin. He’ll be starting on March 15.”

Whew
was all she could think. No need for regrets—and her workload would ease a whole lot once she wasn’t trying to do her job and half of another one, too. Running for office had pulled Colin away a whole lot, even before he won the election and officially resigned. Since then, even inadequately filling the vacuum had been a huge challenge.

“Have I met him?” she asked politely.

“Yes. And recommended him. Reid Sawyer.”

The man’s face materialized immediately in her memory. Jane nodded.

“Good. I’ll look forward to his start date.”

“You and me both,” Raynor said fervently, and they shared crooked smiles of understanding. “Then I’ll see you at six at Chandler’s,” he added.

Accepting her dismissal, she left, thinking about Reid Sawyer. He was a big man with a remote air that reminded her of Clay back when he’d been suppressing his emotions. Maybe because of that resemblance, she hadn’t been intimidated by Sawyer. Jane did remember wondering why he wanted the job when he was rising in the ranks in one of the largest sheriff’s departments in the nation, and in an urban setting. Plus—the climate in southern California was way better. Why choose what had to seem like a backwater town to him? There had to be something he wasn’t telling them.

With so much else crowding for her attention, she shrugged off the thought. Everyone had personal reasons for making a move. Sawyer’s weren’t her business. Shrugging off speculation wasn’t hard.

She’d been working such long hours lately, surely no one would object if she left early. There was a home pregnancy kit on the pharmacy shelf with her name on it.

* * * * *

Keep reading for an excerpt from CHALLENGING MATT by Julianna Morris.