“
But that's against the Council's laws!” Jessa admonished. Jessa had very distinct views of right and wrong. Something was either right or it was wrong. It didn't matter to her if someone stole simply to feed his or her family. That the family was starving was a tragedy, but the fact that the man had stolen to feed them was still wrong.
“
Aye, which be the cause for me ending up in prison,” Khane grinned. Turning back to Emariya, he said, “But your brother seen I could be o' use, and decided it would be a great sadness t’ waste my knowledge. He pardoned me, upon the condition that I would serve him faithfully in whatever capacity he might demand.”
That held true with what their father had preached to them. Her father always took his responsibility to oversee justice as part of the Council seriously, and often said that it was just as important to consider all facets of a person as well as their crime before passing judgment. She was glad to see that her brother had taken their father's advice to heart.
She worried sometimes about Reeve having to take on too much responsibility with the Council too soon. He was still a nineteen-year-old boy, and he could be quick to temper, which could lead to a lapse in judgment. Regardless, he was her brother, and she loved him dearly. She desperately wanted to see him succeed in his new role as High Seat of the Council.
It was odd: Jessa and her brother were two of her favorite people, and yet they were night and day. To Jessa, the world was black and white, but to Reeve it was simply a matter of knowing how to work something to your advantage, which often entailed dancing artfully through the world of gray.
“
Including delivering his sister to a waiting prince?” Emariya asked, returning her thoughts to the present.
“
Aye, Milady.”
“
And how do we know you won't return to your old ways and deliver her instead to a higher bidder?” Jessa was indignant now. As a servant, it was ingrained in her to obey.
Khane laughed a deep throaty chuckle. “Have no fear o’ that, Miss, I dun think there's any that can afford t' pay more'n the prince and her brother combined, and the way I see it, she's worth a fair amount t' the both o' them to reach Castle Ahlen with due haste and in fair condition.”
Changing the subject before Jessa got more annoyed, Emariya asked, “Do you think we should head toward the Borderlands, and then north toward the pass? Or would we be better served to head north now, going toward the pass but giving the Borderlands a wide margin?” She’d contemplated this question all day as they rode, but had not yet come to an answer. She would need to decide before they set out in the morning.
“
I think that I would give the Borderlands a wide berth. The river flows from the fjord into the Borderlands right around where we would meet up with it, and given Sheas's encampment at the fjord, there would likely be some scouts sent out and up into the Borderlands. Plus, given that winter is nearly here, both Sheas and Thalmas are getting desperate for food, so there will be more hunting parties venturing into the forest, looking for the last o' the game before they go into their winter rests. Not t' mention, if you accidentally wake a bear, they get a trifle cranky,” Khane joked.
“
It's settled, then: we will avoid the Borderlands for as long as we can.” Emariya was glad to have that decided.
Later that night, Emariya lay in her bedroll, thinking of what Khane had told them. She had no doubts that both girls would have been more comfortable with Garith as their companion—or even if he were also along—but Khane's knowledge of the land would serve useful.
She had said goodbye to Garith before he set out with the wagon to the fjord. He came and found her immediately after talking with Reeve.
As soon as she saw his face, she knew something was wrong. His eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. His shoulders slumped as he looked at her with the eyes of someone trying to commit something to memory, lest it be forgotten.
“
Garith, what is it?” she'd asked in alarm.
“
I couldn't leave without telling you goodbye.” His voice caught in his throat.
“
Goodbye? You are talking nonsense. Do you not want to go with me to Thalmas? I guess I assumed you would come with me.” She couldn't understand why he was acting so strangely. Sure, they had suffered their share of tense moments, as at times his feelings for her could make things awkward. They always managed to work through them, though, and remain close. He was her closest, dearest friend, and she couldn't fathom how lonely she would be in Thalmas if she didn't at least have him and Jessa. She was leaving behind her home and her family. She had never considered leaving behind Garith.
“
Emariya, they need me at the fjord. They have no smith there, and my father is needed here. Reeve is sending me with the wagon first thing tomorrow.” His voice was quiet, but the emotions raging behind his eyes were anything but.
“
Isn't there anyone else? I could talk to Reeve—I'm sure someone else could be found,” she said, dismissing the notion. Surely her brother would indulge her this. Granted, he had never approved of her close friendship with Garith, but he should agree to let him go with her.
“
Is there anyone else who could go marry themselves off to Thalmas?” Garith said with an unusual bitterness. Normally she could count on Garith to make her smile. Seeing him wallow in such obvious despair shook her to the core. He almost never snapped at her like that.
“
You know there isn't,” she snapped back.
“
Look at us then. Irreplaceable. Two of a kind, for being one of a kind.” He grinned the sheepish little boy grin that he'd shared with her all her life. There was the Garith she knew. Still, his humor did a poor job of hiding his heartache.
Seeing his hurt poorly disguised beneath humor chased her irritation away. She never could stay mad at him for long. “I don't want you to go.” Her lip trembled. “I will worry—the fjord isn't safe.”
“
And I don't want you to go. The road to Thalmas isn't safe.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Tenderly he reached out and smoothed back a pale blonde hair that had escaped her braid.
“
By my going to Thalmas, Thandrel's Fjord may become safer.” The fjord was dangerous right now. Didn't he know that? She couldn't bear the thought of what could happen to him there. No one was speaking about it, but everyone knew that many who went to the fjord wouldn't come back.
“
By my going to the fjord, all of Warren's Rest may become safer.” His voice was teasing now, trying to make her smile.
Emariya knew he was trying to comfort her, and that his humor was only his way of trying to make her laugh, but right now she wanted none of it. She was desperate to make him see, and didn't want to laugh. She wanted to scream and cry. Just the thought of having to say goodbye to him was making her heart break into a million pieces.
They both knew she would never love him the way he loved her. Not that she could have acknowledged it, even if she did. She loved him the way she loved Reeve. Not at all romantically, but still desperately. Truly. Completely. And this boy whose love she couldn't return, but whose friendship and companionship she couldn't fathom being without, was leaving her. She had never had to say goodbye to someone she loved before; they had always just been gone with no warning.
Her despair overflowed and she lashed out. “Garith, I need you with me! Are you really going to leave Jessa and I on our own? Are you that angry that I am to wed the prince? You know we can never—”
Garith had interrupted her. “Damn you, don't you think I know that!” he hollered, his teasing good nature gone. “Don't make this harder than it is. This isn't my choice, Emariya. I went to your brother, and I begged him to send me with you. I promised him I would keep you safe. And he said I would only be a distraction to you. I don't know, maybe he's right and maybe he's wrong, but I know you are a distraction to me. He said I'm to go to the fjord, and if he's anything like you, there is no use arguing if he's made up his mind.”
Emariya sighed. Then she put her head against his chest and cried until her eyes were as puffy and swollen as his. After she cried herself out, she looked at him, pleading. “Don't go,” she whispered.
He kissed the top of her head before determinedly turning and walking out the door without another word. She listened to the sound of his boots disappearing down the hall. Each step was farther away, and soon the two of them would be farther still.
Laying there in her bedroll, Emariya wondered how Garith was doing on his way to the fjord. She had no doubt it was for purely selfish reasons that she had wanted him to accompany her. For comfort. For companionship. He was her best friend. He was good for her. But was she good for him? He had never made any secret of his feelings for her. But he had never made any demands of her, either. It had seemed that friendship was enough. But would he have ever moved on and made the choices that were right for him with her around?
Perhaps he had been right, and she had been distracting him from the life he could have, keeping him chained to the life that could never be his. But now would he even get to come home from the fjord and have any life at all? She rolled over to try to get some sleep. But under the stars, her thoughts troubled her, and sleep was not eager to come.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Startling Distractions
Awakened what once were three will fall as one
. Emariya woke up feeling uneasy. She could have sworn she had heard someone whispering to her, but Jessa and Khane were nearby, fast asleep. She sat up and looked around, but there was no one. The sky was painted with the colors of dawn. What was it she thought she heard? Something about awakening, but she couldn't remember the rest.
It must have been having a dream,
she thought. Yawning, she stood and began to gather up her bedding, seeing no reason to leave it for Jessa to do later. The sooner they could be off, the better. Her back ached from sleeping on the hard ground and spending a long day in the saddle yesterday. The aches were likely to get worse before they got better, but they should ease once her body accustomed itself to the hard journey ahead.
Trying to move quietly, she stepped around to the other side of the embers that were left from the fire to fetch the water. She thought she would boil some for oatmeal for their morning meal before they set off for the day. If they ate well now, it might be possible to eat just a small lunch in the saddle, as they had yesterday. If they kept a good pace, they could make it to Calkirk before nightfall, where she was sure Lord and Lady Calkirk would receive them and give them quarters for the night. The thought of one less night sleeping on the ground was heartening. Jessa started to stir. Seeing her eyes open, Emariya smiled at her. “Morning.”
“
Oh! Morning, Riya, want me to start some water?”
“
It’s already done. Let’s feed the horses before we eat.” Putting her blanket in her sack, she retrieved her traveling cloak and wrapped it around her shoulders to ward off the chill. The smooth fur lining beneath the heavy wool felt delightful against her cheek. She relished in its warmth.
Khane was also starting to awaken, and with a sleepy wave, he stepped off into the trees behind them for a few moments of privacy from the girls. When he returned, Emariya handed he and Jessa bowls of oatmeal. Khane gestured to Jessa, then said to Emariya, “Isn't she supposed 't be serving you? I thought she was your handmaiden?” Jessa's face flushed with embarrassment.
Emariya snapped, “Aren't you supposed to protecting us? We were both up and moving around the camp before you stirred—what if someone had snuck in?”
“
True enough, Milady. My apologies,” he agreed. Emariya wasn't sure whether he was apologizing for his comment or his lack of diligence. Either way, it didn't matter, she supposed. Criticism for not doing things the proper way was nothing new to her, but she wasn't going to allow anyone to make Jessa feel bad.
Calming a bit, Emariya said, “Jessa is my friend first, and my handmaiden second. She respects me as her lady and her friend enough to know that I prefer friendship to servitude. We observe formalities in the company of those who expect it for simplicity’s sake, and that is all. I would much rather have the loyalty of a true friend than a servant whose loyalty is for sale to the highest bidder. So tell me, Khane, which do you offer?” She arched her eyebrows, waiting for his response.
“
Whichever you wish, Milady, I meant no disrespect.” He gave the girls a genuine smile.
Emariya nodded and forced herself to return his smile.
After they ate, they broke camp and set out in the direction of the rising sun. Emariya took the lead, with Khane and Jessa each keeping their horses steady at her flank. Behind them trailed their two packhorses. Once they crossed into Thalmas, Emariya would be dependent upon Khane to lead, but for now she was fairly confident in her ability to guide them to Three Stone Pass. As a child she had pored over the hand-drawn maps of Eltar her father kept in his study. They used to discuss the different estates and their locations, as well as their prevalent harvests, as she trailed her fingers over the lines. Since Calkirk sat closer to Warren's Rest than any other estate, she visited it most often. Harlow Calkirk and his wife, Dariah, had lost both of their children to an epidemic before Emariya was born. They always doted on her when she visited. They were especially kind when Oren disappeared. Dariah had come to stay with them briefly to ensure they were taken care of until Mairi eventually sent her back to her own home, assuring her that she had the household under control.