Corps Security: The Series (114 page)

“Well! Where is that piece of shit?”

Finally having had enough of her shrieking, I peel my eyes open and take her in. I’m sure she was attractive when she was younger. Her eyes, which might have been bright and vibrant blue, are now dull and dirty. Like bathwater after you’re done bathing. Her skin might have been smooth and youthful at one point, but now it has a disgusting gray tint to it. Her arms, stretched out at her sides, show the clearly visible track lines. Her body is nothing but a tiny mass of skin and bones.

Worthless.

Disgusting.

The reason I’ve believed for as long as I can remember that women will do nothing but hurt you.

I fucking hate her.

“You gonna answer me, you stupid shit? I knew you were a dumb-fuck. Knew it before you were even born. Your brother is just as dumb as you. Bet that’s why your piece-of-shit father ran off. Couldn’t stand to face that he couldn’t make real men.”

I clench my fist, wishing—not for the first time—that I believed in hitting women. Regardless of how much I hate her, I still won’t raise my fist to her.

“Should have terminated you two bastards when I had the chance,” she grumbles under her breath.

“I hate you!”

I turn my head sharply to the left when I hear Coop’s voice cracking with puberty, shaking with vehemence.

“I hate you so much!” he repeats.

I should stop him. Tell him to go back to bed and deal with the beating I’m sure will follow this drunken rage of hers.

“Well, isn’t that sweet, bastard boy? I hate you right fucking back!”

She starts to move. Actually, she starts to tip forward in what I assume is a move to get to Coop, but I step in her path. I refuse to let her take this shit out on him. My body is bigger. I can take it.

“Move, Ash. I need her to know I mean it.” He sounds different. Not like he normally does when he hides during her rages.

“You sure?” I ask, knowing that, even if I let him have this, I can still be here to make sure she doesn’t lay one of her repulsive fingers on him.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay, but I’m right here.”

“Would you two fucking retards stop whispering?! I’m right in front of you. If you’re finally going to let those little boy balls drop and grow a pair, then by all means, let me have it,” she fumes.

Coop steps up to stand next to me. He comes up to my shoulders, but right now, in this moment, I feel like he’s ten feet tall. I couldn’t be more proud of him. For standing up for himself and for standing up to this bitch of a mother we’re stuck with.

“I’ve hated you for so many years. You’re a terrible person and an even worse mom. I wish you would just die! And I will always remember what happens when you try to love a girl, because I loved you once. Even when you wouldn’t feed us and would beat us. Wouldn’t bathe us or buy us clothes that fit. Even when you would lock us in that closet just because we dared to be alive. I will never let a woman get close to me because I know she would probably end up like you. And I know I will never, ever have any kids because, with my luck, something of you would be in them. I. Hate. You.” His breathing is fast, too fast, and I know he’s close to freaking out because never has he ever talked back to her. And if I’m honest, that was the most I have ever heard him say to our mother in almost ten years.

She looks confused. Maybe she’s confused because she didn’t know he
could
talk, but she just stands there for the longest time. Long enough for Coop to calm down. I look over and make sure he’s okay, but before I can make eye contact, I hear her cackle. She starts laughing so hard that she’s bent over, holding her stomach.

“Oh, you stupid little shit. Mark my words, Zachariah Cooper. One of these days, you’re gonna knock a bitch up just like your father did to me. That kid is going to be a little shit just like you, and maybe if you’re lucky, she’ll kill that bastard before it’s ever born. Oh yes, you stupid boy, it will happen because there’s too much of your stupid daddy in you to keep that shit in your pants. Not only that, but I hope you get some stupid fuck out of it . . . Serves you right for poisoning my life for so long.”

And with that, she stumbles out of the house and into her car and squeals her tires on her way out of the driveway.

It takes me longer to calm down than ever before. My deep loathing for that woman has grown even stronger.

“She’s wrong, Ash. If I ever have a baby, even an accident like we are, I’ll make sure that baby doesn’t have a life like ours.”

“Yeah, Coop. I bet you’re right.”

That night, we both sleep facing each other, his hand firmly placed in mine, our foreheads resting together, and I pray that he’s right. That if we ever do have kids, they’re nothing like
HER
and they know what love feels like.

If that’s even possible.

CHAPTER 16

Chelcie

The first thing I notice when I start to wake up is how warm I am. I’ve always been warm natured, which is why I sleep in as little as possible. I try to wake my mind up enough to take stock in my body. My heavy breasts feel constricted from evidently falling asleep with my bra. At least I remembered to take my socks off; hot feet at night are the worst.

The thought of my feet, or more specifically my toes, is what brings it all back. Phil, his creepy toe fetish, Asher, running, Asher, and the baby. It all slams into my mind so powerfully that I’m left shaking and crying again.

Damn hormones. Even though I’m legitimately upset, I don’t think I would be this much of a mess if I weren’t a walking, talking basket case of hormone overload.

The feeling of something tightening against my stomach makes me calm down long enough to make sure the baby is okay. I reach down and scream when I feel warm skin, coarse hair and an arm that does
not
belong to me.

What the hell?

I start panicking, thinking about how I can get out of here safely. How did someone get in? Oh my God! What if it’s Phil? Did he already suck my toes while I was sleeping? I’m going to die and Phil is going to cut off my toes!

“Calm down, Sunshine. I can hear you thinking over here.”

When I hear Asher’s deep mumble and feel his words vibrate against my back, I scream again and then naturally start crying all over again.

Basket. Case.

He tightens his grip, his huge hand palming my stomach in such a way that it renders me speechless. His fingers almost span my entire stomach. They twitch and caress—explore the bump I’ve been falling in love with more and more each day.

I calm myself down, my breathing still thick, but the feel of him—the safety of being in his arms—gives me the needed strength to pull my crybaby act together.

“How did you get in?” I question. The last thing I remember, after pulling myself off the floor, was going straight to bed. I must have been exhausted to not feel or hear him climb in behind me.

“Hmm,” he hums against my neck. His nose running along the sensitive skin causes goose bumps to break out against my flesh.

“Ash,” I whine desperately. My body—my very horny body—has been in hibernation mode for so long that just the feeling of his breathing against my neck and his hand holding my stomach makes me feel like I could come on command.

“The door was unlocked, which was a gross oversight on my end, but I was lost in my own shit. When I got my head together, I came back to make sure you were okay and found the door open . . .” he trails off, leaving us both lying there, wondering what’s next.

“I’m sorry, Ash.” I sigh into the silence, breaking the fragile stillness around us.

He doesn’t say anything for a few beats, leaving me teetering on the edge of fear that I’ve ruined what trust we had in each other. “I know you are, Sunshine. I know. It doesn’t make it easy, and I’m sorry I blew up on you.”

“You were right in your anger. I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but Ash . . . you were in such a bad way for a while after Coop and I . . . Even though it doesn’t make what I did okay, I was scared to tell you. Afraid you would think the worst of me. It makes none of it okay, but that’s where I was coming from.”

“You were right,” he utters, his voice thick with emotion. “I wouldn’t have heard you even if you were standing in front of me with a blow horn. I’ve been asking myself for months why . . . Why him? What was the point? Why take him from this world? He has always been the better soul out of the two of us, and knowing that he died without me there to protect him—yeah, I wouldn’t have heard you.”

“How can you think that? The better soul? You really believe that, don’t you?” I turn in his arms, reaching up to cup his cheeks in my hands. “I’ll agree with you that Coop was an incredible man. He was there for me when I needed someone to help me feel strong again. He was brave, selfless, and oh so loved. But Ash . . . do you not see that you are just as incredible? I see you, YOU, Ash. I see the man who has been so lost, but fighting with every breath, he has to survive. I don’t know a lot about your past, but I know enough to know that you’re a fighter. You and Coop, you might as well have been built from the same mold because the same fearlessness that he possessed each and every day was obviously learned from his big brother.”

He looks at me, his heart-stopping eyes fighting the emotion that is raging within, so noticeably stuck in the grief that consumes him.

“We didn’t have a good childhood. There is a lot of darkness there. A lot of pain. It’s taken me a long time to be able to push all of that past under the rug. I can’t explain my issues any other way but to tell you about how we grew up and why hearing that Coop left behind a piece of himself affected me the way it did.”

He takes a deep breath and composes his thoughts; I can practically see the wheels turning. I rub my thumbs along his jaw and wait.

“Our mother raised us. Our dad ran out as quickly as he could, and honestly, I don’t blame him. She was, by definition, a monster. We didn’t have food half the time. The power and water were cut off more than they were ever connected. Clothing was always hand-me-downs two sizes too small. From the earliest that I can remember, I was raising Coop. He’s been more than a brother to me for my whole life, and losing him cut me deep—still cuts me deep. I can’t tell you how many times I stepped in to make sure I was his shield, his protection, against life. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would lose him having not been able to protect him.”

I so desperately want to cut in, to yell and scream that he isn’t right. It isn’t his fault that Coop died. He didn’t pull the trigger.

“He never wanted kids. Ever. But I know, if he were still here, he would love this baby like no other. He’s always had the ability to see the positive in everything. So I guess my point is that, even though he never wanted children, he would have been there. He would have been the best damn father, Chelcie, and I know I can’t replace him—no one can replace him . . .” he trails off, clearing his throat a few times before he looks up. The pain in his eyes makes me flinch. “I know we’ve been dancing around this attraction between us, this chemistry—hell, I’ve wanted you since the day I met you. I won’t lie to you, Sunshine. I want to be a part of this baby’s life. I want to be able to show him or her the love that Coop would want. But I don’t want you to think that I’m saying that just because of what is between us. As far as I’m concerned, your carrying Coop’s baby is a blessing I could never even begin to repay you for, but being in your life—making you mine—would be the icing on the cake. I’ll love this baby regardless of whether you want me in your life or not, but God, baby, please let me be the man you both deserve.”

I was crying softly before, broken for the little boys who were so lost, but now I’m full-out sobbing—gasping for air, choking on my spit, and blubbering out my response. I know he doesn’t understand my words. Even to my own ears, they’re nothing but gibberish. I wipe at my face, wishing I weren’t making such a mess of this.

“Hold on,” I weep, untangling myself from his arms and the sheets, running to the bathroom to clean myself up.

His arms close around me while I’m bent over the sink, washing my face. His lips climb up my exposed back, kissing each bump of my spine. His lips blaze a trail of fire until he reaches the base of my neck, stopping to breathe me in. His strong arms wrap protectively around my body. I straighten and meet his eyes in the mirror. My head comes to his collarbone, his striking, blue eyes gazing into my brown ones—begging me silently to let him in. I break our connection and trace the line of his arms to where they are lying against my stomach, his tan hands standing out against my fair skin. He cradles my bump—my child—within his strong hold. He holds
me
within his strong arms. And it’s painfully clear to me that if I don’t act on this, don’t let him and his strength in, I will live each day regretting it.

I turn, bringing my hands up his arms, and curl them around his neck. His hands move from my stomach when I turn and lie heavily against my hips, his fingers digging in when I move to stand on my toes, gaining as much height as I can to reach his lips.

“I need you,” I whisper against his lips, loving the way his eyes flash and his face goes soft seconds before he claims my mouth.

And with that kiss, that claiming of my soul, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m forever ruined for anyone else.

With that one kiss, that one moment in time, it feels as if I’ve come home.

CHAPTER 17

Asher

Her lips are the drug I’ve been craving.

The feel of her body against mine, the heat that is coming off her smooth skin when I trail my hands up her back, drags me under, and it’s like everything around us just vanishes.

I’ve never, in all of my thirty-three years, known a feeling like this before. I’m a complete stranger when it comes to relationships; the one time I tried was a disaster of epic proportions. But every instinct I have is telling me to hold on to this woman and never let go.