Courting Constance (Fountain of Love) (5 page)

“I can’t.  Don’t you understand?  You say you care for me, for the person I am.  Well, the person I am would be giving up everything she believes in if she moved in here as your mistress.  I just can’t do it.”

Charles nodded, obviously willing to admit defeat.  “Will you still have dinner with me?  We can be…friends?  We can eat together once a week or so…keep up with each other.”  He knew he was asking for something that could never be, but he didn’t want to lose her.  If he never saw her, then he could never convince her to be his.

Constance shook her head.  “I can’t do that.  Don’t you see that when I look at you, all I can think about is what could be if you were just willing to go against what you believe.   Or I was willing to go against what I believe.”  She met his eyes for the first time since they’d begun their conversation.  “My heart would break a little more every time I saw you.”

He sighed, pushing his soup away.  “At least we have tonight.  I’ll take what I can get.”

She smiled a wistful smile.  “Tonight is for us.”

They didn’t talk about the future again as they ate their meal.  Afterward, he took her into his parlor, and they chatted like old friends.  She’d never felt an immediate affinity to someone she’d just met before, and it was odd how very close she felt to him right away.  On the drive back to the village, she was silent, not wanting the night to end, and knowing he didn’t either.

“What’s your biggest fear?” he asked as they drove up to the shop.  “What frightens you so much you just don’t think you could have a relationship with me?  I don’t want you to get out of this coach and leave my life forever.”
  He had to make one last attempt to keep her.  Something had to work.

“I couldn’t have a child without being married.  He’d be a child raised in two worlds.  You say we’d have a home with you, but he’d never be able to inherit.  He’d be used to living the life of the nobility, but never really fit in with others.  How would that be all right?”

“I don’t know how to answer that.  I can assure you that my family would treat him right, but I can make no promises for others.  I guess we could just never leave the country.”  He knew she’d never agree, but he had to try.  He couldn’t let her get out of the coach without agreeing to see him again.

She shook her head sadly.  “I couldn’t do that, Charles.  It wouldn’t work out.”  Constance desperately hoped he’d ignore the problems, and just ask her to marry him.  They were two people, standing among all the people of the world, with a true connection.  How could he not see they belonged together?

Charles put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him, his cheek resting atop her head.  “I don’t want to let you go.”

She felt a tear trickle from the corner of her eye.  “You have to.  You don’t belong in my world, and I can’t live in yours.  Not in a way that would let m
e keep my pride.”

He cupped his face in her hands and lowered his lips to hers.  The most wonderful woman he’d ever met, the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with was about to step down out of his coach and leave his life forever.  How could he let her do that?

Constance felt the same desperation rushing through her that Charles did.  She grasped the back of his head, winding her fingers through his hair, as she kissed him back, her tongue meeting his.  She knew this was goodbye forever, and she couldn’t bear to let him go.  It was the only thing in the world that made sense, but she still couldn’t bear it.

He kissed her as if his life depended on it, and it felt like it did.  He had seconds to convince her to take a chance.  “Please, come home with me.  I can’t let this be goodbye.”

She wrapped her arms tightly around him and hugged him close.  “You know where to find me if you ever decide you don’t mind doing something to mess up your life forever like…oh…marry a woman with nothing.”  She kissed his cheek quickly and pulled away, climbing down the steps that had already been lowered and disappeared into her room. 

Charles watched the door close between them, and he wanted to scream at her to come back.  He couldn’t imagine life without her. 

Constance leaned back against the door and cried.  She was in love for the first and only time in her life.  He was an earl, and she was going to spend the rest of her life alone.  She needed to get used to it.

Chapter Five

Charles was true to his word and stopped sending gifts to the shop.  Every day she’d hope to see him but she never did.  Slowly everything returned to normal, and she became content with her work and life.  Not happy, but content.  She’d never expected anything more.

One day in March, she looked up at the tinkling of the bell, and Charles was standing in front of her, hat in hand.  “Lily sent me,” he said in lieu of a greeting.

“She did?”  It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, of course, but it was better than not seeing him at all.  “Is she all right?  Is the baby here yet?”

He smiled, leaning against the counter.  “You’re always so concerned about others.”  He took her hand in his.  “I’ve missed you.”

She bit her lip as she looked up at him, wondering how to respond to that.  After a moment, she decided to be truthful.  “I’ve missed you as well.” 

He brought her fingers to his lips for a moment.  “Lily wanted you to know that she had the babies.”

Constance’s face split into a grin.  “Babies?  She had twins?”

“She did.  Both little red-headed girls.  They’re sure to be a handful.  She wanted both you and Alice to know, and she asked me to give you this letter.”  He dug into his pocket and pulled out
a letter that she opened.

“Does she require an answer?” she asked.

“She did ask me to wait for one.”

“Dear Constance, I know you’re probably surprised to hear from me, but I’m in desperate need of a good nurse for my daughters.  I’d like someone who would be able to teach them as they grow older, so I think you would be a good choice.  I know you’ve been a lady’s companion, so if you like children, you would certainly be qualified.  I’d need someone as soon as possible, because having two babies is so much more than I bargained for.  I thought I would be able to care for them myself, but it’s been a week, and I assure you, I’m getting no better at this.  Please, send an answer back with Charles.  Whatever you’re being paid, I’ll double it.  You’d have room and board of course.  And we’d work out a day off.  Please say yes.  Begging for your help, Lily.”

Constance read over the letter once more and thought about the words.  She liked the idea of being a nurse and then later a governess as the girls got older, but she wasn’t sure if seeing Charles more regularly was a good thing.  Would she be able to stand seeing him with his family, and not desperately wanting to be a part of that family?

After a moment, she nodded.  “I’ll do it.  I need to give notice here, of course.  I can’t just leave Mrs. Jackson without a front desk girl.”

“No, of course you can’t.”  He liked that she had ethics.  That she cared about doing the right thing. 

“Let me go talk to her now, and see how long she thinks she needs to find someone.  Just a moment.”  Constance hurried into the back of the store, smiling at Alice first.  “There’s some good news for you.”

Alice stood, carefully folded the dress she was hemming, and walked to the front of the store while Constance turned to Mrs. Jackson.  “I need to talk to you for a moment privately,” she said.

Mrs. Jackson stood and walked to the storage room where the fabric was kept.  “You’re quitting.”

Constance nodded.  “Lady Lily has offered me a position as a nurse and later a governess.  It’s the job I’ve wanted for years.  I’m so sorry.  I’m very grateful that you’ve given me this opportunity.”

“How much notice are you giving me?”

Constance shrugged.  “I’ve never given notice before.  How much do you need?”

Mrs. Jackson frowned.  “Lady Lily needs you as soon as possible, I’m assuming?”

“Yes, she does.  She just had twins.”

“Oh, twins!  I had twins.  They’re both married now…” 
Mrs. Jackson shook her head.  “She needs you more than I do.  I’ll tell you what.  Spend the rest of the day training Alice to work the front while she sews, and you can go over after work today.  Lady Lily has done so much for this village that I just can’t begrudge her anything.”

Constance shook her head.  “No, I can’t do that to you.”

“It’s fine.  Alice is a fast learner, and her accent is good.  She’ll do well.”

Constance took the older woman’s hand in hers.  “Thank you so much!”  She rushed to the front.  “Tell her I can come this evening.  Would you ask her to send a coach?  Or should I just walk?”

“A coach will be here for you at six?  Does that give you enough time to get ready?”

“I think so.”  Constance turned to Alice.  “You’re to work up front from now on.  I’ll teach you this afternoon.”

Alice nodded.  “I’m excited for you, but…I’m going to miss you.  More than I can say.”

Constance smiled at her friend.  “We’ll keep in touch.  I’ll have days off, you know.”

Charles walked toward the door.  “I promised Lily I’d bring your answer back as soon as I had one.  She’ll be ecstatic.”  He nodded toward them before rushing out the door.

The afternoon felt rushed as she tried to teach Alice everything she needed to know before the end of the day.  “Do you like the idea of taking care of someone else’s baby?” Alice asked.  “I spent so many years in the orphanage helping with the younger children that I have no desire to ever do it again.”

Constance grinned at her friend.  “Well that answers that question.”

“What question?”

“I was worried you’d be upset she asked me and not you.”  Constance straightened the counter at the front of the store, getting ready to leave for the last time.  “I’m going to miss this place.  It was the first place I was…content since my parents died.”

Alice gave her a surprised look.  She’d never spoken about Lady Graves because she refused to speak ill of the dead.  She felt too much loyalty for the crotchety old woman.  “You weren’t happy with Lady Graves?”

Constance shrugged.  “It was a difficult position.”  She wasn’t willing to say more. 

Alice helped her pack her things.  She had two new dresses to show for her time working in the shop, but other than that, she was leaving with all the same things she’d come with.  “I’m going to miss my friend.”

“I’ll miss you too.  So much.  I’ll come visit you as soon as I can.”  She hugged the younger girl tightly.  “And you can come out and visit soon.  I know you want to see the babies as much as I do.”

Alice smiled through her tears.  “I do want to see the bab
ies.  Lady Lily won’t mind if I visit.”

Constance had just closed her bag when there was a knock on the door.  “That must be Lady Lily’s coachman.”  She looked at Alice again.  “We’ll see each other very soon.”

Alice nodded dejectedly, looking around the tiny room.  “I’m sure Mrs. Jackson will hire someone else to take your place, but it just won’t be the same.”

Constance opened the door with her bag in her hand.  “Lord Charles!”

He smiled and tipped his hat to her.  “Are you ready?”

“Yes, but…I thought Lady Lily would send a coach.”  She wasn’t sure why he was there, but her heart jumped at the sight of him. 

“I volunteered.  Lily is so frazzled with the twins that she had no idea what to do.”

“Well, thank you for driving me to her house.” 

He took her bag from her, and she looked back at Alice one last time.  “I’ll see you soon.  I promise.”

Alice stood in the doorway watching as Lord Charles helped Constance into his coach.  Constance waved one last time as the coachman closed the door, and climbed to his box. 

“I’ve missed you,” Charles said simply. 

Constance looked at him and found herself lost in his dark eyes.  “I’ve missed you,” she responded, wishing she knew how to deal with this man.
  The coach had just started moving when he moved across to take a seat beside her, putting his arm around her shoulders.  She immediately shook her head.  “I can’t kiss you.  You’re my employer’s brother.  It wouldn’t be ethical.”

“I don’t care if it’s ethical or not.”  He cupped his face in her hands and lowered his mouth to hers. 

She tried to resist for a moment, refusing to kiss him back, but she couldn’t help herself for long.  Soon her mouth opened, and her tongue stroked against his.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and held on for dear life.  “Oh, Charles,” she whispered.

“Is that an ‘Oh, Charles, take me to your home and let me spend the rest of my life loving you?’”  He kissed a trail of kisses across her check and down to her neck where he nipped at her skin.

Constance shuddered as the passion rushed through her body.  How could she possibly have this man in such close proximity without going insane?  She knew what she felt for him was wrong, but she couldn’t stop it.  She cared for him too much.  She’d always been a down-to-earth woman, not believing in things like soul mates and love at first sight.  Charles had changed all that.

“I need you,” he whispered.  “Please forget about the position and come live with me.  I promise to make you the happiest woman alive.”

She pulled back, shaking her head sadly.  “Even I know a mistress doesn’t live with her protector.”

“You would.  You’d be not only my mistress but my life.”

“Until it was time for you to produce an heir and your wife kicked me out on my backside.  Wives don’t take kindly to their husband’s mistresses living under their roof and having his children around.”

He sighed burying his face in her hair.  His father had been rigid about rules of propriety. 
He couldn’t imagine not doing his “duty” by his name and marrying Constance, but he couldn’t imagine not having an heir either.  He knew she was right, but he so desperately wanted her in his life.  Would it really be so wrong?  “I’m sorry.”

She nodded.  “Me too.”  There was nothing else to say.  They both desperately wanted to be together, but neither could do it. 

He helped her down from the coach in front of Lily’s house and carried her bag in for her.  Lily was in the downstairs parlor with both babies looking tired and worn.  Constance rushed to her, taking one of the babies from her arms.  “Why weren’t the maids helping?”

“I wouldn’t let them.  What do maids know about taking care of my babies?”

Constance laughed softly.  “You assume I know how to take care of your babies like it’s something that just comes naturally.”

Lily’s eyes met hers.  “I think you’re the perfect woman for the position.”  She looked back and forth between her brother and her new nurse and smiled serenely.

Constance looked at the baby in her arms.  “Who am I holding?”

Lily looked up.  “That one’s Mabel.  I’m holding Millicent.”  She sighed.  “They seem to cry a lot.”

Constance sat down on the sofa beside her new employer.  “Babies tend to do that.”  She looked between the two.  “Are they identical?”

Lily shook her head.  “No, look, their noses are just a little bit different.  Mabel’s nose turns up just the tiniest bit at the end and Millicent’s doesn’t.”

Constance smiled and nodded.  “Good, I’ll be able to tell them apart then.”

Charles watched the two women for a moment before clearing his throat.  “Looks like I just became unnecessary.”  He liked looking at Constance with his tiny niece.  He desperately wanted to see her with his child.  “I need to get home.”

Lily looked up at him.  “Oh, won’t you stay for supper?”

He shook his head, unwilling to stay for a supper he knew
Constance wouldn’t be eating with the family.  She was a servant here.  “I need to go.”

“Thank you for bringing Constance to us.”  Lily smiled, her eyes tired but happy.  “Would you join Constance and I for tea tomorrow?”

He nodded, happy to think that she’d be having tea with the family.  “I’d love that.”

Constance smiled, because she was thrilled for the opportunity to see him.  She knew it was better for her when she didn’t, but she couldn’t seem to convince her heart of that.

“Come around two then,” Lily told him.  “Hopefully we can have the twins napping then so we’re not fighting them as we eat our biscuits.” 

“I’ll be here,” Charles told them both.

“Thank you for bringing me, Lord Charles.”  Constance looked up at him as she said the words.  She was struck again by his beautiful brown eyes.  She wished there were some way to make things work out between them.

After he’d left, Lily turned to her.  “It’s not impossible, you know.”

Constance frowned.  “What’s not impossible?”

“A marriage between you and Charles.”  Lily watched the other woman closely as she said the words.

Constance shook her head.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lily laughed.  “I’d have to be blind not to see the looks that keep passing between you and my brother.  Don’t worry.  We’ll figure it out.”  She cooed down at the baby in her arms for a moment.  “You both deserve happiness.”

Constance was mortified that her emotions showed so clearly when Charles was around.  “I can’t be his mistress.”

“Of course, you can’t!  He would never even ask it.”

Constance said nothing as she stared down at the baby in her arms.  She wasn’t going to try to disillusion Lily about her brother.