Courting Darkness (22 page)

Her pulse quickened at his touch, her body responding to every stroke of his tongue and glide of his hands. Had they had sex before? It burned like acid in her throat that she couldn’t remember. Perhaps she should have let him get into greater detail about their night together. The night that kept haunting her dreams in unsynchronized snapshots of ecstasy.

His touch wasn’t hurting her now. Why not? Was he hurt? Had Haden injured him at the grotto? So many questions flooded her mind, yet she couldn’t pull herself from the bliss of his kiss long enough to put voice to any of them.

It felt so wonderful to be free of that gnawing ache in her heart. The heavy weight of loss that plagued her spirit had finally lifted.
She
may not know him, but her heart most certainly did. As if her arms had a will of their own, they circled his neck, fingers threading into his overgrown locks. Mercy, his hair felt like silk… She should stop this—before things got out of hand—before it was too late. They needed to talk. She had so many questions, deserved so many more answers, but damn this felt good. He felt so right in her arms, all she wanted to do was hang on and never let go. Was she mad at him?—hell yeah, she was still pissed. But every emotion raging inside her suddenly took a back seat to the overpowering love flooding every fiber of her being—desire consumed her, burning her veins to ash.

In that moment, she willingly gave herself over to her heart, knowing full well that the trust she was placing in him at this moment would forever make or break their relationship. If he ever hurt her again, ever betrayed the fragile thread of trust growing between them right now, there would be no going back.

Olivia returned his kiss with mounting abandon, and when his lips left hers to descend on her neck, her breaths came in short, gasping pants. “Wait, Liam?” She hated asking, but she had to know. “Have we done this before?”

He stilled, slowly lifting his head to meet her eyes. The golden-amber regret slowly bleeding into his sapphire gaze made her heart ache. For a moment, she wasn’t sure if he was going to answer. But then, he spoke, his voice as aridly broken as she felt.

“That depends. What do you want to happen here, Olivia?”

How could she answer that? Was he giving her a choice? Was he offering himself to her? Dare she hope?—and was she prepared to give her body to him? “Have we? Have we…?” She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. It felt so wrong she should even have to ask.

His brow arched expectantly—waiting for her to finish. Heat rushed to her cheeks. The rapid pounding of her heart echoed in her ears. His top lip tugged into a coy grin. “Have we what?” he whispered.

She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, her voice failing as she squeaked, “Are you really going to make me say it?”

Growing serious, he reached up and took her face in his hands, gently tipping it up to meet his marbled gaze. “I’m not going to make you do anything, Olivia. If you’re asking me if we’ve ever made love, then that depends on your definition of the word. I’ve given you all of myself that I was able to because I love you and will want no other as long as I draw breath. If you’re asking me if you’re still a virgin, then the answer is also yes. When I was your guardian, we were bonded, so my energy was transferrable to you. Mating was a physical impossibility.”

“And now?” She needed to hear him say it.

He exhaled a sigh of frustration and roughly dragged his hand through his hair. “Fuck, Olivia, I’ve made so many mistakes with you—”

“And now?” she repeated, knowing he couldn’t lie to her, even if he wanted to.

“I’m all yours…if you still want me.”

Did he think, for even a second, there was a part of her that wouldn’t? “Of course I want you, Liam. All of you…”

Reaching behind his head, he grabbed his shirt and pulled it off, dropping it at his feet. Holy hell, he was gorgeous—definably muscled and chiseled to perfection. Before he could step closer, her hands rose to his chest. As if they had a mind and a will of their own, she reached out and starting at his collarbones, slowly slid her hands down his chest, tracing the sculpted muscles of his pecks and the roped ridges of his abdomen. His answering growl of approval was a low seductive timbre she felt all the way to her bones. Her pulse clamored in her chest, adrenaline flooding her veins. Heat flushed her cheeks, spreading to her core that slowly began to ache with mounting desire as she glanced down, taking in the whole of him. A large scar marred his left side. Instinctively, she knew the mark was significant, but couldn’t remember why. Reaching out, she brushed her thumb across the old wound, his muscles tensing in response to her feather-light touch.

Looking up into his dark sapphire gaze, she confessed, “I wish I could remember you.”

“So do I, Olivia. God knows, if I could I’d give you those memories back. But I can’t—not anymore—and it kills me to stand here, wanting you like I do, knowing you don’t have a fucking clue who in the hell I am. I did this to spare you the pain of letting me go—to keep you safe from Haden. I never thought I’d lose you for it. And since I have…I can’t feel you any more, Olivia—”

The ache in her heart returned with a swift punch as the pain in his voice shattered her soul.

“God help me, I can’t feel you anymore…” His confession broke on a ragged gasp of regret.

His pain consumed her like an inferno. She’d been so fixated on her own grief, she’d barely stopped to consider what he must have been going through—until now. And at this moment, the desire to heal him overwhelmed her. Reaching out, she took his wrists and pulled his hands up to her cheeks. Slowly, she drew them down her neck, past the rapid tick of her carotids beating against the brushing caress of his thumbs. “You can still feel me,” she whispered. “I’m right here.” This wasn’t the “feeling” he was referring to, but this was all she had to offer him. And although the details of their relationship continued to evade her, her love for him did not fail. As she dragged his hands lower, over the swells of her breasts, she said softly, “You can give me new memories, Liam, and I can’t think of a better one to start with.”

A possessive growl tore from his throat as he gripped the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Before the cotton hit the floor, she was in his arms and beneath the heated crush of his nearly naked body.

Casting away all doubt, she trusted her heart and trusted her body to this amazing male who’d saved her life, rescued her from Haden, and no doubt sacrificed everything he had, everything he was, for her.

Chapter Seventeen

He’d returned to make sure she was safe, fully expecting her to have no idea who in the hell he was. But she knew. She knew exactly who he was and what he’d done to her. Actions that couldn’t be undone—mistakes that couldn’t be unmade, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t about to make another. Not that he cared anymore. The only thing that mattered right now was this female lying beneath him, offering him a gift he’d never expected to receive—her body and her soul, and damn if he didn’t want to claim them both.

Months of solitary had given him more than enough time for reflection. And the one thought that had kept him from going bat-shit crazy all this time was the belief that Olivia was better off now—better off without him. He’d found his consolation in the belief that he was suffering alone. She didn’t remember him, so therefore, how could she love him? Even now he was having trouble reconciling the possibility. He’d obviously misjudged the depth of her affection, and the strength and power of her mind, because she should have no nocturnal recognition of him whatsoever.

He was not so arrogant, so self-actualized, as to consider the possibility that if he’d been severely wrong about this, then what else might he have been wrong about? Of all the scenarios he’d been prepared to walk into today, this one had not even crossed his mind. And yet here he was, in the one place he never expected to be, with the one woman he wanted nothing more than to be with.

She felt more amazing than he remembered, her delicate body pressed so intimately beneath his—her heart beating wildly against his chest, echoing counterpoint the strong crash of his own. She held onto him like a lifeline, arms wrapped around his sides. Her splayed fingers gripped his shoulders and her fingertips pulled him closer, blunt nails biting into his flesh with torturous abandon.

The need to claim her for his own—once and for all—overwhelmed him to the point of madness. An inhuman growl rumbled in his throat as he unfastened her jeans and shoved them past her hips. She kicked the denim free and let go of him long enough to unfasten the clasp of her bra. As the black lace fell loose, he grabbed the binding material separating him from her rose-tipped breasts and tossed it aside.

As his hand captured the soft swell, his mouth descending to taste the sweet peak he thought never to savor again, a throaty moan escaped her lips. Her vanilla-jasmine scent flooded his senses, every nerve—every impulse—coming online as his soul stirred, searching for her and finding nothing but the severed connection that left him broken. The need to reconnect to her burned like a fire in his veins. Frustration spiked his short-fused temper, fueling the recklessness that had claimed his spirit, consuming him since he’d lost her. There wasn’t any length he wouldn’t go to, any boundary he wouldn’t cross, to have her back—to feel connected to her once again.

Desperation drove him beyond the point of slow, ardent kisses and gentle, teasing touches. He needed her—now.

Olivia must have sensed the carnal lust stirring within him, her kiss growing more demanding with each passing second as her hands worked feverously to unfasten his jeans. She touched him like she owned him. There was nothing tentative or shy about this woman beneath him—his woman.

As she freed him from his denim prison, she took hold of him—touching, exploring, groping. It took every ounce of his self-control to remain still and give her this time to get reacquainted with his body.

Blissful torture…

He planted his fists into the mattress beside her to bear the brunt of his weight. Every muscle in his quivering body was strung ripcord tight, his desire snapping at the leash of his barely contained restraint. Her mouth left his to taste his neck—nipping, sucking...

A tortured groan rasped in his throat as his control slipped. Grabbing her hands, he pulled them above her head, holding her wrists in a gentle, but firm grip. His mouth claimed hers in one last, searing kiss as he shifted his hips, seating himself at the point of no return. Her pulse spiked, her breath quickening in anticipation.

Lifting his head, his gaze locked on hers. “Are you certain, Olivia? It’s not too late to change your mind. If you do this—if we do this—we will be entering a binding covenant,” he rasped with a throat that felt like broken glass.

If he’d seen even a flicker of hesitation in her eyes, he might have found the strength to stop. Then again, he might have taken her, anyway. She was his. The blood covenant was only a formality. But once he spilt her virgin’s blood, there would be no going back—ever. How many times had he imagined this moment, dreamed of taking her, but their bond prevented it. It was a sacrifice he’d been willing to make then—not anymore.

“I’m sure,” she whispered. Taking his face in her hands, she lifted her head to seal the deal with a kiss—a kiss that became a sharp, startled gasp as he thrust forward, seating himself against her core.

Her fingers slipped into his hair, nails scoring his scalp as she gripped him tightly. He froze—sheer will keeping him still as he waited for her body to grow accustomed to his—each second feeling like an eternity of agonizing bliss. All the while, he whispered adorations of love and fervent apologies against her lips as he promised between kisses that he’d never hurt her again.

As her virgin’s pain began to ease, her body slowly relaxed beneath him. He drew back, a tentative movement that pulled another gasp from her parted lips, except this time her exhale was a breathy moan that nearly undid his iron-clad will.

Her hands untangled from his hair, sliding down his back. By the time they reached the base of his spine, her kisses had grown hot—demanding. She tugged him forward, the friction lighting a spark in his blood that quickly consumed him. As his tempo increased, his muscles grew tighter, tension coiling in the base of his spine.

It was the most selfish thing he’d ever done, but heartache and desire drove him past the point of reason. Taking the offered gift of this female beneath him, he swiftly drove them both toward a release that would forever bind her to him. Not in the way they’d once been bonded—fuck, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t give up to have that back. But it wasn’t possible—that bond was forever severed, but tonight, in its place, they birthed a new, more intimate connection. Not once had he considered withholding his seed—to spill outside of her would be the ultimate dishonor. To take her body and not give his own in return…

With full knowledge of the irrevocable path this night could put them on, as the first tremors of Olivia’s climax gripped him, Liam gave himself over to his own release and joined the woman he longed for—body, mind and soul.