Authors: Doris Davidson
‘I’m being shifted, anyway. I’ve to report at Dover when I go back.’
Gracie’s face fell. ‘Oh, no! It’s too near the Germans for my liking.’
‘It’s a bit near for my liking, too,’ Queenie smiled, ‘but I’ve got to go where I’m told.’
‘Aye, of course you have, but be careful and don’t take any risks. You know, I can’t get over Neil still being left in this country, though I’m pleased about
it.’
‘How is he?’
‘He’s a lot happier now. He wasn’t getting on with Freda’s mother, so they’ve rented a room a good bit away from her.’
Glad that she could talk about Neil with only the faintest disturbance to her heart – it wasn’t even strong enough to be classed as an ache – Queenie said, ‘Is there any
word of you being a grandmother?’
‘Not yet, but I’m keeping hoping.’
They both laughed at that, then Queenie looked candidly at her aunt. ‘I loved him, you know.’
‘Aye, I thought you did,’ Gracie sighed, ‘but it wouldn’t have been right for cousins to marry. Believe me, lassie, it was better this way, though I was sorry for
you.’
‘I was sorry for myself and joining up was the best thing I could have done. I’ve got over him, honestly.’
‘I’m glad, and you’ll find the right man for you some day. You never know, maybe you’ll meet him where you’re going but I hope it’s not a Canadian or a
foreigner, for I don’t want to lose you after the war as well as Patsy.’
‘I think I’ll stick to an English boy.’ Queenie wondered if her aunt would pick her up on that – she should have said British – but Gracie hadn’t noticed. All
the newspapers were speaking about Britain as England these days; Vera Lynn sang ‘There’ll always be an England’, and even the Scots sang it lustily and patriotically. The war
seemed to have broken the old barriers, at least for its duration.
Gracie handed her niece a letter which came the following morning, and looked at her curiously as she read it. ‘It’s from an old school friend I met at Padgate,’ Queenie said
brightly, still reluctant to speak openly about Les. ‘We had some good times together and we promised to keep in touch.’
‘Oh, that was nice,’ Gracie exclaimed. ‘I bet you were pleased to see her again.’
Feeling guilty for the unnecessary deception, Queenie just nodded, but her aunt went on, ‘Will she be going to the same place as you?’
The girl chose her words carefully. ‘No, but I think we’ll be able to see each other sometimes.’
‘That’s good, though I suppose you’ll make other chums.’
‘Oh, yes. I’ll be with two other girls I know, so I won’t feel so strange.’
‘You look older in your uniform,’ Joe observed, out of the blue. ‘I wondered yesterday what was different about you and it just dawned on me. You’ve got your hair
up.’
‘It’s rolled round an old stocking,’ Queenie giggled. ‘We had to keep our hair out of our eyes, you see, and we found it was easiest this way. Kirbigrips kept falling
out.’
Patsy gave a loud yawn. ‘Don’t I know it – we’re always in trouble if our hair’s not kept back. Well, I’m going to bed if you folk don’t mind.
We’d a hectic night in Casualty and I’m just about dropping. Will you give me a shout about two, Mum? I’m meeting Jake at three.’
Turning round, Joe said sharply, ‘And when are we getting to meet him? I’d like to see what kind of man he is.’
Patsy looked at her mother. ‘Is it all right if I ask him to come to tea?’
‘As long as he won’t expect anything fancy.’
‘He won’t. OK, I’ll take him back for six.’
Flopping down on her bed, Queenie longed for the serenity of the tenement in King Street. Being near the south coast was like living on the edge of a volcano – a
constantly active volcano – and they never knew when the VIs that passed overhead would stop and plummet earthwards. When the buzzing cut out, there was a scramble for cover, the male clerks
as well as the female, because no allowances were made for the weaker sex . . . they didn’t consider themselves the weaker sex.
She wondered if Les had got back to Ashford all right. She was always worried until she heard from him after he’d come to see her, and he came as often as he possibly could. Last night
they had spent four hours together, four wonderful but traumatic hours. When the first buzz-bomb came down, he had pushed her down and lain across her, holding her tightly as the world exploded
around them, then, when they sat up, both trembling with fear but relieved that they were still all in one piece, he had whispered, ‘Queenie, I love you.’
Because she wasn’t sure if that was what he had actually said, she kept silent and he murmured, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you, not yet, when you’d made it
clear that we could just be friends, but I had to. I love you so much I’m terrified in case something happens to you.’
‘I’m glad you told me. We’ll always be friends, but I know now that I love you, too. At first, I could hardly believe it, but . . .’
His kiss stopped her, but in a few moments, he said, ‘I’ve always loved you, from the time I saw you in your new blazer and three-quarter socks at the door of St Marks. Of course, it
was only a small boy’s love then, but as I grew older, I often wondered what had happened to you and wished I could find you again.’
‘Thank God you did find me again.’
Recalling this tender moment, Queenie’s heart swelled with love for Les again. She’d been in seventh heaven, then their kisses had been interrupted by another VI, although it had
fallen some distance away. Being in love in the midst of attacks like that was nerve-racking, but it was something to tell their children, something to remember when they were old and grey.
Before she fell asleep, Queenie’s thoughts turned to Patsy and her Canadian. When she had met Jake, he had been as nice as Patsy said he was, and it had been plain to everyone that they
loved each other – even Joe had remarked on it the next day. Maybe she should tell her aunt and uncle about Les, now that they’d declared their love to each other, but not in a letter.
That would be too cold and impersonal, so she would wait until she went home next time.
When Neil took Freda to Aberdeen again – the first time as his wife – his air of satisfied well-being proved to Gracie that marriage was agreeing with him, and his
remark to Patsy that she didn’t know what she was missing only endorsed it.
His sister blushed. ‘Jake wants us to get married, but I’m not too sure. He could be posted overseas, and . . .’
‘Don’t waste your life,’ Neil told her. ‘If you love him, marry him. Make the man happy, for God’s sake, even if it’s only for a little while.’
Gracie frowned. ‘Don’t say things like that, Neil.’
‘We’ve got to face facts, Mum, and if she lets him away, she might regret it all her life. In the last war, a lot of women refused to marry their sweethearts before they went to
France, and they were left lonely and bitter because they’d lost their chance of a little happiness. You don’t want to end up like that, do you, Patsy?’
‘You’re being rather cruel, Neil,’ Freda objected.
‘I’m being realistic, that’s all.’
‘Yes, you’re right,’ Patsy said now. ‘I don’t want to be a lonely old spinster. I’ll tell Jake tonight.’
‘Now look what you’ve done,’ Joe exclaimed, looking at his son with mock severity. ‘I suppose I’ll have to stump up for a wedding now.’
‘Jake said he could get a special licence, and if he does, you wouldn’t have to pay for anything, Dad.’
A broad smile crossed Joe’s face. ‘Now there’s a man after my own heart.’
Patsy turned to her mother. ‘You don’t mind, Mum?’
Pushing her sadness to the back of her mind, Gracie shook her head. ‘If you’re sure, that’s all I care about.’
When Patsy asked Freda to come into her bedroom to discuss what she could wear, Gracie took the opportunity to say, ‘I don’t suppose you’ve heard anything from
Olive?’
Neil frowned slightly. ‘Just a note to say she wished us every happiness in our marriage, and as far as I can tell, it had been written before she walked out. It’s got me beat; I
can’t think why she left like that. It’s not like her.’
‘Hetty doesn’t know, either, and she’s had no word, though it’s nearly three months now. Martin’s furious, but Hetty’s really worried.’
‘Olive’ll be OK. She’s fit enough to look after herself.’ Neil didn’t tell his mother that he believed that Olive had left home because she could not face seeing
him with a wife, it would have sounded too conceited. Before he learned that she had left home, he had worried a bit himself about seeing her. Her letter had made out that she had given up on him,
but he still hadn’t trusted her.
‘She should have written to let her mother know where she was, though,’ Gracie went on. ‘She never considers anybody.’
It occurred to Neil that Olive might have been trying to save embarrassment to him as much as to herself, so he said, ‘She likely will write home once she’s sorted herself
out.’
The wedding was arranged for the Saturday of the following week and Jake asked Neil and Freda to be witnesses. Freda went with Patsy to help her to choose her outfit but when
Gracie saw her daughter dressed on the actual morning, she had to keep back her tears. The grey suit, chosen for serviceability, was brightened by a blue blouse – both the result of pooling
her parents’ clothing coupons. The little pillbox hat with its removable veil was in exactly the same shade as the shirt, picking up the colour of her eyes. She looked so lovely, so radiant,
that even Joe had to blink tears away.
When they all returned to the house, Neil said, ‘Queenie’s the only one left now. I wonder when she’ll write and tell you she’s got a boyfriend?’
‘She’s still too young to get serious about a boy,’ Gracie snapped, still a bit overcome about Patsy being married.
Joe filled his wine glass again. ‘The boys in Dover must be blind, that’s all I can say.’
While they were laughing at this, Gracie was struck by an awful thought, but she thrust it from her. Her daughter had noticed her face changing colour, however, and came across to her.
‘Are you OK, Mum?’
‘Aye, don’t fuss. It’s just all the excitement and things happening so quick.’
Patsy smiled. ‘It was quick, I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have rushed it. We could have waited.’
‘No, no! I’m glad you didn’t wait. Go on, now, get back to your man.’
Believing that her mother was overtired from preparing the special meal, Patsy returned to Jake, who gave her a hug and a kiss before they sat down at the table. Joe and Neil began making jokes
about newly-weds and first nights, but Gracie turned on them sharply. ‘Don’t be coarse. What’ll Jake think of us?’
Her new son-in-law surprised them all by rising to make an impromptu speech. ‘Mrs Ferris – may I call you Mum? – don’t be angry at them. They’ve made me feel a real
part of your family by teasing me. I haven’t got to know you properly yet but I do know that you and your husband must be exceptional people to have a daughter like Patsy, and I want to fit
in, so please don’t make anyone change for my benefit. I’d like you all to let your hair down and behave naturally.’ Looking round them all, he let his eyes rest on Gracie again.
‘Don’t worry, I’ve heard coarser talk than that . . . in fact, I can be quite coarse myself at times. Now, I know you’re all waiting for me to say it, so here goes.
‘My wife and I . . .’ He waited until Joe and Neil stopped thumping the table before he went on, ‘My wife and I want to thank you for the gifts you have given us, but
especially for making this a day we will never forget. And I want to swear to my new mum and dad that I’ll look after Patsy as well as they have looked after her since she was born. Have no
fears about that.’
Their cheers and applause strengthened as he sat down and lifted Patsy’s hand to his mouth, and Gracie wasn’t the only one whose eyes swam with moisture. The meal was eaten to the
accompaniment of light chatter which effectively masked the emotions of all concerned, but at last it was time for the happy couple to leave for the hotel in which they were to be spending one
night only; they were to be spending the other six days of their honeymoon in Perth. Freda and Neil sat for a short time then went to bed, and Joe sighed as he relaxed in his easy chair.
‘Don’t look so down, Gracie, lass, she’s nae awa’ to bide awa’. It’ll maybe be years yet before the war’s sorted out and she’s to leave for
good.’
‘It’s not Patsy I was thinking about,’ she whispered. ‘It hit me earlier on, when Neil said Queenie was the only one left. I suddenly remembered about Olive.’
‘Oh, aye, but Olive’s not our responsibility.’
‘I’ve aye wondered why she walked out like she did and I thought it was only because she was upset about Neil getting married, but what if it was more than that?’
Joe’s lined face developed a few more wrinkles. ‘What daft thing have you got into your head now?
‘Maybe it is daft, but do you not remember? Neil went out twice with Olive the time he was here on his own when Freda had the flu.’
‘I remember that fine, it was the time you’d to get your operation. I warned him to go canny, but I can’t see . . .’ He came to an abrupt halt, his brows shooting
downwards, then muttered, ‘You don’t think he . . .?’
‘It would explain an awful lot, Joe.’ Having expected her husband to make light of her fears, his comprehension made Gracie more convinced that she was right. ‘Hetty said Olive
hadn’t looked very well for weeks, so she could have been in the family way, and the only boy she was ever with was Neil. She must have been about three months when she went away . . . likely
before her mother noticed anything.’
‘Oh, but my God, Gracie, she wasn’t the kind to go through a thing like that on her own, and Hetty wouldn’t have thrown her out.’
‘Maybe no’, but Martin might. I’m sure that’s what it was, and it’s Neil’s child she’s carrying . . . our grandchild.’
Her voice having risen, Joe said, ‘Calm down, lass, you’re not wanting Freda and Neil to hear. Olive had wanted to keep it secret, and we can’t condemn her for that.
She’ll have a hard road to travel to bring up a bairn on her own.’
‘I’d have taken her in if she’d come to us.’