Authors: Doris Davidson
She had started working full time at the hospital a week later and had come to see him once or twice after his last graft but she hadn’t invited him to the cottage when he was fit enough
to go. He had toyed with the idea of turning up unexpectedly one evening and had discarded it on the grounds that she would probably hate to be pressurised, so he would just have to be patient,
give her another few months.
The weeks passed slowly for Neil and he was overjoyed when a young nurse came in one afternoon when he was lying on top of his bed having a rest and told him there was a visitor to see him.
Expecting it to be Olive – though she usually just walked in – he was smiling broadly when the door opened once more, but his breath was taken away when he saw who entered.
‘Hey, you lazy bugger!’ Alf Melville grinned as he walked over to the bed. ‘You’re always taking things easy.’
His heart too full to joke, Neil exclaimed, ‘Oh, Alf, it’s good to see you. How did you know where I was?’
Chuckling, Alf tapped his nose, ‘It’s a long, long story, Neil boy.’ Then his mood changed, ‘No, it’s quite simple, really. On my way home after I was demobbed, I
couldn’t get you out of my mind, so I popped in to see your mother before I went to get my bus to Elgin.’
Mentally thanking his lucky stars that he had written home some time ago, Neil said, ‘So what have you been doing since I saw you last?’
For the next hour, they compared notes about the ordeal of the final weeks of the war, amazed that they had both been injured in the battle for the Sachsenwald. ‘I came out of it better
than you, though,’ Alf said compassionately. ‘I was only in hospital for a week.’
‘Oh, well, I was luckier than a lot of them,’ Neil sighed.
Looking at his watch, Alf made to stand up, ‘I’d better go before they think I’ve taken root here.’
‘Stay till you’re thrown out,’ Neil begged. ‘I’m going to tell you something that’ll shake the pants off you.’
Alf settled back, his face alight with interest. ‘Go on.’
‘I’m thinking of getting married again.’
‘Ach, is that all? I knew you would, one day.’
‘Wouldn’t you like to know who the lucky girl is?’
‘It’s bound to be a nurse, you don’t meet anybody else.’
A huge grin transforming his scarred face, Neil was almost hugging himself with glee. ‘You’re right, it is a nurse, and her name’s Sister White and, if you’re a good boy,
I’ll take you to see her.’
‘What’s she like? Cross-eyed, bandy-legged, or what?’
Knowing that Alf was teasing, not implying that no decent girl would look at him now, Neil spluttered with mirth; he was looking forward to seeing the shock on his friend’s face when he
found out who the girl was. ‘You’ll have to wait and see,’ he giggled, reflecting that it should be all right to take Alf to the cottage because Olive couldn’t think he was
trying to corner her if he had somebody else with him.
‘Your mother was telling me Queenie got married,’ Alf said now, giving Neil a peculiar look.
‘Aye, I was happy about that, she was a nice kid.’
‘I used to wonder if you . . . well, if you fancied her a bit. Was she the one that let you down?’
Neil smiled, a little sadly, ‘I thought she had, but it was . . . a misunderstanding.’ And that had been Olive’s doing, he recalled, in surprise, but he could understand her
motive now and forgive her. ‘Anyway, Queenie’s very happy being in South Norwood again helping her Les to run a little shop he started, though I believe things are pretty tight for them
and she’s speaking about trying to finish her BA course so she can get a teaching job to help out.’
‘And your mother said Patsy married a Canadian.’
‘Yes, I’d the shock of my life when Mum told me that. I’d always thought Patsy would end up being an old maid for she never went out with boys before, that I knew of. Still,
she seems to be enjoying married life in Montreal, going to all kinds of parties and nightclubs, would you believe?’
‘It takes some believing, she was always so shy. I don’t think she ever spoke more than a few words to me any of the times I was staying in Aberdeen.’
‘Mum sent me a photo . . . I’ve got it here some place.’ Neil rummaged around in his locker for a moment then pulled out an envelope. ‘That’s their
house.’
A low whistle issued from Alf’s lips. ‘Some cash there, by the look of it.’
‘Aye, her Jake’s pretty well off. She landed on her feet.’
After a brief pause, Alf said, a trifle hesitantly, ‘Your mum didn’t say anything about Olive. I wonder if she’s changed as much as the rest of us?’
Neil had difficulty in keeping a straight face but he was saved from having to answer by the entry of two nurses with the tea trolley and Alf rose to leave, ‘I told my mother to expect me
when she saw me, so I’d better look for somewhere to sleep, but I’ll come back to see you after I’ve got fixed up and had a bite to eat.’
‘I’ll take you to meet Sister White tonight, then.’
‘OK, I’ll look forward to it.’
While he was having his supper, Neil thought over the last bit of their conversation. Alf didn’t appear to have changed much but the rest of them certainly had. Pasty, who used to be as
timid as a mouse was having a high old time in Quebec; dear little Queenie, once so effervescent, was buried in a little back street shop; he, himself, was much more serious; but the biggest change
of all was in Olive. She had been a calculating, pampered madam at one time, but she had roughed it as a nurse, faced the horrors of war, married a man who couldn’t have been able to make
love to her and had looked after him tenderly until he died.
Neil’s reflective mood changed. Alf was in for the shock of his life tonight when he met Sister White.
In the early evening, the two friends presented themselves at Olive’s door. ‘Good God!’ she exclaimed. ‘Alf Melville!’
‘Christ, it’s Olive Potter!’
Laughing fit to burst, Neil corrected him, ‘Sister White. Now are you asking us in, Olive, or are you going to leave us standing out here?’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. What am I thinking of? Come in, come in. I was feeling a bit down, if you must know, so I’m really glad to have company.’
At first – having realised that Olive must have married if her name was White but not knowing if she was widowed or divorced or waiting for a divorce – Alf was not his usual teasing
self and kept his ears open for clues. As soon as he heard her remarking that it was ‘six months since Ron died’, everything clicked into place. She and Neil must be waiting for a
decent time to elapse before they took the plunge.
When Neil went out to the lavatory, Olive looked at Alf with a hint of mischief in her eyes, ‘Maybe Neil hasn’t told you yet but I know that you two had great fun at my expense a few
years ago.’
‘Oh, no!’ he groaned. ‘How did you find out about that?’
‘Neil didn’t tell me, if that’s what you think, it was my brother Raymond.’
Alf rolled his eyes. ‘I warned Neil not to say anything to him, I knew he would blab it out.’
‘It was a long time after. We were having a row and he took great delight in throwing it in my face. Don’t worry,’ she added, ‘I forgave you both ages ago though I was
hurt and angry at the time.’
‘I bet you were. Look, I’m really sorry about it but we were just a couple of silly kids having a lark.’
‘And I was a spoiled kid, but we’ve all been through a lot since then.’
‘Aye,’ he agreed, ‘we’ve all changed – older and wiser and uglier . . .’
Understanding why he had stopped, Olive murmured, ‘How do you think he is? In himself, I mean?’
Alf screwed up his face. ‘I’m not sure, but I’d say he’s OK. He took it really hard when Freda died but as far as I can tell, this business . . . well, he’s bound
to feel terrible about it but I don’t think it’s twisted his mind.’
‘I didn’t think so, either, but I wasn’t sure.’ Hesitating for a second, she went on, ‘I’ve always loved him, Alf, and I think . . . oh, this probably sounds
conceited, but I’m nearly sure he loves me. That’s why I’ve decided to go away. I can easily get another nursing job somewhere else.’ She listened for the familiar creak of
the outhouse door, then continued. ‘You see, I’ve got a suspicion that he’s going to ask me to marry him . . .’
‘He told me he was thinking of getting married though I’d no idea you were the Sister White he was speaking about.’
‘I can’t marry him, Alf, not now, not ever.’
‘You’ll get over your husband’s death, Olive.’
‘It’s not that . . . well, it is, in a way.’ She felt as if she were entangled in some huge, suffocating mesh. She could never tell anyone how Ron had died – Doctor
Peters, in his concern for her, had made that impossible – yet there was no other way to explain.
Perplexed by the hunted look in her eyes, Alf said, ‘After I see Neil into the hospital, I’ll come back, for I can see there’s something you need to get off your
chest.’
‘I can’t tell anybody.’
‘I’m not anybody – I’m good old Alf, remember?’
Catching the sound for which she had been listening, Olive whispered, ‘Don’t leave me alone with him, and come back if you want to.’ Then she said, in a loud voice, ‘What
are you intending to do now that you’re demobbed?
‘I’m going to have a bloody good time for a while!’
They were both laughing when Neil came in but he didn’t sit down. ‘It’s time we were going, Alf. This lassie has to go to work in the morning and I’m feeling a wee bit
tired.’ Turning to his cousin, he held out his hand, ‘I’ll just say goodnight, then, Olive.’ He had hoped that she would ask him to resume his regular visits but she just
brushed his hand with her fingertips.
‘Goodnight, Neil, and goodnight, Alf, it was great seeing you again.’
Neil was quiet as they made their way down the small path and, after a few minutes, Alf said gently, ‘What’s worrying you, Neil boy?’
‘I’m sure she loves me,’ Neil mumbled, ‘but you could see for yourself that she keeps me at a distance. She’s never asked me to the house once since Ron’s
funeral and I used to come twice a week.’
Because he didn’t know what was bothering Olive, Alf tried to soothe his friend by making a joke of it. ‘She’s probably worried about the neighbours. A widow being alone with a
man in that wee cottage? The tongues would wag and not without cause, if I know you.’
Neil didn’t smile, ‘She wouldn’t care what the neighbours said and, anyway, it’s only the folk in the farmhouse that can see who goes in and out. Maybe she’s too
ashamed of my face to marry me?’
‘God, it’s not that, Neil. She does love you, that sticks out a mile but . . . she’s not ready yet. Give her time.’
‘How long does she need? It’s six months since Ron died and I know she didn’t love him, so what’s wrong with her?’
‘Take it easy, Neil boy. It’ll work out.’
When they arrived at the hospital, Alf waited until Neil was safely inside, then turned and hurried back the way he had come and Olive opened the door so quickly to his knock that he knew she
had been standing waiting for him.
Laying his cap on the table, he pulled a chair up to the fire and stretched out his hands to the heat, ‘It’s getting airish out there. Right then, Olive, out with it.’
‘I’ve been thinking while you were gone,’ she began, ‘and the only way I could make you understand would be if I told you the whole truth.’
‘So go on, I’m all ears.’
‘It’s not as easy as that, Alf. It’s not just me, I’ve got to consider somebody else, somebody else who’s involved.’
‘Christ, Olive, you don’t mean there’s another man?
She shook her head impatiently, ‘I told you I still loved Neil. Oh, God, I don’t know what to do. I want to marry him more than anything in the world, it’s what I dreamed of
for years but . . .’ She broke off, wringing her hands in despair, then added vehemently, ‘I have to get away from him.’
Alf leaned forward and caught one of her hands, stroking it as he said, ‘Listen, Olive. I know you’ve loved him for a long time so why the hell do you want to break his
heart?’
‘I don’t want to,’ she exclaimed, her voice cracking, ‘for it’ll break mine as well, but I have to.’
Alf jumped up and pulled her to her feet, enfolding her in his arms as she burst into tears. ‘Tell me,’ he coaxed. ‘I’m sure I can sort things out for you. It’s
something to do with your husband, isn’t it? Neil says you didn’t love Ron but did he love you?’
It felt easier to talk about it when she was being held so tightly and didn’t have to look in his face, ‘Yes, he loved me, and he married me knowing that I didn’t love him. He
was a fine man, Alf, and I was happy with him until Neil . . .’
‘Did he find out about you and Neil?’
‘I didn’t think so, but he wrote in the letter that he . . .’
She stopped so abruptly and with such a horrified intake of breath before she began to sob wildly, that Alf knew that the letter had been a suicide note. Understanding fully now, he let her cry,
for it looked as if this was the first time she had let herself go.
Several minutes passed before she drew back slightly but he pulled her against him again. ‘He killed himself to let you and Neil get together?’
‘Oh, God, I’ve let it out, after all. He was doing it for me, but I can’t marry Neil after that.’
‘You said there was another person involved.’
‘The doctor knew what Ron had done, but because he guessed why, he made out the death certificate as “cardiac arrest”. If it ever comes out that he made a false entry, his
career could be ruined but he only did it so people wouldn’t know about Ron’s suicide. He did it for my sake, so please don’t ever breathe a word of it, Alf, especially to
Neil.’
‘I would never have told anybody anyway, Olive, it’s safe with me.’ Alf’s brain was working frantically. How could he convince her that her husband’s suicide was
pointless if she didn’t marry Neil? She was so chock-full of guilt that she wouldn’t listen to anything he said, but he had to try and he still owed Neil for saving his life. ‘Sit
down, Olive,’ he said quietly, ‘and we’ll see if we can thrash this thing out properly between us.’
As he had known, she stuck obstinately to her decision to go away so that Neil would forget her, even when he told her that it was the most cruel thing she could do, until he had a sudden
brainwave. ‘This doctor chappie,’ he began, ‘he did what he did for your sake, you say?’