Authors: Susan Mallery
“No.” Laurel shook her head as if she was dealing with morons. “His dad is taking us.”
“I’m taking you,” Jake said. “You’re too young to go to a party with a boy”
“But boys are going to be at the party.”
“I know that. I’ve already talked with Terry’s mother. The boys are all going home at ten-thirty, then you girls are having your sleep-over. That’s fine with me, but I’m driving you.”
“Da-ad. Come on. Everyone else is going with a boy.” She bit her lower lip and tried to look pitiful.
“No.” Jake stood up and folded his arms over his chest. “Either I drive you or you don’t go.”
“Annie, would you please explain to him that he’s going to make me look stupid in front of all my new friends?”
Anne had been hoping to escape without having to choose sides. She didn’t look at either Laurel or Jake. She placed her hand to her stomach and prayed to be anywhere but here. God was busy.
“Jake, I—”
“See!” Laurel said, triumphantly.
Anne touched her daughter’s arm, hating to see the hope in her hazel eyes. Hope that was about to be dashed.
“I was going to tell your father that I have to agree with him on this one, honey. You’re too young to drive to a party with a boy.”
Laurel’s victory faded into bitterness. Her dark eyebrows drew together and her mouth started to tremble. “Annie, no. That’s not fair. Everyone will make fun of me. You have to let me go. You have to.”
“The decision is made, young lady. Either accept it gracefully or you’re not going to the party at all.”
“Laurel, I’m sorry,” Anne said, gently squeezing her arm. “I hope you can understand—”
“Understand?” She jerked her arm free. “Understand?” she shrieked. “No, I don’t. You can’t do this to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. You don’t care about me at all. I hate you. I hate you.” Tears flowed from her eyes and a spot of color stained her cheeks. “You don’t care about me. You never cared about me. That’s why you gave me up. You never wanted me. I’ll always hate you.”
She spun and raced out of the room. Anne stared after her. The words echoed over and over until she knew she’d hear them forever.
Chapter 11
J
ake stared after his daughter. His first impulse was to catch her and shake some sense into her. His second was to pull Anne close and hold her until the pain was gone. Before he could make up his mind, Anne turned and started picking up the dirty glasses from the table.
Tm sorry,” he said, and realized he meant it. A few weeks ago he would have been grateful that Laurel wasn’t getting along with Anne. He’d been so afraid of losing his daughter. But he’d changed in the short time Anne had been with them. He’d learned that as much as he might deserve otherwise, Laurel would love him forever. She would also love Anne. “She didn’t mean it.”
“I know that,” Anne said as she put the milk back into the refrigerator. She sounded surprisingly calm. “She’s just a child. She’s lashing out at me because I’m convenient. Next time it might just as easily be you.”
“I think I can handle it easier than you can,” he said, coming up behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders.
She jerked free. “Don’t touch me, Jake. Not again. I can’t take any more today.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, and wished he knew the right words to say. “I mean that. Not because you and I have things to work out, but because you’ve made a real effort with Laurel. I know she means a lot to you.”
“Of course she does. She’s my daughter.”
She moved around him and picked up the cookie jar. After returning it to the counter, she rested her elbows on the tiled surface and her head in her hands. He wondered if she was going to cry. He wouldn’t blame her. He moved closer so that he would be ready to comfort her, but she surprised him by turning around and glaring at him. Her eyes were dry, her chin set in a determined tilt.
“She misses her mother, Jake.”
He didn’t want to hear that. “It’s been almost two and a half years. She’s gotten over it.”
“My mother’s been gone eleven years and I still miss her.” She turned and in one fluid motion pressed against the counter and raised herself until she was sitting on the tile. “You miss Ellen. You told me you’ve never loved anyone the way you loved her. Laurel will never get over her loss. I think you know that, deep inside. But hiding away your feelings, pretending it never happened, not letting her talk about her pain isn’t making her better. Don’t you think it’s odd that when she’s with me all she does is compare me to Ellen?”
He shrugged and wished he’d stayed in the barn. He didn’t want to talk about this.
Anne pulled off her headband. Her pale red hair tumbled into her face. She brushed it back impatiently. She wasn’t wearing any makeup. The color had fled her face, except for the freckles dotting her complexion.
“At first I thought she was subconsciously telling me I would never be as good as her ‘real’ mother.” She pulled one knee up close to her chest and hugged it. “God, that hurt. I just wanted to fit in. I didn’t expect to take Ellen’s place, but I thought there might be room in Laurel’s heart for both of us.”
“There is,” he said. “I know Laurel loves you.”
She went on as if he hadn’t spoken. “I’ve finally figured out the problem. It’s not about me at all. She was talking about her mother because I had given her permission to. I told her it was okay. You made her bottle everything up inside. That’s the reason she started in with that bad crowd. I’m convinced of it. She wanted to get your attention. She wanted you to see she was hurting. She wanted you to let her deal with her pain.”
He leaned against the sink. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Good. Then listen.” She jumped off the counter and approached him. She raised one hand and poked him in the chest. “Ellen is dead. Nothing is going to bring her back. Not guilt or silence or hoping it’s all going to work out. Your wife is gone, but you still have a daughter who needs you very much. Don’t abandon her anymore. Deal with it, mourn, do whatever you have to, then get on with your life. Please. For all our s-sakes.” Her voice got more and more shaky until it cracked on the last word.
She backed away suddenly and covered her mouth with her hand. Before he could catch her, she sank to the floor. He was beside her in an instant.
“Talk to her,” she said, clutching his shirtfront. “Please. You’ve got to talk to her about Ellen. Otherwise she will hate me forever.” Tears flowed down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pulling her close. “It’s all my fault.”
It was. He’d known for a long time that Laurel was trying to make him see her pain. He’d ignored it and her because he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have the words. He was so raw inside, he could barely hold himself together.
Anne was wrong about one thing, though. He wasn’t missing Ellen. At least not Ellen as she’d been in the end. Maybe that was why he’d shut down. Maybe it had been guilt instead of mourning. Maybe some of it had been anger and disgust with himself for holding on to a relationship that had long been over. He should have left years ago. He’d always told himself he stayed because he couldn’t leave Laurel, but maybe it was more than that. Had he stayed because Ellen had stayed? He’d hated the way she would throw his sterility up in his face
every time he talked about a separation, but maybe he’d agreed with the logic of her arguments. Maybe he’d secretly believed that he did owe her for staying with someone who was only half a man.
Anne’s tears soaked through his shirt. Shudders racked her body. He murmured soothingly and held her close. Slowly the tears slowed.
“Why are you being nice to me?” she asked, her voice muffled against his chest. “You don’t even like me.”
“You always say that. But you never say the second half of the sentence.”
She sniffed and looked up. Her eyes were red and her face was blotchy. He used his thumb to brush away the moisture on her cheeks.
“What second half?” she asked.
“That you don’t like me, either.”
“Oh.” She sniffed again.
One of her hands rested on his shoulder, the other lay on his thigh. She was half leaning against him and her breasts brushed his chest. “Do you like me, Annie?”
Td better start to if I’m having your baby.” Her watery smile broke as a sob caught her unaware. “I can’t do this much longer,” she said.
“What?”
“Pretend it’s not eating me up inside. Pretend I don’t care about being compared to Ellen. I hate it.” She rubbed her face with the back of her hand. “I know that makes me a horrible person.”
“I don’t think you’re horrible.”
“Not now.” She sniffed. “You called me Annie again. But soon you’ll shut down and I’ll be alone in this house, with Laurel hating me, and you wishing me gone. I’m falling apart here. Why is all this happening now?”
“I don’t know.” He kissed the top of her head, then moved her bangs off her forehead and kissed her skin. “We’ll figure something out.”
“Like what? What are we going to do? Jake, I’m pregnant.”
She looked weepy and fragile and in need of comforting, but he couldn’t help grinning.
She glared up at him. “Stop it. You always get that look on your face when I mention the baby.”
“What look?” he asked, even though he knew.
“The one that says ‘look what I can do.’ It’s disgusting.” She wiped her cheeks.
“Disgusting?”
“Well, maybe that’s a little strong. But it’s silly. How much does it take to have a baby?”
“More than I thought I had.”
“You’re right.” She straightened some, but didn’t move out of his embrace.
”I’m sorry. I’m sure that was hard for you.”
He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m finally going to have a son.”
She reached up and touched his jaw. When he was looking into her blue eyes she said, “Listen to me carefully. You keep saying ‘him’ and ‘my son.’ You don’t know if it’s a boy or not. Unless that doctor who messed up the tests could tell you only had little boy sperm swimming in your sample, there is a chance that this baby is a girl.”
Never taking his gaze from hers, he slowly shook his head. “I know it’s a boy.”
“You are the most stubborn man.”
“I know that, too.” He studied her face, counting the freckles on her nose.
“What are you staring at?”
“Your freckles. They’re finally starting to grow on me.”
She sighed impatiently. “You’re not taking this seriously enough, Jake. Dammit, we have—”
But he never heard what they had to do. Instead he lowered his mouth to hers. She was shocked by the kiss. He knew by the way she stiffened in his arms. He thought she might want to escape his embrace so he loosened his hold on her and prepared himself for the disappointment.
Instead of pulling away, she nestled closer to him and put her arms around his neck. Her breasts flattened against his chest. He remembered their heavy weight in his hands and the way he’d caressed her nipples into hard attention. He groaned low in his throat.
Wrapping his arms around her waist, he held her as he lowered himself backward toward the floor. When he was stretched out, she lay on top of him, her pelvis pressing against his, her legs between his thighs. She was in control. He wondered what she would do with her power.
She didn’t disappoint him. She cupped his jaw and angled her mouth on his. Soft pressure gave way to heated kisses. Her tongue swept across his lips, once, twice, before he parted for her. She tasted faintly of Italian spices, and he grinned as he pictured her sampling the sauce.
As their tongues touched and stroked each other, he moved his hands lower to cup her rounded derriere. He flexed his hips so that his hardness pressed against the soft skin he had touched earlier that day. She rotated in response. A sharp flame of desire licked along him. He caught his breath and resisted the impulse to experience his release right there. He hadn’t come that close to embarrassing himself since he was about fourteen.
She held his head and rained frantic kisses on his face.
“Oh, Annie,” he breathed.
He felt something moist on his cheek. He opened his eyes and saw her tears.
“Tell me this is about more than the baby,” she said softly
“The baby?” He hadn’t even been thinking of their child. “No, it’s about—” He flexed his hips again. “Hell, I don’t know what it’s about. It seems anytime you and I get within two feet of each other, we risk going up in flames.”
She rolled off of him and sat cross-legged on the floor with her back to him. “Jake, this is a cosmic joke or something. Do you like me?” she asked without turning around.
He thought about all she’d done around the house and with Laurel. He thought about the knack she had for driving him crazy. He’d been more angry since he’d known her than he’d ever been in his life. He’d also laughed more, and hungered with a passion he’d never believed possible. She made him feel alive. He hadn’t realized how much he needed that until just this minute.