“Where did you learn to cook?” Ryan took his first bite and quickly figured out that there were going to be other benefits to working here besides looking at Jakes smokinghot body.
“It came from a sense of self-preservation. If I didnt, it was mess-hall chow, and thats just sad. My gran taught me when I was younger, and its paid off. Mikayla was a nice girl, but she liked meeting for lunch, not cooking it. So, it was cook or starve.” Jake shrugged like it was no big deal, but Ryan could see that he was a little proud of himself.
“Well, its awesome. I havent eaten this good since I left home!” He took a breath and plunged in. “Mikayla? Was she your wife?” What the hell was wrong with him? He didnt ask personal questions. He needed to shut up!
“Yeah, she was. We were married two years.” Jake snorted. What the hell was wrong with him? Ryan didnt want to hear all the gory details of his pathetic marriage.
“Can I ask what happened?” Shut up, Ryan Andrews, the poor guy doesnt want to talk about this with a stranger, and why is the thought of Jakes wife twisting in my gut anyhow?
Jake took a long time to answer, and Ryan wished he could take it back. “We just should have never been married. She was a nice girl, but we wanted different things out of life. She wanted a soldier, someone to brag about but who was never home to interfere with her carefully planned life. When I mustered out, she tried, but living out here, no one around, no shopping or lunching, nothing but work, horses, and me… it wasnt what she signed up for.”
Ryan was stunned. Work, horses, and Jake. Hmm, sounded about perfect to him, and he had to bite his tongue hard to keep from saying it out loud.
Jake was stunned too. Where in the hell had that come from? Nothing like making yourself look like a loser. He had started to get up from the table, grabbing his plate, when Ryan reached over, surprising himself as well as Jake, and put his hand on Jakes arm.
“Im sorry.” Ryan wasnt sure what he was sorry for, but he wanted to take that defeated look off Jakes face. Jake looked at him and smiled. “Really? Im not.” He reached over and squeezed Ryans hand before getting up and starting the dishes.
“Then why do you look so sad when you talk about it?” Ryan was confused, and he was sure thats why words he should not have been saying kept forcing their way out of his mouth.
“Its because of my dad. When I told him I was leaving the army, he was disgusted, but when I told him I was getting divorced, he basically disowned me. Said I was a piss-poor excuse for a son and a soldier. He hasnt talked to me since.” Jake was facing the sink, looking out the window. His hands were gripping the counter in an effort to anchor himself to something. He took a shuddering breath that he hoped Ryan didnt notice and started filling the sink, getting ready to wash the dishes. He was pretty sure that being a whiner was not the way to win a guy over.
Wait, he was trying to win a guy over? When did that happen? Shit!
Ryan couldnt see Jakes face, but he was pretty sure there were tears in his eyes, and Ryan was gripping the edge of the table to try and keep himself from standing up and wrapping his arms around the amazing man in front of him. He couldnt imagine his father disowning him for any reason, and they had been through some pretty shitty stuff already. He sat there, listening to the comforting sounds of Jake doing an everyday chore, before getting up and automatically clearing the table. “Well, I obviously dont know you very well, but I am pretty sure your dad is wrong. Staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy isnt good for anyone.”
Jake nodded without looking at him. “I know, and so did she, but its just not… easy to deal with, you know?” Jake shook his head at himself. God, could he sound any more pathetic?
Ryan couldnt help himself and walked over, putting his hand on Jakes arm again, looking down at his own feet, missing how Jakes eyes closed, and how his breath hitched at the contact. He looked up finally, to find Jake looking at him.
“Look, family stuff is always hard, but I am sure of one thing. Your dad? Someday hes going to be sorry that he lost you. And by then, you will have found someone amazing, someone who is right for you, and when your dad comes looking for you, it will be on your terms, and he is gonna be more sorry when he sees what he lost.”
Jake was trying very hard not to be so aware of Ryans hand on his arm. Being so close, he could feel the heat of Ryans body, and his emotions were in overdrive from Ryans comforting words. He needed to put some distance between them before he did something stupid, and he was suddenly aware of his shirtless condition.
“Thanks, Ryan.” Jakes voice was deeper than before. He put the last dish in the drainer and moved to wipe the counters and table before hanging the cloth up in a hurry. “Im gonna go and get ready. Its almost six, and theyll be waiting for me.”
Now Ryan was confused again. “Who will be waiting?”
Jake smiled, really smiled, for the first time. “The horses, of course!”
Ryan grinned. Now
this
was familiar territory. “Okay, well, Im ready. So Im going to grab one more coffee and wait for you on the porch.” He needed to put some distance between him and Jake for a bit, to get a grip on his emotions. He grabbed his cup, filled it, and headed out, leaving Jake standing there for a second before he turned and headed up the stairs to get ready to face the day. And Ryan!
sat on the porch, once again contemplating everything that Jake had said that morning. It was a lot to take in over such a short time. Ryan knew all about family issues. He was an Andrews, after all. When your family is that big and varied, there was bound to be an incident or two. But they always got through it together. He knew that, no matter what, each and every Andrews would be there, helping, looking after him, even if he wanted to be left alone.
What kind of father abandons his son because his son wants his own life, wants to be happy? All parents wanted their kids to be happy, didnt they? And the hurt and sorrow in Jakes face made Ryan want to take it all away. This was going to be bad, because he was going to do something stupid, and there would be a fight, and the thought of Jake hating him did something horrible to Ryans heart. Maybe he should just leave now, before it got too hard or too awful. Problem was, he didnt want to go. He liked it here, and he had only been here less than twenty-four hours.
He was lost in arguing with himself when Jake came out the door, and he looked up into those deep blue eyes. He was staying, and he knew it, until he was forced to leave. Whatever happened, he was in it for the full ride. He stood up, forced himself to smile, and headed down the steps.
Jake nodded. “Well get them fed and watered and then out in the pasture. There are a couple of mares who are pregnant, and so I keep them in, along with some of the younger ones. We have wolves here, and the occasional cougar coming down from the hills. I have one horse that needs some special care.” He looked at Ryan to see if he was paying attention. “She was beaten and left to die in a field, not too far from here. I found her when I was out riding, just standing there, refusing to give in and die. So I brought her home and nursed her back to health, but she has some injuries that need attention daily. Some ointment and stuff.”
They walked into the barn together, and Jake led the way to a stall where a small black mare stood. She had a white blaze on her forehead and a white spot on her hindquarters, and Ryan couldnt understand how anyone could have mistreated such a sweet little horse.
He reached out on instinct, wanting to touch her, and she shied away, afraid. Jake was beside him and reached over the door, and she smelled him and pushed her nose under his hand. He stroked her with obvious affection before opening the door and attaching a lead to her halter. He led her out of the stall and out the door, tying the lead to the rail of the corral. “Come here, Ryan.”
Ryan walked over to Jake and the horse. “This is Bella.” He grabbed Ryans hand and extended it to Bella with his, knowing that his scent would make her feel better about Ryans.
“Come on, baby, say hello to Ryan.” Jake was crooning to her now, and she was letting Ryan rub her ears and pat her neck. Out in the sun, he could see the scars on her back and shoulders, and some large scabs on one front leg. He was so angry, but he started talking to her, nonsense, really, getting her used to the sound of his voice while running his hands all over her, getting bolder with his touches before kneeling down beside her to check out the sores on her legs.
Jake was impressed with Ryans treatment of Bella. He seemed to know just what to do to make her calm. He heard Ryans voice and shook himself out of his reverie. “Whats that, Ryan? Sorry, drifted for a second.”
Ryan gave him a small smile. “I was just wondering what youre using on this? It seems to be something that is taking a while to heal? How long has she been here?”
Jake thought about it. “Bout five weeks, I guess.” Ryan wasnt looking at him. He was still focused on the horse.
“If youll let me, I know a poultice that might help. Did you ever find out who did this to her?”
Jake nodded. “Yeah, and he was fined and banned from owning horses for two years. I get to keep Bella, and anything you can do to help her, Id appreciate it. Shes been fighting so hard to get better, but the vet cant seem to take care of those last wounds.”
Ryan nodded. “Ill head into town in a while to get the stuff Ill need.” Ryan stood and found himself closer to Jake than he realized. God, he smelled good. He went to step back and stumbled over a rock. Jakes hand came up to grab him, steadying him before pulling back so quickly that Ryan wondered if he had imagined the touch.
“Thanks.”
Jake blushed, then shrugged. “So, right now, were gonna put her in the corral, cause I like to keep her close, and let the rest of them into the pasture. Oh, and Im gonna give you some options for horses to use while youre here.”
Ryans eyes lit up at that. “Cool, lets get to it!”
Jake was busy cursing himself. He had to stop touching him, or he was going to give himself away.
God, I need help
.
Jake led Bella to the corral gate, and let her in before using the hose attached to the barn to fill her water trough. He let himself out of the corral, making sure the gate was latched before heading to the barn and grabbing a small bale of hay to drop into the corral.
Ryan smirked as he saw Jake slip the brave little horse an apple out of his pocket. She blew out of her nose before nibbling on the sleeve of Jakes denim shirt. Jake laughed, and Ryan was once again struck by the beauty of him. He patted her nose and turned to go back in the barn. “Coming?” Ryan was pretty sure he would follow him anywhere.
They settled the rest of the horses, making sure they all had feed and water, until they were down to the last two. “Now, my horse is the big bay out there, Aragorn. Hes been mine for a long time, and we understand each other.” Jake grinned before continuing.
“Now, here we have Buck.” Jake was standing beside a big buckskin horse, light brown with a darker mane and tail. The intelligence and humor in that horses eyes matched his owners. “I know, obvious name, but I was sixteen at the time. Hes smart and fast, but he has a little attitude. He is mostly good-natured, just likes to play tricks now and then. Gotta make sure the gate is double latched when hes out there, because otherwise he escapes.” Jake was rubbing the horses nose fondly, and the horse seemed to be nodding in agreement with the brunet.
Jake walked over to the next stall, and there was a pinto horse, smaller than the other, but beautiful. It was mostly brown, with a white patch on its hindquarters and observant eyes that were a little mistrustful.
“Ryan, meet Beau. He is one of those rescue horses I told you about. His owners were drug dealers, who pretty much forgot he existed and left him to starve. Thank God a nosy neighbor decided that enough was enough and called the sheriff. She got a hold of me, and we went and got him. They were so stoned, they thought it was funny. He was skin and bones, but look at him now.” Jake beamed at the horse with obvious pride, running his hands over the horses neck and shoulders. Ryan looked at the man and the horse and was pretty sure he was in love. With both of them.
He walked up to Beau with his hand held out, letting the animal get to know his scent before moving in to put his face on the horses neck and lovingly touching him everywhere he could reach. Ryan knew a kindred spirit when he saw it, and apparently the horse did too. It wasnt long before his head was turned, resting on Ryans shoulder, while Ryan whispered in his ear.
Jake was awed. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life. He cleared his throat so he could speak. “Guess we found your horse.”
Ryan looked at him from the other side of the horse, and the happiness Jake saw on Ryans face took his breath away. Jake was pretty sure he had never believed in love at first sight, before now.
They were both still touching the horse, and their hands met by accident, tangling together in the soft mane. They were both jolted by the touch, neither in any hurry to move their hand.
Ryan ducked his head, taking a deep breath before sliding his hand away and back down the horses side. He looked into Jakes eyes. He knew it was time. “Jake, I have to tell you something. Something about me. Jake, Im—”
Jake cut him off. “I know, Ryan.” It was his turn to duck his head before looking back up. “I called the place you used to work, from the references you gave me. The owner told me you were gay and hoped he didnt mess up your chances for a job. He felt bad, you know, but didnt know how to deal with it.”
Blue eyes met brown in a searing gaze, both of them feeling a burning in the pit of their stomachs. Jake was the first to move. He slid under the horses neck, standing up in front of Ryan, so close he could hardly breathe. His hand came up to touch Ryans face. “Ryan, I—”
Ryan leaned in, cutting him off with a hesitant press of lips before pulling back to look at Jake again. Jake stood there for five heartbeats before using the hand on Ryans face to pull him out of the stall and up into a toe-curling kiss, and there was nothing hesitant about it.