She’d curled into a ball in the middle of her bed, resting her forehead to her knees. Her shoulders shook with each sob.
His heart fell straight to his toes. “Jessie.”
“Go away.”
“No. Let me help you.”
“Help me do what? Fall apart even more?”
He stared at the snarled hair shadowing her face.
Jessie slowly raised her head, burning him with a look of pure venom. “I hate you for doing this to me.”
His breath stalled.
49
Lorelei James
“And when Landon is back with his mother? I never want to see your face again. Now get the hell out of my room.”
Suffocation and dizziness set in. Jessie’s image wavered and everything went black.
Brandt sat straight up, gasping for air. It took him a second to get his bearings. He was at Jessie’s house. Not slumped in her doorway but sprawled on the couch, TV droning in the background. Squinting at the clock, he realized only a half hour had passed since he’d closed his eyes.
Except it hadn’t felt like a bad dream; it felt more like a premonition.
50
Chapter Five
Jessie wished she’d taken Brandt up on his offer to come to Sky Blue and help with Landon on his first day because the kid was a holy terror.
The other kids scared him, so he cried and screamed, “No!”
The other adults scared him, so he cried and screamed, “No!”
At first Landon didn’t want anything to do with Jessie. Then he refused to let go of her leg. He clung to her, crying like his heart was breaking.
I know how you feel, kid.
Lunchtime was a disaster. She’d buckled Landon in the high chair while she readied the other kids’
lunches. He beat his hands on the tray, arched his back, and tried to throw himself out of the chair, all while screaming.
Spitting mad, his face was bright red and covered in a mix of tears, drool and snot. She wiped him up and let him out of the chair. The poor little boy didn’t know whether to run off or stick by her. When she walked to the refrigerator, he followed. She took a bottle from the top shelf and held it out to him. Landon snatched it out of her hands, like a wild animal afraid his meal would be stolen, and scampered off.
She glanced at the clock. Only five hours to go. Yay.
He calmed down for about ten minutes while he cowered in the corner, watching with those big blue McKay eyes. When Jessie approached him and tried to take away his empty bottle, he returned to shrieking. And he added hitting, just to make things interesting.
For about three seconds Jessie considered setting him in a playpen and leaving him in one of the empty offices upstairs until he screamed himself to sleep.
Buck up and deal with it.
She crouched down in front of him. “No hitting, Landon. Ever. Do you understand me?”
He swatted at her and she grabbed his wrist. “No hitting.”
He wailed.
Since none of the other kids could nap through his screaming, Jessie let them take their blankets and pillows and watch a movie in the separate play room.
The main door to the daycare opened and Skylar walked in, cringing at Landon’s ear piercing shrieks.
She motioned Jessie aside.
Jessie blurted, “I’m sorry if he’s disturbing you, but I’ve tried everything and nothing is working.”
Lorelei James
Skylar placed her hand on Jessie’s arm. “I’m not blaming you. It’ll probably take a couple of days for him to get used to this place and the other kids, so I’m going to suggest we ease him into it. A few hours at a time this week, okay?”
Jessie knew that was the smart thing to do, but she still felt like she’d failed with him. “Okay.”
“Also, I know you’d intended to take Landon over to Joan’s tomorrow, but it’d be better if he got used to coming here all week. Take him to Joan’s or whatever at night, but he needs to get acclimated here first.”
“Agreed. I’ll call Brandt and have him pick Landon up right away, but it’ll probably be at least an hour before he can get here from the ranch.”
“No offense, Jess, but you should take Landon back to your place now. Have Brandt meet you there.”
Sky shot the still screaming kid a quick glance. “With a six pack and a bottle of aspirin.”
Jessie managed a smile. “Thanks. Who’s filling in for me for the rest of today?”
Two raps sounded on the glass part of the door and Kade sauntered in, wearing his usual workday clothes; jeans, boots, hat and flannel shirt.
Immediately Landon stopped wailing.
Jessie and Sky exchanged a
what the hell?
look and then looked at Kade.
Kade shrugged. “It’s probably the hat.” He crouched down, facing Landon, far enough away not to scare him. “You sure got a set of lungs on ya. And I thought Miz Eliza was loud.”
Landon raced to Kade and threw himself at the cowboy with a sob.
Logically, Jessie knew Landon went to Kade because he reminded him of Brandt. But emotionally, it made her feel like she was lacking a maternal instinct.
You’re not the boy’s mother. You shouldn’t have that instinct.
The last thing she needed was more self-doubt. She backed away to get their belongings and to call Brandt.
Kade was such a good guy he put on Landon’s coat. Then he carried Landon to her truck and buckled him in his car seat. Jessie braced herself for the frustrated cries to start again, but Landon was silent. He’d fallen asleep.
Thank God.
So Jessie drove. Past her house and into Moorcroft. She killed almost an hour, reluctant to rouse Landon. While she drove, she compiled a list of reasons why this wouldn’t work.
Her stepfather’s mantra echoed in her mind—
winners never quit and quitters never win.
But this was different. This was a losing situation all around.
She saw Brandt climbing out of his truck when she pulled into her driveway. She motioned him over and rolled down the window.
He said, “What’s up?”
“Get in. Fast. Landon’s asleep and I don’t wanna wake the little beast up.”
52
Cowgirls Don’t Cry
“That bad, huh?”
“You have no idea.”
Brandt climbed in the passenger side. “Look, Jess, I’m sorry—”
She held up her hand. “I just want to enjoy the silence for a little while longer.”
He nodded and relaxed in the seat.
But Jessie could feel him looking at her. And for the first time, maybe ever, she didn’t mind.
After about ten minutes, Brandt asked, “What happened today?”
“Landon melted down. Completely. Skylar has suggested I only take him to daycare in the morning until he gets used to it. She even suggested we skip taking him to your mom this week until he’s more settled.” Her hands tightened on the wheel. “I’m gonna let you handle that with Joan. And I want you to make sure she knows I’m not trying to keep Landon away from her.”
“Hey, Jess, I’d never do that to you.”
She expected him to say “I’m not like Luke” but he didn’t.
Brandt stretched his arm along the back of the seat. “So if Landon’s only gonna be there part time this week, where do I come in?”
“You’ll have to pick him up at noon, because I can’t afford to take every afternoon off.”
“Understood. It shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll let Tell and Dalton know it’ll be a short work week for me.”
“So Casper won’t chew your ass for not being around?”
“Probably. But nothin’ I ever do makes him happy anyway, so he’ll just pile on more shit work for when I am there. Threatening to…”
“Threatening to what?”
“Same old tune, him reminding’ me I gotta ‘prove’ to him that I’m dedicated enough to take over the ranch. He’s been hangin’ that over my head since Luke died.”
If that irked her, Jessie couldn’t imagine how Brandt felt. “Would Casper really do that?”
“What? Cut me out of ownership of our part of the ranch? If he decided he had a good enough reason, absolutely.”
Silence filled the cab—not comfortable silence.
Brandt gently said, “Talk to me.”
“I don’t know if I can do this, Brandt.”
He paused a second. “Okay. I appreciate your honesty.”
“But?”
“But I don’t know if a few hours is enough to make a decision. Especially if all you’ve had with him are a few bad hours.”
“How long did it take you to decide to ask me to help you with Landon’s care?”
53
Lorelei James
He mumbled something.
“Say what?”
“Three days. Three very long days when I second and third guessed this from every possible angle and…I still ain’t sure I did the right thing.”
That admission surprised her.
“Every one of my McKay cousins showed up this morning and that’s a rare thing, trust me.”
Jessie frowned. “Why? Is there something going on with the ranch?”
“There’s always something goin’ on, but I usually hear about it long after it’s happened. Dad ain’t real good about keepin’ me informed, which pisses me off because I’ve been doin’ every damn thing he’s ever asked and he still has all the control and never lets me forget it.” He inhaled. Exhaled. “Sorry. That’s twice I’ve gone off about it today. For once my cousins showing up didn’t have nothin’ to do with the ranch.
They came because of Landon. But mostly because of you.”
Her gut clenched. “Me? Why?”
“They asked why I didn’t come to them first and ask for help.”
No surprise the McKay’s circled the wagons around one of their own. “What’d you say?”
Brandt sighed, pushing his hat back to rub his forehead. “I didn’t know what to say. It pissed me off a little, to be honest. Because of the…family dynamic between my dad and his brothers, it’d make things ten times worse for everyone if I’d asked one of Uncle Carson’s, or Uncle Cal’s, or Uncle Charlie’s sons or daughters-in-law to help.”
She weighed aspects of this situation she hadn’t considered. “Is it a family pride thing?”
“Jess—”
“It’s not a nosy question. Maybe for the first time I understand why you involved me—because I’m neutral. The lesser of two evils. You knew your dad would prefer to have me, who he’s never liked, helping out with Landon, rather than taking his brothers’ or his nephews’ charity.” Another thing occurred to her.
“And you don’t want your McKay relatives knowing you don’t think your father would be a fit guardian for Landon, even temporarily.”
“But it’s more about how they view my mom and not my dad.”
Logical, sweet Brandt. Sparing his mother’s feelings. Figuring out every contingency before he made a single move. It used to drive Luke crazy, since Luke was the impulsive one.
And look what happened to him.
“Yeah. I’m a bastard.”
“No. You’re just a good guy who’s been put in a no win situation and you’re trying to make everyone happy.” Jessie had circled back to her house. She braked and turned into her driveway.
Brandt said nothing until after she’d parked. Then he faced her with such a look of misery her breath caught. “You’re wrong about me, Jessie. I’m not a good guy. I’m selfish. You were always my first choice.
54
Cowgirls Don’t Cry
Always
. Even when I knew this would hurt you like nothin’ else, I still went ahead and demanded this of you anyway. And I have to live with knowing when this is done, you’ll probably hate me and I’ll deserve it.”
He jumped out and hefted a still sleeping Landon into his arms before she could formulate a response.
Three hours later, Jessie couldn’t believe the change in Landon. He played quietly with his toys on the floor, although he never ventured very far from Brandt. Happy as she was that he wasn’t screaming, she worried his adjustment at the daycare would take longer if was subjected to continual quiet instead of chaos. After she popped the casserole in the oven, she returned to the living room where Brandt was working on his laptop.
He glanced up and smiled.
Mercy. That smile of his could knock her for a loop.
Since when? Her practical side demanded.
Since always, her feminine side countered.
When she didn’t respond, that roguish smile died. “What?”
“Nothing. You just look so studious. I’m not used to it.”
Landon pushed to his feet and ran to Brandt, possessively wrapping his arm around Brandt’s thigh.
Jessie shook her head. “He’s really afraid I’m gonna take him away from you, isn’t he?”
“He’ll get used to you. I’m just the only familiar thing in his world right now.”
“How many times did you see him before his mother went to jail?”
He shrugged and continued looking at Landon. “I stopped by about twice a week. Sometimes Samantha needed a break from bein’ a single parent and I’d take him off her hands for a couple of hours.
Other times she just needed someone to talk to. Either way, I ended up hangin’ out with him.”
An unfamiliar, sharp pang arose. For the first time Jessie wondered if Brandt might’ve developed feelings for Landon’s mother.
“Jessie. Look at me.”
She met his gaze.
“You’re not doin’ anything wrong with him. Give him more than a day to get used to you.”
She was relieved Brandt hadn’t picked up on the real reason for her worry. Especially since she didn’t understand why it’d caused a spark of jealousy. “I’m going out to feed the horses and the llamas.”
“Do you need help?”
“Nah. I’m used to doing everything myself.”
A guilty look flashed in his eyes. “How are the llamas?”
55
Lorelei James
“Lucy and Ethel are great. But they’d like male attention. They miss their mates. And their babies.”
Jessie hated selling her male llamas and Lucy and Ethel’s last babies. But they’d been raised specifically to work cattle and were easily bored and got into trouble if they didn’t have a herd to protect. A bored llama was a dangerous llama. Luckily Lucy and Ethel had half a dozen horses to run with, but they had escaped a few times, probably looking for intimate male companionship.