Crank - 01 (12 page)

     about:

I Had to Explain

about Bree/me;

by then, he had

already asked to

kiss

me, and I let him

because I really

wanted him to,

and it wasn’t my

first kiss

nothing like

that one, in fact,

maybe it wasn’t

even my

best kiss

but it was pretty

fine, and the fact

that he had asked

will forever make

that kiss

stand out in my

mind, touch my

heart, make me

remember a

kiss so tender

it made me cry.

He held me then,

smoothed my hair

and I asked him to

kiss me again

and he did, over

and over, until

I thought we might

melt together,

fused by kisses.

In That Quite Hot Moment

a park ranger cruised by,

took a good, long look.

Maybe we’d better go.

“I should get back anyway.

My mom will wonder if I don’t

spend enough of her money.”

Ha, ha. I can always help.

As we drove away, he pulled me

close, rested his hand on my knee,

shifted between my legs.

Can I see you again?

“Any time, Chase.” Any time.

How weird was that? A few months

back I would have said no way.

Soon?

As soon as I could break away from

Mom’s watchful eye. Chase sure

wasn’t her type. Was he really mine?

I like you, Kristina.

“I like you, too.” I did. He

was nothing like I had imagined.

He was bright, intuitive.

Or do I like Bree?

Even if he did ask hard questions.

Jetting on the monster in spectacular

fashion, I didn’t know how to answer.

Doesn’t matter. What’s in a name?

That which we call a rose by any

other word would smell as sweet.

Chase Wagner and Bill Shakespeare.

Talk about your strange bedfellows.

I was in line for that ménage à trois.

Chase Wanted to Walk Around the Mall

with me, but I knew I wouldn’t get much

shopping done if I went on a kissing

spree. A word of advice:

Never shop on crank.

Your brain moves beyond the

speed of light as you wander through

a familiar store. First, you can’t find Juniors.

Once you finally do, you need the restroom first,

then you get all turned around again.

Then, you can barely take it

all in. Sizes. Styles.

Colors. Trends.

Everything looks great on

those goofy mannequins, so it’s got to look

better on you, right? You grab an armful, stumble to a

dressing room, try on all those darling clothes

and nothing you like fits. So you leave silk

and velour and suede behind, settle

for two identical pairs of jeans.

Then you hustle off to the

next store and repeat the process,

only this time you leave with a couple of

tees exactly like a couple you bought last year.

And when you realize that, you laugh your

butt off, but really don’t want to hassle

with returns or exchanges so you

decide to accessorize instead.

A Second Word of Advice

If shopping for clothes on crank

is dumb, trolling for jewelry,

belts, and shoes is something

just this side of insane.

Suspenders?

Don’t think so.

Nikes. Vans. Doc Martins.

One of each?

Maybe next time.

Scrunchies. Barrettes. Berets.

Ebb the sable flow?

Uh-uh.

I was stressing

over earrings when

another hand touched

my shoulder.

I thought you were going to call.

Brendan.

Two Guys in One Day?

Almost too much to consider,

although Bree found the prospect

quite intriguing. So then I had

to explain GUFN again.

“Today is the first day

she cut me loose.”

Sounds like a reason to party.

That
was funny. But it was time

to catch my ride home. Since Brendan

was
my mom’s type—tall, handsome,

and gainfully employed—I let him walk

me out. Mom was parked right in front.

Is she always so punctual?

I laughed like he was the wittiest

man alive, and promised to call,

wondering what was up. With me.

Had I lost one boyfriend, to gain

two? And how could I possibly

want
these
two, opposite

squares on the chessboard?

Damn, your mom is fine.

That
wasn’t funny at all. I had to

live with my mom, obey her rules,

accept her punishments. But I would

never
accept her as competition.

Not as fine as you, of course.

Okay. Better.

Mom Wanted to Hear All About Brendan

I told her what I knew,

hoping I didn’t talk too

much. Or too fast.

He’s really cute.

Oh, great. Mutual attraction.

I almost opened my mouth,

thought better of it.

Did he ask you out?

In a manner of speaking,

I supposed. Out. In. I

doubted he was picky.

Do we need to have the talk?

At that, I really had to

stifle Bree. Let me tell

you, it wasn’t easy.

He did seem like a nice boy.

Seeming and being are

two different things. You

seem nice, too, Mommy dearest.

Anyway, did you find some clothes?

I showed her what I

bought, and she grinned

a killer smile.

At least you’re consistent.

I had to laugh, speeding

along with the monster.

Consistent? Not!

Inconsistent Me

could barely look at dinner.

I told Mom I ate at the mall.

What?

What, what?

What exactly did you get?

Quick, Kristina, think.

“Stir-fry. You know,

fast food Chinese.”

Did you eat all your veggies?

OMG! Here I was, busting

my brain on first-class speed,

and all she cared about was if

I’d consumed my greens?

’Cause you can’t stay smart

eating only junk food.

Stay smart? First I had

to get smart, and it

wasn’t about to happen

holding hands with

the monster.

Besides, vegetables give a girl

a healthy glow.

Damn. Wasn’t I glowing?

Then again, even if I was,

it could hardly qualify

as healthy. Still, Mom

didn’t insist I share the

dinner table.

It’s only leftovers, anyway.

By the way, a letter came

for you today.

D
ear Kristina,

Hope everything’s okay. Hope you’re okay.

Things are okay here.

My mom got a new job and she’s dating her boss.

He already thinks he’s my stepdad or something.

Says I’d better think about what I want to do with my life.

Besides party, that is.

I hate him already. You know?

Lince is home and I guess she’s better.

She has to go to PT—physical therapy—every day.

She’s learning to walk and talk, just like a baby.

It’s weird, really weird.

I try to spend time with her, but it’s hard. You know?

I’m sorry about that phone call.

I didn’t mean to upset you.

I was at the end of a three-day binge.

Too long without food and sleep.

Your brain starts to play tricks. You know?

I do love you, Kristina.

You were a summer gift, one I’ll always treasure.

You were a dream I never wanted to wake up from.

You opened my eyes to things I’ll never really see.

You’re the best thing that will ever happen to me.

Be safe. Be smart. Stay you.

Adam

Why Was Everyone

suddenly worried

about my IQ?

I sank into my

                           down

pillow-top,

reread every word

twenty times, right

                   down

to his signature.

Adam had a poet’s soul.

I put the letter

              down

and considered crying,

wondering how loving

him could bring me

       so far down,

wondering how to stop

loving him, wondering

if the monster would soon

let me come down.

I Did Cry Then

Climb-and-dive on the crank coaster,

I unlocked my heart, let the hurt out.

And then, like he was listening

at the keyhole, Chase called.

(He even asked for Kristina.)

Hey, sweetheart. Just checkin’

up on ya. You okay?

Let’s see. Speedin’. Wantin’ tobacco.

Cryin’ over a guy I thought I was over.

Probably going to start my period—just

in time to encourage a few new zits right

before school started. “Fine.”

Really? You don’t sound fine.

Can I make you feel better?

I told you he was intuitive. Even

if he wasn’t the type I could

bring home to Mother. Yes,

I liked Chase Wagner.

I’d sing to you but I’m pretty

sure that wouldn’t help.

I jumped into his well of ever-present

cheerfulness, gulped deeply,

laughed out loud. We talked until

Scott needed to use the phone.

You probably won’t sleep

much tonight. Think of me

once or twice?

At least. I hung up, feeling much less

alone. Pulled out my journal and

started to write. Wrote all night.

The monster and I had a lot to say.

Chase Was Right

I didn’t sleep much that

night

and not for the next

day

or three afterward,

either.

Sarah invited me

over,

I told her I felt

under

the weather,

both

to escape inevitable

questions

demanding uneasy

answers

and to consider my

options:

possibility number

one,

Chase, likely;

two,

Brendan, maybe;

three,

someone altogether new.

Who knew?

I Had to Pick Up

my student I.D. card so I bummed a ride

from Chase, told Mom I was going with Sarah.

It was the first time in a long time I’d out and out

lied and it bothered me. For about five minutes.

I walked down to the 7-Eleven to wait for Chase,

anticipation rumbling in my empty gullet.

The sight of his red Toyota pickup brought

a smile to my lips—and more, inside.

We shared a seat, we shared a smoke,

we shared a kiss or several.

At school, Chase waited with me in some long

lines. Yearbook. Class schedule. Student body card.

I even smiled for the camera. I had to, with Chase

checking out my student body, grinning like a toad.

Back in the truck, more kisses and a cigarette of my

own (pilfered from his pack, pilfered from his mom).