Authors: Katie McGarry
Chapter 64
Rachel
ISAIAH HUGGED BETH.
Beth—the strong girl, the beautiful girl, the girl who twisted Isaiah in knots. He smiled at her. He hugged her. And they looked perfect together.
I’ve watched Abby and Isaiah for weeks, and never once has he touched her, much less
hugged
her. And Isaiah doesn’t smile easily. It’s a rare gift and he gave it to
her.
Our fight must have opened his eyes. The crash must have revealed his true feelings.
And his feelings aren’t for me.
I yank my keys out of my purse. They fall through my fingers and clank on the blacktop. Abby, I should go back for Abby, but I can’t stay. She went to pester a nurse for news on Logan and never returned. Isaiah can drive her home. Or Noah can. Or
Beth.
All people who belong together. I don’t belong in their world. I’m weak. They’re strong.
Beth is strong.
I snatch the keys off the ground, and they clink together in my hands. I’m shaking, and it’s not because of the chill in the evening air. The guy I fell in love with never loved me. Never.
“Rachel!” Isaiah calls out.
I glance over my shoulder, gripping the keys tighter in my hand. My breathing hitches. I can’t do it. I can’t hear him say the words. Not with the memory of him holding her so fresh. Not with her probably observing through the glass door. A girl like her would enjoy watching me break.
My thoughts become a distorted mess, and my stomach hollows out as if I’ve been pushed over a ravine. I feel the sickening weightlessness like I’m falling, my arms flailing to stop.
I should run, but I’m paralyzed by the sight of him. Even moving slowly, Isaiah possesses the prowess of a panther. His muscles pronounced in the easy way he strides. The set, determined gaze on me as his prey. This only proves how weak I am. Like the animal on the verge of being devoured in the wild, I stand here stunned by his dangerous beauty.
Isaiah touches me. His warm palm to my face. A soft slide of his thumb. My body has memorized the motion. I lean into his hand and close my eyes. I’ll miss this. I’ll miss everything about him. A tear escapes and creates a wet trail down my face.
Isaiah has always been gentle, and he is again as he wipes it away. “Why did you leave?”
Hundreds of pounds of weight stack on top of my chest, restricting air. I open my eyes, not daring to meet his stare. “Are you okay?”
“Some stitches and bruises, but yeah, I’m fine.”
“And Logan?” I ask with as much strength as I can muster. I fight the tingling in my blood, a reaction to the shortage of oxygen. I have seconds before I lose control. Breathe.
“Stitches, too. But fine. Rachel, look at me.”
Because his hand on my cheek prods me to face him, because I’ve hardly ever been able to defy him when he speaks to me in such a deep, soothing voice...my eyes rise to meet his. Confusion and hurt swirl in a murky storm in his gray eyes. I’d do anything if that pain was for me, but it’s not. It can’t be.
I don’t want to hear his words, not yet, so I ask, “Your car?”
His head drops as he presses his hands to his face. “Totaled.”
Pain for him, pain for me, rips at my heart. Another tear escapes. The car was his—a part of his soul. The sorrow he must feel—there has to be a better word than
mourning.
Yearning to touch him, longing to comfort him, my fingers instinctively brush against his temple. Isaiah takes my hand and knots our fingers together, squeezing a little too tight. “
This
is why I didn’t want the system in your car.”
We’re back to this—so easily. His words are a sandblaster against my soul, decimating my insides, crushing my bones, leaving me as a completely empty shell. “Because your car, your life, is worth less?”
“Yes,” he answers with stubborn resolve.
The hospital doors open, and Beth steps onto the sidewalk. My throat thickens, and the warning contortion of my stomach tells me my time is up. I yank my hand from his. “She’s waiting for you.”
He glances over his shoulder, and I take advantage by fleeing. Quickly. Turning into the maze of cars. Hoping to disappear. Words fly in my head—all related, yet not; all tangible, yet slipping through my fingers: Eric and debt and Isaiah and love and Beth and strength and weakness...
And my mother and my brothers and my father and Colleen...
All of us dominoes on a board where one event results in chaos. One tip of a piece and everything scatters. There’s no control. Like everyone else, I’m a piece to be overturned. I will never control my destiny.
My hand grabs at my coat, jerking it off as heat consumes me and chokes my neck. At the intersection of four parked cars, I fall to my knees and convulse with the first dry heave. Searing pain cuts through my throat and I become light-headed.
“Rachel!” Isaiah lifts me upright, wiping my hair from my face.
“No hospital.” They can’t know...they can’t know...they can’t... “Promise they won’t know....”
My stomach cramps, and I roll away from him with the blast of heat rushing through my body.
“Jesus!” Isaiah scrambles beside me. “There’s blood.”
Chapter 65
Isaiah
PROMISE THEY WON’T KNOW...
Craving a physical connection, I slide my finger along the back of Rachel’s hand. She’s asleep. Has been for a while. Curled in the fetal position in the middle of my bed, Rachel wears the mask of a ravaged person. Somehow, I missed the signs: dark circles under her eyes, the clothes that once fit perfectly now hang, her skin so pale it’s translucent.
Rachel told me she had attacks, that she ended up in the hospital once, and that she hides them from her family. I never thought to ask if she was concealing them from me.
Her eyes press tightly in her sleep, and she flinches as she swallows. I wish she’d sleep deeply, but she doesn’t. Staying restless, Rachel turns her head. I tuck the blanket back around her, whispering for her to rest.
“Isaiah,” Abby says softly from the doorway. “Everyone’s here.”
I nod and Abby slips behind the door. Everyone being here would be Noah’s doing, not mine. He found us—me cradling a broken Rachel in my arms—and drove us home. Took everything I had not to rush Rachel into the E.R., but she made me promise not to. I’ve never considered going back on my word as much as I do right now.
The world is stacked against Rachel and me. The money is due this weekend. We’re down a car and we aren’t even close to the amount. Rachel’s body is worn, her spirit drowning. If we don’t pay off this debt, a nightmare will visit us both. Eric will come after me and he’ll hurt her. My fingers ball into a fist. I’ll die before I let that happen.
A rustle of sheets, then soft fingers glide against mine. I glance at Rachel and meet glazed-over blue eyes. The spark is gone, taking the violet hue along with it.
“How are you?” I ask, and focus on not demanding why the hell she’s kept all this from me. We’ll have the conversation, but not in this moment.
“Okay,” she says in a hoarse, cracked voice. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head, not wanting her apology. “Me, too.” I lace my fingers with hers. “Why did you run from me?”
“I saw you hug Beth,” she croaks.
“I love you. Not anyone else.”
“I know. I’m sorry. My head got messed up. I was worried about you and we had a fight and I didn’t know if you were alive and when I saw you two together...” Rachel lets the words trail off. “Beth’s strong.”
“So are you,” I say.
“You don’t think that.”
“Fuck that,” I snap, then close my eyes to rein in my temper. I suck in a breath before reopening them. “I do think that. Most girls I know would be lying under a bed in the fetal position after living a day with Eric on their backs. You’ve stood strong the entire time.”
“Except now.”
I’m shaking my head again. “Everyone has a breaking point, and I’d lay odds this isn’t Eric.” But I won’t go near a conversation about her family. “Your body may need a break, but your spirit is still strong.”
“I bet this wouldn’t happen to Beth.”
“No, it wouldn’t, because Beth always ran.”
Rachel blinks.
“Beth was always a runner. She may have stood in place, but she always hid behind the wall she built, and if that didn’t work, she ran to a guy, to drugs, to anywhere other than where she should have been, to forget. You and Beth—you’re night and day.”
“If you really think that then let me race Zach.” Her voice breaks, leaving her only able to whisper. “Let me bet the seven hundred and race him. I’d do it without you, but he already said that he won’t race me without your permission because he doesn’t want to mess with you.”
The muscles in my jaw contract. “Is that all he said?”
She winces. “He’d also race me if I broke up with you. But ignore that. Isaiah, we’re already in trouble. If I win, then we try to double the fourteen hundred, and then we try to double again. Let me help dig us out of this hole.”
Rachel’s so pale I can see the veins beneath her skin. She could win. Rachel’s been practicing. Stolen moments between us in abandoned parking lots. All she lacked was experience and confidence. My angel has both now. Even with her body defying her, she’s a force of nature.
But what if the race Zach’s offering isn’t innocent? What if his association with Eric drags her in deeper? Not able to see the angle he’s playing, I can’t take the risk.
“Everyone’s waiting on me,” I say as a cop-out. “Let me talk to them.”
She casts her eyes down. “We won’t work if you never trust me to be strong enough.”
I kiss her forehead. “It has nothing to do with trust or strength.” But with keeping her safe. “Rest. You can’t do anything if you don’t sleep.”
I close the door to the bedroom behind me and freeze when I assess the room. All eyes fall on me. Echo and Abby lean against the kitchen counter. Noah stands near the couch. Ryan and Beth sit next to Logan, who has his bum leg propped on the old coffee table.
“I thought you were out,” I say to Logan. “And you were with your dad.”
“Dad works third shift,” he replies. “He asked Ryan to take me home. I’m out of driving. Doesn’t mean my mind stopped working.”
Ryan snorts. “That’s up for debate.” I throw him a questioning glare, and he earns a little respect when he doesn’t look away.
“Beth and Logan see something in you,” he says. “But know if you hurt either one of them again, I’ll kick your ass.”
Fair enough. “Noted. But good luck with that.”
“Now that the pissing contest is over,” says Abby, “how’s Rachel?”
I shrug. Rachel wouldn’t want her business discussed.
“Abby and I told them everything,” Logan says, unrepentant. “In detail.”
“Wasn’t your place.” Embarrassment thinly disguised as anger seeps into my tone.
“Wasn’t, but I did it anyhow.”
“I borrowed two thousand dollars from my brothers’ parents.” Noah jumps in, possibly to stop my anger at Logan from accelerating. Noah’s a proud guy, and that type of gesture had to kill his soul. “To cover rent for the semester. I hoped to buy us enough time until you got a job where you could support yourself. The money is yours.”
An understanding passes between us. If I accept the money, Noah moves into the dorms and I return to foster care. “It’s not enough.”
“More than half,” says Logan. “We still have that seven hundred.”
“Fine, twenty-seven hundred, but we’re still short.”
“I’ve got five hundred saved to buy a car,” says Beth. She winks at Ryan. “You’ll have to drive me around longer.”
Before I can tell her no Logan says, “Thirty-two hundred.”
Noah stretches his arms out to his sides. “And we race for the rest.”
We’ve entered the land of fantasy. “With what? Your piece of shit couldn’t beat a Yugo.”
Echo crosses the room and curls around Noah. “No, but I bet a ’65 ’Vette could.”
“No, Echo.” The Corvette belonged to her brother. It’s the only memory she has left of him. “The car is vintage and worth more than my sorry ass. Racing it could burn out the engine.”
“Could,” she says. “But Noah would win first. We can always fix the car. You’ve done it before.”
No. I shift my gaze to Noah. “Eric will find out that you helped. He’ll mark both you and Echo.”
A dangerous shadow crosses Noah’s face as he holds Echo tighter. “I can take care of what’s mine. Besides, Eric will back off once he’s paid.”
He may not be wary of Eric, but I am. I’m not sure I can allow the target on his back. I glance at the clock on the microwave. “I’ve got to get Rachel home in time for curfew. I’ll drive her car, but I need someone to follow to bring me home.”
“I’ll do it,” says Abby.
“You don’t have a car,” I say.
“I told Tom about the accident. He’s going to let you use one of his cars until you get your Mustang working again. I’ll get it, then meet you at Rachel’s.”
“Fine.”
Abby leaves and a second later I follow. She stalls near the front entrance, waiting for me to join her. “I know what you’re thinking, Isaiah, and I think you’re wrong.”
I place my hand over the door handle, keeping her there. “What exactly am I thinking?”
“The same thing I think when I look in the mirror every morning—that’s the face of someone living in pissed-off desperation.”
“A few weeks ago you wanted me to steal. A thousand dollars a car. I could make the money in one night and have Rachel on my arm by morning, remember?”
Abby rubs her hands over her face. “That was before.”
“Before what?”
“Before I met Rachel. Before she became my friend. Before I saw how happy she made you. Before I saw that you could be like Noah and get out of this part of town. You got your certification, a job waiting after graduation and a girl who loves you. If you steal those cars...” She stares at her feet. “It’ll change you. Once you go down that road, there’s no going back.”
Abby hates selling drugs, but she’s stuck. Her family has seen to that. So has her employer. “I’ll be in and then right back out,” I say.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that. You’ll be owned. Not as bad as if Eric owns you, but they’ll always hold what you’ve done over your head. You’ll never be free.”
I’m not free. The future I once dreamed of has crumbled into dust. “I don’t care about my freedom anymore. This is about Rachel.”
The door upstairs opens and closes. Rachel appears at the top of the stairs. I’ve got thirty-two hundred in seed money and only one night to race. If I take everyone up on their offer, I’ll go back to foster care and Noah and Echo will have targets painted on their backs. I would be wreaking all this damage in the hope I can win at the dragway.
Rachel holds tightly to the banister. Yeah, Abby’s employer will own me, but Rachel will be safe. “Make the deal, Abby.”