Crashed into Love: Boxed Set (28 page)

I wanted to slouch into my seat like a wayward
student, but a twinge of fire built in me. If he tried to convince me to come
back to finish my license, he’d have a fight on his hands. Just the thought of
going up stole the air from my lungs.

“Nina.”

Uh oh. He was pissed. Theo
never
used my
first name.

“You’ve lost weight. I don’t like it.”

A laugh burst from my mouth. I startled… crap, when
was the last time I laughed? “I was in a coma for almost a month. I guess you
tend to lose weight.” That wasn’t entirely true, I’d lost more since arriving
home. 

“Well, I’m going to stuff you with junk food so get
used to grease.” He gave me a soft smile. “And, you’re going to fly again. No
arguments.”

Ignoring that, I asked, “You’re not going to ask
what happened?” I took a sip of beer, cringing.

“What do I need to know? Kiwi Air 93 crashed. Lives
were lost, including crew. And you suffered. Do we really need to talk about
something that upsets you?” He touched my wrist. “If it isn’t something you want
to relive, then talking about it is pointless.”

I stared into the amber liquid. But if I talked
about it, I remembered Liam and what we shared. He captured my thoughts and the
loss went away for a bit.

Theo continued, “You asked me about Liam.”

My eyes snapped to his, my skin whizzing with hope.
“Yes.”

“I always knew if you two had the chance to get to
know each other you’d hit it off.” He stood. “Wait here a moment. I have to go
get something.”

Before I could say anything, he charged off to his
small office. As second in command in running the aeroclub he inherited a poky
closet.

He jogged back with a print out in his hand. Oh God,
more paper. The last time I took something to read, I didn’t like the outcome.
First, with the news article from Joslyn, and then Liam’s note from Nikolai.

Theo held it out. “Go on, take it.”

I pinched it with unwilling fingers. “What is it?”

He grinned, motioning with his eyebrows for me to
read.

I scanned the page. It showed my account with the
areoclub. My heart sped up to gallop around my chest. “This can’t be right.” My
balance, which normally equalled a few hundred for my next flight or exam, had
exploded to over thirty thousand dollars. The exact amount, not including the
ten thousand from the pay out from Kiwi Air, I needed to pass my commercial
license. Chills pinpricked my spine. “Where did this cash come from? Someone
must have made a mistake.”

He shook his head. “I checked when I saw it a week
ago. It’s not a mistake. It’s yours.”

 “That can’t be true. I don’t have that sort of
money.”

“It came from Liam. With explicit instructions the
money is to be used in the next six months to finish your license.”

My eyes flew wide. “Liam
paid
for me? He
can’t do that.” The memory of him telling me on the beach, just before we
awoke, crashed into me. He wanted to pay for me. It was a business expense. I
jumped off my stool. “Do you know where he is? Has he done it?” Was he opening
his business? How could he though, he didn’t know how to fly…unless… did he
remember? Damn him for not having a phone or an address or
something
so
I could track him down.

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘has he done it?’ but
I’m telling you everything I know. The transfer came through with a few lines
of instruction from the bank. That’s it. I can’t even track where the money was
deposited from. If I knew, I’d go and speak to the man myself. I heard about
his injury and hope he’s not wallowing somewhere. I’d help him relearn in a
heartbeat if he needed help.” He yanked the paper out of my hands. “But he’s
given you a gift. You don’t have to go back to work for Kiwi Air. You and me,
we can focus on your lessons fulltime. You’re so close. Don’t stop. Don’t let
fear win.”

Anger blossomed. “I don’t want to let the fear win,
Theo. But it has. I get shaky and clammy when I think of going up there again.
I don’t think I can.” Why did Liam pay for me? He must’ve known I’d struggle
with going back, or was I just being a big wuss and making it a lot harder? The
money taunted me—if I could find the courage, I could be fully qualified in
months. I could leave for good. But I couldn’t leave. I’d have to find a way to
pay Liam back. I wouldn’t take his money.

A small trickle of who I’d been before the crash
settled into me. Liam gave me the tools to turn from air-hostess to commercial
pilot. The knowledge he believed in me, even when he wasn’t with me, slowly
unlocked my prison of terror.

Theo stood and pulled me into a hug.

I froze. Two hugs in one day… wow.

“I love it when I witness that.”

I pulled back. “Witness what?”

“The passion seeping back in. I see the spark that
is Nina Poppins building again. She’s in there… you just need to move forward.”

I dropped my eyes. Was Theo right? Was the tickling,
unfurling sensation inside the real me breaking free?

If Liam could face dealing with a brain injury on
his own, I could go back to who I truly was. I wasn’t a moper or a weak-willed
scared little thing. I loved heat and dance. I loved color and corsets. I loved
flying and… Liam. My eyes widened as I made the connection. Flying equalled
Liam. In a roundabout stupid way, I associated my loss of Liam with the loss of
flying. God, I was screwed up. If anything, flying would bring me closer to
Liam. Being inside a cockpit would remind me of him. And it would give me back
my future.

“You’re right,” I murmured.

Theo cocked his head. “Oh, I like it when you say
that. Say it again.” He laughed.

The banter that flowed so easily between us came
back, and for the first time since I awoke from fantasy-Liam-land, I grasped
the small ribbon of happiness. “You’re right. I will fly again.”

He clapped his hands. “Excellent. No time like the
present.” Holding his hand out, he said, “The sky awaits you, Poppins. Let’s
see if you can tame her.”

T
he controls taunted me
with skipping memories. Try as I might, I couldn’t hold onto any of the
fleeting thoughts or knowledge from my past. I still couldn’t understand why
the wayward shrapnel destroyed my training as a pilot. Why not erase  my
memories on how to tie a shoelace or ride a bike? Other little things were
missing too, like forgetting recipes I knew by heart, or not remembering any
phone numbers for family that I dialled almost every day before the crash. And
the majority of my education was gone. Right down to dreaded calculus I took as
extra credit when I was sixteen.

“You ready, Mikin?”

My eyes flew to Jeff, my flight instructor, mentor,
and soon-to-be business partner. His island skin and dark hair complimented his
black eyes. The nerves I’d battled with for three months galloped back. What if
I crapped out and crashed again? God, did I really want to do this? I was
kidding myself to think I was ready. I wasn’t.

Swallowing hard, I nodded. “Yep.”

Jeff motioned that I had control and I inched onto
the runway, lining up for take-off. Every judder of the tires sent coils of
apprehension through me. It was second nature—how to direct the plane and what
button to push—completely ingrained into my muscle memory. I did things
unconsciously. Things that showed me I
knew
how to fly, even if my brain
pretended otherwise.

Traffic control came clear and loud through my
headset with a French twang. “Air Tahiti Nui, india golf sixty-three you have
permission. Open skies in front.”

“Roger that.” My voice was tight, concentration
screaming with intensity. This was it. My first solo takeoff since I crashed
with John Anderson. The thought of Samoa buried me with emotions. Every day was
an inhuman struggle not to lift the phone and call Nina, to reach out and talk
to her. God, I needed someone to talk to. But at the same time, I made a pact
to do this on my own. To save myself and not be a burden to anyone.

Jeff cocked his head. “Ready when you are.”

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the throttle forward.
The Boeing 737-300 lurched into motion, gobbling up tarmac until the Papette
Aeroporto was a blur of arched roofs and French-Polynesian architecture.

My stomach stayed behind as I eased on the controls
and pulled the heavy beast into the air.

Two hundred metres above ground.

One thousand metres.

Three thousand.

I pressed the button to retract the landing gear,
and suffered a flashback of the airplane dissection Nikolai had overseen. Then
again, what I remembered wasn’t true. I hadn’t had the guts to go and see what
the real damage was. The moment Nik agreed to get me off the island, I’d
cleared myself with Doctor Ali’tasi, grabbed some clothes from the hospital
gift shop, and requested he drop me off at the airport.

He hadn’t done it willingly. His hazel eyes
reprimanding me for leaving—for not having the guts to stay.

When I’d given him the note to pass to Nina, my
heart wrenched. What if she fell in love with him in my absence? I hated my
insecurities, but it just confirmed why I needed to leave. I couldn’t ask Nina
to support me—not when I didn’t know whether I could relearn. Doctor Alea had
mentioned the pathways to learn something as complicated as flying might have
been damaged too, and if that had happened, I wouldn’t want to be around
myself, let alone Nina. She’d be better off without me.

It helped already having connections in Tahiti,
being in touch with a few officials while arranging my future business permits
meant I was able to pull a few strings. Now I sat beside the guy who’d offered
me three aircraft in turn for a commission cut, let me crash on his couch, and
was a qualified pilot willing to help me relearn how to do the thing I loved
most. Well, second most.

I sighed heavily. Nina.

God, I was an ass to leave her. Would she hate me?
Would she understand? Would she wait for me or had she moved on?

My fingers flew over the control panel, taking a
reading of air speed, fuel levels, and cabin pressure. Everything was how it
should be.

Jeff leaned back in the co-pilot’s seat, grinning.
“I knew when you stopped over thinking it, you’d be fine. You did most of that
on muscle memory. A newbie wouldn’t have had the presence of mind to do an
inflight check and bring up the landing gear without me telling him.”

Some of the heaviness that lived on my shoulders
lightened. It had taken three months to trust myself. Three long months to
allow Jeff to talk me into taking the controls. Maybe I hadn’t forgotten
everything… there was still a chance it would come back. Eventually. But I
wasn’t going to wait around for it. I resat some of the exams, barely passing
after a lot of late nights. All I’d done since arriving in Tahiti was study. In
between my doctor visits to check the progress of my healing, of course. 

I threw him a grin, letting the calm, hushed world
of the cockpit soothe me. “Thanks for helping me out, Jeff.”

We were the only two souls on board. Air Tahiti Nui
kindly let us use their off duty training aircraft. Mainly because I promised
to shuttle a lot of their passengers to outlying islands for a mortifyingly low
price when I started my business.

“No worries. I know I made a good investment in you.
I expect you to be up and running soon.”

Engaging autopilot, I looked below to the sparkling
crystal sea. The water was so clear the sandy bottom and occasional sprinkling
of coral reefs were visible. Resorts hugged the coast like bright flowers on a
vine. Their assortment of pools and manicured gardens morphed into idyllic
beaches.

I sighed again. Nina would love it here. Shit, I
loved it here. If it wasn’t for the headaches and setback on flying, I’d be in
my element. I missed her. So much. Every night as I lay alone in Jeff’s lounge
on my makeshift bed, my entire body ached for her. I couldn’t stay away much
longer. I didn’t know how I’d stayed away this long.

“Right. Let’s start the test shall we?” Jeff pulled
out a laminated ring binder chock-full of things a pilot must know.

Nerves catapulted again, but I wiped the anxious
sweat off my palms and nodded. “The sooner I have my wings back, the sooner my
life can start again.”

S
ix months had passed.

Six lonely, hard, miserable months.

My heart, still bruised from never hearing a word
from Liam, thrummed in anticipation. Today was the day my life began again. It
was a day for closure and a day for renewal. I couldn’t pine after Liam any
longer. I’d promised myself when I took Liam’s money that I’d wait for him
until I finished. And I had. But no longer.

My hands shook as panic took hold. I didn’t know
where I was going after today. I had a few flying interviews in Glasgow and
Dubai. It seemed female pilots were in demand over there. My bags were packed,
my terrapins rehomed, and my apartment lease had ended. After today, I wouldn’t
be going back. After today, Liam wouldn’t be able to find me as I didn’t know
where I’d end up. 

Joslyn squeezed my hand. “So proud of you, girl.”

I smiled, forcing my melancholy away. I would not
mope. I was happy. “Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without your support.”

She rolled her eyes. “Please. All I did was supply
you with cocktails on Friday nights and make sure you remembered to live while
absorbing text book after text book.”

I laughed. “That was a very important part. I
wouldn’t have found my way out of code and terminology if it wasn’t for you.”
Plus, I would’ve missed her. After quitting Kiwi Air, I wouldn’t have seen her
if we didn’t make the effort when she was in town between overnights.

She nudged my shoulder, dropping her voice as Theo
came toward us. We were in the back row in the hanger. The entire aeroclub had
been decorated in gold and red banners with all manner of wings painted and
stitched. In front of us sat thirteen new, about to be decorated, pilots. We’d
completed enough hours and sat all the requirements to join the ranks of
commercial.

“Do you think he’ll forgive me for snogging him
again the other night? I didn’t mean to… it’s just, I had a bit too much to
drink, and I mean… come on. He’s delicious. I still think about the hickey he
gave me.”

I smiled. I could understand what Joslyn found
attractive. I mean, what wasn’t there to like? Theo was smart, funny,
tenacious, and kind. I hoped they’d stop playing games with each and do it
already, but I didn’t think they’d last. Joslyn needed someone less… like her.
And Theo was a little too similar.

A small worry griped. Where was Nikolai? I hadn’t
heard a thing about him since Samoa. I’d wondered if Joslyn was being secretive
and had seen him recently, but I supposed if she was after Theo, my concerns
were unwarranted.

“You ready, Nina. You’re up next.” Theo squatted by
my chair. “Aren’t you pleased you didn’t let fear win?”

I groaned. After every lesson he’d asked me that,
rubbing my face in my weakness, strengthening me in some strange way so I’d
never relapse into letting my dreams go again. “I was too afraid of you to give
up.”

He laughed and the masculine rasp sent my heart thundering.
Six long months since I’d heard Liam laugh. And I knew in my heart, I wouldn’t
hear it again. It was over.

“I wish he could’ve been here to see me graduate,” I
whispered under my breath, hoping neither Joslyn nor Theo heard me. It slipped
out. I didn’t mean to say it.

Jos threw her arm around me. “I’m gonna punch him
when he tells me where he is. He should be here.”

Theo pulled a face. “I’m sure if he could’ve been
here, he would. Don’t be too hard on him.”

Guilt settled and I stared at the front of the
hanger. The CEO of the aeroclub pinned silver wings onto a man’s lapel, and
then shook his hand.

Nerves attacked me sending a gentle nudge down my
spine—all that was left of my whiplash. I was next.

Theo stood, holding out his arm. “I’ll escort you.
You’re my star pupil. I’d be honoured.”

“Nina Marie Poppins.” The CEO on the makeshift stage
scanned the crowd, eyes found mine.

My father, sitting next to Jos, grinned as bright as
the stars. “So proud of you, little girl.”

It was fitting he was here to share my success.
Smiling at both of them, I stood, and linked my arm through Theo’s. Nerves
fluttered in my stomach as we made our way up the aisle.

Theo let me go once we’d climbed the three steps. My
heart sped up, and an influx of happiness and sadness filled me. I’d achieved
my goal, thanks to Liam. I’d done what I set out to do, so why was my
accomplishment empty and unfulfilling? Damn Liam for making me need him. I
couldn’t celebrate fully because the one man I wanted to share it with wasn’t
here.

 “Congratulations, Miss Poppins. You’re now a
full-fledged commercial pilot.” The man who looked similar to Captain Anderson
smiled, and pinned the heavy set of wings to my black lapel. After shaking my
hand, we posed for photos as he handed me a framed certificate.

My heart wanted to fly, but it was weighted down by
the knowledge I wouldn’t have been able to do this without Liam and I had no
way of thanking him.

I made my way back to my seat and the rest of the
afternoon was a blur of drinks, and celebration. Theo did his best to include
me, but I held myself slightly aloof. I didn’t mean to, but my thoughts were
already free from New Zealand. I had the qualification I needed; there was
nothing else for me here. My father understood—he knew I was leaving, and I’d
see Joslyn around.

Joslyn’s laugh trilled, and she thumped Theo on the
chest. He rubbed the spot with a rueful grin. I guessed they wouldn’t miss me
for the rest of the night.

Taking one last look around the partying crowd,
committing it to memory, I slunk away. Crossing the car park, I huddled into my
coat. My little car was the only thing I had yet to sell. I’d probably gift it
to my brother. He recently arrived in town after some jungle expedition.

Something white flapped under the wiper on the
windscreen. It was probably another advert for a sausage sizzle or some
fundraiser the aeroclub put on regularly. I ripped it free of the wiper, before
throwing myself inside, away from the chilly breeze. What I wouldn’t give to be
sweating in Samoa’s heat. New Zealand’s weather was determined to freeze my
nipples off.

With my teeth chattering, I reached to turn on my
car’s heater before ripping open the blank envelope. No name. No salutation.

My heart stopped.

Nina.

Congratulations on earning your wings. I’m so proud
of you.

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear
from. I’m sorry for leaving as I did, but I freaked out. I needed time to fix
myself.  I didn’t want to shackle you with a guy who could no longer earn, but
was a drain in recuperation and restudy.

I know it might be too late, but I need to see you.

Enclosed is a one-way ticket to Papeete.

If you come, I’ll know you still care for me.

If you don’t, I know I left it too long, and you’ve
moved on.

I understand either way.

I love you. I miss you.

Liam

Oh my God. He had the nerve to pop back into my life
after no communication in the form of a letter on my windshield? How the hell
did it get there? And why was I stroking it as if Liam could feel it instead of
crunching it into a ball and throwing it in the trash?

All the walls I’d built—mortared brick by brick—to
hold up my shredded heart crumbled in an avalanche of rubble. The rush and glow
of sheer happiness burst through me like a comet.

He was alive. He’d found me. He hadn’t forgotten me.

My opportunity to thank him—for giving me back my
future blazed through my heartache, restarting my world. Life wasn’t about
holding grudges or nursing mistakes—it was about living in rapture and
happiness—like the life we lived together in Samoa. We didn’t play games then…
I wouldn’t start now. All the hurt of six months flashed to nothingness.

With fumbling fingers, I peered into the envelope
for the remaining piece of paper. We had a second chance to make it last and I
wouldn’t squander it.

Inside was a one way ticket to Tahiti, leaving
tomorrow morning.