Crave All Lose All (23 page)

“You’ll get your shit nigga…don’t even worry.”

“That’s what I want to hear.”

Inf was a fucking lunatic. It was my bed and no matter how messy it got I would have to continue laying in it.

Christmas Eve was about spreading joy and giving. But we were ready to murder, spreading grief. Tyriq put together a little party that evening with strippers and his goons to have a fun time. Spoon came through to show his support and wished everyone a merry Christmas.

I spoke to my son earlier in the day and was excited about seeing him tomorrow. I had bought many gifts for him. Chandra was cool with me stopping by. She mentioned that she had some news to tell me. I kind of blew it off.

Half-hour before midnight, soon it’d be Christmas day and the party was on fire. Bitches got butt naked and were fucking and sucking niggas in every room. Knowing Spoon was a fucking snitch and knowing his fate made it difficult to look at him. He had a drink in one hand and was feeling on tits and ass with the other, seemingly unfazed.

Tyriq pulled me to the side and told me the hit was going down.

“Tonight…?” I questioned. “You can’t be serious.”

“Nigga, if we wait around, there might not be another chance. Spoon ain’t stupid, he’s gonna catch on, and with it being Christmas Eve, shit’s gonna be less hectic for us cleaning up.”

I felt sick to my stomach. Tyriq was talking about Spoon like he was a stranger to us. I understood the situation clearly.

“Keep him here, until everyone leaves,” Tyriq said walking away.

I went to the bar and got a shot of Hennessy. I downed that quickly and got me another.

“Damn, Vince, take it easy on ‘em drinks. You good…?” Spoon said leaning on the bar.

“Yeah…I’m good.”

“Merry Christmas, Vince…”

“Same to you,” I said halfheartedly.

Spoon stayed by my side. We continued downing Hennessy and cranberry, talked about our kids and reminisced about past Christmases we
had together. It was hard for me to look in his eyes and laughed. I hugged him, knowing that it would be our last time together.

The night carried on, the crowd of strippers and the rowdy men dwindled by the hour. Soon there were a handful of people. Spoon was at the bar, tipsy but cognizant of what was going on. Tip was eyeing Spoon from a distance, ready to strike like a cobra. Tyriq was busy with couple bitches in the back. Everything seemed normal.

Spoon raised his glass in my direction.

“A toast to my nigga, Vince, to us our prosperity, our strength, friendship and trust. We been doing our thang for a long time. Let us continue to journey a long way,” he said.

He then handed me some keys and said, “Happy holidays, my nigga.”

“What’s this?”

He smiled and said, “It’s a brownstone in Brooklyn. My gift to you…”

“You serious…?”

“We gotta be smart with money. We gotta start somewhere. It’s an investment for our kids when they grow,” he smiled.

“Spoon, you ain’t had to do all of this. I would have been happy wit’ a fucking card.” I joked feeling sick.

“I told you, ownership in real estate is the thang. You can never go wrong with owning property. Vince, you okay?” Spoon asked.

“I gotta use the bathroom.” I did a beeline straight for the nearest bathroom and threw up in the toilet. I dried heave a few more times and thought…
it ain’t suppose to be like this
…
not Spoon
.
I’m the fuckin ’godfather to his kids
.

There was a knock on the door.

“What…?”

“You good, Vince…?” Spoon asked.

“Yeah, give me a minute.”

“Fucking with Hennessy straight will do that.” He laughed.

I collected myself, washed my face and walked to the bar. It was three-thirty in the morning, and the bar was empty accept for the bartender. Tyriq nodded to him and he disappeared. The three of us were alone with
Spoon.

This is a man’s world
, by James Brown played from the jukebox in the corner. It was about to get crazy. Time seemed to slow down. I stared at my image in the mirror behind the bar and tried to control my mood.

Spoon downed his umpteenth drink for the night and then placed the glass down on the countertop. Tip locked the door. He and Tyriq strategically moved in closely behind Spoon. I raised myself off the barstool, preparing for what was to come.

“So, y’all niggas gonna murder me on Christmas Eve?” Spoon said, raising himself off the barstool.

He looked at each of us in the eyes. There was no fear in his eyes.

“You was family,” Tyriq said.

“Twenty-years, right Tyriq…down the line, a man gets tired o’ shit… gotta move on and do your thang,” Spoon said.

“So you sell-out your fucking brothers to save your own ass?” Tyriq asked removing a large blade from his jacket.

“I do this thang for my kids, not y’all,” Spoon said.

“Ayyite, do your kids know that their daddy’s a fucking snitch? Why the fuck you couldn’t keep your fucking mouth shut?” Tyriq shouted.

“Like I said, I’m tired of this thang,” Spoon said calmly.

“Y’ all niggas do what you do. Cuz in the end, it’s always tragic,” he added.

Tip abruptly rushed at Spoon, throwing a phone cord around his neck and grabbing him up in a violent stronghold. Spoon tried to resist, kicking over bottles and chairs, struggling to get free.

“Ayyite, do it,” Tyriq said passing me the blade.

“What…you must fucking crazy,” I spat.

“Vince, I rather leave this bar with one body instead of two. Show me you got heart for this shit,” he exclaimed placing the blade in my hand.

“He dies by your hands or Tip’s. Take our friend out of his misery.”

I gripped the large blade and approached the scuffle with tears of hurt and pain streaming down my face. Tip still held Spoon in a choke hold with the phone wire digging into his neck. Spoon’s eyes was bulging from the sockets and the veins in his neck looked like they were about to explode.

I moved in closer, nearing the tip of the blade close to Spoon’s gut. It
was hard to look at him.

“Just do it...muthafucka!” Spoon shouted.

I lunged forward and thrust the knife deep into his stomach, having him jolt in shock in my arms. He was free from Tip’s violent grip and fell into my arms with the knife shoved deep into his stomach.

He coughed and I stabbed him again, crying as I felt the sharp blade rip through his flesh. I continued to hold him up in my arms and whispered in his ear as he was dying, “I always got love for you…my nigga, don’t worry about your kids. I’ll look after them. I’m sorry.”

I pulled the blade out and plunged it deep into his chest, stabbing him a total of three times. I felt him die painfully in my arms. There wasn’t shit I could do about it. I held him that way for a moment. Tip and Tyriq looked on. He was slumped in my arms, getting heavy but I held him, tears flowing down my face. He did so much for me and I was the one to take his life. I felt selfish. He was the one betraying us, so why did it feel like I had betrayed him?

I removed the knife from his chest, tossed it to the floor and gently laid Spoon’s lifeless body to the ground. His blood was on my hands. No matter how many times I washed them, his blood would stain my hands forever.

“You done nigga?” Tyriq asked looking down at me with a smirk.

Coldhearted bastard, I thought. He was a fucking coward. Tip and I did the dirty work, while this nigga sat back and watched me murder a friend. I remembered Spoon once saying….
This shit here; will change a man.

I stood up and walked away, leaving the dead behind. What was done, was done, there was no changing it. I went into the bathroom, slammed the door shut and cried over a friend. I didn’t care if Tyriq saw. I didn’t give a fuck anymore. That day my friend’s death changed me. Before we left the bar, we wrapped Spoon’s body in sheets and threw it in the trunk of a car parked in the back. We had to make him disappear. He was a dead federal informant.

Christmas day I couldn’t eat or sleep. Spoon’s death was in my head, fucking with me. Tyriq made arrangements to move the body the day after Christmas. He had some peoples in LI that helped us with the disposal. But all Christmas day, we left Spoon rotting in the trunk of a car out in the cold.

By noon, I was knocking on Chandra’s apartment door with a bag filled with gifts for my son. I needed to relax and was hoping her man wasn’t around. I wasn’t in the mood for him.

Chandra opened the door and said to me with a half way smile, “Merry Christmas.”

“Hey, merry Christmas,” I replied nonchalantly.

She allowed me into her apartment. I felt better when my son came running up to me shouting, “Daddy….merry Christmas, daddy.”

He jumped into my arms and I hugged him so tight “Merry Christmas, lil’ man,” I said in a cheerful tone.

“I missed you so much,” I said.

It was a month since I last saw him. He was growing up.

“What you got me, daddy?” Vinny asked a board smile across his face.

“Plenty of things,” I smiled.

I handed him the bag of toys and games. He tore into the neatly wrapped packages and bags like a happy child on Christmas day.

He unwrapped the presents and I looked around Chandra’s apartment and saw that she was definitely into the Christmas spirit. There was a tall sheared green Christmas tree almost touching the ceiling. It was decorated with colorful ornaments, candy-canes, colorful lights, and many wrapped
gifts under the tree. She had an assortment of Christmas cards lining the walls and Christmas carols was playing soothingly in the background.

Her apartment made me think of home and the past Christmas we had. I missed those times. I glanced at Chandra and she looked good in some tight black shorts, wearing pink fuzzy slippers and a decorated green shirt that showed a picture of Vinny and her talking to Santa Clause.

“Cute,” I muttered.

“How’ve you been, Vincent?” she asked.

“Could be better,” I said shrugging.

My son was going crazy over the gifts I brought him. Wrapping paper was spread all over the floor and his new toys were out in all directions. It made me smile. My son’s happiness made me feel good about the holidays.

“Where’s homeboy?” I asked not caring.

“He’s working and won’t be home until five.”

“So he does have a job.”

“Are you hungry, thirsty?”

“I’m good,” I said, taking off my jacket.

She looked at me and asked, “Vincent, are you sure you’re okay? What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m just here to spend some time with my son on Christmas day.”

“You called your mother?”

“Nah…”

“Why not…? She’s worried sick about you, Vincent. Give her a call and let her know that you’re okay.”

I hesitated before saying, “I will.”

“Ooh, thank you daddy…thank you,” Vinny shouted, going crazy over the X-men I bought him.

They seemed so happy and joyful. I was still mulling over Spoon’s body rotting away in a trunk. It was my burden, not my family’s. While I was out in the trenches getting paid, Jamal was taking over things on the home front. Chandra had more bling on her hands. There was hot meal cooking in the kitchen and extra toys my son was enjoying before I came.

Her apartment looked like a home. My son was being taking care of. The more I hustled, the more I was absent from his life. It was too late for me to turn back now. I was in deep and it was hard to grasp the fact that I fucked
up my life.

I remembered that Chandra had something to tell me. Before I asked, Vinny smiled and said, “Daddy, guess what?”

“What?”

“I’m gonna have a new step daddy,” he blurted out.

“What?”

“Mommy getting married…”

My heart suddenly dropped. I didn’t show my disappointment. I let out a weary smiled and said, “Oh word...?”

I looked over and saw Chandra coming out of the kitchen with a nervous smile.

“I guess you heard…”

I looked at her left hand and saw the diamond engagement ring on her finger.

“He asked me last night, and I said yes.”

“I’m happy for you,” I lied.

“You okay with this?”

“Hey, it’s your life, not mines. You doing your thang.”

She smiled and said, “Thanks, I’m glad you’re so understanding, Vincent.”

“I’m gonna have two daddies,” Vinny said.

I smiled to hide the anger. I was angry with myself for letting her go easily. A piece of me still loved her. That was the small piece of me that thought I could get my life back with her. All that went out the door with her marrying that fucking Jamaican.

I needed to get out before I got upset in front of my son and ruin his Christmas day. I threw on my leather coat and said, “I’m out. I got things to take care of.”