Crazy Rich Asians (58 page)

“I don’t know what to believe anymore, Mom. Who can I trust now? My name isn’t even
real. WHAT’S MY REAL NAME?”

“I changed your name to protect you!”

“I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore.”

“You’re my daughter! My precious daughter!” Kerry cried, feeling utterly helpless
standing in her kitchen in California while her daughter’s heart was breaking somewhere
in Singapore.

“I need to go now, Mom.”

She hung up the phone and crawled onto the bed. She lay on her back, letting her head
hang off the side. Maybe the rush of blood would stop the pounding, would end the
pain.

The Goh family was just sitting down to some
poh piah
when Rachel entered the dining room.

“There she is!” Wye Mun called out jovially. “I told you Jane Ear would come down
sooner or later.”

Peik Lin made a face at her father, while her brother Peik Wing said, “
Jane Eyre
was the nanny, Papa, not the woman who—”

“
Ho lah, ho lah
,
^†
smart aleck, you get my point,” Wye Mun said dismissively.

“Rachel, if you don’t eat something you are going to deeesappear!” Neena chided. “Will
you have one
poh piah
?”

Rachel glanced at the lazy Susan groaning with dozens of little plates of food that
seemed completely random and wondered what they were having. “Sure, Auntie Neena.
I’m absolutely starving!”

“That’s what I like to hear,” Neena said. “Come, come, let me make you one.” She placed
a thin wheat-flour crepe on a gold-rimmed plate and scooped a big serving of meat-and-vegetable
filling onto the middle. Next she slathered some sweet hoisin sauce on one side of
the crepe and reached for the little dishes, scattering plump prawns, crab meat, fried
omelet, shallots, cilantro, minced garlic, chili sauce, and ground peanuts over the
filling. She finished this off with another generous drizzle of sweet hoisin and deftly
folded the crepe into what looked like an enormous bulging burrito.

“Nah—
ziak
!” Peik Lin’s mother commanded.

Rachel began inhaling her
poh piah
ravenously, barely tasting the jicama and Chinese sausage in the filling. It had
been a week since she had eaten much of anything.

“See? Look at her smile! There is nothing in the world that good food cannot fix,”
Wye Mun said, helping himself to another crepe.

Peik Lin got up from her seat and gave Rachel a big hug from behind. “It’s good to
have you back,” she said, her eyes getting moist.

“Thank you. In fact, I really need to thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart,
for letting me camp out here for so long,” Rachel added.

“Aiyah, I’m just so happy you’re eating again!” Neena grinned. “Now, time for mango
ice-kleam sundaes!”

“Ice cream!” the Goh granddaughters screamed in delight.

“You’ve been through a lot, Rachel Chu. I’m glad we are able to help.” Wye Mun nodded.
“You are welcome to stay as long as you like.”

“No, no, I’ve overstayed my welcome.” Rachel smiled sheepishly,
wondering how she could have let herself hole up in their guest room for so many days.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do?” Peik Lin asked.

“Yeah. I’m going to head back to the States. But first,” she paused, taking a deep
breath, “I think I need to go to China. I’ve decided that, for better or for worse,
I want to meet my father.”

The whole table went silent for a moment. “What’s the rush?” Peik Lin asked gently.

“I’m already on this side of the globe—why not meet him now?” Rachel said, trying
to make it sound like it was no big deal.

“Are you going to go with Nick?” Wye Mun asked.

Rachel’s face darkened. “No, he’s the last person I want to go to China with.”

“You
are
going to tell him, though?” Peik Lin inquired delicately.

“I might … I haven’t really decided yet. I just don’t want a reenactment of
Apocalypse Now
. I’ll be in the middle of meeting my father for the first time and next thing you
know, one of Nick’s relatives will land in the prison yard in a chopper. I’ll be glad
if I never have to see another private jet, yacht, or fancy car for the rest of my
life,” Rachel vehemently declared.

“Okay, Papa, cancel the NetJets membership,” Peik Wing wisecracked.

Everyone at the table laughed.

“Nick’s been calling every day, you know,” Peik Lin said. “I’m sure he has.”

“It’s been pretty pathetic,” P.T. reported. “It was four times a day when you first
got here, but he tapered off to once a day. He drove up here twice, hoping we might
let him come in, but the guards told him he had to move along.”

Rachel’s heart sank. She could imagine how Nick was feeling, but at the same time,
she didn’t know how to face him. He had suddenly become a reminder of everything that
had gone wrong in her life.

“You should see him,” Wye Mun said gently.

“I disagree, Papa,” Peik Wing’s wife, Sheryl, piped in. “If I were Rachel, I would
never want to see Nick or anyone in that evil family again. Who do those people think
they are? Trying to ruin people’s lives!”

“
Alamak
, why make the poor boy suffer? It’s not his fault that his
mother is a
chao chee bye
!” Neena exclaimed. The whole table exploded in laughter, except for Sheryl, who made
a face as she covered her daughters’ ears.

“Hiyah, Sheryl, they’re too young to know what it means!” Neena assured her daughter-in-law.

“What does that mean?” Rachel asked.

“Rotten cunt,” P.T. whispered with relish.

“No, no,
smelly
rotten cunt,” Wye Mun corrected. Everyone roared again, Rachel included.

Recovering herself, Rachel sighed. “I guess I ought to see him.”

Two hours later Rachel and Nick were seated at an umbrella-shaded table by the swimming
pool of Villa d’Oro, the sound of trickling gilded fountains punctuating the silence.
Rachel gazed at the water ripples reflecting off the gold-and-blue mosaic tiles. She
couldn’t bring herself to look at Nick. Strangely, what had been the most beautiful
face in the world to her had become too painful to look at. She found herself suddenly
mute, not quite knowing how to begin.

Nick swallowed nervously. “I don’t even know how to begin to ask for your forgiveness.”

“There’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t responsible for this.”

“But I am. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I put you in one horrendous situation
after another. I’m so sorry, Rachel. I’ve been recklessly ignorant about my own family—I
had no idea how crazy my mum would get. And I always thought my grandmother wanted
me to be happy.”

Rachel stared at the sweaty glass of iced tea in front of her, not saying anything.

“I’m so relieved to see that you’re okay. I’ve been so worried,” Nick said.

“I’ve been well taken care of by the Gohs,” Rachel said simply.

“Yes, I met Peik Lin’s parents earlier. They’re lovely. Neena Goh demanded that I
come to dinner. Not tonight, of course, but …”

Rachel gave the barest hint of a smile. “The woman is a feeder, and you look like
you’ve lost some weight.” Actually, he looked terrible. She had never seen him like
this—he looked like he had slept in his clothes, and his hair had lost its floppy
sheen.

“I haven’t been eating much.”

“Your old cook at Tyersall Park hasn’t been preparing all your favorite dishes?” Rachel
said a little sarcastically. She knew her pent-up anger was misdirected at Nick, but
in the moment she couldn’t help herself. She realized he was as much a victim of circumstances
as she was, but she wasn’t able to look past her own pain just yet.

“Actually, I’m not staying at Tyersall Park,” Nick said.

“Oh?”

“I haven’t wanted to see anyone since that night in Cameron Highlands, Rachel.”

“Are you back at the Kingsford Hotel?”

“Colin’s let me crash at his house in Sentosa Cove while he’s away on his honeymoon.
He and Araminta have been very worried about you too, you know.”

“How nice of them,” she said flatly, staring out across the pool at the replica of
Venus de Milo
. An armless statue of a beautiful maiden fought over by collectors for centuries,
even though its origins have never been verified. Maybe someone should chop off her
arms too. Maybe she would feel better.

Nick reached out and placed his hand over Rachel’s. “Let’s go back to New York. Let’s
go home.”

“I’ve been thinking … I need to go to China. I want to meet my father.”

Nick paused. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“Is anyone ever ready to meet the father they never knew, who’s in a prison?”

Nick sighed. “Well, when do we leave?”

“Actually, Peik Lin is coming with me.”

“Oh,” Nick said, a little taken aback. “Can I come? I’d like to be there for you.”

“No, Nick, this is something I need to do on my own. It’s already enough that Peik
Lin insisted on coming. But her father has friends in China who are helping with the
red tape, so I couldn’t say no. I’ll be in and out within a couple of days, and then
I’ll be ready to head back to New York.”

“Well, just let me know when you want to change the return date on our plane tickets.
I’m ready to go home anytime, Rachel.”

Rachel inhaled deeply, bracing herself for what she was about to say. “Nick, I need
to go back to New York … on my own.”

“On your own?” Nick said in surprise.

“Yes. I don’t need you to cut short your summer vacation and fly back with me.”

“No, no, I’m as sick of this place as you are! I
want
to go home with you!” Nick insisted.

“That’s the thing, Nick. I don’t think I can deal with that right now.”

Nick looked at her sadly. She was clearly still in a world of pain.

“And when I’m back in New York,” she continued, her voice getting shaky, “I don’t
think we should see each other anymore.”

“What? What do you mean?” Nick said in alarm.

“I mean exactly that. I’ll get my things out of your apartment as soon as I get back,
and then when you return—”

“Rachel, you’re crazy!” Nick said, leaping out of his chair and crouching down beside
her. “Why are you saying all this? I love you. I want to marry you.”

“I love you too,” Rachel cried. “But don’t you see—it’s never going to work.”

“Of course it is.
Of course it is!
I don’t give a damn what my family thinks—I want to be with you, Rachel.”

Rachel shook her head slowly. “It’s not just your family, Nick. It’s your friends,
your childhood friends—it’s everyone on this island.”

“That’s not true, Rachel. My best friends think the world of you. Colin, Mehmet, Alistair,
and there are so many friends of mine you haven’t even had the chance to meet. But
that’s all beside the point. We live in New York now. Our friends are there, our life
is there, and it’s been great. It will continue to be great once we’ve left all this
insanity behind.”

“It’s not that simple, Nick. You probably didn’t notice it yourself, but you said
‘we live in New York now.’ But you won’t always be living in New York. You’ll be returning
here someday, probably within the next few years. Don’t kid yourself—your whole family
is here, your legacy is here.”

“Oh fuck all that! You know I couldn’t care less about that bullshit.”

“That’s what you say now, but don’t you see how things might change in time? Don’t
you think you might start to resent me in years to come?”

“I could never resent you, Rachel. You’re the most important
person in my life! You have no idea—I’ve barely slept, barely eaten—the past seven
days have been absolute hell without you.”

Rachel sighed, clamping her eyes shut for a moment. “I know you’ve been in pain. I
don’t want to hurt you, but I think it’s really for the best.”

“To break up? You’re not making any sense, Rachel. I know how much you’re hurting
right now, but breaking up won’t make it hurt any less. Let me help you, Rachel. Let
me take care of you,” Nick pleaded fervently, hair getting into his eyes.