Crazy Sexy Diet: Eat Your Veggies, Ignite Your Spark, and Live Like You Mean It! (4 page)

This must be a joke, I thought. I had no medical history of cancer. I was barely a day over thirty-one and single, which to me meant that my freelance dating career was now officially over. No more opportunities to taste a bunch of appetizers without having to commit to one main course. It was sexual fasting time. My life was stigmatized and shattered. Friends dumped me, colleagues stepped back as if I had some contagious plague, and the “So sorry to hear you’re dying” sympathy cards started pouring in.

How did this happen? I was good, I followed the rules, I didn’t jaywalk or rob banks, I exercised, drank in moderation-ish, ate “right” from time to time, I said please, thank you, tipped 20 percent. For God’s sake, I was a Democrat and a Bud girl!

Second and third opinions, along with endless hours at the University of Google, followed. I quickly learned that illness was a business, and if I wanted to successfully navigate hurricane cancer, I needed to take my emotions out of it. Good-bye Broadway. Hello CEO of Save My Ass Technologies, Inc.! I was the CEO, and the doctors worked for me. In order to survive I needed to staff up posthaste.

The job description read something like this:

There were a few qualified applicants, as well as a bunch of duds. The doctor who suggested a triple organ transplant was rejected immediately. I mean, how rude! The one who gave me ten years to live can still kiss my ass. Though I knew I was in a shit storm, I still didn’t know how quickly the cancer was moving. So pulling out organs, blasting my body with chemicals, or dying seemed a bit premature. It was clear that I would have to advocate for myself and learn how to navigate the system.

I traveled everywhere searching for my second in command and finally found him. Honestly, if it weren’t for my oncologist, I might not be here today. Guess what he confirmed? The cancer was slow moving, so in essence I had the one thing all cancer patients long for—time. This was great news, and because of it I chose a radical course of treatment: Do nothing. He agreed.

“We’ll take a watch-and-wait approach,” he said. “Let cancer make the first move.”

Great! But how about a watch-and-live approach? And what if I made the first move?

If I couldn’t be cured, could I still be healthy? Could wellness be redefined to include someone like me? Perhaps instead of calling it cancer, I would call it imbalance. And what if I could find the source of the imbalance? Maybe, just maybe, I could help my body and my mind keep the disease in check. Clearly, I had a lot to learn, but joy came back, and curiosity started bubbling. This wouldn’t be my battle: It would be the greatest adventure of my life.

Through some down-and-dirty personal exploration, I met my Inner Physician. She’s smart, curious, and highly intuitive (plus she looks lovely in a white
coat). The prescription she offered was quite simple. “Renovate your life, kiddo. Be a self-reliant detective and put the pieces of your health puzzle together.” Suddenly I felt like one of Charlie’s Angels. Would any of them crumble under pressure? No! They’d put on a cute outfit, some gloss, and get down to business. My Inner MD encouraged me to collaborate with my body, to work on simpler things that would make a profound difference. In order to do that, I had to get the hell out of the way so my body could regain homeostasis.

Because my diet had been based on what to eat to stay slim for the camera, I had no idea how to be healthy. I’d spend endless energy weighing my food and counting calories and fat grams. Meals were planned around convenience, auditions, and cocktail hour. My mantra: Unwrap, nuke, GO! Vegetables were far too elegant and way too time consuming to buy and make at home. Fake foods encased in plastic or cardboard were time-effective and cheap. The multisyllabic poisons on the label didn’t scare me. I figured, “If it was dangerous they would never sell it to me. Doesn’t the FDA ban the bad stuff?” Besides, all I cared about was the promise on the package. “Look great and lose weight while still enjoying this sensible cake.” I could eat this crap and my ass would be teeny-weeny. Hallelujah!

The early signs and symptoms were obvious, but I couldn’t see them for what they were: a toxic lifestyle and environment that was causing physical and emotional stress. I had a bunch of chronic health problems, including zits, colds, chest infections, allergies, depression (Prozac and wine helped that), dry skin, eczema, low sex drive (in my twenties!), bloating, constipation, abdominal pain, acid reflux, yeast infections, and fatigue—all distress signals from an imbalanced body. Yet rather than dealing with the real issues in my tissues, I’d often compound the problem by tossing drugs down my gullet. Over time, my symptoms worsened until they became unbearable. Obviously, I needed to make some changes.

Next stop: Whole Foods, my new pharmacy. In the beginning, I had no idea what I was doing. I would race around the store frantically filling shopping carts with books, videos, supplements, powders, potions, and every piece of organic produce I could get my hands on. Kale? Okay! It was dark green and leafy, so it must be good for me. Yet in the back of my mind I wondered what the heck I’d do with this scarylooking weed. If the cancer didn’t kill me, this plant certainly might.

I made a checklist of my physical problems and began working on them. I addressed my insomnia and taught myself how to sleep. Practices like meditation helped me deal with the wild animals in my head. I learned that my excuses for not exercising were really lame. If you’re like me, you max out your time and leave nothing left for sweat. Earth to us: A regular exercise plan is not optional. It heals our bodies, calms our minds, and gives us the energy we need to kick ass.

I went back to school to study nutrition so that I could finally learn how to eat and take care of myself ! Fuck geometry, I’ll take nutrition any day. I also quit my acting career, sold my apartment, and became a full-time healing junkie (with certifications). After trading in my fast-paced New York City party life for snail-pace living at a Zen monastery in New Mexico, I finally settled on a simple, nature-filled existence in Woodstock, New York. I exchanged road rage for prayer, fast food for fasting, swapped martinis for organic green drinks and a compassionate vegan diet.

Seven years later I still have cancer, but it’s stable. My beauty marks, as I call them, lie dormant. But thanks to my diet and lifestyle I feel and look better than I ever have in my life (even before my diagnosis). Whether my success is due to the nature of my disease or the nature of my choices doesn’t really matter. The fact is, my blood work is fantastic, I have endless energy, my immune system is strong, and (drumroll) … I’m happy! That’s right, happy.

In this Crazy Sexy book you’ll learn the secrets that have helped me thrive in the face of a deadly chronic disease. Imagine what they can do for you. Sorry, I don’t mean to brag, but there is one more thing and if you’re a love-hunting (bad-relationshipfinding) lady like I was, it might inspire you to know that I found my soul mate after my diagnosis demanded I change. So much for “damaged goods.” I married the editor of my film. Cancer or not, when I dumped the junk and aligned myself with my higher purpose, the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. There’s no need to wait for the bad things and bullshit to be over. Change now. Love now. Live now. Don’t wait for people to give you permission to live, because they won’t. That permission is your birthright, hot stuff; grab it!

So … what’s your cancer?
Are you overweight, depressed? Do you have heart disease or diabetes? Is your cholesterol too high? How about regret, procrastination, or maybe even a crazy (notso-sexy) divorce? What the shit pickle happens to be doesn’t really matter; it’s what you do with it that will transform your life. Let it be your guru rather than your jailer. Let it ignite your gut wisdom and introduce yourself to your own Inner MD. She’ll straighten you up just like mine did.

Here’s where diet and lifestyle choices really matter. To hear that voice, you must strip away the garbage. You can’t get clear when you’re running on Lucky Charms consciousness. Meet your genetic potential by shifting what you eat and how you think about food—that’s where the Crazy Sexy Diet comes in. Think of the diet as your Inner MD’s medical assistant.

Don’t get down on yourself. Remember we’ve all got our own version of cancer—even the seemingly
Perfect 10 girl who lives in the next condo. Lucky you that you realize it and are willing to do something. More than half of all Americans die of heart disease or cancer; two-thirds are overweight and stay that way for their whole lives. We are one of the wealthiest countries in the world and yet we’re ranked number thirty-three in health care (behind Slovenia). When I was in grade school, my friends weren’t getting adult diseases like Type 2 diabetes, nor were we doped up on behavioral medications. Everyone ate their peas and drank an extra glass of OJ when they had the sniffles. If someone had restless leg syndrome, they were told to take a walk!

In the United States we spend more on sickness than wellness. Young people are being diagnosed with catastrophic diseases common among their grandparents. Some medical researchers say that the next generation will be the first generation to die younger than their parents. The solution is clear as far as I’m concerned: Combine the latest reliable science with smart nutrition and positive lifestyle changes. So as our brilliant doctors continue to break new ground, we must meet them halfway by improving our diet and lifestyle choices, controlling stress, and cleaning up our environment in order to stay well.