Creature of the Night (10 page)

I was bored to tears on the bus and I kept thinking about
all the iPods I'd robbed and wondering why I'd never
kept one for myself. I never thought about it, I suppose.
I just handed all that stuff over and drank or smoked
what we got on the back of them.

So I made it a priority, and within an hour of getting
to Dublin I had one. Another silly slapper fiddling with
it in the middle of the street. They never learn. I got the
headphones and all – ripped them right out of her ears –
and I was gone before she knew what was happening. It
was nearly too easy.

I walked along O'Connell Street, feeling on top of
the world. I had sixty-five euros, the sun was shining
and the whole city of Dublin was mine. I was home,
where I belonged. I bought a tenner of credit and sat on
a bench and put it into my phone. Then I rang Fluke.

'Where are you?' he said.

'I'm in town,' I said. 'My ma sent me up on the bus.'

'Did she send money for my ma?'

'No. What money?' I said.

'She owes her,' Fluke said. 'We had her moneylender
around. My ma had to give him forty euro to get
rid of him.'

'Well I haven't got it,' I said. 'She never said
anything to me about it. Why don't you come into town
and we'll get it for your ma?'

'Fuck off,' he said. 'You're too conspicuous. And
anyway, I'm moving today.'

'Moving where?' I said, but he had hung up on me,
the bastard.

I didn't need him, anyway. I rang Beetle. This time
he answered.

'Howya Bobser,' he said.

'Brilliant,' I said. 'I'm in town. You coming in?'

'Ah, I'm sick,' he said. 'My head's lifting. Have you
got any money?'

'A bit,' I said.

'Hey!' he said. 'Roberto! Come up to the flat. I
know where we can score some brilliant gear.'

I walked out to Beetle's place. We bought a half-bottle of
vodka and a couple of cans of Red Bull then got the bus
out to Coolock where his dealer lived in a house with
fifteen deadbolts on the door. He had to ring him from
across the road and give him a password, then wait.
After a while a little kid came along. He only looked
about nine. Beetle had to give him the password again
and then the money – thirty euro – and then he went off.
We waited again, and it seemed like ages. I thought he
had just pissed off with the money, but eventually
he came back again with the deal, and me and Beetle
went off to the park to share it.

I hadn't been out of my head for ages and it felt
brilliant. The best thing about using is that you don't
have to kill time. It just passes, so sweetly. Like it's
killing itself. All your troubles disappear. There's no past
and no future and nothing in the world to worry about.
My ma and her money-lenders floated away like
ghosts. My school collapsed in a heap of dust. The
guards danced a set on O'Connell Bridge. I laughed and
laughed and laughed.

Beetle lay on his back on the grass and laughed and
said, 'Oh Jaysus. Oh Mary. Oh Joseph.' I lit a fag and
made smoke patterns in the air with it, and I was enjoying
that so much I completely forgot to smoke it and it
burned right down to the filter. So I lit another one and
smoked that, and it was so nice that I smoked another
one, and then another, and then we started in on the
vodka.

Time does funny things when you're out of it. I
thought I only smoked those three fags but next time
I looked my packet was empty and there was eleven in it
when I got off the bus. I kept looking again, and then I
turned the packet inside out in case they were hiding in
there somewhere.

The sun was still out but I felt cold. I knew I was
starting to come down. Already. And I was absolutely
starving. Hungry enough to eat my two hands. Beetle
was asleep beside the empty vodka bottle and I left him
there. Good gear was wasted on him. What was the
point of getting off your head if you just went to sleep?
He could have my ma's sleeping pills for that. But I must
have been asleep for part of the time as well. When I seen
a clock it said six o'clock, and there was no way I'd been
making smoke patterns for all that time.

I had to have chips. I still had a fiver and a couple
of coins. There was a newsagent on the corner of the
park. I wanted fags, but I had to have chips and I hadn't
enough money for both. I went on till I found a chipper.
The fella behind the counter gave me a funny look and
he made me hand over my fiver before he would bag up
my chips. I made him open them again and put on more
salt and vinegar. He was mean with it, the wanker. But
he called after me to take my change, so he wasn't that
bad. I would have gone without it.

I leaned against the chipper window and swallowed
my chips so fast they took the skin off my mouth. Then
I threw up, and it felt like they burned me again on the
way back. I didn't feel good at all. The street wouldn't
stay still and I wasn't sure where I was. I was freezing
cold and I kept pulling at my jacket and feeling in the
pockets for the red hat my ma used to put on me in
the pram. An old woman asked me if I was all right and
I told her to fuck off. I grabbed a fella by the arm and
asked him for a fag. He gave me the one he was smoking
to get rid of me. It made me feel worse. I threw it in the
window of a passing car. The fella jammed on the brakes
and got out but when he seen me standing there laughing
he got back in and drove away.

I sat on a plastic seat in a bus stop and put my head
down on my knees. This high-pitched sound started up
and at first I thought it was a siren, and then I realized it
was that creepy little girl with the high voice and she had
followed me up from Clare. I stood up and looked
around. I couldn't see her, but I knew she was there,
dead or not.

I started walking. I never seen her but I knew she
followed me because I kept hearing her the whole time,
high wailing with words in it, but I couldn't make out
the words. I started running, trying to get away from her.
And the next thing I remember I was standing outside
my ma's flat and banging on the door. A strange woman
opened it.

'Where's my ma?' I said.

'I don't know who your ma is,' she said. 'Clear off.'

So I went a few blocks over, to Fluke's. Carmel
opened the door.

'What are you doing here?' she said.

'My ma let me,' I said. 'She gave me the bus
fare.'

'Did she send money for me?'

'No.'

'Then what you doing here?'

I shrugged. 'Where am I supposed to go?'

'Well you can't come in here,' she said. 'I'm going
out with the girls and I'm not leaving you here to wreck
the place.'

'I won't wreck the place,' I said. 'Where's Fluke?'

'He's moved out,' she said. 'Now piss off!'

I just stood there and she sighed and shook her head
and moved out of the way to let me in. I knew she
would. She's my ma's sister, after all.

I'd only just got there in time, though. She really
was going out.

'Get yourself something to eat,' she said. 'You can
stay in Luke's room. But you keep your dirty little hands
to yourself, you hear me? If I find one thing missing . . .'

'I won't touch anything,' I said.

She went off to get dressed. I took three fags out of
her packet and put them in my pocket. I'd only just put
the packet down when she burst back in and grabbed
her fags and lighter off the table and her handbag off the
chair, and took them all with her back to her room. But
I felt too sick even to laugh.

She slammed the door behind her when she went
and it sounded like an explosion in my head. I made
myself a sandwich and sat in front of the TV for a while.
But the sandwich made me feel sick and I couldn't follow
any of the programmes on the TV, not even the football
match, so I went off to bed in Fluke's room.

I don't know about him moving out. There was so
much stuff thrown around in there that I could hardly
find the bed. Some of it was mine, a few bin bags of stuff
they were minding for me. But most of it was his stinky
old trainers and jeans and underwear. I waded through
it and pushed a load of stuff off the bed, and crawled in
under the duvet. I went out like a light.

* * *

Women's voices woke me up, shrieking and roaring like
lunatics. She'd brought the whole fecking hen party
home with her. I groaned and turned over and pulled the
cover over my head but it was no use. Something
crashed in the kitchen and they all screamed laughing at
whatever it was, and they just went on and on.

It used to be like that in my grandma's when I was
small and me and my ma were living with her. I remembered
lying awake in my ma's bed and the whole flat full
of loud voices and slamming doors and things crashing
in the hall and the kitchen. Sometimes there were rows
and it sounded like they were killing each other. Sometimes,
when they'd been out drinking together, they
would laugh, like my aunt and her friends were laughing
now. I don't remember which frightened me more, the
fighting or that wild women's laughter.

I had to piss, which meant passing by the kitchen
door. I held on for a while, but in the end there was no
way out of it. I got up and tiptoed along the corridor. I
made it to the bathroom but they caught me on the way
back.

'Is this him?' one of them said. 'Is he your
Catherine's boy?'

Another one said, 'Oh, isn't he gorgeous? Come in
here till we get a look at you!'

The kitchen light was too bright. Underneath it
their faces were like something out of a Stephen King
movie. All running mascara and smudged lipstick. All
the wrong colours for human skin. I bolted for the bedroom.
I heard Carmel calling out after me.

'Be like that, you little bastard.' And then she said
to the others, 'He's worse than any of them.'

High praise, that, coming from Fluke's ma. It gave
me a nice warm glow.

'Scumbag!' said Fluke. 'Get out of my bed!'

'I thought you moved out,' I said, trying to make
my eyes open.

'I did,' he said. 'I just came home to pick up some
stuff.'

'Where've you moved to?' I said.

'In with my girlfriend,' he said. 'She's got her own
place. She has two nippers.'

'Two nippers?' I said. 'Are you mental or what?
Why would you move in with someone who has two
nippers? You'd be better off staying with your ma.'

'But I can't have sex with my ma, can I?' he said.

'Why not?' I said. 'It never bothered her before.'

'You dirty little bastard!' He launched himself at
me, laughing and swinging. I grabbed his fist and we
wrestled on the bed and it was brilliant, just like the
old days. I kept wrenching my shoulder but I never
said anything or tried to stop him. It was worth the
pain to be back in with Fluke again. We fought until
one of the bed legs gave way and we both said, 'Whoops!'
at exactly the same moment, and then we both
laughed until we couldn't breathe. Then we sat on
the edge of his banjaxed bed and he gave me one of
his fags.

'I hear you're turning into a farmer,' he said.

'I am in my arse,' I said. 'I was only keeping my ma
happy. I'm not going back there.'

'Well you're not staying here,' he said.

'Why not? You've moved out, haven't you?'

'Anyway,' he said. 'You'd want to watch yourself.'

'Why?'

'What have you been saying to the cops? They were
around here the other day asking me questions about
Mick.'

'Is Mick out?'

'No, he's not out,' he said. 'No way they'll give him
bail after what he done. But it sounded to me from what
the guards said like someone's been telling stories.'

'Oh, fuck the guards,' I said. 'Let's go into town,
you and me. I'm dying for a bit of action.'

'No way I'm working with you any more, you little
scumbag,' he said. 'Not when you've started dropping
your friends in it. And anyway, I've my mot and her
nippers to look after now.'

His ma came in then, holding on to the wall.

'What've you done to the bed?' she said. 'You little
bollixes. I'll kill the pair of you!'

She made us fix the bed before she'd let us have breakfast.
Fluke stacked old comics and school copies under it
until it stopped rocking. Then he filled two bin bags with
shoes and clothes and CDs, and dumped them in the
hall.

His ma made us coffee and beans on toast.

'You piss off home now,' she said to me. 'And tell
your ma if she doesn't send me up some cash for the
money-lenders I'll tell them where she's moved to. They
don't like people running out on them.'

'I can't go back,' I said.

'What do you mean, you can't go back?'

'I lost my ticket,' I said. 'And I've no money for
another one.'

'Jesus, Mary and Joseph,' she said. 'What did the
poor girl ever do to deserve you?'

Fluke laughed and she swung her hand at his ear
but she didn't hit him. She knew better than that.

'How much is it down to Clare?'

It was fifteen euros one-way. I said, 'Twenty quid.'

She shook her head and swore, but she opened her
purse and gave me two tenners.

'She can add that to what she owes me,' she said.
'And I'll need another forty before Friday morning. I'm
not paying off her debts for her. I can't hardly pay my
own!'

I bought a ten-quid deal off a lad I knew in the same
block of flats and then twenty fags and a packet of skins
in the corner shop. With my last couple of euro I got the
bus into town. The sun was shining again. I don't know
why I thought about it but I did. If it was still shining in
Clare, they would be baling the hay I cut.

* * *

I skinned up a joint in the hallway of one of the flats in
York Street and smoked it on a bench on Stephen's
Green. I never felt like robbing stuff when I was stoned.
It made me too paranoid. I felt like everyone was watching
me all the time and knew exactly what I was
thinking. But the dope gave me the munchies as well and
I could only live with that for so long. When I couldn't
stand it any more I stood at the entrance to the park and
asked people for money.

'Have you got a few cents, missus? Ah, go on. Just
a few cents.'

It took me half an hour to get enough for a bag of
chips, and after that I smoked the other half of my dope
and went to sleep in the sun. When I woke up I was
hungry again, but not for chips or chocolate. It took me
a while to figure out what it was I wanted, and when I
did I phoned Beetle.

'Have you got any more of that stuff?' I said.

'No,' he said. 'But I can get it. Have you got
money?'

'No,' I said. 'But I will have soon.'

'Roberto!' he said. 'That's what I like to hear.'

'Give me a couple of hours,' I said.

Grafton Street was still busy but I had no intention of
working there. Too many guards around and nowhere to
run. I needed some place where people had plenty of
cash on them, but close to some quieter back streets with
places to hide. I wasn't used to working on my own with
no one to back me up. I had to be sure to get it right.

I was still feeling paranoid, but not half enough. I
was standing outside the smoke shop opposite Trinity
when two guards cornered me. I never even seen them
coming. And one of them was the same lad who picked
me up in Drumcondra last week.

'Hello, Robert,' he said. 'What are you doing here?'

'Minding my own business,' I said. 'Why don't you?'

He didn't like that but he let it pass. 'I thought you
were supposed to be down in Clare?'

'I am. My ma let me up for the weekend. I'm just on
my way now to get the bus back.'

'What time is the bus?'

I took a wild guess. 'Four o'clock.'

'Too bad,' he said. 'You missed it.'

I was surprised. I must have been asleep for longer
than I thought.

'What time's the next one?' he said.

'I don't know,' I said. 'Maybe six o'clock.'

'Right,' he said. 'We'd better get you down to
Busáras, then.' He got on to the radio.

Oh, fuck. I couldn't believe it. He was actually
going to frogmarch me to the bus.

The car was along inside two minutes, and he got in
the back with me, and they ran down the bus lanes
all the way along the quays.

'How's your mother doing?' he said to me.

'She's all right,' I said. 'She's minding her own
business.'

When we got to Busáras he got out with me and
came into the station. There was a bus there waiting
with Limerick on the front. You had to change there for
Ennis. I hoped he didn't know that, but he did.

'There's your bus,' he said. 'Have you got your
ticket?'

'No,' I said.

'You'd better get one, then.'

There were people lined up, getting on the bus
already. I hoped it would go without me. I joined the
queue at the ticket window. The guard stood in
the middle of the station, watching me. When I got
to the window I said, 'I lost my return ticket. Can I have
another one?'

'Where you going?' the woman said.

'Ennis.'

'Fifteen euro,' she said.

'But I bought my ticket,' I said. 'I just lost it. I've
already paid.'

'Nothing I can do about that,' she said. 'Fifteen
euro to Ennis.'

'I haven't got fifteen euro,' I said. 'And I have to get
back to Clare.'

'Can you move out of the way,' she said. 'There are
people waiting.'

'Ah, please, missus,' I said. 'My ma's down there on
her own. She needs me. She's scared being on her own.'

'It's fifteen euro for a ticket to Ennis,' she said.

I looked round. The cop was still there, fuck him. I
took the few cents I had left out of my pocket and
dropped them in the metal tray.

'Please, missus!' I said. 'I'm desperate! I have to get
home. I already paid!'

She pushed the money back at me.

'Clear off,' she said, 'or I'm calling the guards.'

I took the money and pretended to look at it like it
was my ticket, then I put it in my pocket and gave my
guard the thumbs-up. He nodded, but he still didn't go
away.

I went over to the bus and got on. It was nearly full
and just about to move off. I went straight past the
driver and found an empty seat.

'Oi,' he said. 'Ticket.'

I got up and went halfway back along the bus. 'I
lost it,' I said. 'I had a return but I lost it.'

'That's not my fault,' he said. 'You'll have to get
another one.'

'Please, mister,' I said. 'I have to get down the
country. I came up this morning. You seen me. You were
driving.'

'I was in Dundalk this morning,' he said. 'Get off
this bus, right now.'

'Please, mister,' I said. 'My ma needs me down in
the house. She's sick. She's dying of cancer.'

He got up out of his seat and came down the bus to
get me, but this old man in a seat just beside me nudged
me on the arm.

'Here,' he said, and he handed me a twenty-euro
note. I stared at it, then at him, then I handed it to the
bus driver. He didn't take it.

'You can't be paying for the likes of him,' he said to
the old man.

'I can do what I like,' said the old man. 'He has the
money now. Give him a ticket.'

The driver stopped to think about it. I knew he
didn't want me on his bus at all. I nearly told him
I didn't want to be there, neither, but I kept my mouth
shut. It was better than more trouble in the garda
station.

He took it in the end and went and printed me out
a ticket, and gave me a fiver's change. I tried to give it
back to the old man but he waved me away.

'Get yourself a cup of tea in Borris,' he said.

I did, when the bus stopped there, and a sandwich as
well. Afterwards I stood and smoked a fag on the footpath
and when the old man came past I offered him one.

'Ah no,' he said. 'I gave them up years ago.'

'Go on,' I said. 'One won't kill you.'

'No, no,' he said. 'You keep them.'

'I've loads of them,' I said. 'Go on. Take one.'

'All right, then,' he said. 'I'll put it behind my ear
for later.'

That was all right. I didn't care what he did with it.
He could throw it in the bin for all I cared. But he took
it from me and that was what mattered. He let me give
him something back for what he done for me.