"I'm the one who’s sorry." She hugged herself.
Zachary looked at her, his brows knitted in confusion. What was she talking about? Why was she sorry?
"I thought," she stammered. "Oh . . . forget it." With a quick jolting move, she blew out the candles on the table as if she believed the flames had threatened to burn down the place.
Zachary didn’t want to forget it. He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her toward him. She tried to avoid eye contact, but she didn’t quite succeed in hiding the fact that tears pooled in her eyes.
"What's wrong, Gillian? What did I do?"
She sniffled and he almost didn't hear her. "You didn't want me."
"What?" He ran his hand through his hair. "Not want you? Hell and damnation,” he swore beneath his breath. “When have I ever stopped wanting you? I only pushed you away because if I had continued to hold you the way I had, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." He lifted her chin so she would look at him. "I would like nothing more than to make love to you, but . . ."
"But?" Gillian waited.
He sighed with deep regret. Why did she suddenly decide to go forward with the relationship when he knew he couldn’t allow it? He dreaded what he was about to tell her, but it was for the best. He took her by the hand and led her to the couch, persuading her to sit down. Not wanting to talk to her in the dark, he turned on the lights. Once the room was illuminated, he sat down beside her.
Zachary sighed with unmistakable regret. Gillian decided she didn’t want him to say anything. She tried to move away, but he held fast to her hand.
"You're so beautiful, Gillian.”
Wonderful. He’d charm her then dump her.
"You will never know how much I want you, but . .
.”
There was that word again, Gillian thought.
"We can never let our relationship go any further than what it is now. You
have
been right all along. We come from two different worlds. We should have never been.”
She knew all this. She had the same doubts, but now she didn’t care.
“You know as well as I, that Molly will return. When she does, it is certain Tyler will have to go back. There is no possible way around it." His large hands held her face gently and his gaze held her prisoner. "I can't let Tyler go back alone. I’m his guardian. I'm the closest thing he'll ever have to a father. I could never desert him. Do you understand?"
"Zachary, I would never ask you to abandon Tyler
.”
"I know you wouldn't. Surely, you see if I go back to my time we cannot be together.” He brushed a strand of hair away from her face. “You belong here, in this world that offers so much. I could never ask you to give all this up."
"Maybe all this doesn’t matter to me." She moved away from him and waved her hand around the room.
"Really now." He didn’t sound convinced. "How could all this not matter? Think about it for a moment. You would never again have a hot shower anytime you wished. You would never be able to jump in your automobile and drive somewhere. You would never have light at the touch of a finger. I know these are simple things for you, but they aren't available in 1870."
"I don’t care." She tried to convince him.
"Okay. Let's just say, things you have taken for granted all your life, don’t matter. I'll give you that, but what about the man you’ve been dreaming about, your soul mate?"
She wished he wouldn’t bring up the dreams.
"You told me you were waiting for him
.”
“Zachary, he doesn’t—” He placed a finger on her lips.
“Remember you told me you called off your wedding with Jerry because you weren’t in love with him. You told me you were in love with the man in your dreams. If you went back to my world, you wouldn't be able to walk away. We’re already married in my time, and I wouldn’t let you go so easily."
"I know what I did to Jerry and what I said," she snapped before she could stop herself. “It’s not fair that you throw that in my face. This is different."
"Is it?" He was so perfectly calm that Gillian wanted to slap him to make him shut up, but he had taken hold of both of her hands and continued to say what was on his mind. "You can never go back with me. The man you’re searching for is unquestionably of this century. If you went back with me, you would never find him. You would eventually end up resenting me. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I couldn't endure your rejection."
She didn’t want to hear anymore. She had decided what she felt for him, but he put doubts in her mind, making her question herself. She still dreamt of a man who held her near, but she didn’t even know if he existed. She knew Zachary did. Why did he think he could decide what she wanted and didn't want? She frowned trying to think of the reasons why they should try to make this relationship work, but then it dawned on her what his true intentions might be. He wanted to push her away. He didn’t love her and this ploy was his way to let her down easy. He told her in the very beginning, that he didn’t want a wife. He made the wager with her, stating if he won Creighton Manor, he would set her free. How perfect this must all seem to him. He could get rid of her in another century.
She yanked free of his touch. "Don't bother with your pretense of chivalry. I'm not buying it. If you hadn't noticed, I’m throwing myself at you. I was offering myself to you with no promises," she lied. She wanted him to promise the world to her, and she would have gladly given it back, tenfold
.
She sprung away from the couch and began pacing like a caged animal. Fury poured through her, boiling her blood until she couldn’t think straight. The arrogant jerk had no right to tell her what she wanted and didn’t want.
She stopped pacing and whirled on him. "You couldn't just accept it, could you? It was simple. We could have slept together. I wasn't asking for anything in return, but you have to turn it all around and make it something it’s not.” She wanted to pick a fight, but he didn’t respond in the way she expected. He remained calm, patronizing her as if he thought eventually she’d realize his refusal was for the best.
"Listen Gillian, I think I know you better than that. You don’t want a meaningless relationship. You're someone who wants commitment and you deserve to have it. You want someone who will love and cherish you forever. As much as I would like to give you these things, I can't compete with someone in your dreams. And you should not settle for something less than what you want." He rose now from his seat and tried to reach for her.
That was his mistake. She was too angry and her pride was sorely bruised from his rejection. She couldn't tolerate him touching her as if he pitied her. A scream of frustration bubbled up and escaped. She grabbed his arm and swung him to the ground.
He l
ay
there sprawled on his back with a stunned expression on his face. He stared up at her.
She yanked off her wedding ring as if it burned her skin. "See this piece of metal. As of right now, we are not married. I'll give you your freedom this very minute! You won't have to wait for Molly to rescue you." She threw the ring at him. It bounced off his chest and rolled on the floor, hitting the edge of the television. She whirled around, leaving him there.
Zachary was wise enough to stay put. He watched her storm off to her bedroom, mumbling some sort of profanity before she slammed the door with such gusto that he couldn’t help but flinch.
He sat up and leaned over to pick up the wedding band that Gillian had thrown at him. He twirled it around and wondered what he should do now. He had completely messed things up. As he came to his feet, he slipped the ring on his pinkie finger.
He went into the kitchen, stared at the chaotic array of dishes, pots, and pans in the sink and on the counters.
N
ot knowing what else to do, he decided to clean up. It was the least he could do after he had destroyed the beautifully planned evening.
He let the music on the disc player continue. It was relaxing music, but he didn’t feel the tension leaving him. He washed the dishes, hoping this would help matters. Then it dawned on him what Gillian had been doing—the candles, the special meal and the music. He realized all the trouble she had gone to, so that they could be alone together. She had tried to seduce him. The idea of it made him smile. She really did want him. Then he frowned. No wonder, she was so furious. He had rejected her. He
’d
humiliated her.
He dried his hands on the towel and leaned against the edge of the sink. How he wished it could be simple. He wished that he could ask Gillian to go back with him and live her life in his century. He ran his fingers through his hair still holding on to that thought. He then shook his head. It wouldn't be fair to her and he loved her too much to compromise her happiness
.
He switched off the CD player. He heard a scratching noise at the front door. He listened, wondering if it had been his imagination. He went over to the window and moved the curtain to the side. The porch light was on, so he could easily make out what had caused the racket. It was Molly. "No, not yet," he couldn't help saying for he wasn't ready to go back.
Molly looked at him as if she had understood his plea. She tilted her head to one side then barked once before she ran off into the night. Zachary wasn't sure what that meant, but maybe she did understand him and was granting him some more time.
Gillian tossed and turned all night plagued by dreams. She dreamt that she was lost and couldn’t find anyone. Then the man of her dreams was there to comfort her, but he couldn’t get close. He kept slipping farther and farther away. She dreamt that Molly came in the night and took Zachary away forever. She woke with a start, but the nightmare didn’t recede. She knew Zachary would go and she would never see him again. She hugged her pillow close, letting the tears flow down her cheeks.
Morning was a cruel greeting. Her eyes were puffy and her head ached. She wearily got out of bed. She headed for the bathroom. She didn’t want to face Zachary until she downed a couple of Tylenol capsules. She opened her medicine cabinet. She took two of the pills out, returning the bottle to its shelf. Then she proceeded to the kitchen for a glass of water.
As she swallowed her pain relievers, her gaze traveled over the spotless room. Everything was put away. The counters, table and stove were cleaned. Freshly brewed coffee hit her nostrils. She turned to look at the coffeepot on the counter. There was indeed a full pot brewed with her favorite coffee mug next to it and a note taped to the handle.
Why was there a note? She opened it with trembling hands and read the contents.
"Dearest Gillian,
I went with Jerry to take care of some business. I will be back as soon as I can. I made you some coffee. I hope it's not too strong. See you later.
P.S. Sorry about last night, please do not be cross with me. We may not have that much time left together. Molly has made her presence known.
Yours truly,
Zachary
"Molly was here?" A pain squeezed her heart. She knew she was going to lose him.
By the time Samantha brought Tyler home, Gillian was dry eyed and composed. Her headache lessened to a dull ache. She hoped Samantha wouldn’t question her, but that would be asking for a miracle. She would want all the details of last night’s events and Gillian was a horrible liar. She wouldn’t be able to hide her true feelings for long.
She was right. The moment Samantha laid eyes on her, she knew. "What went wrong?” were Samantha's first words out of her mouth.
Gillian led her into the
k
itchen, while Tyler turned on the TV to watch the morning cartoons.
Gillian poured two cups of coffee and handed one to Samantha. She slid the sugar bowl and the flavored hazelnut creamer toward her.
"So?" Samantha waived her hand for Gillian to continue as she pulled out a chair from the table and sat down. Gillian leaned against the sink.
"I'll make it simple. He didn't want me. Period. End of story."
"Oh, that cannot be true. I don't believe it. I've seen him look at you, Gillian. Let me tell you, that look is not of a platonic nature."
"Last night, it was." Gillian decided to sit down too. She took the creamer and poured a generous helping into her cup.
"Tell me from the beginning exactly what happened?”
"We had dinner. We talked— "
"Talked?" Samantha interrupted. "Talk serious or talk nonsense talk?"
"Both, I guess. We just talked. It was nice. Everything seemed to be going well. I turned on the music —"
"The music, I recommended?"
"Yes." Gillian was getting a little perturbed that Samantha was interrupting her with questions that were completely irrelevant to what had happened. "I asked him to dance."
"And did you?"
"Yes, we danced for a little while. Then he pulled away from me."
"Why did he do that?" Samantha exclaimed.