“No,” he said so softly the word all but floated along her skin like magical fairy dust, “it’s getting simple. Very, very simple.”
“No pun intended,” she breathed, mesmerized by the look in his eyes.
“None,” he assured her. His fingers curved along her throat, he tilted her head back.
And then he kissed her.
Again.
Just like the first time.
That same wild crash of thunder echoed in her head as he drew her up to him, holding her closely, his hands on her shoulders. That same delicious, intoxicated feeling spilled through her veins even as her adrenaline poured in from every source.
Her head was spinning and she made no effort to make it stop, made no effort to end the wild ride before it became too dizzying for her. With her whole body and soul, she wanted this, wanted to have him make love to her, with her, just one last time.
Maybe she was crazy; she didn’t know. But after all she’d been through these past couple of weeks, she felt she deserved a little crazy. And a little happy as well. No matter what else was involved, she did know this: Clay made her happy, if only for the moment.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, cleaving her body to his, igniting the fuse that was so short it was almost nonexistent.
Over and over again his mouth shifted over hers, kissing her from all angles, getting lost in the taste and feel of her.
But even as he assaulted her lips, he felt her smile against his mouth. He drew his head back to look at her uncertainly. “What?”
“You taste of cotton candy.” To underscore her point, she ran her tongue along her lips.
Clay could feel desire taking large chunks out of his restraint. “And you taste of everything I’ve ever wanted.”
She fell off the edge.
If there’d been any sort of hope left for her retreat, any chance of backtracking, it was gone now. Evaporated. The last of her resolve had melted in the heat of his mouth, in the heat of his eyes.
But mostly it had disappeared because of what he’d said.
Sealing her mouth to his, she kissed him hard and with every fiber of her being. And in one smooth movement, the captured became the captor. Her lips never leaving his, Ilene reached behind her and found the doorknob. She turned it and managed to open the door to her room.
The action registering on his fevered brain, Clay stopped for a moment and looked at her. Because it was Ilene, because he felt the things he was feeling, things he wasn’t about to put a name to, he held himself in check. One more moment and there would be no turning back. “Are you sure?”
She laughed softly as she looked up at him. “This is no time to interrogate the witness, Detective.”
“No,” he agreed. “Maybe not.”
The next moment he brought his mouth back down on hers and scooped her up in his arms.
Shouldering the door so that it opened wider, he carried her into her room, then eased it closed again with his back. He didn’t want the sound carrying, didn’t want to risk having anyone come out of their rooms to look for her, or ask questions about the outing. That was for tomorrow.
Tonight, at long last, was for lovemaking.
He placed her on the bed, wanting nothing more than to join her, than to be joined with her, but he still felt she needed a moment to think, to be sure, even though she’d said she was.
Even though he knew that if she changed her mind, he would most likely implode sometime during the course of the night.
Moving away from the bed, he went first to the adjoining bathroom and flipped the lock on the door, then to the door that led out into the hallway and repeated the action.
Amused, she raised herself up on her elbow. “Locking me in?”
“Just making sure Alex’s education doesn’t take a quantum leap tonight.”
He was being thoughtful. Damn the man, how was she supposed to ever work him out of her system when he continued to do things like this? He cared about her son, and being nice to Alex was the fastest way into her heart.
“Why?” she murmured teasingly to hide the very real case of nerves she was developing. Her eyes never left him as he crossed back to her bed. “Just what would he be learning?”
“That the birds and bees have got nothing on us.” Lying down beside her, Clay continued talking as he started to unbutton the front of her blouse. “That there are some things about being an adult that make the whole experience worthwhile, even though a lot of it’s just a huge pain in the—butt,” he said at the last moment.
She could feel her skin quivering as the buttons came out of their holes and the material parted, exposing her to him.
His hand slowly glided along her belly, creating havoc, bringing a strange sort of unsettling peace at the same time.
None of it made any sense to her. The only thing that mattered was that she was here with him and that they were going to make love.
Unable to remain passive any longer, she sat up and dragged his shirt from his torso. Tossing it on the floor, she covered his bare chest with her own, fusing her mouth to his.
The heat that erupted nearly singed them both.
It didn’t matter. She was where she belonged, where she’d always belonged. With everything she had ever endured, the only place that was home to her, that had ever
been
home to her was here, in his arms.
She meant to make the most of it.
Chapter 12
T
here was no containing his eagerness and no reason to. Whatever else had gone down between them, they had never played coy with each other, never pretended to be indifferent to each other. The attraction had sizzled between them from the very first.
Clay wanted to go slowly, even though everything inside of him raged for release, for that final, exhilarating moment when he was joined with her and the pinnacle was reached. But he also wanted to savor the moment, the journey.
Her.
So he undressed Ilene more slowly than the passions slamming against him demanded. He undid the button at her jeans, then slipped his hand inside, his fingers tantalizingly strumming along her belly as they dipped lower and lower until they finally reached the warmth, taking possession of her.
Ilene twisted and moaned against him, driving him insane with excitement, with desire.
The heat of her loins urged him onward, the heat of her mouth as she kissed his lips and face over and over sealed his fate.
Unable to stand the confines of her clothing any longer, Ilene took matters into her own hands. She wiggled out of her jeans, still moving against him, obviously driving him wild. She felt him grow hard wanting her. The feeling of power sent her head reeling.
“Damn, but I’ve missed you,” Clay muttered between gasps of breath that continued to grow shorter and shorter.
“Less talk, more action.”
It was an order, followed by a laugh as she scrambled to yank his jeans and briefs from his body, moving both aside with one determined swift jerk of her wrists. Before he could make a move, like a person driven she raced kisses along his torso, branding him, enflaming him even more than he thought was humanly possible.
But then, she’d always had that effect on him. Entirely unpredictable, making him forget everything but her while she was in his arms.
It was only after, when the twilight crept into his soul, that he remembered. Remembered that nothing was forever, that everything could be gone in a heartbeat, leaving behind only insurmountable pain. He’d seen it in his father’s eyes, seen it in his own reflection in the mirror after his mother vanished. Ultimately, that was what had driven him away from Ilene, the fear of loss. He told himself that if he never allowed himself to become too attached, then separation would never be a problem. He’d told himself that lie so often over the years, he’d begun to believe it.
But Ilene was back now, at least for the moment, and he meant to enjoy this to the fullest, enjoy her to the fullest. Before she was gone again.
It was hard to pace himself, reining himself in when she captured his senses and his body. Twice he’d felt himself tottering dangerously on the brink, especially when her cool fingers had cupped him possessively.
With monumental effort, Clay shifted positions until he was on top of her. Grasping her hands above her head and holding them in place with one of his own, he turned the tables on her.
The claiming began slowly. A kiss to each shoulder, to the outline of her collarbone, to the space between her breasts before he feasted on each one.
And all the while he worked his way ever inward and downward.
By the time he’d reached the hollow of her belly, she felt as if she was literally on fire and desperate to have him put it out.
Ilene wrapped her legs around his upper torso, arching her body against him. Craving release, craving the delicious sensations she hadn’t felt for so long. Because once he’d left her life, there had been no one else. She couldn’t let there be. Clay Cavanaugh had been the one love of her life, the one major disappointment. After he’d gone, she’d vowed never to be so exposed again.
But yet, here she was, exposed in more ways than just one. And she didn’t care. Not now. All she wanted was what only he could give her.
She felt his tongue caressing her, stroking the velvet softness. Biting down on her lip, she silenced the whimper that welled up within her throat as she felt the sensation building to a crescendo.
The first explosion racked her body even as the beginnings of the next one followed in its wake.
His mouth created wonderful upheavals within her body, exhausting her, priming her. Making her ready for him.
Ilene tried to follow suit, to make him as insane with desire as he’d made her, but she doubted he could feel the levels, the layers that she was experiencing.
It didn’t matter.
For this one moment in time, he wanted her; she could see it in his eyes. He wanted her more than anything and it was enough.
When she thought that there wasn’t an inch of her body that wasn’t completely exhausted, he came to her, and pulled himself into position. Looming above her, his eyes held hers as he drove himself inside of her. Ilene was so far enveloped with desire, she saw nothing else, felt nothing else, only him, only this feeling.
A bittersweetness hovered just beyond. Because it would be over, and when it was, the sadness would come. But not yet, not yet.
And when the final moment came, when their bodies rocked simultaneously, she tightened her arms around him, whispering his name against his ear. Whispering she loved him within her soul.
Slowly the passion subsided and the euphoria mellowed into a soothing murmur rather than a roar. He gathered her to him and kissed the top of her head. After the passion came a deep-rooted affection.
“You’ve gotten more agile.” He pretended to peer at her face. “Should I be jealous?”
What she did she did by instinct, because she was with him and he brought it out in her. “You never had anything to be jealous about.” She turned her face toward him, her cheek resting against his arm. “You were always in a class by yourself.”
“What about Alex’s father?” He’d promised himself not to ask, but he couldn’t help it. If Alex wasn’t his, then someone else had come after him. Someone else had made love with her, maybe even made her fall in love with him. Was that man as totally out of the picture as she’d said? “Was he in a class by himself?”
Yes, because he’s you.
“You might say that.” She rose up on her elbow to look at Clay. She didn’t want to be pulled into a discussion where she might trip up. “Look, I don’t want to talk about Alex’s father, or about any of the legions of women who came after me.”
“No legions,” he assured her. “Just pale, puny shadows, Ilene.” Slipping his hand beneath her head, he tilted it up so that their eyes held. He wanted her to believe him. “Nobody has ever meant anything to me but you.”
Ilene pulled her head back, away from his touch. “Don’t say things like that.” Hearing him made her want to believe him, and they both knew that was a mistake. “We both know this isn’t going to go anywhere.”
She was right, he thought.
Or was she?
Something within him protested, that she was making assumptions that might not be true. But he knew himself, knew that as much as he wanted her, being with Ilene ultimately scared him.
So he reverted to humor and used it to camouflage his feelings.
“Let’s see, the subject of your love life and mine are both closed and you don’t want me to tell you how you were always the only one. That doesn’t leave us very much to discuss.” He turned toward her, threading a strand of her hair through his fingers. He sniffed it without thinking, breathing in the herbal scent. “So what do we do with the rest of the night?”
She knew that look, delighted in that look and could feel herself reacting to it immediately. “I think we both know what we really want to do with the rest of the night.”
Her grin was broad, inviting. She was already shifting, bringing her torso even closer to his. He felt his body respond in direct proportion. “You always could read my mind.”
“Not your mind.” The excitement took hold as he pressed a kiss to the hollow of her throat. She wiggled a little, drawing his heat to her. “But other signs I got pretty good at reading.”
He smiled into her eyes before he kissed her again and wrapped the world around the two of them.
She couldn’t remember when she’d been happier with Clay. Even taking into account the time she’d spent with Clay when they were both far younger than now, she hadn’t been as happy as this.
For the first time in his life, her son was entrenched in the bosom of a real family, not the two separate factions that made up her parents and their spouses. Alex was thriving. She only had to look into his eyes to see it.
As for herself, there were no words to describe how she felt. Yes, professionally she was still standing on the edge of a huge abyss, but privately, it was another matter. She and Clay stole moments in the middle of the night, when he would come to her or she to him and then they would find their way to paradise together.
The days melted into one another, and another week passed. She knew that each day was a gift, but at the same time, each day only brought her closer to the end, to a time when all this would be over and she would have to return to her own life.
For now she was determined to savor this situation brought on by the worst of circumstances. It only went to show you, as she’d always tried to maintain, there wasn’t anything bad that happened that some good didn’t come out of it.
Right now that good was being with Clay again.
If her nights were filled with Clay, her days were kept busy in a different way. She worked on Andrew’s taxes, squaring away both the year that had come before as well as putting his current affairs in order.
“Don’t know what to say,” Andrew murmured, looking over the neatly printed pages she’d presented him with.
“You don’t have to. The look on your face says it all.”
“Damn, if you were twenty years older, or I was thirty years younger, I’d ask you to marry me.”
She’d smiled then, amused as well as touched. “I’m afraid you’d be too much man for me, Andrew.”
The look in his eyes told her that he knew more than either one of them was about to say. “In my day I might have been, but I leave that to the younger generation now, like Clay.”
He said no more, but things were understood.
Two of those days Ilene also went into the D.A.’s office. One to work with Janelle, who prepped her for her deposition, the other to actually give her deposition. Despite the fact that she had both truth and Janelle on her side, Ilene couldn’t help feeling nervous. Simplicity Computers’ legal counsel was the best money could buy. No less than six men and women from a top firm descended upon the proceedings, all of a single mind and purpose: to cast aspersions on her credibility.
While she gave her testimony, it felt as if the afternoon would never end. Eventually it did, but not before four and a half hours had gone by. Her mouth was dry despite all the water she’d consumed, and her body was utterly drained.
Twilight had begun to skirt around the half-emptied parking lot by the time she went to her car. She felt like a woman walking in her sleep. Until she saw him. Someone was standing by her car, indolently leaning against it.
Her heart climbed up in her throat, and she looked around to see if there was anyone else around, but there wasn’t. She hadn’t told anyone about the calls on her cell phone, the ones that uttered a few words of warning in her ear before disconnecting. She hadn’t wanted to worry anyone.
Was whoever was making those calls here now?
For a second she thought about hurrying back into the building. There was still a guard on the first floor. Maybe…
She looked again. The stance was familiar. And then she smiled with relief.
Clay.
She stepped up her gait, cutting the distance between them. “What are you doing here?”
He brushed his lips against hers before answering. “I came to give you moral support.”
She felt like sighing and leaning against him but didn’t want to seem like a clinging vine. Just knowing he was around made her feel stronger.
“You’re a little late for that, the deposition is over.”
“I know. I figured there was an outside chance you were in shreds right about now and might need a shoulder to lean on.” He’d been worried about her, but he knew how determined she was to stand on her own two feet. They both valued their independence. Sometimes too much so. “Don’t forget, I’ve been through the process myself a couple of times. Nothing lawyers like better than sinking their teeth into you for sport.” He could have saved himself the concern. “I hear you held your own.”
She’d only just now walked out of the conference room. Some of the unholy six were still upstairs, sitting around the table of torture. “How?”
Clay winked at her. “Oh, I’ve got my ways.” Then, because she looked as if she was ready to take a swing at him, he came clean. Draping his arm over her shoulders, he brought his mouth close to her ear and said, “Janelle came out before you. She said you got through it with flying colors, even though they tried to make you retract your allegations.”
Ilene was proud of herself for not folding, but it definitely hadn’t been easy. “So you’ve got spies everywhere I take it.”
He laughed and paused to kiss her. “Just about. Hey, it pays to be a Cavanaugh.” He kissed her again, then knew he was in danger of not being able to stop once he got started. Nothing seemed like enough with her. One taste led to another, one craving satisfied only gave way to a bigger one. He was already aching for her and nighttime still felt an insurmountably long ways away. “C’mon, I’ll take you home.”
She looked at the car he’d been leaning against. “What about my car?”
He’d meant in her car. Clay gestured toward it. “I’ll drive, you crash—no pun intended.”
Ilene took out her keys and handed them to him. “What about your car?” Now that she looked around, she realized she didn’t see it.
“At home.” He unlocked the passenger side, then opened the door. “I had Teri drop me off before she went on her big date.”
The choice of words intrigued her. She found herself wanting to know things about his family, about their daily lives. Wanting to be part of those daily lives. “Big date?”
But he shook his head. That was for another time. “Long story.” He saw the curiosity in her eyes. “I wasn’t really listening to her as she told me. I was thinking about you.”