Crime & Passion (38 page)

Madeline watched in shock as he filled the
cup and drained it a second time. He rarely drank, and never more
than a glass. “I shouldn’t have said anything,” she whispered. “I
didn’t mean to upset you.” She tried to hold back tears as she
watched him fill the glass a third time.

“It’s not your fault.” He raised it to his
lips, but didn’t drink. “I imagined tonight differently, that’s
all.” He shrugged, setting the glass on the table. “I thought Suzie
admitting what she did might change things somehow. Help us get to
where we need to be, but I’m afraid we can’t get there.”

“What is it you want?” She grasped his hand,
trying hard to keep the emotion from her voice so she didn’t anger
him further. “Talk to me. I’m confused.”

“I’m confused too. I thought I knew what I
wanted, but I only want it with the right person.”

Madeline’s breath caught in her throat. It
sounded like he was saying she wasn’t the person for him. That’s
what she’d feared all along. She shouldn’t pressure him into a
stronger commitment. Lindsey was right. “Please, Donovan, don’t
make any decisions right now. Let’s just enjoy being together. We
don’t have to talk about the future yet.”

He pulled his hand from hers. “I’m going to
pour you a bath and light some candles. You’ve had a long day.”

Now he was avoiding the issue. That scared
her even more. She had to fix things. Sex always worked with
Donovan. She stroked his arm lightly. “A bath would be nice—if
you’re joining me.”

He shook his head. “I need to think right
now. Besides, I know how you enjoy bathing. We’ll talk later. I
don’t want to spoil things for you.”

Madeline watched him walk from the room,
wanting to call out to him but so afraid to. He said he loved her,
but she couldn’t help but worry. Now that she was safe, would he
stick around or leave her like he’d left every other woman in town?
Did he realize she was getting emotional and it disgusted him the
way it used to disgust Cameron?

The only way he could spoil things was if he
ended their relationship. Is that what he contemplated?

She wiped the tears from her eyes, hating
that he made her so weak. She loved him so much. The thought of
losing him tore her up inside.

Scooping a big spoonful of fettuccine onto
her dish, Madeline wolfed down a few bites. She grabbed another
breadstick and sopped up sauce from her plate, gobbling it down. As
if by magic, another breadstick was in her hand. Madeline looked at
it, took a deep breath, and dropped it back into the basket.

What am I doing? Eating my way back to blimp
size without even finding out what’s going on?

Madeline pushed the plate away from her and
stood up, marching toward the bedroom. Even if he reacted like
Cameron, even if he made fun of her for saying she loved him, she
had to do it. She couldn’t let him leave without at least telling
him how she felt.

Donovan lit candles in the bathroom while
letting the water run into the bathtub as it warmed. Once done with
that, he engaged the plug, allowing hot water to fill the basin. He
grabbed Madeline’s apple-scented bathing oil from beneath the sink
and added a capful.

Mist filled the room. He faced the
steam-coated mirror and looked at his distorted reflection,
wondering what was wrong with him.

He tried to tell himself it was a good sign
Madeline hadn’t outright said she didn’t need him now and wanted
him to leave. There was still a chance she did want him with her.
It crushed him that she was so unresponsive, no matter what he
said.

If he broke down and asked if she loved him,
her answer wouldn’t seem real somehow, even if she said what he
wanted to hear. Donovan wanted her to tell him on her own, because
she really meant it, not because he expected it.

The bathroom door banged open and he spun
around, watching Madeline storm into the room. She walked to the
tub and turned the water off before looking at him.

“We have to talk,” she said quietly. “This
can’t continue.”

She twirled around and headed for the
bedroom, obviously expecting him to follow.

Afraid he might find her pulling clothes out
of the dresser and shoving them into his duffle bag, Donovan took
his time, blowing out the candles before joining her.

Madeline sat on the edge of the bed, one long
leg crossed over the other. Her high heel teetered on the end of
her toe as she shook her leg. “Please, sit.” She patted the
bed.

Donovan threw his shoulders back and strode
across the room, determined to at least look confident. He raised
his eyebrows but said nothing as he sat, waiting for Maddie to make
the opening gambit.

“I’ve been afraid to tell you something.” She
took his hand in hers and twined their fingers together, easing his
tension considerably. “Cameron didn’t encourage a lot of
communication about our relationship. I’ve been afraid I’d ruin
things by making the same mistakes I made with him.”

He sagged with relief. That didn’t sound like
she prepared to toss him out. Then again, she’d been so desperate
for marriage she’d been willing to marry Cameron. Donovan didn’t
want to be relegated to the same category of man as an asshole who
told her she was fat, didn’t let her eat, and cheated on her with
their maid of honor.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and then
covered the left side of her face with her hand, hiding her scar.
“Before you make any decisions about us, I have something to tell
you. You have to promise not to get mad.”

Donovan nodded, not daring to speak.

She leaned in and kissed him in a feathery
tickle, her lips barely touching his. “I love you, Donovan,” she
whispered in a shaky voice. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He rested his forehead against hers, closing
his eyes. Warmth spread through his chest, thawing the frozen place
where he’d tried to lock away his heart again in case she rejected
him. She loved him. That was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard
another person say.

Her hand tightened in his and she cleared her
throat. “You’re not mad, are you?”

The pleading tone in her voice struck him
like a blow. He opened his eyes, meeting her fear-filled ones.

After disentangling his fingers from hers,
Donovan framed her face with his hands. He pulled her close,
drawing her to him. Her mouth softened beneath his and she parted
her lips. Donovan slid his hands around her head, stroking her hair
against her back.

He broke off the kiss and separated slightly
from her. “Why would I be mad? I’ve been waiting for you to say
that since the day we met.”

She ran her thumb across his bottom lip and
he kissed the pad of it softly. Her brow furrowed and she licked
her lips. “Cameron said men didn’t want to hear that kind of
stuff.”

Donovan sighed. He should have known it had
something to do with that jerk. “Let’s get something straight
between us, okay?”

She nodded slightly. “What?”

“Assume everything that bastard said was a
lie and push his poison out of our relationship. There’s no room
for him in our house.” He kissed her again. “I don’t think of
myself as needy, but it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one in
love.”

“You actually want to hear it?”

He nodded. “More than anything! That’s what
I’ve been waiting for.”

“In that case, I won’t hold back. I love you
more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I can’t imagine being without
you.” She sighed and swallowed audibly. “I need you to tell me the
truth now.” Tears glittered in her eyes, making them brighter than
normal. Her hands went to her face, fingers tracing her scars.
“Does this honestly not bother you?”

He grabbed her hands in his, deliberately
kissing both her cheeks and then finding her mouth once again. “You
already know it doesn’t. I told you before, Maddie, I’d love you no
matter what. I understand my past makes you question everything,
but I’m not a liar.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to imply
you are. It’s just so hard for me to look at myself every day. Once
in a while I forget and think I look like I used to...” She bit her
lip and shrugged. “It makes me sad all over again when I pass by a
mirror and see it.”

“If it really bothers you that much, we can
try to sue Suzie and get the money for plastic surgery. If that
doesn’t work, we’ll save up the money and get it done. I’ll do
whatever it takes to make you happy.”

“And if I never get the surgery?”

“You’ll still be the sexy, sarcastic,
beautiful woman I fell in love with the instant we met.”

“That’s romantic.” She laughed and pushed him
away. “We were standing over a corpse. That’s your perfect recipe
for love?”

Donovan shrugged, getting to his feet and
stretching. “We cops learn to focus on what’s important.” He pulled
her up next to him. “Even with a dead body there, the important
person on that beach was you.”

“Flatterer.” She stepped into his waiting
arms, resting her head against his shoulder. “Sorry I waited so
long to tell you. I knew things weren’t right between us, but I
couldn’t figure out why.”

“It’s okay. I was being an ass. I should have
just told you what I needed.” Donovan kissed her softly. “Listen,
you’ve had a long day. Why don’t you go take that bath now? I’ll
put away the leftovers from dinner.”

“Don’t worry about cleaning up.” She rubbed
her cheek against his. “Come bathe with me instead.”

“How ‘bout a compromise?”

“I’m listening.”

“You go soak while I clean up. Then, I’ll
come in and wash your back when I’m done.”

She stepped away from him and tilted her head
sideways. “Maybe more than wash my back?”

He nodded. “Your wish will be my
command.”

“Oh! Like my very own genie?” She laughed and
walked toward the bathroom, her hips wiggling in a way that
motivated Donovan’s desire to hurry through the cleanup.

She stepped through the door and tossed a
glance at him over her shoulder. “Don’t be long. It might take a
while to fulfill all three wishes.”

***

Madeline turned off the lights and stepped
over the edge of the oversized jetted tub, the crown jewel of this
apartment and the reason she’d wanted to rent it. She lay down and
twisted the faucet to the off position with her foot, stopping the
stream of water. The heat seeped into her muscles, relaxing her to
an extra level. It was amazing how calm she felt, now that she knew
Donovan wasn’t preparing to leave.

She pressed the button to turn on the jets.
The scent of apples exploded around her and she watched the
candlelight make steamy shadows dance on the wall. The perfect
atmosphere to make love to the man she loved. It all made sense,
now that she knew her words were what he’d been waiting for.

Why she ever let anything Cameron said affect
her relationship with Donovan, she’d never know. Donovan was right;
her ex was a bastard. Marriage wasn’t
that
important,
certainly not important enough for any woman to stay with a man who
treated her poorly.

Madeline shuddered, remembering how things
had been with Cameron. She’d worked so hard for any recognition,
just a hint of love, only to be laughed at and shot down on a daily
basis. She didn’t know why she’d allowed things to go on so long.
Fear, she supposed. Fear of being Maddie McFatty and ending up
alone.

The door cracked open and Donovan slipped
into the room, closing it behind him. He’d taken off his shirt
before entering, and Madeline could just make out the smooth
muscles of his arms and chest in the wan light.

He crouched on the floor next to her, running
his hand through her hair. “You ready for that scrub down,
darling?”

She turned the jets off and nodded. “But only
if you’re climbing in to give it to me.”

His hand dipped into the water, lightly
brushing against her stomach and causing a tremor to go through her
body. Donovan smiled and leaned toward her, catching her earlobe in
his mouth and then working his way downward, laying a trail of
kisses across her neck. He slipped his hand upward and palmed her
breast. As his callused thumb brushed the surface of her skin, her
nipple tensed and begged to be touched again.

Giving a long sigh, she leaned her head
against the cool porcelain and thrust her chest out of the water
toward him. Donovan moved the kisses down her collarbone before
brushing his lips across her chest.

His hot mouth found the tight bud, sucking,
licking, and his teeth grazed it in just the manner she’d come to
love. Her heart pounded as Donovan’s hand skimmed across her
stomach, caressing lightly between her legs, never touching her
core of passion, but swirling through her hair, across her thighs,
back up her stomach. So close.

As relaxed as she’d felt before, she was now
on the other side of the spectrum—aching for him, hot with desire
and anticipation. His finger dipped down, making a light pass
against her clenched secret center.

“Yes,” she whispered.

He chuckled and lifted his face to hers,
plunging his tongue into her mouth, the delicious taste of him
filling her. His hand stroked her inner thigh, coming to rest above
her knee. “I better get in there with you,” he whispered as they
broke apart. “I’ll never get around to scrubbing your back at this
rate.”

“Who cares?” she asked, trying to calm her
erratic breathing.

Donovan stood and unbuttoned his pants.
Madeline’s eyes fixated on his hands as he slowly lowered the
zipper. His pants dropped and he shed his briefs, proving he was
just as ready to consummate their love as she was.

Madeline raised her hand out of the water,
stroking his thigh up to his hip. Goosebumps formed on his skin
beneath her touch. She loved that he wanted her, that his body
responded to her. Things were never like that for her before with a
lover. Donovan loved her with a scarred face and he loved her even
though she used to be Maddie McFatty. When it came right down to
it, all he ever saw was Maddie—the woman he was in love with.