Crimson Psyche (30 page)

“Yes,” I said softly, “I found one of the strands on your desk. That’s how we knew he had you.”

She stared out one of the large windows framing a panoramic view of snow-covered mountain peaks. “I was so afraid his plan would succeed, that he’d control you to the point where you’d do what he wanted. It almost worked. He’s incredibly powerful.”

Fear washed through me. “What do you mean? You said he
is
powerful. He’s been destroyed, hasn’t he?”

She brought her gaze to mine. “I don’t think whatever he is
can
be destroyed. He lost his connection to the physical plane when Maxie sacrificed herself before he could claim you, and I want to believe he’ll exist for millennia like that, as that abhorrent energy field we saw, unable to take form in our world... but he’s like no other. He defies everything I know about the laws of physics and the nature of vampirism. All we can do is strengthen and educate ourselves.” She took my hand. “I was serious about inviting you to my coven. We are a large circle of strong, dynamic witches, healers, seers and teachers. You need to acknowledge and sharpen your abilities.”

“Abilities?” I frowned. “I’m so tired of hearing that word, Victoria. I just don’t understand. I know I’m intuitive and empathic, but I don’t consider those to be special things. They’re normal, everyone has them to some degree. And I can see a few ghosts — but so what? What are these
powers
I’m supposed to have?” I paused, then said, “Hallow said I’m an emotional vampire.”

“Not powers,” Victoria said, shaking her head vigorously. “
Abilities
. Powers implies something beyond the range of the species.” She smiled at my confused expression. “You know, like comic book superheroes, shooting fire or webs from your fingertips, bending steel with your eyeballs, being able to fly, that sort of thing. You simply have an exceptional amount of your particular abilities. For example, everyone can sing, right?”

I was on safer ground now. I knew where she was going with the story because I’d used this example myself to explain intuition to clients. “Well, most people have average singing abilities, some can’t carry a tune to save their souls, and a few have extraordinary talent. It’s the same for everything: all vampires have the same abilities — mind-reading, teleportation, immortality — to a greater or lesser degree. Devereux has added talents thanks to his magical lineage, but none of those things are
powers
, per se.”

She sipped her tea. “People misunderstand witches, too. We’re often accused of having powers when we really have skills, abilities, talents, wisdom, and, in some cases, common religious beliefs. You told me you learned about Wicca in a comparative religions class in graduate school. See? Nothing strange about that.”

“Okay — but so what?” I still didn’t get it. “Being empathic and intuitive comes in handy with my work, but sometimes it’s a curse, sensing things I don’t want to know. What I don’t get is why so many vampires are interested in my so-called
abilities
?”

It was her turn to shrug. “I only know what Devereux told me. You’re a gifted human. That’s what he said when he first met you, that something about the level of your innate talents is unusual. He suspects that you’ve accumulated them over many lifetimes — a bit like adding chords to a basic melody.” She laughed at my expression. “Yes, I know, you’re not at all comfortable with the notion of reincarnation yet, but after all you’ve seen, isn’t it silly to resist something as widely accepted as past lives? Many ancient religions take reincarnation for granted.” She pointed a finger at me. “Put your Inner Scientist to work on it and do some research.”

I chuckled as she continued, “The way Devereux described it was that there’s something about the texture of your abilities that enhances him. You act like a crystal, concentrating and expanding energy — or maybe a tuning fork, holding all the notes in his aural spectrum. Ask him. He’ll tell you.”

“Crystals, reincarnation, vampires, wizards? Tuning fork? Aural spectrum? The texture of my abilities? How much more weirdness is there? I’ll be banned from the psychologists’ club for sure.”

She laughed, and laughed a bit more as my stomach growled loudly, and I realized I’d been sitting in front of all that delicious food without eating any of it. I helped myself to a bagel and some fruit and chewed thoughtfully for a few minutes. There was another question I hadn’t asked her yet.

“Before I killed Maxie and Hallow went wherever he went — I know—” I held up my hand in a ‘stop’ gesture in response to her mouth opening. “I know I didn’t kill her intentionally, but I
did
kill her. I have to accept that.” I sat up straighter, trying to calm my heartbeat and rein in my mounting anxiety. “But before that happened, you said something about me using his blood flowing in my veins. And Maxie said I drank more of his blood than I knew about. Since he’s gone, does that mean the effects of his blood are gone, too?”

I must have looked as frightened as I felt. “I wish I knew,” she said, smiling compassionately. “My guess is that whatever changes his blood made to your psyche, your physiology and your abilities will be permanent, but you’re still in charge of how they manifest in your life. I hate to sound like a broken record, but it’s Devereux you need to ask. He is the only one who could possibly advise you.”

She was right, of course.

We ate in silence for a few minutes and then she pushed her chair back from the table and stood. “I need to return to work — to take control of my life again.” She grinned. “I know I’m not irreplaceable, but things certainly do get chaotic when I’m out of the loop!” She rested her palm against the side of my face where Maxie hit me. “We’re in this together, my friend. We’ll figure it out.” She leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She limped slowly out of the room and headed to the elevator.

I topped off my coffee and sadly studied the beautiful scenery through the glass. Nothing would ever be the same for me. No matter what long-term effects Hallow’s blood had on me, I was different. I’d seen too much. Victoria had been right about that, too. I couldn’t hide behind my professional defenses any longer.

So many things had happened. Tom was dead, or in the process of becoming a vampire. Devereux’s addicted assistant, Luna, had proved to be less than trustworthy. My brief friendship with Maxie had ended tragically. I’d been the target of yet another mentally ill vampire, and he might still show up anytime. My blood was contaminated by something that had no logical description.

What if Devereux doesn’t have any answers?

***

After my talk with Victoria, I dressed in comfortable jeans and the blue blouse Devereux had painted in the mysterious portrait he had created of me some eight hundred years ago before driving back to my townhouse. I desperately needed to create some semblance of normality.

Rescheduling clients, answering e-mails, catching up on paperwork and doing household tasks filled the remainder of the late afternoon, and reminded me of life before vampires. I’d just poured myself a glass of wine and clicked on a rerun of a Harry Potter movie when Devereux appeared in my living room.

His face and body were flawless, as always, giving no hint of the ferocious battle he’d waged less than a day earlier. His shiny, platinum hair flowed down his chest, begging to be touched. He wore a snug aqua silk T-shirt, a perfect match for his flashing eyes. He was a total feast for the senses.

He opened his arms and I rushed into them, allowing myself to be held for a few seconds — to feel safe, to pretend the events of the past few days had been a bad dream.

We finally pulled apart and he cradled my face in his hands, leaned in and pressed his warm, soft lips against mine. I opened my mouth for him and he slid his tongue inside. A rush of heat flowed through my body, and my heart raced. It was so wonderful to simply kiss him because I wanted to.

He broke the kiss and stroked his hand along the colorful bruise on my jaw. I hadn’t even tried to cover it up.

“How are you?” he asked, his voice gentle.

“Better now.” I smiled and tugged him over to the couch. We sat silently for a few seconds while I avoided asking what I was afraid to hear the answer to. “What about Tom?” I said at last.

“We performed the ritual of transformation for him. I gave him my blood. What happens now is unknown. He will either pass through death and be reborn, or he will truly die. We will not discover the outcome until his soul makes its choice.”

“Thank you, Devereux.” Relieved, I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I know you wouldn’t have tried to save him if it weren’t for me.”

“There is nothing I would not do for you.” He smiled. “In fact, I wish to grant another of your wishes.” He stood in a fluid motion and extended his hand to me. “If you will indulge me?”

My expression must have reflected my doubts about whether or not I was ready for any more surprises, because he laughed. “All is well, truly. You will enjoy this.”

He extended his hand again and I took it, letting him pull me up from the couch.

“You might wish to wear a wrap. We are going to a high altitude.”

I just stared and he laughed again, his eyes sparkling. “Wait. I shall fetch it.” He vanished and was gone a few seconds before returning with my heaviest coat. He held it out, waiting for me to slide my arms in. I couldn’t figure out the danger, if there was any, so I did as he asked. My suspicious nature wasn’t likely to change any time soon.

“Excellent.” He slid his arm around my waist and we traveled, cold air flowing against my face.

We landed in an extraordinary room.

My mouth fell open as I scanned the immense space. I’d never seen anything so astounding.

It was a palace carved out of stone. Gorgeous paintings and beautiful tapestries adorned the walls, interspersed with colorful illustrated tiles and gemstone murals, Beautiful sculptures, some I thought might be very old, anchored the room. Plush rugs on top of some sort of thick matting softened the floor. The room was illuminated by tall candles in ornate holders. A spicy aroma wafted from incense-burners, and a fire blazed in a magnificent ancient fireplace. Classical music floated from invisible speakers.

My gaze was drawn by a huge gilded four-poster bed on one side of the room and a shiny black coffin on the other.

I moved around the cavern and had to swallow a few times before I could speak. “Where are we?”

“You wanted to know where I spend my daylight hours.”

Yes! He’s finally opening up.

“You live in a cave?”
Maybe he really is the vampiric Batman.

The corners of his lips curved. “No, not a cave, per se, although we are deep inside a mountain.” He waved his hand through the air. “This is my private place. It has been so for centuries. Sometimes I come here to be alone. Or to time-travel.”

Yikes. A time-traveling hideaway. I am so out of my league.

“Are we near Zephyr’s vampire library in South America? That’s inside a mountain, too.”

And what an incredible place — books, papers, antiquities and entire buildings stored in an area vast enough to boggle the human mind.

“Zephyr’s collection
is
amazing. But no, I created this fortress in what were formerly the Druid lands of my mortal birth in Europe.”

My throat tightened, holding back all the words I wanted to say. I was touched and flattered that he’d finally shown me his secret lair, overwhelmed that he was willing to be so vulnerable to me.

“Well, then I’d better thank you. This time for trusting me.” I peeled off the heavy coat and dropped it. Then I walked to him, looped my arms around his neck and kissed him.

He pulled me close and deepened the kiss.

We stood with our mouths pressed together for a couple of minutes before my head spun and I broke away. My heart pounded so fast and loud I could barely catch my breath. He smiled, well aware of my reaction and his ability to cause it.

He’s a walking aphrodisiac.

Needing a few seconds to regroup, I strolled over to the sleek black coffin. Even though he couldn’t entrance me any more under most circumstances, he still held the key to my libido. All the keys. But after my experience with the primitive part of myself, I was no longer sure what would happen if I let myself become overly aroused. It was definitely time to change the subject.

“Do you sleep in here?”

He joined me, caressing the smooth lid with his pale long-fingered hand. “Sometimes, if I am feeling nostalgic. Mostly I enjoy the comfort of the bed.”

“You use the bed if you have company?” I didn’t know why I asked that question, but since I had, my stomach tightened in anticipation of what he would say.

His expression darkened, his brows contracting in the middle. He took my hand. “I have never brought anyone here in all the centuries since I created this place. You are the first. The only.”

That stunned me. I encircled his waist with my arms and pressed myself against him. “I’m honored.” And I really was — honored and touched that he was willing to let me inside his defenses.

He kissed the top of my head. “I have wanted to bring you here since we met, but there was always one drama or another preventing us from taking time for ourselves.” He scooped me up into his arms and walked us to the bed. “Let us be comfortable.”

That sounded like a fabulous idea to me.

He deposited me into the exquisite softness of the multi-colored duvet, then quickly crawled on top of me. His soft hair tumbled onto my face before he flicked the sweet-smelling mane behind him and licked my lips with his warm tongue.

I opened my mouth in invitation and groaned.

We kissed for a long time, stroking each other’s bodies and shifting positions for better contact. Pressing our lips together triggered the same exquisite reaction I’d had before — the sensation of us melting into each other, body and soul.

Eventually he raised his head and gazed deeply into my eyes. “I want to make love to you.”

“Oh, yes!” I wiggled underneath him, causing his erection to twitch. This would be the perfect distraction from the insanity of the recent past. Surely I could enjoy our regular intimacy without losing control of myself. At least I hoped so.

Seconds crept by, but instead of getting on with things as I expected, he continued to stare at me.

“What?” He definitely had something on his mind. I hoped he wasn’t going to talk about that whole “mate” issue, because I wasn’t ready. He hadn’t been nearly forthcoming enough about that topic. I had no idea what I would be getting myself into, and until I did, there would be no more metaphysical ceremonies.

He kissed the tip of my nose. “You have been through a horrible experience. Your mind and body were taken over. By all rights you should be traumatized, but you appear calm. Are you repressing your true feelings?”

That was a good question. I thought for a moment. While it was true that I’d been numb and exhausted most of today, now I felt... neutral. Not depressed or anxious, as I might have expected under the circumstances. “Calm.” I said. “That’s a good word. I don’t think I’m repressing anything, and I’m usually pretty good at stuffing whatever I don’t want to face. Maybe because as terrible as it was to be under Hallow’s control, he never really made me do anything totally outside my nature. I was simply an uninhibited version of myself, and I probably needed to cast off some of my introverted shackles, anyway. I actually feel pretty steady.”

“Perhaps that is Hallow’s influence, as well. His blood.”

“Maybe. I don’t have a clue about how he changed me long-term. I won’t pretend to be blasé about that, but for tonight, I’m glad to be here with you and am ready for some up-close-and-personal time.”

“That is music to my ears.” He sat up, pulled off his boots and tossed them onto the floor. Then he stood and gazed down at me, an unfamiliar — almost hungry — expression on his face. “Since that is the case, I would like to share something new with you.”

“New?”
What now? More paranormal delirium?
“Well, don’t keep me in suspense.”

He gave a slow blink. “I was recently surprised and pleased to discover that there is a lustful part of you that enjoys being restrained. That appreciates sexual games, and likes to play... rough.”

My cheeks warmed. Even though I hadn’t sorted out those desires yet — or the sexually aggressive part of me that liked that sort of thing — I couldn’t deny them. If he only knew what I
really
fantasized about. At least he wasn’t inviting more naked vampires to perform a ritual around the bed. I hoped. “That’s true. I was surprised by those urges too.”

He tugged his shirt over his head, and threw it across a chair, baring his sculpted, smooth chest. “And were you pleased?”

Even without the enticing view of his muscles, the sensuous tone of his voice sent shivers down my body. My nipples hardened and my toes curled. I sat up. “The jury’s still out about that. Why?”

He lowered his voice. “You have often mentioned the fact that I am domineering and
bossy
.”

“Yeah, so? I think everyone who knows you would agree with that.”

“Are you familiar with dominance and submission?”

“What?”
Yikes!
My brain froze, but my traitorous body immediately reacted, becoming so acutely turned on that my breath caught.

“Breathe, Kismet,” he whispered.

I blew out a deep breath and tried to calm my pulse. “Dominance and submission?” Totally flummoxed by my own dissonant emotions, I gave a hysterical laugh. “Is that a new video game?” I began practicing the mental hum so I wouldn’t blurt out any more ridiculous words. Cerridwyn’s mystical sound-healing tool came in handy, not only to keep vampires from damaging my brain, but to relax me.

“Answer me, Kismet.” His voice shifted subtly and now held a dangerous edge. “Do not deflect. Are you familiar with the terms?”

I cleared my throat and licked my suddenly dry lips. I’d seen Devereux in his Lord and Master persona many times, but there was something extra dark and unsettling about his behavior now.
What’s up with him?
“Yes. I have many clients who explore the lifestyle.” I sat up straighter. “Why are you talking about this?”

“I am excited to unexpectedly be in a position to talk about it.” Charm once again permeated his tone. “Until the events of the last week, I had not given much thought to the topic. Previously, you gave no indication that you were interested.” He combed his fingers through his hair, pushing wayward strands back from his forehead. “As it turns out, I have quite a bit of experience as a dominant — a
dom
. My need to control is likely why I chose to be a master vampire. I find the role enjoyable and arousing.”

Oh. Shit. A dom.
My brain sputtered. Devereux’s secrets were apparently endless. “What’s this got to do with you saying you want to make love to me?” As if I didn’t know.

“I thought it might be time for us to push the boundaries of our sexual relationship, since you have opened the door, so to speak.”

Push the boundaries? Terror and excitement wrestled for control. “What does that mean, exactly?” Why was I being coy? I knew precisely what he meant.

He gave a wicked grin. “It means I would like to tie you up, have passionate sex with you, and then partake in a little blood-play. And I would like you to struggle. Merely a simple introduction to another level of pleasure. If you are emotionally able, that is.”

I sucked in so much air, I bent over in a coughing fit.

He watched as I hacked, then moved to a nearby cabinet and retrieved a bottle of water. “Drink this,” he ordered.

“Thanks.” I took the bottle and drank. Oh. My. God. This was a dream and a nightmare all at the same time. It was true that my sexuality had recently ratcheted up a few notches. Okay, so more than a few. But what would happen if my Inner Nympho took over and humiliated me? How could I ever look Devereux in the eye again if I made a fool of myself? He’d never be able to respect me. Besides, I knew very little about dominance and submission, really, just some basics. I hadn’t even read any of the recently popular books.

And what about my professional reputation? Who knew what would happen if I didn’t keep my newly uncovered desires on ice?

“Are you all right?” He’d reclaimed his gorgeous fallen angel demeanor.

I coughed a couple more times to clear my throat. “Yes, I think so.”

He held his hand out for the bottle and I gave it to him. He set it on a table.

“You can, of course, decline to participate. The submissive always has the power in the interaction. She — or he — sets the tone. If you are not ready for this level of exploration, we can revisit it in the future. But I must admit I have been eager since you introduced me to your more prurient aspect.” He watched me for a few seconds, then popped open the button on his waistband.

My eyes followed his hand as it slid down the outside of his zipper, stroking his erection through the leather.

Moisture pooled between my legs and I swallowed loudly.

“Would you like to play with me?” His blue-green gaze bored into mine, spellbinding beyond tolerance.

Another wave of heat rippled down my body. In all the times Devereux and I had been romantic, he’d never been so blatantly sexual, so
raw
. Sweat broke out on my forehead, my heart kicked powerfully against my ribs and my muscles clenched. If I got any more aroused, I’d burst into flames.

“Play with you?” I took some deep breaths. “What did you have in mind?” My imagination had already dived into the deep end of the pool. If the reality proved to be better than my visualization, I might not survive.

His lips spread in a slow, devilish grin. He glided over to a large brass trunk and opened it. Bending down, he retrieved something from inside and walked back to the bed. “I will show you.” He held out several lengths of black silk rope.

I eyed the bindings, anticipating what was coming.

“I will restrain you. If you give permission.” He watched me, twisting one of the ties in his hands. “We will begin slowly and gently. You may tell me to stop at any time.” He studied me for another moment, frowning. “Something troubles you. What is it?”

I hated to rain on our parade by bringing in reality, but I had to be honest with him. “As exciting as your suggestion sounds, I don’t imagine it’s something a psychologist ought to be doing.” I tried to visualize my oh-so-respectable therapist Nancy in handcuffs or suspended from the ceiling and couldn’t. She wouldn’t act out like that, would she? Wasn’t there something...
wrong
... about it?

“Why ever not? Are you first a woman, or a professional?”

I actually had to think about that for a few seconds, since I’d never made the distinction before, which was an odd realization. I’d mostly thought of myself as the latter. But I wanted to change that. “A woman. Definitely.”

“Well, then...”

Maybe I’d regret opening this particular Pandora’s Box, but for now, the entire inner team was cheering. There was no reason to pretend his suggestion wasn’t outrageously tempting. “I won’t be telling you to stop.”

He snapped his fingers and several of the candles in the room extinguished, leaving the bed in shadows. “I was hoping you would say that.” He stepped back and dropped all but one length of rope. “Take off your clothes,” he ordered, now fully in his
dom
role, his voice a deep rumble.

Burning to oblige, I jumped up on the bed, peeled off my shirt and bra and tossed them onto the floor. Watching his hot gaze skim my breasts made me moan. Pleasure chills cascaded along my skin and suddenly, all I wanted to do was leap on him, pull him onto the bed and have my way with him. “Wait. Who says
I’m
the submissive? Why not you?”