I glance down at mine. It’s nothing special. “Target, I think.”
“No, sugar, not yours.” She points her fork at Liam. “Yours.”
He grins, his eyes lighting up. “In Portland, a place called Uptown Clothing Emporium.”
She nods. “Oh, wonderful. One of my sons lives in Beaverton. I’ll have to ask him to make a trip into the city.” She smiles at us again and then goes back to eating her dessert. Meanwhile, her husband just shakes his head.
On our way out, the host slips me a card for half off our next dinner bill. “I hope you come back. Sorry about your server.”
Liam shrugs. “Thanks for being so cool, man.”
This time Liam holds the door open for me, taking my hand as we walk outside. The clear weather from our walk to the restaurant has flown the coop and the sky is now sprinkling down rain. Instead of hurrying back to my house, though, Liam stops me in the middle of the sidewalk and draws me into a kiss.
He twists his fingers in my hair, gazing into my eyes. “I couldn’t do this without you.”
“I know,” I tease, encircling his waist with my arms. “Aren’t you glad you almost smashed my face in on the first day of class? Just think where you’d be if that’d been India.”
He bites his lip and gives me a half-cocked smile. “Serendipitous, indeed.” Liam touches my cheek, his eyes going sad behind his thick lashes. “It’s too bad break has to end and we have to go back to being the girl who thinks she’s invisible and the boy who wishes he was.”
I cover his hand with mine. “What if we didn’t? What if we just carried on this way? It seems dumb to move backward.” I squeeze his fingers. “Also, you should move in with me and Elizabeth. You’re at our house all the time anyway. If we’re doing this, let’s go ladyballs out.”
He takes a stuttered breath and tears up. He moves our hands over his heart and leans his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. “I couldn’t love you more, Dani. You’re the perfect woman for both halves of me.”
Our first walk across campus to the theatre building is accompanied by a lot of curious stares and covered-mouth giggles. I hold onto Liam’s hand and keep my eyes on the path in front of us. His shoes tap out a hurried rhythm as we walk.
His sweaty palm squeezes mine. “If this is too much…it might be too much.” He looks at me out of the corner of his eye. “I have a change of clothes in my backpack.”
“Oh, ye of little faith,” I tease, pretending like people’s mouths aren’t dropping and they’re not giving us a wide berth on the sidewalk.
“I’m meeting a prospective student before my shift at RUMORS tonight, and it just didn’t seem fair to distract poor Johnny with my appearance.”
I chuckle. “I can see your point. I find it hard to do my homework when you’re around, too.”
Liam smiles. “Yeah, but I
like
driving you to distraction.”
We both relax a little bit as we near the theatre building. Something about being surrounded by people who aspire to play dress-up for a living – I get the feeling that they’ll help make Liam’s transition to Lee a lot easier.
“Hey, JellyBean,” Ursula says, coming up opposite of Liam and linking arms with me. “Who’s your fri—” She stops cold, dragging us to a standstill. “For. Fuck’s. Sake. Liam Garrett, you’re a hot tranny!”
Liam closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I actually prefer to be called a cross dresser, Ursula, but, uh, thanks for the near compliment.”
She slaps me on the arm, with a level of excitement only she can muster. “You know I love you, Dani, but you just got a whole
hell
of a lot more interesting.” Ursula finally releases my arm and mimes pulling her hair out. “Gah! What a couple of pervs you two are. I love it! So surprising.”
I reach out and wrench her into a hug with my free arm. “Now, if everyone else can react in this exact way, our day is going to be awesome.”
“I could maybe do without being repeatedly called a perv,” Liam says, smirking.
I roll my eyes at him. “Pick your battles.”
Ursula rests her head on my shoulder. “I want to know
everything.
” She blatantly eyes Liam’s crotch. “Where you packin’ your package is the first question that comes to mind.”
Liam starts walking, pulling Ursula and me behind him. “C’mon, Dani and I are going to be late for class. Urs, I promise to let you get me drunk and ask all the questions you want on another day when I’m not, y’know, unveiling my alter ego.”
Ursula whistles. “Your ass looks fab in that skirt.”
X
I almost get my wish. Most of our classmates in the theatre department not only embrace Lee, but they rally around the idea of such a popular, attractive guy living an “alternative” lifestyle. Less is said about me, to me, in regards to my participation in that lifestyle, but India, blunt as usual, sums it up by looking us up and down, smiling and then saying, “Of course.”
Lee changes back to Liam for his tutoring session, but shows up to work at the club as Lee and naturally, they all think his transformation is epic. Nota claims to have known it all along.
By the end of the week, our cross-campus walks have improved, although I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve toughened up against the stares and whispers or if the stares and whispers have lessened.
“All right, my lovelies,” Maren says. “Today I’m going to pair you up with new scene partners, but first one of our directing grad students, Rebecca Bloomquist, wanted to make an announcement.”
Rebecca gets up from the front row and waves at us. She’s whip thin, with a jet black flat top, and is wearing a leather motorcycle jacket and boots.
“She’s like a badass Tinkerbell,” I whisper to Liam.
He makes the sign of the devil and sticks out his tongue.
“Hey guys, like Maren said, I’m Rebecca. I’m directing a show in the Round this term that I’ve written myself. It’s experimental. It’s weird. I like to think of it as an identity acid trip. Auditions are this Saturday – all cold readings. I’m really looking forward to how each individual actor interprets what I’ve written. Just a heads up, not that I think anyone in this class or this department, frankly, will have a problem with it, but I’m casting all the roles in drag. I was hesitant in this choice until your fellow actor, Lee,” she gestures to Liam who blushes and looks down, “showed courage in
her
choices. Then I knew I had to respect that vision.” Rebecca leans forward over by the chairs and holds up a sheet of paper. “More info will be posted on the board in the hall upstairs.”
India turns around and shakes her head at us. “Well, there goes another lead role. Congrats, ‘Lee’.”
“You did not just air quote my boyfriend’s lady name.”
She snorts. “Do you even know what you’re still doing with him? He’s repulsive.”
I go to get up out of my seat and Liam puts his hand on my chest to stop me. “India, you don’t have anything to worry about from me – I have no acting ambitions whatsoever. Now, the fact that Dani will most definitely get the lead again because she’s awesome and beautiful and deserves it, you should probably worry about that.”
“If you three are done having a pow-wow in the back there,” Maren trills, “it would be great if you could join us on stage.”
We walk down, India going to one side of the stage and Liam and I to the other.
“Excellent,” Maren says. She looks at the clipboard in her hand. “Cassandra, you’re with India.”
Liam ends up with one of the Jakes and I get Old Steve. We line up face to face across the stage and warm up together. I don’t want to make him laugh with my kabuki lion face nearly as much as I did with Liam, but Steve’s not so bad. At least he can act. Liam’s Jake is a nice guy, but also not so interested in acting. He’s a techie too, good with building props. He built an amazing piano for the main stage show last term. After this term, he doesn’t have to take another acting class again. Liam is sure to make it memorable.
Maren passes out the first round of scenes for us to perform at the end of next week. Steve and I thumb through it and I immediately note the
They kiss
in the stage directions again. I look up at him nervously, seeing his thumb is under the stage direction, marking his place like he’s just read it too.
“Don’t worry,” he jokes, “I’ll make sure I’ve had a close shave and borrow some of my wife’s lip gloss on performance day so you can really get into the scene.”
I glare at him. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like? You seem to be a nice girl who’s gotten in over her head.” He holds his hands up defensively. “Just my observation, of course.”
X
“I’m getting really tired of everyone questioning our motives for being together. First I’m not good enough for you, and now you’ve somehow taken advantage of my Golly Gee Midwestern innocence or something.” I toss a pillowcase at Liam and he stuffs his pillow in it, propping it up against the headboard on his side. The only piece of furniture that made it into the ’plex from his apartment was the couch. The rest is in storage backstage at the club.
“I know it’s frustrating,” he says, refolding the quilt at the foot of the bed, “but as long as we know why we’re together, what other people say doesn’t matter.”
I flop down on the bed. “You really believe that?
He climbs on and curls up next to me, sliding his arm under my neck. “It was two years before I told Ari I loved her, and even then I said it because it was expected, not because I was one hundred percent sure. All that we’ve been through? I never once felt or did anything because I had to. I know that I love you and I don’t need to explain it to anyone.”
I roll over and rest my cheek on his chest, his cashmere sweater soft against my skin. “But you’d explain it to me if I asked, right?”
He nods, a grin crawling across his mouth. “You want that in list form, haiku, or rap?”
“Sonnet.”
“How do I love thee, let me count the ways. That’s all I got. You really should’ve chosen rap.”
I pinch the side of his butt. “A list will do, MC Garrett.”
He kisses my forehead. “You’re smart.” He presses his lips to mine, pushing me onto my back. “You’re funny.” His mouth slides over to the spot on my neck. “You’re sexy.” Liam unbuttons my shirt and spreads the front open. He plants a soft kiss in between my breasts. “You’re kind.” He slides down my body, pushing my shirt up and kissing my stomach just below my belly button. “You’re giving.” He settles his body between my legs.
I run my fingers through his hair, his real hair not the wig, and wrap my legs around his waist. “No, you’re giving,” I say.
My stomach chooses this moment to sound like a cement mixer spinning its barrel.
Liam laughs, unwraps my legs from around his waist and sits back on his heels. “You’re hungry.” He takes my hands and pulls me up to sitting.
“I have to admit that, yes, I’m starving…but I can wait.”
“You know I like to take my time,” he says grinning. “Besides, we need to carbo load for auditions tomorrow.”
X
I let the door to the Little Theatre fall closed and make a beeline toward Liam. He stands up from the spot where he was sitting on the floor, a smile on his face.
He pulls me close and I sling my arms around his neck.
“You killed it, didn’t you?” he asks.
I nod against his neck. “It felt good. I know I did my best.”
Liam kisses my forehead. “Awesome. Buy you a celebratory coffee?”
“Definitely.” I realize he’s been holding my purse for me and I take it from him. “You know the five thousandth reason being your girlfriend is great?”
He grins. “What?”
“You aren’t embarrassed to hold my purse
and
said purse also matches your outfit.”
He nods. “Not every woman can say that.”
“Too true.”
We head down the hall past other actors meditating and silently mouthing the lines to their cold readings.
“Lee?” Rebecca says from behind us, poking her head out of the Little Theatre.
“Hey, Rebecca,” Liam says, giving her a wave.
“You’re not auditioning?” She’s not even trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. “I was surprised when I didn’t see your name on the call sheet.”
Liam shrugs. “I’m really more of a behind the scenes guy. Dani’s the actor.”
Rebecca smiles at me. “A fine one at that, but I’m not going to lie, your coming out was a real inspiration to me and my vision for the show. I’d really like to hear you read.”
“She’s pretty much telling you that you have a part,” India says, flipping her hair as she walks by.
I grin and kiss him quick. “Do it. Screw the comfort zone, Lee.”
Liam takes a deep breath, sets his jaw, and follows Rebecca back into the theatre.
“Get pissed, Dani! I need that fire I saw in your audition,” Rebecca says from downstage. She’s squatting low with her forearms resting on her thighs – more like a coach than a director.
“I’m sorry,” I say, rolling my shoulders. We’ve been working this scene all night and I just want to give up, take a break, take a nap, something. But there’s no giving up in theatre. You dig deep and turn your exhaustion into energy. You
act
like you’re into it until you are.
“C’mon, Dans, let’s run it again.” Liam kisses my temple and then slugs me on the arm.
“Ouch, fucker,” I say.
He grins and backs away from me making a “bring it” gesture with his hands.
“Go!” Rebecca shouts and then watches us intently.
I charge Liam and grab him by the front of his pink cardigan. “Where have you been? I must have texted you a hundred times. Why the fuck weren’t you answering me?”
He puts his hands over mine and tries to push me off of him. “I was at Lisa’s house. I’m sorry. I must have had my phone off.”
“You lying to me, bitch?” I yell, ripping my right hand from his grasp and hauling back like I’m going to punch him.
I’m going to punch him.
“Follow through!” Rebecca says.
I’m not looking at Liam or Lee. I’m seeing my before self. Cowering, self-hating, worthless Dani who thinks she deserves to be called a bitch. And I want to punch her lights out. I want to knock some sense into her.