Crossing Lines: A gripping psychological thriller (Behind Closed Doors Book 3) (22 page)

Suddenly, I know why I no longer feel lost or alone when she’s around. Why, since meeting Julia, my life has seemed whole once again. Why I feel like I can achieve anything. Why L.A. feels more like home than anywhere else I’ve been in the last twenty years.

It’s because of Julia. I hang off her every word. My heart bumps when she smiles. My inner warrior wants to slay her demons, when I’ve never wanted to take the front line with any of my patients before. It’s their battle. I’m not crossing a boundary I’m not allowed to as a doctor, because I’m way deeper into the forbidden territory than I ever should be. I'm in trouble.

“You're not capable of hurting me, Darryl.”

“I am,” I admit, hoping to push her away.

“No.” Her hair falls into her eyes as she denies me. “You're not.”

I brush the fallen strand from her eyes with the back of my hand. My fingers linger just beneath her ear as I tilt her face to look at me. Her tongue slips over her lips, drawing my attention to them. I’m tempted to taste them too.

“D?” She sways, and suddenly she’s too close. Dangerously close to me. “You'd never hurt someone you love.”

But I did.
My eyes close. I try to block the memory of Izzy’s scared expression. I fall forward, my forehead connecting with a cool, soothing surface as I trap Julia between my body and the wall once again. “Sometimes, scars are not physical.”

“What do you mean?”

“I hurt her,” I confess, “I wanted her to feel the way she’d made me feel.” My breath shudders as the memories begin attacking me from the inside, threatening to drag me back into the darkness. I hadn't meant to grab her. I’d only wanted her to go away, but she wouldn't. She kept screaming at me. “I grabbed her harder than I thought, and then I pushed her away.” That had been when I had realized where we were, and what I'd done to Izzy to get her there. “Then I tried to walk away.” I’d slammed the bathroom door between us, because I wasn’t at all sure I wouldn't hurt her if she pushed me further. “I just wanted her to understand how much her lies hurt.”

“Your wife?”

“Yes… my
ex
-wife.” My cheek now brushes against Julia's as I nod. “She told me I was a failure as a husband, and as a father, and that I couldn't shut her out and treat her like she meant nothing to me.”

The memory of her physical onslaught, of her fists pounding into my shoulder as I lost control, forces me to halt my confession. My own roar shatters through the memory and Izzy’s cries fade into a vision of blood. “I punched the mirror in our bathroom,” I confess. “She screamed, and I saw it when I looked at her. She was terrified of me. I think she still is. That’s something that will haunt me forever.”

“Is that why she left you?” Julia’s voice is barely above a whisper.

“She didn’t leave me.” I was so ashamed of Izzy’s fear, I couldn't bring myself to look into Julia’s eyes now. “We… we were trying for a baby.”

“But I thought you didn’t want one.”

“I didn’t know that was what we were doing then, and when I caught her, I threw her out.”

“Oh.”

“We got a quickie divorce. Our twenty years together was erased inside of three months, because I was too angry to speak to her, or let us move past it. I’m worth millions, Julia. She could have taken me to the cleaners in the divorce, and I wouldn’t have cared, just as long as I didn’t have to speak to her. It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t angry at Izzy. I was angry at myself, for coming that close to hitting her.”

“But she didn’t fight for you?”

“No.” That had been a relief to me at the time. “The truth is, I don’t know what I’m capable of, and I can’t… I won’t take that risk with someone I love.”

“Oh, Darryl.” She wraps her arms around my neck. She comes up on her tiptoes to press her entire body against mine in a full-bodied embrace. “That's awful. She didn’t deserve you,” she whispers.

“But isn't that how it starts? A push, in a blind rage, a firm grip to make her listen, then just a little bit harder, an offensive name as your temper spikes? You don't mean for any of it to happen, and you don't realize how much damage you're doing at the time, but it's still there.”

“Darryl.” Her voice sounds rough as she shakes her head against my shoulder. “I would have fought for you.”

What does that mean? Does she feel this connection too? I don't want to pull away, but I need to see her eyes. I need to know for sure.
“Do you know how many kids end up in this cycle? I can’t let that happen to my family.”

“I
am
terrified of my husband, D,” she admits and her eyes fill with tears. “The difference between you and Wayne is, you sent away the woman you love. You've isolated yourself from the rest of the people in your life, rather than risk ever hurting them again.” She takes my cheeks in her palms, “And that is why
I
know
you'll never hurt me.” She stares into my eyes, like it’s the only thing she’s certain of in the entire world. “You'd push me away before you'd hurt me.”

I close my eyes, because I can’t bear the way she’s looking at me. It’s as though she thinks I’m some kind of hero. I’m not, not by a long shot. I know this now more than ever before, because she’s too close and I don’t think I can resist the temptation to kiss her.

I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone as much as I want to kiss Julia, not in my entire life. She makes me want things I can’t and shouldn’t have. Beyond the kiss I'd die for, I want a wife and I want a family, and I want it with Julia.

But kissing Julia will land me in serious trouble, and there isn’t anyone to bail me out now. I’m the master of my own destiny, and way out of my depth here. I’ve crossed lines I shouldn’t have. I’ve over-shared my life with my patient, and fooled myself that these errors were necessary to build trust. She‘s still my patient, and she's still married.

“I’m not going back, D.” When I open my eyes, I have every intention of creating distance between us. But everything I feel, every wrong decision I want to make, is reflected in her eyes. “My marriage is over.” She pushes up from her toes and presses a gentle kiss against my lips… and the world stops turning. My stomach drops. My heart beats at double speed, and I’m lost to the breathtaking, sweet sensation of her lips against mine.

I step forward and into the heady rush of feeling Julia’s entire body pressed against me. She tastes like nothing I’ve ever tasted before: a mixture of apple and cinnamon, with the scent of vanilla in her perfume swelling around me. I know this is a flavor sensation I'll never experience again. I can't resist her any longer.

With a half-groan/half-mumble of her name, I return the kiss. Her fingertips twist into my hair and she rewards my demand by pulling me closer, taking the kiss deeper. My hands sweep along the edge of her curves as I work my way upward, until I hold both of her cheeks in my palm.

I want her so badly that it hurts and, even though I know this is doing irreparable damage to our relationship, I shift the angle of our kiss, coercing her to open up and allow me inside. Instant gratification bursts as our tongues dance together. Julia’s pleasured hum vibrates against me, and I’m lost to the dizzying heights of a pleasure I’ve never felt before, yet somehow I know this is the place I’ve been heading toward for my entire life.

As long as Julia is here, I’ll never feel lost again.
And when her fingers twist the buttons on my shirt, I don’t refuse the invitation. I don't stop to think. I can't. Nothing has felt more right in my entire life.

Chapter Fifteen

HOW MANY TIMES
have I been taught that life is too short? How many times have I been taught to make the most of every opportunity before it’s taken from you? How many times have I been taught that everything can be lost in a split second? Maybe I’ve finally learned those lessons?

I sweep away the hair concealing Julia's silvery eyes. Her cheek turns into my palm. Her lashes flutter as I lazily trace her bottom lip with my thumb. I’m tempted, so tempted, to kiss her again.

“You said it was the hormones.” I barely hear those hoarse words as she stares at my bare chest. “This is wrong,” she murmurs, before her timid hands explore my abdomen, sucking the air from my lungs. “It’s inappropriate, and awkward.” She shudders. “But I needed to know for sure.”

Her fingers tremble as they skitter over my chest. My name passes between her lips, and I’ve never heard anything as tender or as caring in my life. Once again, I tuck the rogue strands of hair behind her ear, because if I don't do something with my hands they’re going to turn into the fumbling digits of a teenage boy and begin groping her in some very indecent places.

I turn her face up to mine.
She’s right. This is wrong. I know there are a thousand things wrong with drawing her closer, but it’s now or never.
I dip my head. My lips caress hers, just a brief gentle touch as her eyelids flutter to a close, as she brings her hand to my cheek, pulling me closer.

My fingers slip into all of that lovely blonde hair. I cradle her head in my hands. Everything and everyone else is forgotten as her lips part. My mind spins. My skin burns where her touch lingers. Still, she isn't close enough, because I
want
her.

Her name passes between us in the moment’s pause for breath. I feel like I’m soaring, spiraling, diving, twirling, and I’m going to explode if I don't taste her again and again. So I do, and yet it isn’t enough. I want more, because she kisses like no other woman has ever kissed me, and I don't ever want to let that go. She’s the fire burning through my bloodstream. She's everything.

“Julia, I—”

My intention is to stop, but it’s lost as her lips claim mine once more, gently molding our mouths together, as though hers was made just for kissing me. The thought threatens to shred what little resolve I have, because it makes perfect sense to me. Everything makes perfect sense at this moment.

The neat, oversized bed with all those inviting throw pillows calls to me, almost begs me, to carry her over there and mess them up. But I know I’ll never stop once I have her there, so instead I tear away from the kiss.

“A guy can only take so much, Julia,” I tell her breathlessly.

“It's not the hormones, Darryl.”

“But I want…” I let my words drift; from the desire in her eyes, I know she wants it too. “And we can’t…”

“We shouldn’t…” she agrees, and then sucks me into temptation all over again.

I kiss her and for a few brief moments I let my heartbeat soar. I gather her into my arms, wrap her legs around me, and push her up against the wall, making certain she knows exactly what I want. Her heated murmurs against my lips are all the encouragement I need to accept that fate has brought me to a cliff edge. I jump right off it and turn us toward the bed. As I lay her beneath me, I decide to deal with the fallout once I hit the ground.

But isn’t she the one who’s married? Isn’t she the one who'll face the severest consequences? I can’t do this. I can’t ask her to break her vows. The guilt and the regret will destroy her.
And when Wayne finds out we've slept together, he’ll make her life far worse. And she’ll let him. From what I know about Wayne, I don’t think he's the type to forgive easily, or ever forget. But he is the kind of guy to dangle that carrot, promising he’ll try, over and over again, just to keep possession of her. She’ll let him, because she'll feel guilty, and ashamed, because of what she’s so willing to do with me, right now.

I can't be part of the betrayal and leave her to deal with the consequences alone. I have to stop this madness before we do something we’ll regret. I will regret it, because everything she knows about the reason I’m here is a lie. I can’t do this to her, because I think there’s a possibility I might actually fall in love with her one day, if she lets me.

“Julia.” I tear my lips away from hers, knowing if there’s ever going to be a future for us, I have to come clean right now and tell her the truth. I know she'll hate me for doing this, but she’ll hate me more later if I don’t. “I have something I need to tell you.”

“What? Like now?” she asks, as though she’s unable to believe that I’m stopping.

“I—”

The door opens. A curse follows. Before I even register the intrusion, a large bear-like claw grabs me by the scruff of my neck. I’m dragged away from Julia and dumped onto the floor with a thump. Colorful expletives follow, barely drowning out Julia's cries for Sean to stop, as I scramble to my feet. My eyes train on my assailant, as my brain tries to catch up with whatever the hell just happened.

Sean glares at me the way a bull would stare down a matador and I brace for the impact. “You bastard!” He charges, strikes lightning fast, the full force of his anger, and his shoulder slams into my chest and sweeps me off my feet once more. He crushes me against the wall of reinforced glass. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

For just a moment, I can’t breathe; I’m winded. But I’m not going to respond. This isn’t anything less than I deserve. Then, his fist rams into my stomach, and for just a second, everything goes black.

“Fuck!” The taste of bile bites at the back of my throat. The light returns to my eyes, just barely in time to see Sean’s fist coming straight towards me. I duck.

He roars again, something unintelligible, and the reinforced glass above my head cracks. He doubles over, clutching at his fist and cursing again, as I quickly sidestep him and back toward the center of the room. He spins to face me. “You think I can't kick your ass one-handed? Let me tell you, after eight years of being Ashleigh’s sparring partner, I can and I will!”