Authors: Gillian Philip
âI'm looking for Allie,' I snapped.
Orla looked at the girl on her left, then at the one on her right. Then she looked at me, upper lip curling. Her jaw moved around her chewing gum.
âSheesh,' she said. All the boredom and apathy in the world went into that one syllable. âAny Words of Wisdom
for us, Nicholas?'
âEff off,' I said. Except I didn't say âeff', and what I did say I didn't mean.
One of the posse giggled, so I glared at her and she shut up. But I could feel Orla's stare, so I turned to her again. âYou seen my sister or not?'
I only asked for her help because I was desperate. Actually that isn't strictly true: I asked because I wanted to go on talking to Orla, even in these circumstances. But she didn't say another word. Her pewter irises glittered, outlined in that ugly black eyeliner. God, she was intimidating. God, she was beautiful.
Under the implacable hostility of five girls, I looked away and tugged my collar. Then I snatched my hand away, annoyed at myself. And that's probably one reason I got so furious when Shuggie emerged from the Chemistry lab, last as usual, and no Allie in tow. I stormed up and collared him, and he eyed me nervously through his thick geeky glasses. I gave him my best intimidating glower.
âDon't look at me like that,' he said. âIf you can't control her how am I supposed to?'
Sighing, I let go of him. âShe wasn't in class then?'
For answer Shuggie just rolled his magnified eyes, as if it was the stupidest question he'd ever heard. Which it probably was.
âI thought I told you to keep an eye on her?'
âHow do I do that if she isn't there? She never showed
up. You're her brother.'
âListen, you little dirtball, you were supposed to come and get me if this happened.'
âLook, Nick, you don't scare me.'
âOh, really?' I got hold of his collar again and twisted.
He tugged himself away. âReally. You're not a thug, Nicholas; you're an utterly unconvincing excuse for a thug.'
I stared at him. Beaten as usual by the little tick. âNevertheless, Shugs, there are days when I could happily kick you to death.'
âI'm sure. Let's move along now. People are staring.'
I swear, there were times I didn't know how Shuggie had survived two school years. I didn't worry for him, though. If he wasn't dead by now, he'd probably make it through. He certainly couldn't get any more annoying.
He walked alongside me as I turned and strode back down the corridor, which was embarrassing in itself, but I knew better than to try and shake him off. It would only make him stick closer. Shuggie seemed to think I was some kind of unpaid bodyguard.
âI really fancy your sister.'
The geeky little git. The nerve of him. I found there were no words for my disbelief, so I just walked faster.
âCourse, she's so hung up on that Aidan, I haven't got a chance at the moment.'
âShuggie, you haven't got a chance ever, in the entire future of the world.' I came to a dead halt outside the
canteen and eyed him malevolently. âDo not encourage her, right? Do not ever encourage her about bloody Aidan.'
âIt's not my fault. You're her brother.'
âLike I could forget.' I peered through the lunch crowds, hoping she'd be among them, but hope didn't make her materialise.
âYou're putting off the inevitable,' said Shuggie, dumping a yoghurt and a fruit juice on my tray.
I dumped them right back off. âShut up.'
âWhere do you want to sit?' He picked up his own tray.
âMiles away from you.' I scowled at the dinner lady, who had just managed to flip a noodle against my sweatshirt, where it stuck like a tapeworm. She was always throwing food at me. I think it was deliberate. âShuggie, go away.'
He shrugged. âWho else are you planning to sit with?'
âNobody,' I gritted. âNobody. I mean, that was the
plan.'
He was Allie's age, for God's sake. Bad enough that he was a speccy little nobody, but the fact he was in my sister's year only made this more humiliating. They used to be in and out of each other's houses all the time when they were at primary school, and right after they went to Craigmyle High. Of course, that was before she decided to be best friends with some boy who didn't exist. Shuggie could hardly compete with the mythical Aidan, but I didn't see why he had to stalk me instead.
He was hovering now, trying to edge into the seat
beside me. The little tosser had the antennae of a hippopotamus. Around me other kids, depending on their personality, were either talking louder and pretending they hadn't seen me, or finishing their lunch in record time and buggering nervously off. I think my force field of disapproval might have scared off even Shuggie, but just then someone grabbed his shoulder and shoved him out of the way.
âEff off, Middleton,' said Shuggie's usurper.
Oh, shit. Without glancing up I reached back, gripped Shuggie's arm and wrestled him into the place beside me. âYou eff off, Sunil.'
Shuggie was an aggravation, but he was my aggravation, and I wasn't about to let him be shoved around by the likes of Sunil.
âWhat's your problem, Nick?' snapped Sunil.
âI haven't got a problem,' I said, âthese days.'
He leaned down slightly, so Shuggie couldn't overhear. âLook, I just thought we could â¦'
âWhat?' I gave him my foulest Tarantino glare.
âI thought I could sit here, that's all.' He was getting the message at last, tensing with hostility.
âSo you can take the piss out of me with your mates? Forget it.'
âAye, fine. If you'd rather hang out with Stephen Hawking Junior.' Sunil gave a short laugh and effed off.
I sat in silence, making myself eat rubber hamburger though my appetite was gone. Shuggie, catching the
mood for once, stayed quiet. There was a chance Sunil was genuinely trying to be friendly. It was possible he'd been trying to make it up with me. I wasn't about to take the chance, though, seeing as the last time I saw him up close, it was through a film of blood and his boot was in my face.
I could feel a stare burning between my shoulder blades, so I turned. Orla and her gang were watching me with pure loathing, and Gina was murmuring in Orla's ear and giggling. I was about to flash her the finger when I remembered how God-awful yesterday lunchtime had been. Same as every lunchtime, of course: Allie, sitting beside a vacant chair, resting her chin on her hand and smiling at thin air. Spluttering giggles from some kids, embarrassed silence from others, meaningful murmurs between teachers. Sneers and pitying glances thrown in my direction as well as Allie's. Orla's gang sniggering. And Orla herself, face darkening with disapproval, finally getting to her feet and swanning disdainfully out, her gang in tow.
I was mortified, and furious with the lot of them. Allie was a bit eccentric, that was all. Kind of odd. They had no right to laugh at her.
But I was angriest with Allie. How could she do this to herself?
How could she do it to me?
Thinking that way, remembering the horrors of yesterday, I was glad she'd skipped school today. I wished she'd stay away. For good.
Guilt kicked in like a Timberland boot.
âI'll have to go and look for her.' I rubbed my hand across my eyes.
âYes,' said Shuggie, shovelling yoghurt into his face.
I checked my watch. âI better go now.'
âI think you should have gone five minutes ago. Don't you?'
He was right, of course. I'd only been putting off the evil moment because I didn't want trouble and I didn't want to be responsible for my mad sister. But I couldn't put it off any longer, so I slunk out of the canteen and out of the grounds, unnoticed, wounded and feeling hard done by. Everybody had it in for me. Orla. The posse. Allie, for doing this to me. Even Shuggie, that itching louse on the bum of the school population. Sometimes I felt like the lowest form of school life. To think I used to be one of its alpha males.
I hunted all over town for Allie, and that wasn't easy. She didn't have favourite shops so I had to check everywhere and by the time I'd done one side of the High Street I reckon the security staff were phoning ahead to each other.
Shaven-headed thug coming your way, Darren. Scar on his right eyebrow. Broken nose. Lock up your CDs.
Jeez. I must have been a gift to any genuine shoplifters that day, because nobody was watching anyone else.
Including my sister. I caught up with her in Drugstore Cowboy, shoving a bottle of shampoo up her sweatshirt.
âPut it back,' I growled out of the corner of my mouth.
She sighed dramatically and let the bottle fall back into her hand. Nestling it in her palm, she studied the ingredients. âGo away, Nick.'
I stood right beside her, examining a display of conditioner. âNo.'
âGo
away.'
âAllie, grow up.'
âNo.' She made to stick the shampoo back up her sweatshirt so I grabbed it, prised her fingers off and dumped it violently back on the rack.
âAnd the rest,' I said.
âThe what?' She blinked.
âThe rest. Don't make me frisk you, Allie. Just don't.'
Her hand wandered towards her pocket, but without much enthusiasm, and losing my temper I pulled her wrist aside, shoved my own hand in and found three lipsalves. I yanked them out as she winced in exaggerated pain. âWhere do these go?' I could feel the beginnings of panic. I didn't want this. I didn't want trouble.
There was a presence behind us, a big, threatening, muscular presence. Bigger than me even. I turned my head.
âIs he bothering you, love?' The security man was talking to Allie, but his eyes were on me. I snapped my head back round to glower at the shampoo. I was going to kill her. Kill her.
Sliding a bottle of nail varnish remover elegantly from
pocket to shelf, Allie turned and gave the brute a dazzling smile. Her cheeks dimpled and her huge eyes lit up and her spikes of hair fell endearingly across both eyes.
âIt's all right, Richie,' she said. âReally. I can deal with him.'
Richie.
Richie?
The little criminal was on first-name terms with the security staff.
âI don't know about that, love.' The man's eyes slid from me to Allie, softening as they did so, then back to me, hard as nails again. He was making some point about the height difference and picking-on-someone-your-own-size, and I didn't bother arguing. Waste of effort, and anyway I couldn't betray her, tempting as it was. Sullenly I kicked a heel against the display stand, doing my best to outstare him.
âHonest. I'm fine. I can handle
him
.' Like I was some Neanderthal with gristle for brains. âDon't worry.'
âIf you're sure, love.' He tightened his biceps. Tosser.
Allie touched his arm, very lightly. âThanks,' she said.
Manipulative little
witch.
He gave us his undivided attention after that, and Allie turned on her heel, gave Richie another sweet smile, and left the shop. For pride's sake I hovered, scowling at him, for a few seconds more, then sauntered after her. Once out of the shop, I bolted.
As soon as I caught her up I grabbed her arm hard and dragged her along the street. I must have been hurting her but I couldn't help myself, and she didn't let on. I didn't
speak to her again till we were a hundred metres down the High Street.
âDon't do that to me.' I felt like crying, which was humiliating and made me even angrier. âJust don't.'
She shrugged. âWhat was I supposed to do? Tell him you
were
bothering me?'
âYou got me in trouble. You could've got me in a lot worse.'
âQuite. I could've got you in a lot worse. Stop moaning.' She smiled at me so unexpectedly, it took the wind out of my sails and I stood in silence, nonplussed.
âDid Aidan put you up to that?' I asked. I hoped things hadn't taken another turn for the worse with Allie. I hoped she wasn't really going mad.
âCourse he didn't. I only did it to annoy him. Sometimes he gets up my nose, Nick.' Allie wrinkled it for proof. âHe's so self-righteous.'
I had to pause for breath, but I couldn't help asking, âDoes he mind you talking like that about him?'
âNot here, is he? He stormed off when I took the shampoo. I was fed up of him.'
âAllie,' I said, as gently as I could. âIf you're fed up, get rid of him. You can just get rid of him, you know.'
She stared at me, like it was me that was mad. It was a look that made me shiver. Then she shook her head slowly.
âGet rid of him? Of course I can't get rid of him. What d'you think, I can just tell him to go away? He cares about
me. And besides,' she added solemnly, âit isn't finished yet.'
Whatever she meant by that. âWho says?'
âAidan does.'
I swallowed over the hard constriction of my throat. Sometimes Allie terrified me.
And sometimes Aidan did.
I shook my head. âCome on then.'
âCome on where?'
I pointed at my watch. âLunchtime's over. I hope you ate while you were thieving, because you haven't got time now.'
âI've got all the time in the world. I can't go back till I find Aidan.'
I grabbed her wrist. âAidan can go play with the trains. You're coming back with me.'
Allie didn't resist and she didn't pull away. She just turned quietly, her eyes so dark I thought I was going to fall in. I felt dizzy all of a sudden, queasy, and a bit afraid.
âHow dare you say that about Aidan,' she said. âHow dare you.'
My throat was as dry as an old stick. âSorry,' I told her at last, awkwardly.
âYou should be.' Picking my limp fingers off her arm, she tossed her hair and stormed off.