Crossing the Lines (38 page)

“Off.” Henry tugged at the stays on her corset, his voice tight and angry. “All of it, right now.”

He undid the snaps on Jay’s pants himself, probably because Jay was gone, off somewhere in his head and unresponsive. Once stripped, Jay stood in silence, naked and waiting.

She struggled to get herself out of the elaborate costume, the lacing and the garters and the strappy sandals. Everything had too many clasps and knots, and her fingers didn’t want to work.

Henry undressed himself with haste. He didn’t place the pieces on the chair, either. They dropped to the floor around him, the suit coat in a pile, his tie half-knotted, the threads on the shirt buttons pulled loose from rough handling.

Naked before she was, he swore when he looked at her, shaking his head. Uncharacteristic impatience brought him to her side. In two years, he’d never sworn in front of her in anything but a sexual context.

Was he angry with her? She’d ruined the evening. She’d forced Jay to watch Henry hurt her.

Henry’s motions, though quick, weren’t rough as he extricated her from the constrictive clothing. He pulled the final stocking from her foot with gentleness. But his voice was short. “Get into bed, Alice.”

He turned from her, pulling back the covers, obviously assuming she’d obey. Her own anger, all of that rage she’d wanted to unleash on Jay’s abuser, wouldn’t let her.

Henry had ignored Jay’s emotional distress. He hadn’t comforted Jay. Even now that they were home, he seemed short-tempered and disappointed in them both.

“No. I don’t want to.”

Maybe she could lead Jay to his own bedroom and take care of him herself. That would give Henry time to cool down, or whatever he needed to do.

“What?” Distraction colored his tone. He twisted toward her, his movements sharp. “Get into bed, Alice.”

“I said I don’t want to. Why are you being so fucking cold? Can’t you see Jay needs you?”

A low keening made her jump. Jay.

Fuck. Jay, I’m sorry, I’ll make things better in a minute, I promise
.

She started toward him, intending to wrap him up in her arms. Henry was already there, pulling gently on Jay’s wrist, guiding him to the bed.

“Come along now, my boy, lie down for me.” His voice soothed and coaxed. “That’s a good boy, just another moment, hmm?” Face turned down, he combed his fingers through Jay’s hair.

She stepped closer to the bed. She needed Henry’s eyes, some connection, instead of feeling like an emotional pinball machine on the verge of tilting.

Henry stretched his free hand toward her. “Alice.” The soft tone, the one he’d just used with Jay. “Please. Come to bed. I can’t…”

He raised his head, and the need warring in his eyes floored her. He wasn’t angry. Or if he was, it wasn’t with her or Jay. He’d been desperately trying to balance their needs, hers and Jay’s, and she’d made his work more difficult.

Shame soaked her to her bones as she nodded her understanding.

He nodded, too, and lay on his side. Pulling Jay against his chest, he tucked the younger man’s head into his neck and draped the top sheet over their bodies.

“All right, my boy. My brave, sensitive boy. You’ve done so well, Jay. I’m so very proud of you.”

Embarrassment plucked at her. Her presence intruded on something private, something she’d nearly ruined by piling more guilt on Henry’s shoulders with her careless words.

“You’ve held things together long enough, Jay. We’re home now, safe in bed, where nothing can touch you without your consent. Do you feel the sheets against your skin, Jay? Do you feel my heart beating under your hand?”

Jay’s mumbled response brought relief rolling through her like a flood. Adrenaline abandoned her, leaving her shaky on her feet. She leaned until the comforter brushed her legs and her weight started to shift against it.

“That’s good, Jay. Very good. There’s nothing to be afraid of here, my boy. Hmm?”

Jay mumbled again, and Henry lifted his head. His eyes found hers.

“She’s here, Jay, she’s fine, you haven’t failed our Alice. She’s getting into bed now, my boy. You want to feel her, don’t you? To have her skin against yours and know she’s well?”

She crawled up the mattress and slipped under the covers. Jay needed her. Henry needed her. She molded her body to Jay’s back.

“You see, Jay? You haven’t hurt Alice. Here she is. That’s better, isn’t it?”

Soft sobs. Jay trembled as she pressed her cheek to his back. Vibrations shook his torso, more suppressed sobs waiting to come out, as he spoke.

“I’m sorry, Alice. I’m so sorry.” Muffled against Henry’s chest, Jay’s voice emerged thick with pain. “Your first night, it should’ve, should’ve been fun and I ruined it. I made Henry hurt you. I’m so fucked up. I don’t, I don’t deserve—”

He broke down, sobbing. Henry crooned to him, encouraging his emotional release. She snuggled closer. She didn’t blame Jay, not for any of it, but she’d take her cues from Henry.

He knew what he was doing. He’d probably known from the moment he’d handed her over to Jay in the club. She’d been terrible to him. Untrusting.

Shame soured in her stomach. She should’ve known better. Would have known better if she’d been in any kind of state to think clearly. If Henry wanted her to verbally reassure Jay now, his commands would become part of the steady stream of comforting words spilling from his lips.

She lay still and listened, relaxing into Jay’s body, trying to communicate her growing calm to him with her touch. It was obvious now how deeply Henry loved him. And how deeply
she
loved
them
.

Tears pricked at her eyes. She let them fall, silent and unnoticed amid Jay’s emotional storm.

Henry’s murmurs turned to kisses, a gentle rain on Jay’s face, until the younger man’s panic subsided. The trembling and sobbing tapered to a stop. He lay quiet between them, taking deep breaths.

“It’s all right, my boy. You’ve had a difficult night. But you’ve done so well. No one blames you, Jay. You’ve done nothing wrong. You did what I asked of you. I’m certain Alice doesn’t blame you for that. Isn’t that so, Alice?”

She squeezed in tighter, laying her arm over Jay’s side, her hand near his chest, avoiding any implication of sexuality.

“It wasn’t your fault, Jay. None of it.” She pressed a chaste kiss to his shoulder blade. “I’m not mad at you. I don’t blame you. You didn’t ruin anything. You deserve only good things, Jay. You’re a good man. Such a good man.”

She kissed him again, and Henry mirrored her action on his forehead.

“Rest, Jay. You’ve exhausted yourself.” Henry’s low, even tone might put her to sleep, too. “Eyes closed, that’s it, good boy. I’ll be here when you wake. I won’t leave you alone.”

She dozed, the steadiness of Jay’s breathing and the warmth of his back combining with the soothing note of Henry’s voice to make a concoction better than any soporific.

* * * *

Darkness cloaked the room. She lacked any sense of how much time had passed. Henry’s voice had fallen silent. Jay slept yet.

She started to ease herself out of bed. She needed to use the bathroom and maybe splash cold water on her face and check on her backside, which stung when the sheets moved against her skin.

“Alice?” Henry whispered to her from across Jay’s body, and she shivered.

“Bathroom break,” she responded, with equal quiet. “I just need a minute.”

She moved without giving him time to object. The clock, visible as she stood, showed they’d been home less than two hours. Henry had been comforting Jay for at least half that. She hadn’t slept long.

Emotional exhaustion, that was all. She still felt tired. Drained. More so than she’d been on any of the nights they had played together.

She closed the door to the bathroom behind her before turning on the light, not wanting it to spill into the hall and through the open bedroom door to wake Jay. She blinked owlishly at her reflection.

Luckily, she’d worn only the faintest touch of makeup. Her face wasn’t terribly dirty or tear-stained. She’d sat on the bench in Henry’s bedroom while he applied it to his liking before they left for the club. The counter in here wasn’t large enough for her to sit comfortably. Maybe Jay would remember about the contractors.

A laughing sob barked from her throat, and she hurriedly used the bathroom before emotion swept her away. Sitting caused teeth-grindingly painful pressure. Henry’s swats to her ass had been a choreographed show for their audience, and he wouldn’t have been able to fake the results. He’d struck her with force.

She flushed the toilet and washed her face and hands before turning around and standing on her toes for a damage assessment.

Redness. It would fade soon. The tenderness would take a little longer, but then that too would be nothing more than a memory. Jay’s damage would last a lot longer.

He’d had to face his demon before he was ready. He’d need support from Henry. Maybe even professional support.

The anger at Cal burned in her, and she forced herself to breathe through it. Was this what men felt when their wives or girlfriends or sisters or daughters were victimized by rapists and abusers? A horribly nauseating sense of not knowing how to fix things. A fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and setting back the recovery process. An anger with no outlet.

She had no experience with this, none. Maybe she ought to let Henry handle this. He knew what he was doing. Jay felt comfortable with him. Jay had been through the recovery process with him before.

Her presence might hurt Jay, remind him of his misplaced guilt. A complication that would slow his healing. But her absence might trigger fears of abandonment or be mistaken for anger. He already worried that she blamed him.

She gripped the edge of the counter, leaning in to bring her face-to-face with herself.

“Trust Henry. He’ll know what’s best. When you don’t know what to do, ask him and he’ll help you.”

And if Jay needed all of Henry right now, his exclusive attention, so much that none was left for her…

She stared herself down in the mirror. They would find a way to make this work. She could wait.

She reentered the bedroom with caution in case the men wanted privacy. Jay slept curled around Henry’s left side, snoring softly. Henry lifted his right arm and beckoned her toward him. She rounded the bed and slid under the covers.

“I’m sorry that you’ve had to wait, my dear.” He spoke in a quiet undertone, his eyes on hers, easy to see after her vision adjusted to the darkness.

“Wait?” She had yet to determine how he did that. If their minds held such similarities that they traveled down the same paths. Comforting, if true. Jay had complained once about how alike they were, but the idea didn’t trouble her anymore.

“For my care and attention. Jay’s need was urgent, but you, too, have had an emotional upheaval this evening, in addition to the verbal and physical abuse. I have shamefully neglected my responsibilities to you, dearest. Are you in pain?”

Aftercare. Right. Because of the spanking. Even Henry’s soft sheets chafed her skin, but the redness had nearly gone.

“Not really. I’ve had worse sunburns.” Physically, at least. Emotionally, no sunburn could compete with the pain of having the man she loved punish her while strangers expressed amusement and arousal.

It had probably hurt him, too. He’d spent three months punishing himself for rushing things on their first night together. How would he punish himself now for taking them to the club, for exposing them to the possibility of harm, and for causing harm with his own hand? And how could she stop him from punishing himself unnecessarily?

“You’ve no bruising? Perhaps I should check—”

“I looked, Henry. I’m fine.” She nestled closer, seeking out his side with her hand, hoping to reassure him along with herself. Stupid fucking Cal had hurt all of them tonight. “You didn’t damage me. If anything, I damaged you by not understanding what you were doing to help Jay.”

Her selfish blindness had made things worse.
Goddammit.

“I should’ve realized when you gave us instructions for the night that you were concerned about how he’d react to being at the club. That’s why you wanted him to look out for me. Not just because you knew I’d need it, but because he would, too. You thought he’d handle it better if he had me to focus on.”